Chapter 17 #2
Applause breaks out as the three of us make our way into the house.
It’s both embarrassing and kind of sweet.
I’d always imagined the super rich to be standoffish with their staff, maybe even a little cruel.
Yet I haven’t seen any evidence of a single De Vil treating the staff members with anything other than respect and, in some cases, friendship.
It backs up what I read about Tobias and his family when I researched them.
Raucous laughter and conversation fill the formal dining room as we sit down to a delicious lunch. Any awkwardness I might have felt melts away. I’m a part of this. I’m actually a part of a loving family for the first time in my life.
I can hardly believe it.
As the dessert dishes are cleared away, Isla yawns for the third straight time. All the excitement of the day must be catching up to her.
“I’m going to take Isla upstairs for a nap.” I push back my chair and pick her up. “Would you like to come with me and help put her to bed?”
Tobias nods. “I’d love to, if that’s okay with you?”
“Of course it’s okay. You’re her family now.”
Based on his reaction, I could not have given him a better compliment. He tosses his napkin on the table and gets up. “Dad, we’re off. Isla’s tired.”
“No problem, son.” Charles brandishes a half-drunk glass of champagne in the air. “To your health, both of you. Welcome to the family, Rebecca.”
We say our goodbyes, and Tobias carries Isla upstairs. As soon as she’s tucked into bed, she promptly falls asleep. We stand there watching over her, the silence comforting rather than heavy.
“Can I ask you something?” I whisper.
“Of course.”
“Do you want children of your own one day? And if so, how will that work?” It’s probably a discussion we should have had before I said my vows. There’s no chance of conceiving naturally. The idea of intimacy makes me physically sick, and I know he feels the same.
“I would, yes, but only if you’re willing. As for how, there’s IVF, or even adoption if you don’t want to carry another child. It’s completely up to you. It could be nice for Isla to have a little brother or sister one day, though.”
Yeah, it would. Marcus despised being a father. He made it clear a couple of months after Isla was born that he didn’t want anymore kids, which, in hindsight, was a good thing. The poor soul would’ve been one more person for Marcus to torture.
“I think I’d like that. One day.”
“Only when you’re ready. We’re both young. There’s plenty of time.”
I peer up at him.
“What?” he asks.
“Why are you so nice to me?”
His eyes briefly close, and when they open, they’re swimming with an emotion I can’t place. He rubs a hand over his lips and gives a small shake of his head, then glances at Isla. She’s out for the count.
“If your husband wasn’t dead, I’d kill him with my bare hands. You deserve kindness, compassion, and so much more, Rebecca. You are worthy of all those things.”
I don’t feel worthy. I feel like an empty husk.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, ducking my head. “I don’t mean to keep asking the same question over and over. You’re probably fed up with me.”
He scrapes a hand through his hair. “Please listen to me and truly hear me. I’m not fed up with you.
I won’t get fed up with you. You don’t need to apologize to me.
Ask as many questions as you need to, even if you’ve asked them before.
I know trust will take time to build, but I hope that one day, you can trust me not to hurt you, because I won’t.
Ever. You’re safe with me. Safe from harm, from abuse, from fear.
I promise I’ll show you that every day until you believe it in your heart. ”
He smiles, lips closed. “You and I are such similar souls, Rebecca. The only difference is you know why you’re the way you are. I’m not there yet. Not sure I ever will be.” He shrugs.
“You mean the touching thing?”
His lips clamp shut, like he’s realized he’s shared too much.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
His nostrils flare as he draws a deep breath. “The idea of intimate skin-to-skin contact is”—he shudders—“abhorrent. Nauseating. The worst thing that could ever happen to me.”
“Was it always like that?”
“For as long as I can remember, yeah.” He takes another look at Isla, then jerks his chin at her door. “Let’s leave her to sleep. I don’t want our chatter waking her up.”
I look at her one last time, brush a thick curl off her forehead, then follow Tobias into the living room.
“Would you like something to drink?” he asks.
“I’m good. I’m all champagned out.” I kick off my shoes and sit on the couch.
“Would you prefer it if I left you alone?”
“No, I’d like you to stay. If you want to.”
“I want to.” He sits next to me on the couch. “I wish I could explain my situation more, except I don’t understand it myself.”
He stands up, takes off his jacket, and tosses it over the back of the sofa.
“Over the years, I’ve tried dating men and women, but the intimacy problems remained the same no matter who I was with.
Eventually, I just stopped trying. That’s when the idea of The Lair came to me.
That place saved my sanity in more ways than I can count. ”
“So… you’re not gay?”
