Chapter 32
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
The abbey looked exactly the same as she remembered it, even in the darkness. Of course, that should be no surprise to Emilie.
The abbey had hardly changed in the last fifty years. Surely it would not change in the weeks that she had been gone.
The carriage rolled to a stop, Marcus speaking loudly so that he could be heard through the carriage walls.
“Would ye like me to go in and announce that ye’ve arrived?” he asked, and Emilie sighed.
“Nay,” she answered.
Not waiting for him to open the door, she opened it herself and climbed down the stairs. Marcus jumped down from the driver’s seat of the carriage, clearly startled to find her standing before him. Marcus just stared.
“Do ye need any help with anythin’?”
Emilie shook her head, holding up the folded habit that she was still clutching tightly.
“All I have is this, and I think I’m able to carry it all on me own.”
They stared at each other for a moment, the awkward moment drawing out until Emilie finally cleared her throat.
“Thank ye for bringin’ me here,” she said, “Please tell Paisly I said goodbye.”
Marcus nodded, bowing his head a bit in reverence.
“For what it’s worth,” he said, his tone sincere, “Archer is makin’ a massive mistake. But daenae tell him I said that. He’d have me head.”
Emilie chuckled despite herself. “I daenae think I’ll even have a chance to tell him ye said anythin’. But regardless, yer secret is safe with me.”
They shared a quick, goodbye smile before Emilie glanced at the abbey. Heads were silhouetted in the window, and she knew that they had heard the carriage approaching.
As if on cue, the door to the abbey was pulled open. In the light, Emilie recognized the shape of Laura standing there, peering out into the darkness.
She turned to Marcus, giving him her thanks before walking toward the abbey.
Laura took a few steps out, dark shapes filing in at her back, but Emilie could not make out their faces. It took a moment, the carriage already rolling away, when Laura finally let out a squeal.
“Emilie!” She cried, wasting no time as she rushed forward and wrapped Emilie in a hug.
Chatter broke out amongst the girls behind her, and before Emilie knew it, more of them were rushing forward. As they got closer, Emilie was finally able to see their faces.
Nieve, Kayla, and even little Poppy, among them. For the first time that night, the tears that sprang to Emilie’s eyes were happy ones.
“What are ye doin’ here?” Laura asked, stepping back and holding Emilie at arm’s length so that she could get a good look at her.
“Kayla, run and tell Sister Nancy that Emilie has returned,” Nieve ordered, and Kayla immediately sprang into action.
“It’s a long story,” Emilie murmured. “But the short of it is that I’m gettin’ an annulment.”
Her voice broke on the final word, and her throat stung. She’d thought that she would be strong enough to tell them the whole story. But now she was certain that if she began speaking any more about it, she would dissolve into a puddle of tears on the floor.
Thankfully, Sister Nancy appeared a moment later, sparing Emilie from any further explanation.
“Child, what are ye doin’ here?” she called out from where she’d stopped walking in the threshold of the door.
She waved her hand in front of her, beckoning Emilie into the building.
“Come on in, there’s chores to be done,” Sister Nancy said.
And just like that, all the girls and women fell into line. They trotted back across the lawn, pouring into the entry of the abbey that led into the kitchen.
Emilie’s eyes raked over the familiar space.
On the entire drive here, she’d preoccupied herself with thoughts of what it would be like to be back.
She had been certain that being within these hallowed halls, she would feel better, that she’d be able to find solace in the place where she’d grown up.
But as Emilie looked around, she found no comfort.
Sister Nancy barked out an order, telling all the girls that their nightly chores weren’t going to finish themselves. And then, she shot Emilie a knowing glare before disappearing.
Emilie fell into step with the other novices easily, knowing exactly which chores she needed to take over.
She stood beside Laura, scrubbing at the counters in companionable silence.
Emilie could feel Laura’s curiosity rolling off her in waves, her raven hair falling out of her braid as the pair of them scrubbed. But she also knew that Laura wouldn’t ask again until they were alone. And, for that, Emilie was grateful.
She lost herself in her chores easily, going through the all-too-familiar motions. And, before she knew it, everything was done and everyone was ready to head off to bed.
