Chapter 21
Alucky devil, indeed.
Philip took a moment to gather himself before he pushed off the wall. Perhaps he would indulge in another dance or two with his betrothed. Anything to be closer to her.
He had only taken a few steps toward the ballroom doors when a figure approached, swaying. Glassy eyes spoke of one too many libations, though that didn’t excuse the finger that jabbed into Philip’s chest.
Had it been anyone else, he would have snapped it in two.
“Don’t think that I don’t know exactly what is happening here,” John slurred, staggering back a step. “I saw you pull my daughter behind those bushes.”
Philip stared coldly at the man. “Is it to your displeasure that I actually like my betrothed? Did you want me to hate her?”
Like his own father, could it be that John was not so keen to end the feud after all? Had John forced his daughter into Philip’s sphere as some form of twisted revenge?
“No, I am not sorry that you like my daughter,” John mumbled, “but I do not like you. I have tried to pretend, but… I just do not like you at all.”
He seemed lost in thought, blinking dramatically. The effects of the champagne he had been imbibing, no doubt, celebrating so enthusiastically that he had gone in the opposite direction, toward misery. Deep in his cups.
“And what have I done to offend?” Philip asked. “I did right by your daughter. And by you. I have been to war, Barlow. We both know that I would have killed you if you had insisted on a duel.”
John sneered. “And I would have preferred it. My honor would be intact.” His unfocused gaze tried to find Philip’s eyes. “You know, you look exactly like him. I had not noticed how uncanny the resemblance is until now.”
Philip bristled. He had heard it many times before. It was why he did not look at his reflection if he could help it, so he would not have to see that face staring back at him.
Of all the cruel things his father had done, giving him his face was the worst. It meant Philip could never escape his father, not even after the wretch was dead and gone.
“I cannot help how I look,” Philip said through gritted teeth.
John leaned in, a drunken grin on his lips as he whispered, “I know why he sent you away.”
“What?”
Ignoring him, John continued to babble, “People call me cruel because I shout and I lose my temper. I am not always kind, but I would never hurt my own children.”
“Then you are a better father than most,” Philip said, uncertain as to where this conversation was going.
What did he mean, he knew why his father had sent him away? Was he going to say, or had the liquor already snatched the thought from his mind?
“I just hope you only got his appearance from him,” John muttered accusingly.
“Or else the feud doesn’t end here. It starts again.
Perhaps I can’t kill you in a duel, Ashbrook.
Perhaps I can’t kill you at all, but you had better believe that I will die trying if you…
if you lay a hand on my daughter. If you are anything like him. ”
Philip saw an opportunity. The man was drunk, and libations had a way of loosening lips. If he was ever going to find out what had caused the feud in the first place, perhaps this was it.
“I do not understand,” he said. “I know my father wasn’t well-liked, but I am afraid I know nothing about your feud. All I was aware of was that you hated each other. Now, I know the cruelty that I was subjected to, but… what are you talking about?”
John blinked and studied him for a moment. Inebriated he might have been, but clarity suddenly seemed to sharpen his expression.
“My God, you really do not know, do you?” he whispered, as if the former Duke of Ashbrook might be hiding nearby. “You really have no notion of who your father really was? What manner of monster he was?”
“Oh, I am aware of what a monster he was,” Philip countered, “but only toward me.”
The response seemed to perplex John. He ran a hand through his thinning grey hair and chewed on the inside of his cheek, his mouth twisting. Faint muttering could be heard under his breath, but Philip couldn’t decipher a word of it.
“If you have nothing else to say,” Philip added, hoping to elicit a reaction, “then I shall—”
“He killed my sister,” John hissed, spittle flying from his mouth.
Philip froze. “He did what?”
“Oh, not with a pistol or a blade, of course, but he is the one responsible for her death. He killed her with cruelty! He killed her.” John’s eyes widened to the bloodshot whites.
“What are you talking about?”
John sneered, folding his arms across his chest. “Before your wretched father married your mother, he seduced my dear sister. He put a child in her, promised her the world, promised her love, but when… she lost the baby, your devil of a father abandoned her. It was just a week before their wedding. Told her that if she couldn’t keep a baby, she wouldn’t be able to give him an heir, so he needed a better wife.
“My sister took her own life on what would have been her wedding day. Threw herself into the Thames on a winter’s night.
She washed up on shore, and… I had to lie to protect her.
I had to say it was a tragic accident. I had to pretend that I didn’t know the vile cur and the actions that had driven her to kill herself. ”
Philip’s throat tightened.
“She was grieving her lost child, and he did that to her,” John snarled. “He layered grief upon grief, and she could not bear it. Now, that grief is mine to carry, and that is why I loathed him. That is why I can barely stand to look at your face.”
Nausea twisted Philip’s insides into knots. Of course, he had more experience of his father’s wickedness than most, but to drive a woman to such an end was… beyond despicable.
“He was obsessed with heirs,” John muttered. “Continuing his bloodline. As if he was anything worth perpetuating, the bastard.”
“I am sorry,” Philip managed to rasp, though it would never be enough.
“I am sorry his cruelty was not reserved only for me, as I am sorry he ever met your sister and my mother. He did not kill her in the same way, but he made it so that she had no desire to live. Drained her of her light and her spirit until it made her sick.”
He did not speak of his mother to anyone. It hurt too much to think of her, how small and withered she had been in the end, how ruined she had been by the man she had married.
John frowned. “I pitied her.”
“As did I,” Philip replied. “But I am not my father and never will be. Indeed, I mean to take care of your daughter. I would harm myself before I ever harm her.”
The smallest nod tipped John’s head forward. “I pray for all our sakes that you are genuine.”
“I am.” Philip sniffed. “Now, if you will excuse me, my betrothed is in there, waiting to dance with me.”
He walked past John, more to hide the emotion on his face than to actually return to the ball.
And as he entered the chaos of it all, he found he was more resolved than ever to never bring children into the world, on the off-chance that some of his father’s blood would slip into their veins.
A poison that he would not risk creating.
“Where did you go?” Selina asked as she whirled in Philip’s arms.
This time, there were other dancers on the dance floor. A beautiful ensemble of a waltz that somehow felt more private, being one among many.
“I was just taking some fresh air,” Philip replied stiffly.
He had not been himself since he came back in from the terrace. She had asked him if something was wrong. He had insisted that there was not, yet his behavior suggested otherwise.
“Is it the ball? Do you really want everyone to go?”
Philip shook his head. “It is not the ball. It is nothing at all. I am just thinking about how we shall prepare for the wedding in such a short time.”
“We can postpone it,” she offered.
“No, my bride. I do not want to postpone it.” He gazed at her, and there was real warmth in his eyes.
Is it something I did? Did someone say something to him? Were we seen?
Countless possibilities stampeded through her head, so much so that she lost her footing.
Philip caught her and swept her into a new turn, as if nothing had happened. “Are you well? Is it the heat in here?”
“I am a little dizzy,” she said, “but I shall make it to the end of the set.”
He smiled at her, and her worries ebbed.
Perhaps with so much happiness just within her grasp, she was looking for reasons as to why it might be taken away from her.