Chapter Fourteen #3
Marcus stormed in. He carried a vial in his hands, which he shoved into my lap. “Ava, drink this.”
His tone was so aggressive that he was the only person I didn’t argue with. I looked at the contents through the glass vial and figured it was a simple healing potion. I uncorked the bottle and drank. I found it tasted like grapefruit juice.
When the potion’s effects kicked in, I instantly felt pain ebb away that I didn’t know was there. I’d been so hyped up I didn’t realize I was experiencing any flare-up symptoms, in my spine or my body. Now I noticed, and they were aggressive. My muscles ached as if I’d moved the universe itself to fix Charlie. Guess I kind of had.
“Thanks,”
I said, handing the empty bottle back to Marcus.
“I brewed it myself. I figured you would need it,”
he said. “You don’t have to worry about it counteracting any of your medications. Everything I put in there is safe.”
“Well, I really appreciate…”
I staggered in my chair, because all of a sudden, I started getting very sleepy. I registered that the potion had left a faint aftertaste, one of a sleeping herb I recognized.
Marcus smirked. “I might’ve slipped in a sedative. Nighty night.”
“You little bitch,”
I grumbled. That’s all I got out before I slumped in my chair and went to sleep.
I must’ve been sleeping for a few hours, because when I woke up, the morning sun was beaming through the windows. I’d been moved to a separate room in the hospital and given my own bed.
Marcus was sitting at the edge of my bed with a wry smile. “Rise and shine.”
I scowled as I roused. “That was a dirty trick.”
“We had to put you down and give you a time out. You were out of control, even after you fixed him,”
Marcus said. “Ez checked you while you were sleeping, and he said everything’s all good. We had to make sure. Sorry, not sorry.”
“How’s Charlie?”
I asked. I was concerned the organs I gave him might suddenly fail, or some other catastrophe would happen.
“He’s up and talking. He’s already been looked at, and he’s in perfectly good health,”
Marcus informed me. “We told him what happened. You can see him soon, but first…”
Marcus’ gaze shot across the room, and I lifted my head to see he wasn’t the only one here. His parents were in the room as well, looking rather worried.
I gave Marcus an inquisitive look. “What’s going on?”
He wrung his hands. “We know what you’re going to try to do, Ava, and we all agree it isn’t worth the risk. I’ve asked my parents here to help talk you out of it.”
“And what exactly do you think I’m going to do, Marcus?”
I demanded.
He drew a deep breath. “You replaced Charlie’s organs. Now that you know what you can do, we’re afraid you’re going to try using this power to replace the nerves in your spine.”
I might as well get on with replacing my heart, too, because it nearly stopped beating at the suggestion. I’d been so worried about Charlie, the thought of replacing my own spine hadn’t crossed my mind.
But now that Marcus mentioned it, it wasn’t such a bad idea. The angel surgeons had fucked up my spine during surgery, all while my healing magic was trying to repair the damage, and everything had healed wrong. Now I’d utilized power that went far beyond any average healer. Why couldn’t I use it to replace the feeling that I’d lost? I certainly had a better chance of going up against the Warden if I was agile on my feet.
Marcus knew that, too, so why was he acting so apprehensive?
I looked at Nadine and Lucas. “Forgive me, but why are you here? If I have a chance to repair my spine, shouldn’t I do it?”
“That’s what we want to speak with you about,”
Nadine said gently, taking a step closer to my bed. “Marcus told us that healing magic has failed to repair your injury thus far because supernatural forces were involved. As we understand it, your own healing magic set the injury, and therefore, no magic has been able to undo the damage your demigod power already caused.”
“We’ve never seen healing magic like what I performed on Charlie before, though,”
I said. “My power is stronger now, so I should be able to overpower whatever spell I used to set the injury in the first place. I could make a full recovery and walk again! Isn’t this great?”
I turned to Marcus, but he had a solemn look on his face. My voice turned cold. “You’re acting like this is a death sentence rather than a beacon of hope.”
“It’s not going to work,”
Marcus stated firmly, like he was certain of the fact. “I don’t want to shatter your hopes, Ava, but I also know it’s dangerous to even attempt such a spell. My parents can explain better than I can.”
Lucas cleared his throat. “When Marcus was very young, our enemies used his own power against him. Enemies of ours used Marcus’ magic to cast a curse, which prevented us from telling him about his demigod abilities, until he learned of them himself.”
“Marcus has told us about this curse before,”
I said. “What does it have to do with me?”
“We tried many things to break this curse,”
Nadine admitted. “We even tried to use Marcus’ own powers to break it, the same way our enemies used his powers against him. But nothing worked. We were able to determine that once a demigod uses their magic on themselves, even their own power cannot reverse the spell— whether the demigod intended to cast the spell or not.”
“Please, Ava,”
Marcus begged. “We’re only trying to help. What you did to help Charlie was incredible, but if you try to reverse what your demigod magic already did to you, you only risk doing more damage. When a demigod casts a spell like this on themselves, that spell will always remain permanent.”