Emilie turned, preparing herself to head off to the dormitory, when she found Sister Nancy standing in the corner, still watching. The other girls filed past her, wishing her a good night. But when Emilie moved to file past her as well, Sister Nancy reached out to grab her arm.
“Are ye back to stay, child?” the woman asked.
Her voice wasn’t unkind. But it was sharp and had a tone that let Emilie know she expected nothing but the choice.
Emilie just nodded, unable to bring herself to say the words or to explain why.
She felt the absence of Archer and the children like a hole in her heart. The more time passed, the more the edges of it seemed to ache.
Something in Sister Nancy’s severe face seemed to soften, and the woman reached out to place an arm on Emilie’s shoulder.
“It’ll be all right, child,” the wise nun assured her. “Everythin’ will always work out accordin’ to God’s plan.”
Emilie swallowed hard, nodding to Sister Nancy as words failed her entirely. She wished her goodnight and then scurried past the old woman, terrified that if she spoke any more, her words would fail her entirely.
She walked up to the dormitory, the sounds of the girls giggling greeting her well before she ever reached the door. When Emilie pushed inside, everyone fell silent.
Emilie sighed, rolling her eyes as she walked toward her old bed.
“All right,” she said, “I ken ye all have questions.”
“What was it like?” Kayla asked, blurting out her question before Emilie had a chance to finish speaking. “What was it like to be married?”
Emilie’s cheeks flushed.
“I daenae ken really,” she answered honestly. “I daenae think we acted like yer typical married couple.”
“Was he handsome?” Nieve asked, and Emilie diverted her gaze.
Again, she responded with nothing but honesty.
“I think he was,” she murmured.
“Why did he want an annulment?” Kayla fired again, and this time, Emilie’s eyes snapped up.
She stared at her friend, all the breath having left her entirely.
“That’s enough questions for tonight,” Laura said, waving her hands to shoo the girls to get to their beds.
Emilie shot her a grateful look. She walked to the small dresser by her old bed, pulling open one of the drawers. One of her old nightgowns was still nestled inside.
I havenae even been gone long enough for them to get rid of me things. So, how have I been gone long enough to feel like an entirely different person?
Emilie changed quietly, listening to the sounds of the other girls nestling into their beds. When she turned around and climbed into her own, she found Laura lying on her side and staring at her.
She cuddled down into her blankets, hoping that Laura would look away. But her friend did not.
Instead, Laura’s shrewd brown eyes shifted as if sensing the sadness within Emilie.
Wordlessly, Laura reached out a hand, offering it for Emilie to take. She did it without giving it much thought, finding comfort in the act of taking her friend’s hands and allowing them to dangle between them.
“Ye’re goin’ to be all right,” Laura whispered, low enough that only Emilie could hear her. “It may nae feel like it now. But ye’ll be fine. Just give it a little bit of time.”
Emilie blinked rapidly, trying to clear the tears that had suddenly sprung into her eyes. The hole in her heart began to ache, but she was still grateful for her friend’s words.
She gave Laura’s hand a grateful squeeze and then let go before rolling onto her side. Someone snuffed out the lanterns that had lit the room, throwing them into darkness.
Emilie lay in that bed for she didn’t know how long. Long enough that she heard everyone’s breath even out as they drifted off to sleep. But still, sleep evaded her.
She missed Archer. She missed the comfort of him lying in bed beside her and the warmth that would float over to her beneath the blankets.
And Emilie missed the twins. She missed Louis’ kindness and the eagerness with which he approached everything he did. And she missed Aurora’s tenacity, always forcing Emilie to think three steps ahead of everything; otherwise, Aurora would be displeased.
Emilie had tried so hard to keep it together since arriving at the abbey. But finally, for the first time since coming back, she allowed herself to cry.
Tears fell from her eyes, falling down her cheeks and cascading to her pillow. Emilie sent up prayer after prayer.
She prayed for God to take the pain away, and also for him to never take it from her, as it was a reminder of the life she had lived for the last couple of weeks. She prayed for the twins to be happy, but also that they would never miss her.
And most of all, Emilie prayed for Archer. She prayed for him to return. For him to wish her away from this abbey and back to Castle McGregor, silent sobs wracked her body long into the night.