23. Mackenzie
Chapter 23
Mackenzie
I stand in my bedroom with my mother. Her expression is creased in concern, but her shoulders are rigid.
“What the hell is going on, Mackenzie? It’s like every time I dare take my eye off you, something else blows up. Why is Nataniele so angry?”
There’s no point in not telling her. She’s going to find out anyway. A rush of heat floods over me at the prospect of telling her the truth. I should be proud of my three men, not ashamed, and I hate that she’s making me feel this way.
“Nataniele discovered I’m in a relationship with Domenic.”
Her eyebrows lift. “You’re what ?”
But I’m not finished. “And Valentino… and Kirill.”
She blinks several times, trying to take it in. “I-I don’t understand.”
“I’m with all of them, Mom. All three of them.”
“Together?”
“Yes, together. We love each other. It’s not just a fling. We’re serious about each other.”
I can literally see her brain trying to compute how that works.
“So…are the boys together, too?” she asks.
I shake my head. “No, not like that. They’re friends, but they do love each other. Just more in a brotherly kind of way.”
I’m not sure mentioning brothers is the right way to go, but I’m not sure how else to explain it.
“ Domenic is going to be your brother.”
I sigh and try not to roll my eyes. “Hardly. We’re both adults, and you and Nataniele aren’t even married yet.”
She clenches her teeth. “We would have been.”
She’s got no standing on that. Maybe the Devils ruined the wedding, but they were only able to do that because of the actions she took.
“And we still will be,” she adds.
“That’s not my problem, Mom.”
Her jaw drops at my dismissal. “Think about Nataniele! How’s this going to look for him? His son sleeping with his stepsister, and her being shared around by his friends.” She pauses and shakes her head. “Christ, Mackenzie. Can you even hear how that sounds? I’ve never wanted to repress your sexuality growing up, but I thought I’d taught you right from wrong.”
I stare at her, anger bubbling inside me. “Can you even hear yourself? Right from wrong? This coming from the woman who ordered my dad’s murder? And as for Nataniele—I couldn’t give a flying fuck what he thinks. I don’t owe him anything.”
“Yes, you do. You owe him your life here. What would we have done if we hadn’t had him to clear up your mess?”
“Well, I’d have known Paxton was alive a lot sooner than I did, that’s for sure. I wouldn’t have woken up every morning believing I’d killed a man.”
Of course, now I actually have killed a man—Kirill’s father—but she doesn’t know that.
She shakes her head. “It’s like you’re just out looking for trouble, Mackenzie. First with the professor, and now these men…”
“What are you saying? That I’m asking for it? Is that it? That I’ve brought this upon myself? That’s not very fucking P.C. of you, is it, Mom?”
“You can watch your language when you’re talking to me. I don’t appreciate being sworn at.”
I suppress an eye roll. “I’m not swearing at you. And I’m not going to stop my relationships with any of them, either, so you can get that thought out of your head. I love them, and they love me.”
She scoffs. “They’re just saying what you want to hear so they can get into your panties.”
The words hit hard, and she’s making me feel cheap, but I don’t let them take hold and sink deep because I don’t believe that for one second. She has no idea how difficult it is for any of them to admit they have feelings for another person. They’d never say they loved someone if they didn’t mean it. They each had walls built so high, I never thought someone could get over them, but I have. They’ve let me in, and I refuse to believe it’s all just an act.
I’m resolute. “You’re wrong. We have something special.”
She drags her hand through her hair and then covers her face, shaking her head. “My God, I thought your time with Professor Kassell might have taught you to be a little more suspicious of men, but instead it’s like you’ve become even dumber.”
How can she say that? I understand that I’ve dropped a true bombshell on her, but sometimes she says the most hurtful things. She’s been worse since she’s been with Nataniele, as if some of him is rubbing off on her.
Tears fill my eyes. “I’m not dumb, Mom.”
“Well, it most likely won’t be your choice, anyway. There’s no way Nataniele is going to allow this kind of thing going on beneath his roof.”
I fold my arms across my chest. “Then we’ll leave.”
She scoffs. “And go where? You’re just kids.”
“No, we’re not. We’re all in our twenties. We’re adults, and we can do as we please.”
For the first time, I see doubt in her eyes. She’s always had such control over my life. I used to think we were so close—like best friends, or even sisters—but now I wonder if a part of her liked that I was so dependent on her. Maybe she liked that I was sick and that I needed her. Has she made me this way?
“You can’t stand it, can you, Mom? That I’ve found people who want to support me? You wanted to be the only person in my life I needed. You couldn’t even stand Dad being in my life, so you had him killed.” I know as soon as those words are out, I can never take them back, but it’s not as if she’s not said terrible things to me, too.
I have the awful thought that Nataniele might go the same route—but for different ends. Perhaps he’ll be so horrified at the thought of the four of us and the shame he imagines it will bring that he’ll get rid of Tino and Kirill so they’re not part of this. The situation would be less horrifying, I suppose, if it was just Dom and me. But then I remember that still won’t change the fact that Dom and I will one day be stepbrother and stepsister. Plus, Nataniele has witnessed the might of Tino’s army for himself. He’d be a fool to bring that kind of wrath down on his head.
No, the only thing that will work is if Nataniele somehow convinces Dom not to see me anymore.
How will he do that? Through violence and fear. It’s the only way. I’m one hundred percent sure Dom won’t give me up voluntarily.
“How can you say that?” Mom cries.
A tear spills down my cheek. “I need you to leave now.” This is too painful, and I can’t do it anymore. Not right now. I need to be able to think clearly, and she’s making me feel like trash.
She purses her lips and stares me down. “Not until you promise me that you’re not going to see those boys anymore.”
“They’re not boys, Mom, they’re men, and you’re going to be waiting a very long time, because that’s never happening.”
It’s like we’re breaking apart all over again. First Kirill is acting strangely with us—unsurprisingly, considering what happened—and now this? Maybe she’s right and we have no future, but even if that is the case, I’ll keep fighting for us, right to the very end.
“I mean it, Mom. Go. And you can tell Nataniele that what I do in my personal life is none of his business. I’m not frightened of him.”
She opens her mouth to protest, but I point at the door. “Now.”
For once, she takes me seriously. Shaking her head, she leaves my room.
I cover my face with my hands and gulp back a sob. I need to hold it together. Nataniele is going to come down hard on Dom, and Dom’s going to need our support.