Marian
It was over.
From one underground sex trafficking city to another, I wasn’t sure what to think.
Where The Order had been cold stone and dark dungeons, The Garden of the Gods was luxury accommodations at its finest. Not that I paid it much notice.
I could barely even remember leaving London or the plane ride over.
The grandeur as we entered through the large golden gates were clearer, but seeing the underground city with all its roads and roaming Masters barely registered.
I was going in and out of a fog so thick, I sometimes felt I was drowning in it.
As for Drayton, when he wasn’t bashing skulls at The Batting Cage, he was quiet and watchful.
His eyes were always on me. He helped me through the medical appointments.
We both gave our blood and underwent tests.
For what, I had no idea. Nothing made sense.
All I knew was the fancy apartment we stayed in. Nothing was right. Nothing was clear.
“You should eat. You haven’t eaten much in the last few days.”
“I’m not hungry.” Even as I said it, I stabbed my fork into the fruit, taking a bite.
I wasn’t ready for my battle with Drayton.
He said our pasts were dead, but I wasn’t so sure he meant it.
The rage was still there. Maybe more now than ever.
The moment we finished consummating our marriage, he’d left.
He’d said those promising words, kissed me like he’d never had, and after a few seconds of staring into my eyes, something swept over his face, and he’d rushed from the room.
He hadn’t returned until that morning when he’d come to get me to leave. Now, this…
“When do we go home? Where are we even going?”
“Are you ready to talk specifics? I’m still waiting on the answer to the question I asked you three days ago, Marian.”
“Question?”
His lips twisted, and he stood from the table, walking over to grab the envelope off the counter. He came back to the small table I sat at, placing it in front of me.
“Your disappearance in the outside world must be dealt with.”
“That’s right. Explaining my breakup with Bastian and my sudden marriage to you.” My head dropped as I took a deep breath. “Did you and I elope, or have we been having an affair—You want me to choose.”
Drayton didn’t answer.
“Both bring scandal. It’s more plausible that we made up and eloped. Go with that.”
He nodded as I opened the envelope, pouring the contents on the table before me.
A few papers were clipped together, and I noticed the top one was a marriage license.
I reached over, spreading out the three fake pictures of our supposed wedding, stopping to hover over rings.
One held a single large diamond while the matching gold band was covered in small ones.
It had me looking from the brand of the upside-down crown to the real rings that were before me.
“What is this?”
“Those would be yours. I bought them before you went to London.”
My lips parted, and my hand was shaking as I picked them up from the table. I swallowed hard, not able to fight the way my eyes burned.
“I can get you different ones if you’d prefer. I just thought you should have them. I did buy them for you.”
“Drayton… I didn’t mean—”
“Stop. I said the past was dead.”
“Saying and believing are two different things. You don’t want the past to be dead. You wanted to kill it yourself. That’s why you bought all that stuff The Unavowed mentioned: crops, barbed wire. He didn’t give you the chance to use them.”
“No. He didn’t.”
“So, what do you want to do?”
“There is nothing to do. It’s done. It’s over.”
I placed down the rings, standing as I took in his stiff body. He was so closed off. This man wasn’t the Drayton I remembered. He wasn’t even the one who kissed and took such good care of me on our wedding night.
“Over. Yeah… I guess it is.”
Turning, Drayton’s hand quickly settled on my bicep as I went to leave.
“Where are you going?”
I stopped, turning to face him. “Out. Around. Does it matter?”
“You can’t just go walking around this place. It’s not safe.”
“It’s not safe here either.”
“What do you mean by that? You think I’m going to hurt you?”
My arms crossed over my chest.
“I think I’ve been fed bullshit long enough.
What’s coming between me and you isn’t some small argument.
You’re out for blood, whether you want to admit it or not, and you can bet your ass I’m not going to sit idle and wait for you to blow up so you can get it.
If you want your revenge, I’m right here.
Stop beating around the bush. Stop pitying me for what was done and step the fuck up.
You want to hurt me? You want me to pay for what happened, man up and do it. ”
Drayton’s eyes were so narrowed as he glared.
“I’m not hurting you. You’ve been hurt enough.”
“But not by you. You think I can’t take it? You think I’m going to crumble and break under what you want to do? Let’s find out.”
