Chapter Twenty-Five
“How did we end up with the evening alone?” I ask Walker as I lie on his chest, staring at the ceiling.
I had a long day at work. We lost one of our resident gorillas.
It was a huge deal, so I had to deal with the circus of the media reporting on it.
Instead of going home, I sent what I call the “Esme signal” in the group chat.
Walker responded quickly. That’s how I found myself in his bed, soaking in the silence.
His hand is playing with my hair, making me feel relaxed. It’s what I needed after a long day.
I could stay right here for the rest of my life. Well, if the other two were here with me too.
“Hudson and Levi had to go on a run. We used to do them together, but now that we have you, we always want to leave someone back to take care of you. I was the lucky one this time.”
I turn over, smiling up at him. “You know I don’t need a constant babysitter, right? Like I can do things by myself.”
He cups my cheek. “Of course you can. You’re an independent woman. Strong and capable. That doesn’t mean we don’t want to take care of you. You’re our girl. We will always make decisions with you in mind now. That’s the reality of your life now.”
“I want to be mad at that, but it’s refreshing. I spent my whole life alone, pretty much. Even with Troy, I never felt like I belonged. Here I do.”
He leans down, pressing a kiss to my forehead. “I’m sorry you were so lonely.”
I shrug. “It’s the hand I was dealt. I was born to a drug-addicted mother who wanted her next hit more than the baby she carried to term.
The withdrawals made me so fussy that no one wanted to adopt me.
Growing up with no one wanting you makes you real quick to learn to rely on yourself.
I think that’s why I dated Troy as long as I did.
He was the first constant thing in my life.
In hindsight, there were red flags, but I ignored them because I was so desperate to be loved. ”
“Is that what you are doing with us? Ignoring red flags?”
I shake my head. “I haven’t found any red flags with any of you.
Even the sharing thing was only a yellow until I made it a green.
I needed to be sure it was what I wanted and I could handle the fallout from it.
The truth is, I think it takes all three of you to fill the holes left from my childhood.
I honestly can’t imagine being with one of you and not the others.
I wouldn’t feel complete. Does that make sense? ”
He nods. “My childhood was similar to yours, actually. I was given up at birth. Somehow I ended up in foster care. Those early years I don’t even know where I was or what happened to me, but I remember when I was seven I had a foster family that treated me well.
They would buy me things and take me places with them.
It was the first sense of family I had.”
He pauses, the emotion clear on his face. I pat his chest to comfort him.
“You don’t have to tell me.”
He shakes his head. “No, I want to. There are no secrets between me and the guys, and I don’t want any secrets between us either.”
“It’s not a secret if you are just not ready to talk about it,” I tell him.
He cups my cheek. “Waiting won’t make it any easier.”
I lean up, kissing his lips softly. When I pull back, he takes a deep breath.
“Not long after they took me in, my foster father would come to my bedroom at night to read me stories. It was always really late at night, but he would tell me it was because he had to work late and wanted to spend time with me. I was elated that he would go out of his way to spend time with me. I felt like I won the lottery. Until I didn’t.
The first time he touched my leg, it felt wrong, but I didn’t stop him.
Then he touched me where no adult should touch a child, and I knew the man was evil.
He didn’t get any further than that. I started acting out.
I lashed out and attacked him when his wife was there.
I knew she was a gentle woman, but she couldn’t handle my outbursts.
My social worker removed me from the home and put me in a group home.
She thought it would be a better environment for me to learn to control my anger.
No one even asked why a calm and timid child started losing his shit.
They all thought it was in my nature. They never even looked at the man. ”
My hand covers my mouth as tears leave my eyes.
“He could be out there doing the same thing to other children.” I gasp.
He pulls my face to his. “I killed him the moment I turned eighteen and no longer had to live in the group home. Levi helped me hide the body. Hudson knows about it too, but he was still stuck inside.”
“You didn’t get caught?”
He gives me a small smile. “We did, but not by the cops. We dumped the body near the Devil’s Den, thinking they would be blamed.
Zade caught us and brought us to his father.
He said he wanted us to be part of his clan instead.
He even took Hudson along when he was released. It’s how we got into this shit.”
“Do you regret it?”
