Marian
Warmth. I could feel myself trying to move closer to it.
I wanted to, but every small twitch had my body aching in agony.
Even deep within myself, I could feel the pain as a sob left me.
I was shattered. Maybe in more places than my soul.
My mother was right. I was not prepared for the evilness of humanity.
I thought I knew. I thought I was prepared.
No…
I didn’t want to wake up. I didn’t want to remember the last few days.
I wasn’t even sure how much time had gone by.
Hours? Weeks? When I was first left after David, I somehow pulled myself up, taking in the food scattered over the dirty ground.
I took the apple and bit into it. I ate it even though I felt too sick to eat.
For a long time, I didn’t get up from the floor.
I was afraid. And I had every right to be.
But then they came back. They put me on Severence.
They… raped me… again. And again. More guards. More men. Blood. So much blood.
No… I wouldn’t wake. Not when I finally felt warmth. It didn’t come from me.
Another man.
Another monster.
My body shook through my cries. Through the truth that was coming back. The details were too much. Even trying to push them away, I could still hear their moans. Their laughter. Vulgar words and phrases echoed and looped, gouging their way deeply into my brain.
Rich whore.
Dirty whore.
Slut.
Dirty.
Dirty.
I was so dirty.
“Shhh.”
I cringed, trying to move more into myself at the tone that tried to sooth me.
Where I should have tried to force myself back to sleep so I could escape, the pain wouldn’t let me disappear completely.
I floated in a faraway awareness. In a special place to hide.
I knew it here. Here, I was safe. No one could hurt me again.
“I can’t stand this.”
The voice jolted me more to awareness, making it real. My entire body jerked, and I cried out loudly as my body seized. From the void, I was shot back to reality. I was being shifted in large arms against someone, and my brain wasn’t focusing on who or what could be happening.
I had to run.
I had to run.
Noooooo….
I couldn’t run.
I had to stay.
I had to hide.
“Marian. Shhh, Marian. Calm down, it’s me. Marian.”
I pushed back against the chest of the man who held me. My legs were kicking despite the pain, and nothing was registering as I was trying to put as much distance between us as I could.
“D-Don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me.”
Green eyes rounded with emotion and lips parted.
“Marian, look at me. See me.”
“Don’t hurt me!”
“Marian.”
I was juggled, but the man didn’t drop me. I blinked hard, looking around the open room, not sure what was happening. Were they bringing in more guards? More men?
As I spotted the uniform, I clawed at the man who had me. Where I’d been so quick to escape him seconds ago, I was now trying to move inside his jacket. Inside of him, if I could. He was in a suit. He wasn’t in a uniform. Safe? Was he safe?
“Marian. Marian.”
The angry, loud tone froze me as still as a statue. My eyes rose and connected with green again and… time stopped. I fell into their depths, and I broke. My shattered pieces grew smaller, crumbling until they were nothing but dust. Was I dead? Had I died?
“D-Drayton?”
“That’s it.” He let out a deep breath, pulling me into his chest to hug around me. “I got you. Calm. You’re going to be okay.”
My head shook, and I looked around the room again.
Guards. They were still here. And I wasn’t in my cell.
My gaze stopped on a large chair. A throne.
Two thrones. Bad man. Penny. Penny. And she was crying.
She was crying so hard. But… I turned back to Drayton.
So many questions came, but none I could formulate.
I couldn’t begin to figure them out. I’d been taken…
but he was here? How was he here? This couldn’t be real.
My eyes traveled to the figure next to him. To a man I hadn’t seen in a decade. Elec. Elec. … He worked with my mother. He’d… killed my mother. The Unavowed had said so. Elec ran a place like this. He… And Drayton… were here? Drayton… knew?
“W-water?”
It was the only thing that would come. It was all I could manage.
I couldn’t think over details when I was dying.
I’d gotten water… at some point. They’d thrown it in my face first, but they left a cup that was halfway full.
I didn’t want to think about what else was in it. I couldn’t do that right now.
“I’ll get it.”
Elec walked off, and I moved my gaze back up to Drayton. Back up to a man I didn’t quite recognize. I knew him, but the acknowledgement was so far away.
“How bad is it? How hurt are you?” Drayton’s tone was cold. Hard. Nothing like it had been on the phone the last time we’d spoken. Wait… Did that even happen?
“Bad.”
“Do you think anything is broken?”
My lids closed as I shifted in his arms.
“I… don’t know. I… don’t—Just me.”
The last was so breathless and meant only for me. This wasn’t real. I wasn’t here.
I laid my head back on his chest, staring ahead as I felt myself disappear. I should be asking questions. I should make sure I was truly being taken from here. I could do nothing but feel myself slip away as the wall in the distance blurred and faded. Weak. Weak. Mouse.
“Here. Drink it slowly.”
I blinked, turning to take the water from Elec. Despite his order, I drank it down in one swallow. And I wanted more. Needed more. My hands were trembling as I held the glass greedily, keeping it at my chest.
“You can place me down. I can sit.”
“Can you stand?”
At Drayton’s question, I paused in nodding.
The moment he eased down my legs, the familiar pain swept through my stomach and limbs like lightning.
I cried out, feeling the blood race down my inner thighs and begin dripping on the floor.
Damage from the spreader? Period? No… it had to be both.
I’d been bleeding since after the first time.
Not heavily, but that was coming. Especially with the damage from the device, the men…
Horror froze Drayton’s face as his gaze cut up to The Unavowed.