I got that he was worried, but wasn’t he taking this a bit too far? Marcus was a warlock, and I was an Elementai. We didn’t know if my powers would have the same effect as his. He was too scared to brave the risks, but wasn’t it at least worth a try, considering the potential reward? If I could regrow all of Charlie’s internal organs— nerves, blood vessels, and all— then I didn’t see why I couldn’t fix a few nerves in my spine.
My lips set into a thin line. Marcus and his family had my best interests at heart, but they didn’t know the lengths I’d go through to test my limits.
“Thank you for your concern,”
I said evenly. “You have nothing to worry about.”
Marcus breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m so relieved to hear that, Ava. I knew you would listen.”
Eh, only sort of. I’d learned from Kallie how to twist my words, and I wasn’t exactly lying to him.
Nadine looked a little shocked, like she expected me to push back. The woman didn’t even know me, but I sensed she had a bit of fire in her back in her day— probably still did. She relaxed a moment later, though.
Lucas gave a kind nod. “Then we’ll leave you to rest. Thank you for your time, princess.”
“I’ll be right back in,”
Marcus assured me. He led his parents out into the hall, and his muffled voice came through the door as he thanked them for coming to speak to me.
Nadine and Lucas’ warning shook me a bit, but not enough to rule out the option completely. I didn’t get what the big deal was. The least I could do was try. I was alone, and no one was here to stop me. I might as well see if gaining back my ability to walk was even a possibility.
I placed my hand on my stomach, right above the area where my spine was damaged. With my healing magic, I could feel the foreign rods in my spine, and sense the bundle of nerves that had been completely damaged. All I had to do was disintegrate them, then regrow them.
I decided to test it only on one nerve, in case Lucas and Nadine’s warning held any real merit. Better to be safe than sorry.
My healing magic curled around a singular nerve, and I felt my power burn it away. I thought it would be ungodly painful, because I was literally destroying a nerve, but I didn’t feel a thing at all.
Of course not, because there was nothing left to feel. That was almost more terrifying than the pain.
I concentrated on replacing the nerve, like I had with Charlie’s organs. My hand glowed a bright white, until my power seemed to smash up against a brick wall I couldn’t penetrate. I tried again and again to replace the nerve, to regrow it, but nothing worked.
I started to panic. Nadine and Lucas had been right. I couldn’t counteract the botched spell that had healed my spine in all the wrong places.
Please, don’t let there be any more damage, I prayed.
I pinched my upper thighs— hard. There was still a dull sensation there, like always, but it seemed weaker than ever before.
Marcus was right about the risk. I had done some serious damage that was now irreversible.
I had the thought that I could destroy the rest of my nerves that weren’t firing right, to alleviate some pain, but that would also impair any and all sensation I had left in my legs, and I already had so little left. If I kept going with this, I was really going to hurt myself.
I hated to admit it, but I was glad Nadine and Lucas came to warn me before I did anything stupid I couldn’t undo. I wasn’t trying this again— that was for certain. Otherwise, I’d lose the little feeling I had left.
I hated that tears rushed to my eyes and ran down my cheeks at the realization that there was no way out of this. I’d accepted that I wasn’t going to walk again a long time ago, but I couldn’t help there being a small prayer of hope tucked away inside of me that one day, something would be able to fix me, or I’d be able to fix myself. That prayer dried up and withered away as I realized the truth.
I was never going to get better. This was permanent. I could perform miracles to heal other people, but I couldn’t heal myself. I could replace Charlie’s organs, but I couldn’t replace what my own magic had set in stone without me being aware of it.
I was such a powerful demigod. But my demigod magic couldn’t do the one thing I was most desperate for it to do, and that wounded me incredibly. I was helpful to others, but useless to myself. All these magical spells, potions, and medications I’d tried to fix my spine were nothing but disappointments. They were all the same, leading to identical undeniable outcomes.
I wiped my tears away and struggled to take in a few shaking breaths. You never stopped grieving when you were disabled, for the life you could’ve had, the life you desperately desired to live but would never receive. I’d given myself hope there would be a chance I could go back to the girl I had been, but I’d learned already that girl was dead and gone. I needed to accept myself now for who I was, not the person I wished I could be. I had to love my body the way it’d turned out to be, not hate it for not being the body I wished for.
I was worthy even though I was in a wheelchair, and stronger than anyone else in this palace. It was okay the spell hadn’t worked. I accepted my body for what it was. I’d done my best, given it a good try, and that was all I could expect from myself. Though this treatment hadn’t worked, and so many others hadn’t either, I knew it would be okay.
I was still me. That was all that mattered. Charlie and my friends loved me no matter what, and I loved me, too. I didn’t need to make myself into something different to earn that love. I could still be sick and receive it generously.
Even so… there would always be a piece of me that wanted things to change. But that piece of me didn’t have to believe I was worth any less because of it. And it wouldn’t, because that wasn’t the truth. I was valuable just as I was. I had to acknowledge that.
A few minutes later, I’d pulled myself together and Marcus returned to the room. “Ready to see Charlie?”
“Finally.”
I wasn’t waiting a second longer. Marcus helped me from the bed back into my chair. I found that I was too tired to roll my wheels, or even use the button on my chair that would move me forward, so Marcus pushed me.
