Chapter 17
W hile baking is usually therapeutic for me, today I can’t shake this pressure on my chest. Voices that aren’t mine are playing on repeat like a broken record, but I can’t match them to any faces. Taking my time to try and control my breathing while pushing through with business as usual, I fight to keep the tears that threaten to fall at bay. In my head, I chant my affirmations.
I am okay. We are okay. I will not spiral. We will not spiral. Estoy bien. Estamos bien.
Despite my best efforts to ignore it, it’s not long before the pressure takes over my breath and vision, sending me into a spiral. I want to run away from this feeling, from myself, but there’s nowhere to go.
My body breaks out in a cold sweat and I hate myself for not knowing how to control this. The bowl with ingredients in front of me is all a blur now. Within the next second, it hits the wall with a satisfying crack, shattering and spilling all the contents on the floor. Reaching into the depths of my soul, I drop to my knees and scream.
Fuck this.
The room is quiet, but in my head I’m still screaming for help.
Is it possible to mentally drown?
Stupid. Stupid. Stupid brain.
Why can’t you work? Why don’t my lungs work either, right now?
Lost and broken. That’s what I am.
That’s how Kylo finds me; rocking back and forth, back and forth, back and forth on the floor clutching my head tightly between my legs, borderline hyperventilating. I didn’t hear Ace barking, or the door opening, or whatever he was saying to me.
When he pulls my head out from between my knees his lips are moving, but I’m still underwater. His brows furrow before he lifts me bridal style to the couch where he places my hand on his chest and has me mimic his breathing.
“Focus on me. Good girl, just like that. Again.” The deep rumble of his voice breaks through the haze.
I feel all the mental pain spreading throughout my whole body. Everything hurts, but he’s holding onto me like a lifeline, grounding me.
“You are doing so good,” he praises, eyes never leaving mine. “Keep going. I'm right here, little fox.”
Eventually, I became aware of a cold sensation on my neck. When I feel somewhat normal and back down to Earth, I look over to the shattered bowl and embarrassment rolls through me at my outburst. I bury my face in his chest mumbling, “Oh my god, I am so sorry.” But Kylo pulls me back to look in my eyes.
“Hey, you are okay. You have nothing to be embarrassed about.” There isn’t a trace of judgment in his eyes, just genuine concern. Tilting my chin towards his face tenderly, he adds softly, “You are so fucking strong. Tell me you know that.”
New emotions take over and the small praise has a lump forming in my throat. All I can manage is a nod.
He passes me a water bottle that he must have grabbed at some point—that must’ve been what he held to my neck. “Drink,” he commands.
Half of the bottle is gone before I manage to look him in the eye again. “You smell good,” I mumble, then speak up before he can comment. “How did you get in here?”
“I have a key, remember? Ace was barking uncontrollably outside your door and I’ve learned to trust him over the years.” That’s when I notice Ace sitting patiently at the end of the couch on the floor.
“Come here, boy.” I pat the free spot on the couch next to me and he snuggles into my side instantly, as if he was waiting on me to give him the okay. Wrapping my arms around him in a bear hug, I release a comforting sigh.
“Get dressed, princess, we’re going on a magic carpet ride.”
Peeling myself off of Ace, I sit up and eye him inquisitively. “Where are we going?”
“Do you still have your helmet?” I nod. “Good, just get dressed and grab your helmet, then meet me outside.”
“Okay…” I drag out the word. He plants a tender kiss on the top of my head before walking out, Ace following closely behind him. The act was so out of character for him, it keeps me stunned in place long after he’s gone.
When I look at my reflection in the mirror I’m horrified. Did I look this crazy the entire time he was here?
There’s nothing I can do about it now, so I wash my face and push the thought out of my head. Throwing on a casual, but comfortable outfit, my hair in a low ponytail, and my new boots on, excitement runs through my veins when I pick up my helmet. It’s been too long since I’ve been on a bike, I miss it so much.
Now I know how Jasmine felt when Aladdin took her for a ride. When I drive, I’m in control and it’s amazing. But to hand over the control to someone else is liberating in a new way I don’t think I’ve ever felt before.
My arms are wrapped tightly around Kylo as he maneuvers us through the roads with ease. His muscles are hard under my touch as I accidentally roam my hands around. I bet his usual backpack isn’t this handsy, but I can’t help myself.