The murderous look was enough to have me holding to his suit’s jacket in a death-grip.
“I need—I—the blood.” A cry left me as I doubled over from the pain. “I need something.”
At The Unavowed heading over, I held tighter. I caught his concern for the briefest moment, but it faded just as fast.
“What is happening?”
“She needs a doctor.” Elec’s voice was threatening. “A doctor. Now. Or you’ll never get your heir. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Heir?”
The men wouldn’t look at me as The Unavowed’s jaw tightened and he nodded.
“I’m going to lift you again, Marian. I know it’s going to hurt. Just hold onto me.”
But I already was. Drayton brought me back into his arms, and I couldn’t stop the lightheadedness that had me swaying against him.
“I don’t feel so good.”
“When was the last time you ate? How much water have you had?”
The room got blurry through the tears.
“I had an apple… maybe yesterday? I… ah… I ate something at the hotel. I—”
“Hotel? Are you fucking telling me you haven’t eaten anything since you’ve been taken?”
My lip trembled.
“I… I couldn’t. I… It was smashed on the floor under the boots. I-I—”
“Shh. Lay your head down. We’ll get you more water. Elec?”
He reached for the cup, and it took me seconds to process that I needed to give it to him. My arm went out, but my fingers couldn’t let it go. He had to physically pry the cup from my hand.
“I want to go home. Drayton, please take me home.”
“Soon. We have to work out some stuff here first.”
“What are you doing here?”
Silence. It lasted as Elec came back with the water. I took big drinks, clinging back to the cup again once I finished.
“This isn’t real,” I mumbled. “I’m not here. I… don’t want to wake up.”
“Follow me.”
The voice echoed, but I didn’t turn to face The Unavowed.
I kept my face at Drayton’s neck with my eyes closed as he began walking.
I was still sleeping. I had to be. This wasn’t real.
My brain was inventing this rescue because more men were back.
Yes… I kept doing this. Imagining myself so far away.
Drayton wouldn’t be here. That’s why he wasn’t answering.
My mind somehow knew it was impossible for him to be.
It didn’t make sense, but that was okay.
This was my dream or a hallucination. My mind was protecting itself.
I’d stay like this. It had to be bad, or this wouldn’t be so real.
Dream. Dream. I wasn’t ever going to wake up.
Even as I thought it, my lids grew heavier.
Dream. Yes. The movement from walking. It was the thrusts from the men. I was gone from there now. I’d stay here. Stay. Right. Here.
I breathed in deep, letting Drayton’s cologne and aftershave register. Heavenly. I liked this dream.
“Right through this door. You can put her on the bed. There are towels in the restroom if you need to put some down. The doctor will be here soon. Elec, a word, outside.”
Of course.
I didn’t want Elec or The Unavowed here. Me and Drayton. That’s all I wanted. And he’d keep me in this room. Keep me safe from any other men who wanted to get to me.
“Brace yourself, Marian. This may hurt.”
Drayton eased me to a bed, and the pain snapped me out of the fogginess in my mind.
My eyes flew open, and I dug into the comforter as I rolled to my side and drew my legs towards my chest. I could do nothing but writhe in pain as Drayton rushed away, only to return.
He put a towel underneath me, holding to my shoulder as I clung to the edge of the bed.
“I’m sorry. I know you hurt.”
A dream wouldn’t hurt this bad. Unless, outside of the dream, I hurt. No. My mind wasn’t right. I knew that… I kept… knowing that.
“I want to go home. I don’t want to wake up.”
“Marian.” Drayton lowered to his knees on the floor, becoming eye level with me. “You’re awake.”
“No.” I sobbed. “I want to go home.”
“You can’t go back home. You have to come to my home, Marian.”
Harder, I sobbed, and I wasn’t even sure why.
“No running. I… I did this? I didn’t know. I didn’t. I ran. I—”
“You didn’t do anything wrong. You’re here because of your mother.”
“M-My mother. Yes. No… I ran. I was bad. I… I… I want to go home.”
“Jesus.” Drayton let out a deep breath. “You’re in shock. Look at me.”
The slight blur of his face had me blinking to try to bring him in clear. I felt sick. My mind was going so fast, I couldn’t even decipher what any of it was about.
“I need you to listen to me, Marian. We’re in London.
Underground. Elec, Bram Whitlock, and I are trying to get you out of The Order.
It’s going to take some time. You’re hurt.
A doctor is coming to make sure you’re alright.
Once Bram gives The Unavowed what he needs, I’m going to take you home.
To my home. With me. We’re going to get married. ”
“What? Marry? You?” I laughed as his face turned defensive and angry.
I couldn’t help it. “… Now I know I’m dreaming.
” The words were low through realization.
“I’ve never been so… far from sanity, and yet, I know the truth.
I saw it at the hotel, even if I didn’t want to.
You don’t love me. You hate me.” I lowered my head.
“I hate myself, too. I don’t want to wake up. ”
For seconds Drayton didn’t speak.
“You’re awake, Marian. This is real. You don’t have a choice but to marry me.
The Uppers, The Collective High Council, they’ve given you to me.
I own you now. It was me, a place like The Order, or death.
Your mother went too far this time. To save you, and…
to get my own revenge, I said I would marry you. ”
One blink. Two. Despite the pain, I forced myself up to stare down at him. The words were melting the fog like acid. They were triggering… something. But with that knowing came fear. Marry Drayton? So he could get his own revenge against me?
“I’m not dreaming.”
“No. Before this is over with, you may wish you were.”