Chapter 4
T oday has been a great day. Frida and I opened together and it’s been so slow, I can count on one hand how many customers have come in so far. On top of that, I get to clock out right when the wicked witch gets here for her shift.
With only one patron inside the café, Frida and I lean over the counter as she tells me about her late husband.
“I think you were one of the lucky ones,” I tell her on a sigh.
“What makes you say that?”
“What you and August had was all-consuming, passionate love. It was real and raw, you don’t get that anymore. Unless, of course, you are one of the lucky ones.”
“I think you are wrong. I think that magical love is out there for everybody, you just need to know when it’s worth it to stay or leave.” Her thin lips tip up in a soft, knowing smile.
Is it that noticeable that I’m unhappy?
Frida’s voice pulls me out of my snowballing deep thoughts. I forgot to respond to her, but she must have known exactly where my mind went.
“My dear, you remind me so much of myself at your age.” She tucks a strand of hair that fell out of my ponytail behind my ear and grabs my face with both of her hands tenderly. “You have the potential to do great things. You just need to spread your wings and everything will fall into place.”
I give her a pointed look, hoping to silently convey all the emotions I’m not quite sure how to put into words, then lean over the counter to pull her in for a hug. “I appreciate you so much more than you’ll ever know,” I whisper loud enough for her to hear me.
A customer comes in and Frida takes her order while I gather my emotional bearings from my spot at the counter.
Our manager is leaving for the day and she stops in front of me while putting on her coat. “Thank you so much for pulling a double shift today, Amaris.”
I stop her before she gets a chance to walk out. “Wait, Cindy. What do you mean?” She appears to be in a rush, but I need answers.
“Wendy called me not too long ago and said she can’t come in today, but that she already asked you to cover for her yesterday and you agreed. Is that true?”
Internally I’m fuming, but externally I plaster on a fake smile and say, “Yeah, that’s true. I must’ve forgotten.”
She thanks me again before rushing out the door. I deflate when she’s out of sight. I did not plan on working a double today.
That bitch.
When I reach the counter again Frida’s easy smile finds my slouching form. “Relax, I can handle a couple hours by myself. I doubt the day will speed up at this rate and I will clock you out when I leave. You can go.”
Perking up, I raise a brow at her. “Are you sure? Because I can—"
“Oh, pish posh. Worst case scenario, I’ll call you and tell you to bring your butt back over here. How about that?”
That sounds reasonable enough to me. “Deal. But I’m staying with you for the rest of my original shift, I only have an hour left, anyway.”
Walking one step through the door to the apartment, I’m frozen in place. There is no one in the living room, but there is a white shirt and pink bra thrown carelessly on the floor that definitely isn’t mine, nor was it there when I left this morning. Taking a deep breath to ground myself, I move again, shutting the door quietly.
Moving stealthily through the apartment proves to be easier than I thought. Faint moaning can be heard the closer I get to our bedroom. That dirty bastard. Right now, I am a can of soda that someone shook and I am trying to keep the contents in, so as not to explode.
Hesitating for a split second after my hand reaches the doorknob, I push through the inevitable. The prick doesn’t even hear me walk in, too lost in…wait a minute. I process who the tramp is when her eyes dart to mine and she moans dramatically at the same time that I gasp. Wendy grows a malignant grin and directs it at me.
The nearest throwable object to me is a bedside lamp, so I grab that and chuck it full force at the back of Duke’s head. I don’t have time for any type of discussion. I know exactly what’s going on here and I don’t take kindly to being disrespected. A full water bottle? I aimed that at his back.
“Amaris, what the fuck?”
Ignoring him and reaching for his Oxford shoes—they feel pretty heavy in my hand—I wipe that smug smile off Wendy’s face. One shoe hit her cheek and the other hits her eye. She whines like the bitch she is and scurries out of the room like her ass is on fire.
Oh please , if I wanted to do damage I would’ve done it while I had the chance.