Okay, so they were right to knock me out, because casting the spell on Charlie had affected me more than I thought. While we were in the hallway, Oberi came flying in from a separate ward. The phoenix landed on my chair, a bright sparkle in her eye.
“You look much better,”
I said, and she reached out to preen my hair.
Marcus gave me some healing treats. I am in tip-top shape thanks to his astounding Alchemy magic, she replied. I hope you had a nice nap.
“Splendid.”
Marcus wheeled me into Charlie’s room. Happiness spread across my form as I saw he was sitting up in bed, appearing perfectly well. Emperor Cassiel was there. He gave me a kind smile, as if to say he knew I could do it.
Charlie felt my presence and immediately reached out for me. “Pidge.”
I took his hand as Marcus moved me to his bedside. “Oh, Charlie.”
If he could call me by my favorite name, all was right again in the world.
“You regrew my organs.”
His thumb moved over the back of my hand, and I didn’t bother to resist a delightful shudder.
“I do what I want.”
“Still… that’s incredible magic. I’d say it’s hard for me to believe that you pulled it off, but nothing’s off-limits to you. Thank you so much for saving me.”
“I’d never let anything happen to you,”
I promised. “Whatever happens, you’ll always be safe if I’m there.”
Kallie walked in, eating a bag of cookies. “Hey,”
she said. “Have a nice sleep?”
“You butthead! You let Marcus spike my drink with a sleeping tonic! I know you were in on it,”
I snapped.
“From what I hear, he had to, because you were being purposefully difficult,”
Charlie said firmly. “I’d ask what you were thinking, but you obviously weren’t. Pulling off big magic like that then not letting the doctors make sure you’re healthy is beyond not okay. You’re in big trouble.”
I huffed out a breath. “We can talk about that later. What the hell did Danielle do to you? When we burst in, it looked like you were having some kind of fancy dinner to satisfy her disgusting fantasies.”
My blood nearly boiled out of my veins at the memory of her curled up on his lap. That was my place, and she’d taken my man.
“I kept her talking,”
Charlie said. “And if I’m being honest, what she told me isn’t good.”
“What’d she say?”
Kallie asked, already appearing on edge.
Charlie seemed very frightened, which always scared me. Not much terrified my husband, so if he was concerned, we all should be. “Danielle told me the Warden doesn’t want to attack Ilamanthe yet. It’s like he’s biding his time, because he needs the Elves for some kind of purpose. The more Elves that die in battle, the less he has to use for whatever awful idea he’s got planned. He doesn’t want to exterminate them; he wants to imprison them. It’s why he hasn’t attacked the city yet. That, and it sounded like he’s threatened by us demigods. That’s why he had to lure us away from the city, onto his own turf.”
“If that’s true, this goes beyond the war,”
I said. “It’s not about winning and defeating the other supernatural nations. It’s about taking control of the Elvish race and using their magic. For what, we don’t know. We need to figure out what the Warden needs the Elves for, because whatever he’s planning, it gives him even more power than he already has.”
“He could capture the Elves easily if he makes more demigods and creates an army for himself,”
Marcus said in terror.
“He can’t,”
Charlie said. “Danielle told me that he’s tried, and they die every time, plus he gives away some of his power on each attempt. The demigods he has are the ones he’s got.”
“Well, that’s good, because we killed them,”
Kallie said, crossing her arms. “But it’s definitely concerning that we don't have an idea of what he wants to do with the Elves, and he needs us out of the way to do it.”
Cassiel appeared contemplative as he took in all this information, leaning closer to listen.
“That’s not the worst thing,”
Charlie warned. “Danielle said the Warden can’t die.”
Marcus gave a psh. “He’s an angel, of course he can’t die.”
“It’s more than that. Danielle said she watched the Warden fight the dark gods. They were trying to kill him and take over, but they couldn’t, because no matter what they threw at him, he survived it all. Apparently, his magic was so strong he put them in their place, and they had to listen. He was able to defeat and control multiple gods without a scratch on him,”
Charlie said.
I scoffed. “She was obviously lying. That, or she was so stupid that she believed whatever came out of the Warden’s mouth.”
“It makes sense, though,”
Charlie argued. “Nothing we’ve seen other people do has come close to even hurting the Warden, let alone killing him, and the dark gods wouldn’t be working for him unless he has an edge over them. Otherwise, they would’ve killed him and taken The Mission for themselves by now.”
“This is a problem, because if the dark gods can’t kill him, we don’t stand a chance, either,”
Kallie insisted.
“But how did he get so much power?”
Marcus wondered. “I’ve never heard of any supernatural who literally can’t die and are invulnerable to all attacks. Angels, Elves and vampires are immortal, but they can still be killed. It doesn’t even sound like the Warden can be wounded without recovering.”
“Maybe he’s like Oberi,”
I speculated. “Even if you get him down, he’ll just regenerate, and come back to life.”
“Great,”
Kallie grumbled. “Like we didn’t have enough problems on our hands. Now the Warden is basically a god himself.”
“Exactly,”
Charlie growled. “If we want to kill the Warden, we need to learn how to kill a god… and I don’t even know if that’s possible.”