“You don’t know what you’re saying. You’re angry—”
“Damn right I’m angry! I’m fucking pissed!
I’m sick of this shit. Everyone has their agendas, and then there’s me, stuck in the goddamn middle.
My mother wants to hurt your family—ruin them—Me.
You want your revenge because of what she did by using me—Me.
The Unavowed wanted Penny and my future child—Me!
Me! Me! Fuck all of you! What about me, Drayton? What. About. Me!”
“Calm down.”
“Don’t you fucking tell me to calm down. I’ll calm down when I’m damn good and ready. I’m going out. Until you’re ready for that revenge, it’s probably not a good idea to get near me. Maybe I’ll go after mine first.”
I turned but he spun me back to face him.
“Yours? Your revenge? For what?”
“For you being a shitty husband.”
“I’ve been a good husband. How the hell have I been shitty? I’ve given you space. I’ve tried to let you work this out.”
“Because what I went through is just so easy to work out. Especially alone. You’re always watching, never showing. Shitty.”
Drayton growled as I turned again, spinning me back to face him.
“Do you want to talk about it? Talk. I’m here.”
“You don’t want to listen to this. You can’t even get close. You don’t touch me. All you do is watch me as if you’re waiting for me to break into a million pieces. Guess what? I already fucking did! It won’t happen again.”
“Because I wouldn’t let it.”
“I find that hard to believe with how the last few days have gone. I’m not alone, but I am. You’re here, but you’re not.”
“Not true.”
An aggravated sound exploded from me. “It is true! We might as well be in two different apartments for how separate we are. Maybe that’s what I need.”
“You’re not going anywhere.”
“But I need to be in here with you? The one who’s upset that he can’t hurt me?”
“You want me to hurt you? You want me to go fucking crazy?”
“If it means you’ll be real with me.”
“You want real, Marian?” He grabbed the lamp, jerking the cord free and launching it into the wall.
Porcelain sprayed out in large chunks. “Here’s real.
Yeah, I’m fucking pissed!” He grabbed the edge of the end table, and I wrapped tightly around my chest as he sent it sailing into the wall where he’d thrown the lamp, breaking that into pieces, too.
“Your mother fucking destroyed us. Do you know the extent of what she did? What she stole from us? Eleven years!” He grabbed the sofa, flipping it forward.
“Eleven fucking years! And hating you? For what? God, what she fucking did to you. What she did to both of us. Sure, I’m pissed that neither of our efforts brought results sooner.
You tried to get ahold of me. I tried to get ahold of you, despite your mother’s continued threats. But fuck! I hate this!”
Drayton’s fingers pushed through his hair as he fisted it.
“… I fucking love you, Marian. Even after everything. Even thinking you meant those accusations, I still loved you. I hated you, but goddammit, I loved you too. I’ll always love you. It was always us.”
I rushed forward, throwing my arms around him as a sob tore from me.
“We’re going to make this right. We will. We’ll work through our anger. We need each other as we figure this out. I hate that this has happened, but we have each other now.”
“Do we? Marian… I’m not the same man. Not even close. My needs, they’re dark. Sexually, they’re everything you heard. Crops and floggers, dark. Hurting you, dark. Who I am now—”
“You think I’m the same? All I feel is anger and guilt.
Guilt that needs release. I can take what you want to give.
I can. I need it. Show me, Dray. Teach me.
We can ease into that life. It’s who you are now, and you’re who I want.
Our past was stolen, but the future is ours.
As long as we do this together.” I bit my bottom lip, feeling myself morph back into my mother, back into the me who was desperate to have Drayton to begin with.
My doe-eyed look had him so lost in my depths.
Knocking on the door had my mood transitioning too fast. I could barely get control of myself as I blinked the look away. “Who the hell is that?”
Drayton shook his head as I watched him fight the delay from the sway. “Probably Elec. He mentioned swinging by to talk to you.”
“Great. I don’t want to see him right now.
He’s a battle I’m not ready to face. I guess it’s better now than never.
” I headed over, swinging open the barrier.
“Elec. Of course. Come on in.” I gestured sarcastically.
He didn’t miss it as his gaze went between the two of us.
He jolted to a stop at the sight of the room.
“What happened?”
“Nothing.” I headed deeper into the mess in our living room. “Drayton said you wanted to talk to me.”
“What is this?”