We stop to get breakfast sandwiches then park outside a cute little bookstore, tucked away on a side street. I pull my helmet off excitedly, buzzing with energy. When Kylo takes his helmet off I jump on him, giving him a big hug, not able to contain my happiness—he really does smell delicious, it’s so addicting I want to lick him. The two books I got from the mall have been read and reread a couple of times by now and I’ve been itching for a new book.
“Thank you, Kylo,” I whisper, hoping he understands that I’m thanking him for more than just the trip to the bookstore. Craning my head back to look into his eyes, I rest my forehead on his. I’m rewarded with a breathtaking smile from him, dimples prominent. Stuffing down the urge to pull him in for a kiss, I wiggle out of his arms and we go inside.
In the back of my head, I realize that with Kylo I feel cared for and safe. Always.
While I take my time browsing through all the sections—mainly the romance section—Kylo stays near at all times, but gives me my space, busying himself with his phone. He told me to buy as many books as I want, but mentally I gave myself a limit of four. That didn’t stop me from obsessing over all the good books I came across.
The ambience here makes me so happy, just the smell of books can put a smile on my face. After having an employee help me find a certain author, I strike up a small conversation then ask her if they are hiring. This is somewhere I can see myself working happily. She walks me to her desk and has me fill out an application, informing me that someone will get in touch with me soon if they decide to move forward.
After checking out the books that I finally settled on, Kylo and I take up a spot in the back of the room and I read the first two chapters of my favorite book out loud to him. Assuming that I’m boring him to death, I suggest heading out.
As soon as I stand, Kylo pushes me up against the nearest bookshelf and kisses me slowly, languidly, until he’s ravaging my mouth and has to pull himself away.
It was nothing like the way he usually kisses me, but somehow still full of passion and fire.
It’s explosive, but sweet.
He has the power to burn my world down, I just hope he never lights the match.
“I can listen to you talk for hours, don’t ever think you bore me,” he rasps, catching his breath.
A blush creeps up my neck, I feel like a teenager with a crush. With a hand on my lower back, he guides us outside, suggesting we walk around the corner to an ice cream shop he knows about. I’m lost in conversation with Kylo when I hear a familiar voice shout from behind us.
“Amaris, is that you? What are you doing on this side of the bridge?”
I whirl around to face a man much shorter and skinnier than Kylo in a light-colored suit, looking professional with his espresso brown hair styled to one side. His dark, brown eyes ring a bell in my head, but I can’t place where I know him from. Kylo stiffens beside me.
“I’m sorry, do I know you?”
The man is visibly offended and kind of pissed. “Real mature, Amaris. Enough with the games. You left me for this guy, really?”
Kylo steps in front of me, towering at his full height—he almost seems taller than normal—blocking my view while my mind whirls with confusion.
Who the hell is this guy?
“You had her and you fucked that up all on your own. She left you because you were never good enough for her. Not even close.”
As soon as my butt hits the chair in the dining room, I release a breath, happy to relax. Dinner was the first thing I started on once I got home. I’m still in my work clothes, but Duke let me know he was hungry when I walked in.
Despite being tired, I made a meal I know he loves and hope it fills him up to satisfaction. We sit across from one another, eating in silence.
“How was it?” I ask upon noticing his empty plate.
“It was okay. I’m going to hop in the shower, babe. Maybe we can watch a movie before bed.” He stands and kisses me on the cheek when he passes by me.
A small part of me feels dejected, but I brush it off. He’s probably having one of those weird days. Picking up his plate and making my way to the sink, I wash all the dishes before going for a shower.
The other man huffs and I move over to see him run his hand over the front of his suit jacket nervously until he locks his eyes on mine.
The man from the memory.
“This is between me and her,” he says without looking away from me, taking a step closer. “Let's talk about this somewhere else, baby.”
My nose scrunches in disgust at the nickname, but before I can get a word in, Kylo steps forward and his tone is ominous, colder than I’ve ever heard it before.
“Touch her and that will be the last thing you ever do.”
Taking backwards steps, the guy holds his hands up and spits, “Hey, man, I didn’t know she became one of your whores. Enjoy that bitch while you have her.” Then he turns in the other direction.
I know what Kylo plans to do before he lunges for him, but I stop him and catch up to the guy myself, tapping him on the shoulder. He’s surprised to see me, but it’s short-lived when I spit, “Go to hell,” and smash my fist into his nose. The smile that blooms on my face upon hearing the crack of his nose only grows when blood starts running out as he grabs his nose, crying.