His thumb plays with a loose thread on his cuff. “I think sexuality is more fluid than the labels society puts on us.” He shrugs. “I could be gay. I could be straight. I could be bisexual or asexual. All I know is the person doesn’t matter. It’s the touch I can’t bear.”
“I’m so sorry.”
He meets my gaze. “I have never told a single soul what I just told you.”
“No one? Not even your family?”
“Especially my family. To them, I’m the prankster, the one who makes inappropriate jokes, the man who sails through life without a care in the world.
I’d like it to stay that way, too. You see, this is why I think we’re well matched.
We’ve both got missing pieces.” One corner of his mouth lifts.
“Maybe together, we can find them and heal.”
It's the most serious I’ve ever seen him for a stretch of time. “Have you thought about therapy?”
“Is yours helping you?”
I consider his question while staring at my hands, twisting the new gold band around my finger.
“At first, I was doubtful, but these last couple of sessions…” A small nod, as if I’m confirming it to myself.
“I feel as though I’m making improvements, learning to forgive myself, putting the blame where it deserves to be.
It isn’t easy, nor is it a quick fix, but I do believe she’s helping. ”
“That’s good.”
“You should think about it.”
He rests his head against the back of the couch, eyes on the ceiling. “Yeah, maybe. Maybe.”
Silence ensues, comfortable rather than tense. I revel in the peace for a few minutes.
“Thank you for trusting me with something so personal.”
“I do trust you. I also meant every word of my vows. Over time, I think we can build something special. We already have a solid foundation, which is more than most.”
“I don’t even trust myself, let alone anyone else. Once, I thought Marcus was a good man.” My laugh is sharp like vinegar. “I don’t exactly have stellar instincts.”
“Or you were duped by a vile narcissist. Give it time. It’ll come.”
“Jane said the same thing.”
“Then, Jane is a smart woman.” He reaches for his jacket, pulling an envelope from the inside pocket. “I have something for you. A wedding present.”
“A present?” I clap my hands to my cheeks. “Oh, my God, was I supposed to buy you something? How awful of me. I didn’t even think.”
“Relax. I didn’t expect anything.” He hands me the envelope.
I frown. “What is it?”
“A car.”
I narrow my eyes. “Very funny.”
He flashes a grin. “Just open it.”
My hands tremble as I slide a thumb underneath the seal. Inside is a single sheet of paper. I take it out and unfold it.
The message is short and to the point. The judge has thrown out the custody case brought by Felicity. I read it three times just to make sure.
It falls from my fingers and lands in my lap. Relief hits me all at once. The fear that had dogged my every waking moment for weeks dissolves, leaving behind something so unfamiliar, it takes me a beat to recognize it. Peace. Isla is mine, always has been, and now, thanks to Tobias, always will be.
“It’s over,” I whisper.
“Yep.” Tobias takes my hand and squeezes.
It’s the first time he’s properly touched me other than when we shook hands on our arranged marriage, and I wait for him to flinch, except he doesn’t.
He holds on tighter. “It arrived right before I set off for the chapel. I wanted to wait until we were alone to give it to you. I hope you don’t think badly of me for waiting until now. ”
“Badly? Are you kidding me? It’s the best gift ever. Thank you, Tobias. I can’t express how grateful I am.”
“I’m sorry it took as long as it did. Sometimes the wheels of justice move slowly, even for us.”
I grin. “Felicity must be furious.”
“She can be as furious as she likes. She rolled the dice and lost.”
“And there’s no chance of her filing another motion?”
“No.”
He says it so matter-of-factly, whereas I’m sitting here with my head spinning, with an urge to scream at the top of my lungs.
“I was thinking, do you want to maybe go away somewhere for a few days? You, me, and Isla.”
“Like… a honeymoon?”
He shrugs. “Yeah, why not? Just because this is a marriage of convenience doesn’t mean we can’t follow some conventions.”
“I’ve never had a holiday.” Excitement circles my stomach. “Where were you thinking?”
“How about Cornwall? My family owns a cottage on the coast.”
Sounds idyllic. A cozy cottage with low beamed ceilings and an overstuffed couch set in front of a roaring fire. “I’d really like that.”
“I’ll arrange it. I have some meetings I can’t get out of this week, but how about traveling next Sunday? Traffic will be light then.”
“Perfect.”
He gets to his feet. “I’ll leave you to get some rest. It’s been a long day.
” He makes his way to the door, pausing with his hand on the doorknob.
“I’ve always known I’d never have a proper marriage, and I worried how I’d square the circle when my time to marry came.
Yet with you, I find myself rather sad that this isn’t real and can’t ever be real. ”
He leaves before I can respond. Not that I'd know what to say. But sitting here alone, I have to admit there's a part of me that's sad this isn't real, too.