“Absolutely not. That man needed to die, and even if I didn’t agree with the way the club was run before, it’s a club I’m proud to be in now.”
“Hudson said that you were an angry kid and they had to pester you to get you to join their group.”
His face softens. “I was angry. I thought I had a good home, and it was ripped away from me. They did try to talk to me at first, and I ignored them. You’ve met Hudson, though.
He is persistent. After a month, I found myself laughing at his antics.
Then I sought them out instead of the other way around.
I guess they filled something inside me like we do for you. ”
I sit up, moving to straddle him, and hands fall to my hips.
“You are loveable. You are wanted. I…I love you, Walker.”
I swallow hard, not sure why I said it, but knowing he needed to hear it.
Now I wait and see if I ruined everything.
“You are loveable. You are wanted. I…I love you, Walker.”
The words are balm to my soul.
“I love you, Esme,” I tell her honestly. “You walked into that bar and irrevocably changed who we were as a unit. You make us better. You give us purpose.”
She lets out a relieved breath. “I’ve been feeling it for a while, but that’s the first time I’ve said it. I was hoping I wasn’t jumping the gun.”
I shake my head. “Never. You are always free to speak your mind with us. It will never change anything.”
Leaning up, I cup her cheek before kissing her lips. She kisses me back softly.
“Esme, you’ve seen me with Levi. You know I don’t do it gently. If you never want to have sex with me, that’s okay,” I tell her, needing her to know that I can live without sex.
I can’t live without her.
“What are you talking about? Of course I want to have sex with you. I figured maybe you didn’t want to have sex with me since you never initiated it. I didn’t want to push any boundaries you were setting.” She looks at me shyly.
“I didn’t want to push you into having sex with me and losing control. Sex is an emotional release for me. Sometimes when I’m really angry, I can even hurt Levi during sex. I don’t ever want to do that to you.”
She frowns. “I know I look like a pixie to you, but I’m not breakable. I can handle it. All I want is all of you. That is, if you are willing to give it to me.”
I swallow hard. Am I? Absolutely, but I meant what I said. I would die if I hurt her.
“You have me. All of me.”
I’ll hold back even if it kills me.
She presses her lips to mine. When her tongue sneaks out to lick my lips, I suck it into my mouth. She moans into me, her hips moving over me. My hands fall to her hips, holding her loosely.
This is the woman of my dreams. No matter what issues I have, I will take care of her.
“I’m going to get naked now. I expect you to do the same,” Esme says as she pulls back from me.
I watch as she stands, stripping herself bare for me. It doesn’t take me long to shred my gray sweats and T-shirt, my cock hard and ready for her. She smiles at me as she climbs back into the bed, lying next to me.
“You’re quite big. I think we will need some prep work,” she whispers to me.
I smile down at her. She’s taken both of my brothers without issue, but she’s not wrong. I have at least two inches on them and more girth than the both of them. It’s going to stretch her out good.
“Let me get to work then.”
I kiss down her body, but she stops me.
“No. No one-sided shit today. Lie back down.”
I do as she asks, interested to see where she is going with this. When she turns around so her head is by my throbbing cock before putting a knee on either side of my head, I know I’m in for something good. She’s going to suffocate me, and I fucking love it.
“Is this okay? Am I too heavy?” she asks, looking back at me.
My response is to grab her hips and pull her pussy right into my face.
“Oh,” she gasps out.
Yeah, Pixie. I can take all you’ve got.
She doesn’t hesitate to take my cock into her mouth. I take that as my permission to eat her until I’m content. I hope she’s ready for multiples because I’m not coming up for air anytime soon.
At first, I don’t penetrate her. I want her wet and ready for what I plan to give her.
Only a taste of what it will be like. I swirl my tongue around her clit, putting pressure right where she wants it.
She grinds down on me, wanting more pressure.
Sucking her clit into my mouth, I give it to her.
She moans around my cock, making me groan against her.
My little pixie knows how to use her mouth.
I keep my mind on her, though. On making her come on my tongue at least once before I stretch her pussy out to get it ready for my cock.
She cries out several minutes later, the vibrations on my cock almost too much. She pulls off of me, resting her head on my thigh. I don’t let her rest, though.