Chapter 15
Another restless night sent Selina to the breakfast room half asleep. Mary had not been there that morning to help her dress, but an older maid who had barely said a word.
Her hair was simply pinned, her eyes puffy, her legs leaden, her appetite absent, but she wanted to see Lizzy and Melody. They would be at breakfast, and they were the only reason she was not taking breakfast in her room, avoiding everyone.
She opened the door and wondered if she was still asleep, trapped somewhere in the midst of a peculiar nightmare.
For right there at the table, alongside her mother, Lizzy, Melody, and the Dowager Duchess, was the Marquess of Ramsbury.
The gentleman who was supposed to become her husband, until the letter that had upended everything.
“Lord Ramsbury?!” The words were out of her mouth before she could stop them.
The Marquess glanced up from a plate of eggs, some surprise registering on his face. Maybe she looked worse than she thought.
He dabbed his mouth with a napkin and rose to his feet, bowing his head. “I had hoped to speak to you later, Lady Selina, but I suppose now is as good a time as any,” he said, all pleasantness.
She grimaced. “I am sorry about—”
“Heavens, no. There is nothing to be sorry about.” He gestured vaguely around the room. “I came as soon as the invitation reached me, to show your betrothed that I hold no grudges. You, too. It was some relief, in truth.”
A crease formed between her eyebrows. She didn’t want to marry the Marquess, but he did not have to be quite so enthusiastic about the change of circumstances.
“No… no, I did not mean it like that,” he said, clearly realizing his mistake. “It is just that I… um… Well, we did not know anything about each other, and I had… uh… somewhat formed another attachment.”
“Oh…” She nodded. “There is no need to explain, Lord Ramsbury. I am glad for you.”
“As I am for you,” he said, and it sounded like he meant it.
Selina offered a smile. “Thank you for understanding. My father won’t forget your generosity in considering me in the first place, nor your dignity in all of this.”
“It is nothing, truly,” the Marquess insisted.
They stood for a moment in awkward silence. There was nothing more to be said between them, but how did one part ways politely in a situation like this?
“Well, I should get back to my eggs before they cool,” he said.
Apparently, that was how.
“Of course,” she replied.
As he sat back down, Selina headed for the opposite end of the table, where all the women were gathered.
Sitting down, she leaned over to kiss her mother on the cheek. “When did you arrive? Father said you would be here with my things, but there was no sign of you.”
“I came with the second carriage full,” her mother replied shyly. “I arrived just before breakfast.”
“Just in time to help with the preparations for the house party!” the Dowager Duchess interjected gleefully. “We have already been discussing plans in your absence. I hope you don’t mind, dear.”
Selina laughed stiffly. “Not at all. The less I have to do and the less I have to think about it, the better.” She shot Lizzy a pointed look. “Besides, this was all my dear friend’s grand idea, so she should be the one doing the lion’s share of overseeing the preparations.”
“Oh no, I am just the one with the ideas,” Lizzy protested with a grin. “My grandmother is the one who makes things happen. Truly, whatever idea you might have, she can make it a reality. If you wanted an elephant, she would find a way to get one. There is no one she does not know in society.”
“Now, an elephant would be rather difficult with the amount of time—or lack thereof—that we have,” the Dowager Duchess said, before taking a delicate bite of toast and marmalade.
Selina’s mother stared at the older woman in obvious awe.
Perhaps this will be good for her, Selina thought as she reached for the coffee pot.
She had been so concerned with her own situation that she had not thought about how this might actually be beneficial for her mother. To get away from London and her father. To be more than just the invisible Duchess for a while.
“What do you think, Mama?” she asked.
Her mother blinked. “Oh well, there should be… good food. Everyone will expect to eat well and to be refreshed. Pleasant beverages.”
“And dancing,” Lizzy added.
“A competition might be entertaining,” Melody suggested.
“Yes, competitions!” Lizzy nodded effusively. “Competitions and games.”
“There will have to be at least one competition that the ladies can participate in,” Melody said. “At these house parties, the competitions always seem to be designed for the gentlemen. We should set an example that we ladies are entitled to amusements too.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” the Dowager Duchess said.
As the women talked across her, eagerly chattering about plans and possibilities, Selina’s mind drifted back to Philip and the press of his body against hers.
What might have happened last night if they hadn’t been interrupted by Mary?
Would life have been easier if I had married the Marquess instead?
She discreetly glanced down the table at him. He was smiling amiably, deep in conversation with another man that Selina did not know. His brother, perhaps.
There was nothing exciting about the Marquess, but he was polite and courteous and reasonably handsome and generous in character and kindness.
Her father liked him enough to consider him as a son-in-law.
A good choice, probably, to avoid too many disappointments in life.
Unless never feeling anything at all could be counted as a disappointment.
Is that the price for excitement?
More to the point, was it a price she was willing to pay?
After all, if what Philip said about not caring about children was true, then there was no reason to explore that side of their marriage. If she kept him at arm’s length, then the unexpected hurt she had felt last night need never be repeated.
He could do whatever he liked with whomever he liked, and she could just live as she wished, reading her books and finding fulfilment with her friends.
But she no longer knew if that would be enough.
“Is there a reason you invited my betrothed’s ex-fiancé?” Philip whispered to his sister at the dining table that evening. “Do you secretly hate her?”
Lizzy twisted her napkin, her eyes trained on the empty chair where Selina should have been. Philip, too, had been watching for its occupant.
“It was an oversight,” she replied. “I did it so your match would be more… valid. I don’t know.”
Philip nodded, once again despairing of her. “Is that perhaps why Selina isn’t here?”
And not just not here, either. Selina had been absent for most of the day. Absent from him, at least. He knew she had spent a few hours with his grandmother, her mother, and her friends, but after that, it appeared she had gone to her room and stayed there.
“She is just tired,” Lizzy said tersely. “It’s to be expected that she might not have the strength to entertain at all hours of the day and night. She must get her rest.”
He narrowed his eyes. “And I must have the strength?”
He had already spent half an hour making polite conversation with the Marquess of Ramsbury and an hour before that talking to Melody’s odd family.
People he did not know and did not care to know, but he was trying to prove that he had adjusted to society again. To whom, that remained uncertain, since Zachary would not arrive until tomorrow.
“You are the man,” Lizzy said, as if that answered everything.
“You might have asked for my opinion before inviting half of the country,” he muttered.
Lizzy rolled her eyes. “There are no more than twenty people attending, Brother. Thirty, at most. You will survive.”
“Will your friend? My betrothed?” he replied sharply. “If she is absent from a dinner because of your antics, what else might she absent herself from?”
For a moment, a shadow of fear moved across Lizzy’s face. She paled, her jaw slack, no doubt realizing what he meant… and the part that she might play in it.
“No, she wouldn’t,” she insisted, recovering. “She means to go through with the wedding and be my sister-in-law.”
“A lot can change in two weeks, Sister, especially under great strain,” he pointed out. “You have put too much pressure on her, and you shall have to hope it does not break her.”
Lizzy stared down at the green soup before her, brow deeply furrowed. Maybe this entire thing would teach her some responsibility, if nothing else. Although Philip would not hold his breath.