Chapter 21 #2
“For what?” His voice was deafening in the echoing room.
“You didn’t know those women. They were nothing.
Nobodies. I’m not the one who kidnapped you.
I didn’t buy or rape you. I was tender with you.
Gentle. Set me free and let’s kill him. You’re angry at the wrong man, Marian.
God, look at you. You’re hurt. He’s hurt you again.
You can’t seriously want me to pay for that. ”
I continued, approaching the torches that made a path. I could already feel the warmth soaking into my skin. My eyes closed, and I moaned at the smallest pleasure.
“He’s fucked with your head or something. What were you doing out there in the dark? You’re covered in dirt. Your arm is soaked in blood. Is he out there?”
“No.”
Bastian’s head craned but he seemed satisfied with my answer.
“So, you woke up out here like me? Does that sound like a man that loves you? He fucking raped you again or came close. At least he admitted it this time. Marian, try to think clearly. I’m not your enemy.
I kept my anger away from you. I projected it elsewhere.
I don’t want to hurt you. I can help you.
We can leave here and never look back. We’ll have Drayton arrested for everything he’s done.
I’ll pay off your circle for saving me. I’ll buy your freedom, and we’ll marry. We’ll never speak about this again.”
My lids cracked open, and I laughed as I headed even closer.
“You think I want to marry you?” Harder, I laughed.
“After what you did to those girls? Girls, Bastian! They were so young. Barely of legal age. And you destroyed them. I would never be with a man who could hurt women in such a way. How would I be able to look at my children? How would I ever feel safe with them around you? You called Drayton a coward, but you’re the coward.
And you’re a liar. And heartless and manipulative.
Drayton could hurt me. He could kill me, but he’d never pretend otherwise.
He’d tell me what’s coming. I know what I’m getting with him. ”
“Think about what your parents would say. Your mother. You would prefer to live that life? Abuse with honesty? That’s like receiving lobotomies with love. You’re delusional, Marian. Your mother—”
“Don’t bring my mother into this! If I’m delusional it’s her fault, and I must have been to have gotten engaged to you.
” I headed to the cart, lifting free the white sheet that was covering it.
I heard Bastian’s gasp, but it was the note taped to a wire with handles that drew my attention.
I picked it up, pulling the paper free. My brow creased as I tried to ignore Bastian’s sudden pleas.
Marian,
It was three years after you left before I ran across an article in the London Times mentioning you.
You were in college. I was jealous. I can’t say I came across it by accident.
I did everything I could to try to find out any news on you.
And I knew how smart you were. With your father’s reputation, it was only a matter of time before you did something to land you in those pages.
And I was right. “Business prodigy, Marian LaRoe, makes first multimillion dollar deal as an undergraduate.” I was proud. I was pissed.
I didn’t lie in Miami. I obsessed over trying to find you…
to make you pay. Your parents knew my desperation.
Everyone knew how unstable I was. I never stopped.
If I wasn’t there, I was planning the next time I could go.
I can’t tell you how many times I’d be waiting outside your building in hopes that you’d come out.
They planned your protection well. A private, secure college.
Your work office in the same building as your home.
After a while, my responsibilities made it harder to go.
That doesn’t mean I gave up. I made new connections in the area. I read every article.
That’s when I saw you started dating, only to eventually become engaged.
Engaged… to him. Bastian Allard, the title your mother so desperately wanted you to have.
A picture of the two of you was plastered on the front page of every international paper.
They even talked about the engagement here on the major media outlets for a few nights.
Here, we got more than a picture. We got a love story.
We got footage of your supposed private proposal.
That first night, my world didn’t just stop.
Seeing him bending on one knee, the smile on your face as you eagerly accepted, the way he sprung up to cup your cheek as he rushed in to give you a kiss—That night, you killed what was left of me.
Now, you’re going to put the pieces back together again with that bone saw, starting with that same hand.
Same knee. This is the beginning. If you can finish, you’ll move to the second row of that cart.
If not, you won’t make it further. The both of you can rot in my special place. Plenty of other people have.
With the darkest love,
Your Devil
Bastian’s yell broke through the sudden spinning. I still barely heard it as I stared down at the wire and handles I held to. Bone saw. He wanted me to saw off Bastian’s right hand and his right knee?
“Untie me right now. God dammit, Marian, enough is enough. Look at what’s all on that cart. Let’s get the hell out of here. The man is clearly sick. We’ll get him help. We’ll—”
He stopped talking abruptly as I headed for a metal chair not a foot off to the side of the pole he was tied to.
“W-What are you doing?”
I took in the ropes. They weren’t secured at the wrists but at the forearms. He wouldn’t slip through. Not with how tight the ropes appeared to be. Bastian’s hands were ghostly white. I wasn’t even sure there was any blood left in them.
“Marian. Marian, listen to me.” He made a cry, twisting harder in the ropes. “We can work this out.”
“We are working it out.” I walked over, grabbing the chair and sliding it up next to him.
“Marian! Stop this. Untie me and let’s go. I’ll make this up to you. I’ll do whatever you want. Anything!”
I placed my bare foot on the seat of the chair, pausing to stare into his eyes.