Duke is standing in front of me after pulling on some boxers, holding his hands up in a sign of surrender. “Baby, please. You’re overreacting.” He takes slow steps towards me and grabs one of my arms.
“That bitch has been looking for any way to spite me since she met me, I don’t care about her. You are the one that gave her a reason. You are the one who owed me loyalty. I have overlooked so much these past months, but enough is enough.”
His grip on my arm becomes punishing and his dark, brown eyes grow colder. “If I had to cheat on you, you should look in the mirror and ask yourself why I did it. You never tried hard enough with your appearance.”
You have got to be kidding me.
I yank my arm away and take a step back. “Give me a break,” I shout, pushing past him. Taking advantage of him getting clothed, I grab any basic essentials I need and stuff them in my backpack along with my keys and head for the door.
“You’re just gonna give up that easily?” His words stop my hand from turning the handle and if I was mad before, I am fuming now.
Dropping everything by the door, I meet him in three quick strides, shoving him back with all my force. “Fuck you! I should have left you a long time ago. You are nothing but a piece of shit.”
Regaining his composure, he stays at a distance holding his hands up defensively. “I have been great to you, baby. If you want me to change something I will. I can be better for you, just...” He takes a slow step towards me. “Stay. We can fix this.”
The disgust I feel towards this man is evident on my face and shaking hands when I take a step back and spit, “There is nothing to fix! Time and time again you walk all over me and treat me any way you feel like, but guess what? Never. The fuck. Again. Will you have any power or access to me. I never want to see you or your limp dick again.”
With that, I turn to leave again and pick all my things up. Just as I pull the door open I hear Duke yell behind me, “Come on, where are you going?”
“Anywhere but here, hijo de puta .” I slam the door shut to punctuate my statement and hurry to my bike.
The man could have been a serial killer for all I cared, but no. He had to be a filthy cheater.
Who knows how long he has been cheating, or with whom else. The thought makes me sick to my stomach because he still put his dick inside me after he probably fucked some random bitch. He has disrespected me and my body on so many different levels. This is the last straw.
Diablita takes me on a joyride for an hour or two. I lose track of time, but enjoy the sun setting and scenery changing. My nerves are still buzzing though, so I decide to let it all out the best way I know how.
When I arrive at the gym, there are still a few people inside, but most of them are sparring. The punching bags are mostly empty, save one guy who looks like he has been here for a while already. Luckily, I always make sure to leave a spare change of clothes in my locker here.
By the time I’m done changing, there are even less people. Turning my music all the way up and playing my playlist titled female rage , I head to the punching bag and scream through my fists, practicing different combinations with my punches and kicks. After a while, I go into the city and park in my old parking spot.
The elevator doors stare back at me, taunting me, waiting for me to hop on. The minutes fly by until I stare straight up at the ceiling, take a deep breath, and tell myself to stop being ridiculous. My heart speeds up as I enter the elevator and type in the code. I’m so anxious I contemplate turning around, but I don’t really have anywhere else to sleep tonight.
I can do this. We can do this. Yo puedo hacer esto. Podemos hacer esto.
Mama’s face lights up when the doors open up to reveal me. I do my best to give her a reassuring smile, but her expression grows worried. She eats up the distance between us and pulls me in for a hug.
“Are you okay?” she asks when she pulls back. “Your dad is working late again, it’s just us here,” she adds when she notices me scanning the room.
My body visibly relaxes and I walk to the couch with Mama on my arm. I don’t know where to start. I am so embarrassed that I defended him and even more embarrassed to be coming back here after finally moving out. It’s like I’m back at square one.
If I rip the Band-Aid off, then we can move on.
“Mama,” I start, shifting so my body is facing hers, “would it, um, be possible for me to move back in?” I wait a beat before blurting, “I broke up with Duke.”
Both of her eyebrows shoot to her hairline and her face goes from concern to delight as soon as my words click.