“You bitch!” He lunges for me and I don’t move a muscle. Kylo grabs his free arm before it lands on me and twists it so fast, I’m pretty sure his shoulder popped out of its socket.
“She can end your life in a second, but if you so much as look at her again, it’ll be me who you will be begging for death.”
That should not have turned me on the way it did.
Noticing some bystanders, Kylo spins me around and we weave through an alleyway, then another one that connects. I haven’t said a word or looked at him the entire time. He asked me if I was okay, but I didn’t answer.
“Amaris.”
“What?”
“Look at me while I’m talking to you.”
We both stopped walking now. Clearly, feminism left my body the day this idiot put his lips on me. That is the only logical explanation as to why I will my eyes to look up into his.
“What’s going on in your head?”
I bite my lip and scan the alley. He furrows his brows in confusion and I grab my bag of books out of his hand, shoving him lightly against the wall. His eyes darken as he asks in a low, throaty voice, “What are you doing, little fox?”
He has been walking around looking good enough to eat all day. Can you blame me for wanting a taste? To add on top of that, I think that was the hottest interaction I’ve ever been in.
Kylo’s black tee hugs his muscles and the anger still rolling off of him makes his broad shoulders look even more pronounced. Dropping to my knees, I set the bag aside and reach for his belt. Flicking my eyes up momentarily I say, “I want you, now.”
When I reach for his button he untucks his gun from his waistband and I hesitate, looking around again. He grabs my chin and tilts my face to him, “If anyone sees us, I’ll shoot them. You want it? You got it.”
Arousal floods between my thighs and I shift in a useless attempt to soothe the ache forming before returning to his pants, making quick work of getting them down. His dick is already hard when it springs free from its confines. My only reaction is to gawk at it.
Palming his erection with his free hand, he taunts, “Need help closing that mouth, sweetheart?”
Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say… “You have a pretty dick,” I blurt out, licking my lips to hide a chuckle.
“I don’t think I’ve ever heard that one before.” He runs his free thumb over his bottom lip to smother his own chuckle.
“Well, you do. And this piercing drives me crazy.”
Without wasting another breath, I grab onto his thighs and lick under his slit, on the crown of his cock, then swirl my tongue around the ball of his piercing, pulling a hiss from him.
He wraps his fist around my hair and leans down, pulling my face close to his. “Tap my thigh if it’s too much.”
I take him into my mouth, feeling him grow impossibly harder as he stretches my throat. He pumps into my mouth fast, gazing down at me with half-lidded eyes.
He taps my throat lightly with his gun. “You can take me all the way, baby. Relax your jaw, just like that. Good girl.”
His words and barely contained noises push me to suck him harder, causing me to gag, but that only made him groan loudly. One hand squeezes his thigh while the other moves to lightly squeeze his balls. A shiver runs through his body and he pulls himself all the way out to just the tip, then slamming into my throat hard, springing more tears to my eyes.
Fuck, he hurts so good.
He repeats the action. “You look so pretty crying for me,” he coos.
The spot between my thighs is weeping, so I rock against his boot, searching for friction.
“You are my good little slut,” he says before he thrusts again. My body heats up under his gaze and praise. I moan around his length and he groans in response to the sensation. When I feel his cock get thicker and his movements get choppy as he breathes heavily, I reach up to squeeze his balls again, sucking hard as he floods my throat. Some of it leaks out when he pulls out, but I swallow the rest.
Pulling me to my feet, he wipes away any remaining tears on my face then swipes his thumb across my bottom lip. “You took me so well,” he coos before pulling me in for a kiss.
“Let’s go home.” He grabs the temporarily forgotten bag of books while I dust off my knees, then we go straight to his bike.
Fuck the ice cream shop, I got my own special brand of cream .
Shortly after I get inside—not even a full hour—there’s a knock at my door. I’m surprised to see the same lady who brought me dinner on one of my first nights here standing with a few bags in her hands.
“Good evening, the boss asked me to get these to you, but you weren’t home earlier.”
The only thing I can clearly see in one of the bags is a box of strawberries. She hands them to me and I thank her, taking the bags into the kitchen to see what’s inside.
An assortment of fruits in one bag, bread and eggs in another, flour and sugar in the third, then some snacks and protein. Ideas for new desserts form in my head as I pack everything away.