Chapter 13
Chapter Thirteen
TOBIAS
Movement to my left catches my eye, and when I turn my head, Rebecca’s leaning against the door frame with the oddest look on her face. Isla follows my gaze, then clambers off my lap and runs to her mother.
“There you are.” Rebecca drops to a crouch and draws her daughter into a hug. “I was worried.”
“That’s my fault,” I say, grimacing. “She just appeared. I should have called you or sent someone to let you know she was safe.”
The tension around her eyes eases. “It’s okay. I’m overprotective.”
“That’s understandable.” I gesture to the row of chairs around the table, grateful we’re alone.
I like the idea of it being the three of us.
Kind of like a real family—one I truly never thought I’d have.
The more I think about Xan’s idea of marriage to Rebecca, the more I realize it’s the perfect solution for both of us.
Rebecca sits down and lifts Isla onto her lap, but the little girl squirms and points at me.
She points at me.
“Do you want to sit with Tobias?” Rebecca asks.
Isla nods.
And my heart… it squeezes so tight, I almost stop breathing. I love this little girl so much already.
I hold out my arms. Rebecca puts her on the floor, and Isla runs to me. I hoist her up, glancing over the top of her head at Rebecca, who’s wearing this soft smile, pressing a hand to her throat.
“She adores you.”
“It’s mutual. She’s incredible, and that’s down to you.” I cut up Isla’s pancake, then hand her the fork. She stabs a strawberry, then a slice of pancake, and shovels it into her mouth, grinning the entire time.
“Good?”
She gives me the thumbs up before she digs in again.
I could do this every morning for the rest of my life and die a happy man.
Whether that’s my future or not depends on Rebecca.
I’m desperate to ask her if she’s thought anymore about the marriage idea, but I don’t want to push, to scare her away.
She deserves to have the time to think it through and make sure it’s what she truly wants.
It’s a fucking big step, and one she shouldn’t take lightly.
“Do you want—?”
“Hi, Isla, Rebecca.” Saskia strolls in, reaching over my shoulder to grab an almond croissant and kissing the top of Isla’s head. “I love your pajamas.”
Isla beams at her, then points to the croissant.
“Oh, you want some?” Eager nodding ensues. Saskia tears the croissant in half and hands a piece to Isla. She takes it from her.
“Isla, say thank you,” Rebecca nudges.
Isla sticks her thumb in the air; a response I’ve noticed is her way of saying thanks. She nibbles at the croissant, scattering crumbs over my suit.
“Isla, be careful!”
“Don’t worry about crumbs.” I brush them onto the floor. “It’s just a suit. It’ll clean.”
Rebecca’s eyes glaze over, as if my reply has taken her to a different time and place. I’d wager good money that her arsehole dead husband would have crashed out over a bit of grease on his suit.
“Hey, why don’t I take Isla for a bit so you two can talk?” Saskia stares pointedly at me. Great. She knows about the wedding idea. “Only if you’re okay with that, Rebecca.”
I expect Rebecca to refuse. She’s rightly overprotective of Isla, and we are, to all intents and purposes, still relative strangers to them both.
“Would you mind?”
I wrinkle my forehead, surprised at Rebecca agreeing. Shows what I know.
“Of course not. We’ll have fun, won’t we, Isla?” Saskia holds out her hand, and I lift Isla down. She tucks her hand inside Saskia’s and skips from the room with her.
“I didn’t think you’d say yes.”
Rebecca smiles. “It’s never easy to let her out of my sight, but your family is terrific, Tobias. You’re lucky to have them all. Plus, if Isla wasn’t comfortable going off with Saskia, I’d have known.”
She’s right, I am lucky to have my family. I don’t tell them nearly enough, preferring to show my affection through humor, but they know.
“Have you thought anymore about therapy?”
“Yes. For Isla, I mean. I… I’d like to take you up on the offer.”
“For Isla, and yourself?”
“Just her.”
“Rebecca. You need it as much as she does. More so, maybe.”
“I don’t want to owe you.”
I dab my mouth with a napkin and set it on the table.
“I understand where you’re coming from. It’s hard to accept help from others, especially financially.
But sometimes we have to put our pride to one side and do what’s best for ourselves and not just what’s best for others.
Putting Isla first is natural, but this isn’t an either/or situation.
And, in case you were wondering, my offer isn’t predicated on whether you accept my marriage proposal.
I made the suggestion before Xan broached the idea, and it stands, regardless. ”
Her jaw tightens. She studies my face like she’s searching for the catch. “Why are you being nice to me?”
“Don’t you think you deserve kindness?”