“Anything. Whatever you want. You don’t want to marry me, fine. I’ll keep you safe. I’ll protect you as we work things out with your circle. We’ll buy their approval. I have the money to make it happen; you know I do.”
“No,” I breathed out. “I don’t want your protection.
I don’t want to have anything to do with you.
” I paused. “And for your information, both of our fortunes combined won’t convince them.
You may be nobility where you’re from, and that’s great, but I am the end of one of our founders.
I am supreme in my country, and I choose Drayton. It is done.”
I stepped onto the chair, swallowing hard as I took in his right wrist.
“What are you going to do with that? What are you doing?”
Was I sweating? Was my nausea growing worse?
I grabbed to the underside of Bastian’s bicep, holding to him through the wave of vertigo. I still wasn’t okay.
“Answer me. What did that paper say? What are you going to do?”
My eyes opened, and I dropped my hand, reaching down to bring up the saw. I’d never seen one in person. I wasn’t even really sure how to use it as I began to try to imagine how this rough wire would remove an appendage. But it was a bone saw. It had the ability. It was in the damn name.
I traced the metal immediately understanding as I took in the twisting wires.
There were holes throughout them; little grooves to catch and tear.
It couldn’t be too hard. I’d just have to pull back and forth, right?
Something told me it wouldn’t be that easy.
Breaking through bone would take a lot of strength. It would take time.
“Marian! Answer me. Marian, please. Tell me what to do. Tell me!”
I reached out, sliding the wire just below his wrist, pulling tightly as I gripped the handles.
“Brace yourself. This is going to hurt.”
I didn’t give him time to answer. I didn’t even let him prepare as I pulled with my left hand, only to pull back forcefully with my right.
Bastian’s pain-filled screams of agony were deafening.
The echoes penetrated places so deep, I could feel the cries within me as if they were my own.
The grinding against his arm was suddenly mine as chunks of meat and skin flew out.
I could feel the friction as the tiny spaces caught and cut through muscle.
When they began breaking through the bone, I felt the sensation throughout my entire palms. It was enough that I was suddenly fumbling the handles.
I heaved, not even sure where the need had come from.
“Marian! M-Marian.” Bastian was gagging next to me.
I was barely a quarter of the way through, and my arms were already numb and aching from my awkward pulls.
I had put my weight behind them, and this method was meant to make me feel everything.
“Mar—Marian. No… more. I—” Bastian’s head bobbed as he walked the edge of passing out.
I lifted my arms, wincing as I picked back up the handles.
I blinked through the slight vertigo, swallowing back the panic that made me want to scream.
Killing wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t hard for me either.
It just was. This wasn’t killing. This torture wasn’t just for Bastian, it was for me, and I knew why Drayton had chosen it.
I knew, because I’d never forget the vibrating of my hands.
The zing and grind of the wire against bone.
Just thinking about starting again had tears involuntarily blinding me.
Personal. Yes, there was no escaping what I was doing. There was no disassociation. No losing myself in a mindless act. Personal. I was meant to feel this.
“M…arian. Crazy—Bitch!”
More screams sounded as I jerked the handles hard, moving back and forth through the saws as quickly and with as much resistance as I could.
More time passed. A harrowing, disturbing eternity.
His skin was changing color. The wounds were bringing up more blood.
A pop left me jolting, and my mouth opened as I froze through the realization that I’d made it through one of the bones. I was halfway through. Halfway…
Again, I heaved. My fingers flexed against the handles. All I wanted to do was drop them and run. Drop them and disappear forever. I was dead if I did that. Dead in more ways than I even wanted to think about.
Again, I started sawing. I didn’t miss a single speck of skin, meat, or tiny shards of bone fly out.
They seemed to come at me in slow motion as my brain became hyper-focused and impatient.
My rhythm was increasing, but with it, so was my fatigue.
Specks of light dotted my vision, and I swayed, but I didn’t stop.
Blood was beginning to increase and pour from the wound, and although I tried to protect my face, I couldn’t shield the splatter that continued to fly out.
I wasn’t stopping again. It didn’t matter how tired I felt.
I couldn’t stop. I wanted it done. I wanted to not feel this anymore.
“Ahhh!”
Although Bastian screamed, I wasn’t even sure he was fully aware. His head was down, swaying with my constant pulls. Bile burned the back of my throat, and I knew I couldn’t stop the gag that wanted to come with it. The room was beginning to spin. I was spinning and sawing and gagging.
Skin tore as the wire got closer to me. There was a relief but also a sickening finalization that I had no use feeling.
I still had his leg to do just above the knee.
But could I do it? It was so much bigger than the wrist. It would take me forever.
It would haunt me worse than this. Could I see that? Could I continue to see this?
Bastian’s forearm was almost dancing with the erratic tugs not inches from my face.
It didn’t seem real with how his hand was flopping out to the side.
My eyes rolled, and I pulled hard, breaking through the remaining skin.
I flew back off the chair, crashing into the ground hard enough to take my breath away.
My head lifted, only to involuntarily fall back as the flames were eaten away by darkness.
I was fading. Leaving. The darkness was good. The darkness would give me time.