“Gee, I’m glad you’re taking this news better than I am,” I say dryly.
Her smile only widens.
“ Mi amor , I am sorry that you’re hurting right now. I really am, but that boy was never going to make you happy. You deserve better and now you can find it. Plus, I’ll have my baby back home. You can see where my happiness comes from, right?”
One side of my lips tip up as I roll my eyes, leaning back on the couch. “Yeah, yeah. Do you think Dad will be upset that I’m back?”
“Of course not, he loves you.”
I mumble under my breath, “Doesn’t act like it.”
“I can’t explain his behavior, but he has skeletons in the closet that still haunt him to this day.”
She has the same faraway look in her eyes that I never understood when she gives me these vague pieces of information, if you can call it that, so I disregard it and change the subject.
“Well, now that I am here I need to start asking the serious questions.” I pause for dramatic effect. “What’s for dinner tonight?”
Mama giggles and playfully shoves me. “Lasagna! And you are helping me, so let’s go.”
It takes me a full ten minutes to remember where I am and why I’m waking up in my old bed. Slapping a pillow over my face and groaning is my only reaction when yesterday's events come rushing back. Then a light bulb goes off in my head and I shoot up in bed. Duke should be gone for at least two hours before I have to go in for my shift, and I need my stuff back, anyway. A crazed smile takes over my face.
I skip to the bathroom with newly found energy and high spirits to brush my teeth. I get ready quickly and dash into the kitchen. Mama is already up and making breakfast, so I grab a plate of waffles and fruit and leave a kiss on her cheek when I pass behind her.
“ Buenos dias , can I use your car before I leave for work so I can bring back a few items I left at the apartment?” I ask in-between bites.
“That’s fine, keys are by the door and you should know where I usually park.”
“Thank you,” I say sweetly as I finish the last bit of fruit on my plate. “I’ll be back.”
The trip to the apartment feels longer when I drive, but there was no way I could fit half of my stuff on my bike. A glance at the clock confirms I don’t need to rush, as long as he didn’t lie about having to show a house today. I’m in and out of the apartment in record time, not having too many personal items there, anyway. I leave my purse on the counter and my old softball bat—that I originally brought over here for emergencies—leaning against the wall.
When I get back home, I make around three trips to and from the car to drop my stuff back into my room. The back and forth only serves to spike my bubbling anger at Duke—at the whole situation. Switching vehicles and crossing my fingers that Duke won’t be returning home soon, I rev my bike and go back to that apartment one final time before my shift starts.
An empty apartment with nothing out of place gives me all the confirmation I need to go ahead with my plan. My father taught me to swallow my sadness and turn it into anger, so that’s exactly what I’ll do.
Before I ever left the house for the first time, my dad gifted me a hunter’s dagger and taught me the basics. It has a smooth, black handle with my initials engraved towards the bottom. I carry that dagger with me everywhere I go, hidden inside my plain, green purse. It’s been a while since I last used it, but this time it’ll be more fulfilling.
Taking it out of my purse, I run my finger across the sharpened blade and then look up. The first thing I see in my line of vision is the perfect, little couch that he watches his shows on. I stab straight into a cushion and slice it open. The sound of fabric ripping tickles something in my brain, inciting me to take my time destroying every cushion and pillow in this apartment.
My blue, metal bat replaces my handy dagger and I feel just as alive as when I’m in the fighting ring. The way my adrenaline is pumping, if Duke came home and caught me now, I might just whack him silly with this bat.
If it’s glass, it’s getting shattered. If it looks breakable, I will crush it. If it doesn’t look breakable, who is going to stop me from trying, anyway?
After taking a moment to catch my breath, I walk to the center of the room and twirl, taking in the whole room.
A masterpiece, if you ask me.
I unhook the apartment key from my keychain and leave it on the counter, taking my purse and bat with me. I walk out feeling much lighter and ready to take on the day, ditching the bat in a dumpster on my way to my bike.
Looks like I can skip training today.