She blinks. “Well, yes, but you’re a stranger.”
“And strangers can’t show kindness to one another?”
“Most strangers I’ve ever known would only be kind as a means to an end. A way to get what they want.” Her eyes flicker to mine, then pull away. “And for all I know, you could be the same.”
Her answer shows me just how privileged my life is. Yes, we’ve suffered loss and heartbreak, but we’re a family who band together, who have each other’s backs. Rebecca’s had no one. Until now.
“I see how, from your perspective, I could be the same. But like I’ve said before, I won’t defend myself with words.
I’ll let my actions speak for me.” I angle my head to one side.
“I want you and Isla to be comfortable at Oakleigh. To treat this place like your home for as long as you’re here.
” I’m leading her, hoping she’ll pick up the thread of the conversation and tell me what she’s thinking regarding marriage.
“When I woke and Isla wasn’t in her bed, I panicked.
Then I came here and saw her with you, smiling, happy, relaxed.
It occurred to me that I’ve never seen my child so comfortable with anyone other than me.
Not Marcus, not Felicity or Preston. Not even our babysitter who Isla adored. And then you said the magic word.”
I trawl my memories, coming up empty. “What did I say?”
“Safe. You said she was safe, and she is. She wouldn’t have sat on your lap if she didn’t feel safe.”
“I’m glad.” My gaze lingers on her. Say it. Say you’ll—
“Okay, I’ll marry you,” she blurts.
I slow blink. I misheard that, right? “Say that again.”
“I’ll marry you. To protect Isla and get the La Salles off my back, I’ll do it. And I’ll go to therapy. But there are rules.”
“Anything.” I’m drowning in relief. Until this moment, I hadn’t fully acknowledged just how much I wanted her to say yes. How much I needed her to say yes. It solves a colossal problem I’d have had to face sooner or later, and helps me to keep my club.
“You said you have no interest in anything physical with me. Were you telling the truth?”
“Yes. Like I said, I’ll tell you the truth unless there is a reason I can’t. And when that happens, it won’t be through bloody mindedness or trying to trick you in some way or hide something from you.”
I wonder if she’ll bring up the gay thing again. I didn’t deny it when she raised it yesterday, and I won’t deny it this time, either. Not if the idea of me being gay makes her feel more comfortable.
Besides, I don’t know what I am, only that the idea of intimacy with anyone, man or woman, makes me feel physically ill. Has made me physically ill on the occasions I’ve tried it. These days, I don’t bother. I’ve accepted myself for who I am, faults and all.
“Okay, here are the rules. Isla comes first. Always. Whatever she needs takes priority.”
“Couldn’t agree more.”
“I’d like a trust fund set up for her, so she won’t ever have to worry about money. I’m sorry if that makes me sound mercenary, but it’s non-negotiable.”
“Done, and you’re not being mercenary, you’re being sensible. Next.”
Her eyebrows twitch, a brief frown making an appearance as though she expected a battle and I handed her the victory.
“I would like to earn money of my own so I can be financially independent, too. I don’t know what that looks like right now, but I never want to find myself weakened again because I don’t have access to funds.”
“That’s fine by me. But until you figure out what you’d like to do and start earning, I would like to financially support whatever you need.”
She pauses for a few seconds. “Okay, I can live with that as long as you let me pay you back over time.”
I withhold a sigh. She is so prideful. It’s an admirable trait, but damn, she’s stubborn. “If you wish.”
“Rule four. If you ever raise a hand to Isla or me, or scare or upset my daughter in any way, I’m gone.”
I can’t hide the shock on my face, my jaw slackening. “I can assure you I would never raise a hand to you or Isla.”
“I just wanted to make that clear.”
The trauma this woman has suffered at the hands of that fucking bastard stirs something inside me. A kindling rage that simmers beneath my skin, looking for an accelerant. Not at her or Isla, though. Never at them.
“I’m sorry you felt the need to point that out. I am glad you felt able to, though.”
A flicker of surprise drifts across her face. “You’re right. I did.” She frowns again, then shakes her head slightly as though she’s trying to work through a complex problem.
“Rule five,” she continues. “Always be honest with each other. This may not be a real marriage in the conventional sense, but honesty is important to me. That doesn’t mean I want you to share your private thoughts or experiences, but if I ask you a direct question, I want you to answer with integrity. And I will do the same for you.”
“Agreed in principle. There might be occasions where I can’t tell you what you want to know for security or family or other reasons, but if that is the case, I won’t lie. I will tell you that I’d rather not say and share my reasoning.”
“That seems fair.”