38. A Crack in the Armor
38
A Crack in the Armor
Antoinette
Where the fuck is he?
It would be just like that fucker to try to make a big exit when he finally gets out of the goddamn building.
I glance around again, taking count of all the familiar faces, even the ones that are made up not to be familiar.
I see Lilith and Carolina off to the side, and I do a double-take at the look on Lilith’s face as she glances at me.
My heart sinks, and I turn my focus to Carolina, who looks grief-stricken as she stares at the ground. Pain jackknifes through me.
I’m already shaking my head as Lilith starts walking toward me, so by the time she gets to me, I’m muttering, “No. No, no, no.”
She reaches for me, and I slip her hold, taking off back toward the building, but then Carolina, who had been still standing off to the side, is in front of me, blocking my way.
She grabs onto me, and I attempt to shake her off, but she tightens her grip and gets right in my face and says, “You can’t.”
“Get out of my fucking way,” I seethe, once again attempting to shake her off, but her fingers dig into me painfully. She leans in closer, her nose touching mine as she whisper-shouts, “He made me promise.”
“I don’t fucking care about your promises,” I shout.
I shove my knee into her leg, pushing her away violently, finally shaking her off and sprinting toward the building, only to have Lilith yanking on me from behind. Tony and Matt are suddenly standing in my way now, too.
Lilith releases me, and I fall into Tony and Matt, and it’s not lost on me how I’ve come full circle once again.
Carolina speaks from behind me, even as I fight for them to release me, “The cage wouldn’t budge. I tried to get someone’s attention, but you guys couldn’t hear me; then he made me promise to leave him and not to allow you guys to go back.”
“Who’s you guys?” Tony replies quietly, fighting to keep me in his hold as I still attempt to break free.
“Antoinette specifically,” she replies. “But all of you.”
A sob breaks free from my throat as I say, “Please. Please.”
I pause my efforts to get through them, and they tighten their holds on me, pushing me backward as Matt asks, “How much time do we have, Lils?”
“There’s no way to know,” Lilith replies sadly. “So, you always assume your time is up.”
“That’s exactly what I said,” Carolina replies. I stop fighting, allowing them to move me back a few more feet, and I focus on regulating my breathing and after a moment, they both ease their grip on me.
Matt takes a step back, and just as soon as Tony does the same, I turn around, kicking him forcefully in the gut and then turning back in the other direction, elbowing Matt in the face. He falls back, and then I’m running, sprinting so fast all I hear is the whistle of the wind in my ears, the sound of my pounding heart as I run to save him.
Thundering footsteps track me, quickly gaining on me, and then I run faster, the doorway getting larger and larger as I aim for it. I reach my hands out, ready to shove it open, and just as soon as my fingertips touch it, two sets of hands grab hold of me, and I’m yanked bodily right off my feet.
I’m airborne momentarily, and falling backward onto my back, hitting the ground so hard the wind is knocked out of me.
I immediately roll onto my front, coughing and choking for air, while at the same time, I attempt to gain my feet, turning back toward the door, but hands are on me, pulling and yanking, and I scream, “Let me go. Let me go.”
My voice is broken, gasping, almost drowned out by the shouting of people who know that, if nothing else, they have to save me from myself.
I make one last ditch effort to move through the door, then I’m being dragged away, my hands outstretched as I scream, “Darius.”
And then time stops momentarily. As if all movement and sound are being sucked into an abyss, and then a split second later, it releases, and that door I was reaching for bursts open one second before the boom hits.
My scream is yanked from within me and shoved outward. We’re all airborne, landing in a heap and rolling briefly before coming to a stop in the dirt.
And I stop fighting.
I lie there, face-down, feeling the scrape of the rocks against my cheek, grateful for the numbness that washes over me.
After a moment, hands are gripping me again, lifting me into the air, and I’m weightless.
My ears ring, and I hear murmuring in the periphery of my psyche. And then there’s coolness beneath me, the smell of rubber, and the slamming of doors.
Warmth presses against my back, and fingers slide along my cheek, and then arms wrap around me. Lilith’s voice is in my ear whispering incoherently.
Warmth settles in front of me, and I’m cocooned, and then there are more fingers stroking my cheek and moving down my shoulder and arms, and I hear Carolina in front of me, “Antoinette.”
I squeeze my eyes shut, shaking my head slightly, but then she pleads, “Please look at me.”
I frown, not wanting to, but the pain in her voice cues me. I open my eyes, meeting her soft brown ones full of sadness and pain as she whispers, “Can you ever forgive me?”
I laugh bitterly, a choked sob escaping, and I manage to swallow down the mania and the misplaced anger. I nod and whisper, “Already forgiven.”
She stares at me through watery eyes, my own watering in response, and then I shake my head, not ready to give in to anguish.
I clear my throat, searching for some kind of misplaced humor to bridge the gap, and so I ask, “Did he say anything?”
She clears her throat and says, “Other than all the reasons why I had to leave him?”
I nod, “Yes, other than that.”
“He said he loved you.”
Now, I frown and snort. “Try again. There’s no fucking way he said that.”
She giggles and then replies, “You’re right. He never fucking said that.”
I laugh again, grateful for the reprieve. “Go ahead. Tell me what he said.”
She pauses for a moment, rolling her eyes a little, and then she whispers, “He said if you ever fuck another man, he’ll haunt you.”
I laugh, and Lilith laughs behind me, her arms tightening on me, and then Carolina laughs as well, and I hear Tony and Matt and their low chuckles on the other side of the van. We all laugh for one single moment in time.
And then we stop.
I’m enveloped by the echoing silence, the subtle ringing in my ears, and the crack of my heart in my chest.
I take a shuddering breath in, releasing it as I mutter, “Fuck.”
And then I let it all go.
And I cry.