Chapter 9
Patience.
I'd lived my whole life with spades of it, and now, when I needed it most, it caught like dust in my throat.
The object of my frustration glided out of the dressing room, meeting Adelaide in front of the mirror.
The boutique was quiet, but the girls' chatter made it lively, as did Ray's unwanted interjections.
He feigned interest in Adelaide's tight skirt and flowy silk top, but his gaze tracked Lara with a hunger I knew intimately. It growled in my heart as well.
"What do you think?" Lara swayed her hips, staring at her reflection with a playful wink.
She looked so beautiful, and Ray stole the words out of my mouth.
"Stunning. I hope you're not buying that for someone else. I'll get jealous." He grinned, sharp and teasing.
The sight of them together made my hands curl into fists. They looked good, two dark, lithe statues. I glared at Ray. It was unfair that such indolence wore such a handsome face. Lara let out a tinkling laugh, and the slit of her dress revealed the line of her lean, athletic thigh.
I should have kissed her that day at my apartment. I should have admitted my attraction on Adelaide's birthday. But I'd been too afraid of crossing a line, and now it was too late.
I missed my chance.
There wasn't space for me in her world. I wasn't going to push my way in, like Bernice advised.
She might not approve of Lara, but she wanted me happy.
What was the use? Lara and Ray traded sharp barbs and teasing jokes.
He was supposed to be dating Adelaide, but if anyone looked closely enough, they would see he only had eyes for Lara.
What right did I have to the inexplicable emptiness as I watched them orbit around each other?
I stayed the same way as always, in the shadows. Impotent frustration crawled underneath my skin. I couldn't give her what she needed. Flirting, banter, and humor. That wasn't my nature.
"I'll be at the restaurant you're taking Adelaide to tonight. A guy from my gym asked me out," Lara replied, and my lungs emptied on a rough exhale.
Too late to stifle. Adelaide snorted, tossing me an unreadable look before she ducked into the change room again. Lara followed, her expression pinched, but Ray grabbed her arm.
"A date?" His smile was scary, too many teeth for charm. His dark eyes narrowed to slits as he flicked the diamond pendant around her neck. "What about this?"
Lara jerked herself out of his hold as I took a few steps forward.
She didn't need my protection. She didn't need me at all.
But I couldn't help myself. Being close to her was agony.
I watched what I could never have because my foolish tongue stayed trapped in silent misery.
Forced to watch the woman I loved for months fall for a man I hated.
Ray'd been given everything on a silver platter and tossed it all on the ground.
He didn't deserve her. Neither did I, but I wasn't focused on the hypocritical wrench in my stomach right now.
I was used to not getting what I wanted.
When I was ten, I asked my mom if we could turn the spare room into a place to store the collectible cars my dad left me in his will.
She refused, saying her boyfriend wanted it to set up his gaming system.
"It was a gift. I never agreed to anything else," Lara said.
The diamond necklace was elegant and suited her slender neck. She slid a look at me, and air rushed out of my lungs again. I couldn't afford to shower her with expensive gifts, even if I wanted to. Did she crave that kind of lifestyle?
"It was a promise. Do you think I would take just anyone too—" Ray bit off through clenched teeth.
Lara fingered the necklace, turning the clasp to the front. I'd never seen the Donato heir like this. Unraveled and knotted.
"Your secrets are safe with me, but I can't offer you anything." Her voice was a scrape.
I watched in fascination as Ray dashed her hands, stopping her from unlatching the chain. My stomach churned at the sight of them. They were so locked in tension they didn't even notice me watching. What would they look like locked in an embrace?
Where had that thought come from? It skittered back into the shadows as I shook my head.
"You're supposed to be my date, Ray. Can't you pretend to find me attractive?" Adelaide pouted as she came out in a pink jumpsuit.
It clung to her curvy figure. Ray bit his fist and staggered back a few steps. The charming actor once more.
"That's the one." He brushed off her reproachful glare with a practiced smile. "That color was made for you."
Adelaide stared at her reflection, and I knew at least one of her exes was outside watching her.
I think deep down she knew it too, and she turned her hips and posed as if they were watching.
She was safe in the boutique, so I followed Lara into the change room area.
I wanted to make sure she was alright, no other reason.
Friends did that, didn't they?
"Is Raimondo bothering you?" I asked her bluntly.
Lara regarded me with a tilted head.
"Do you have a problem with me flirting with Ray, Jonah?" Her tone sliced through the tendons in my knee, and I faltered.
Sometimes I wondered if the Lara I was obsessed with was a mirage. There was so much she kept hidden. I could sense it shifting and hiding from my knowing gaze.
I wanted to tell her the truth.
Seeing her with him made me want to smash glass and let the shards bite away the useless jealousy that simmered in my stomach.
But that would mean admitting I wanted her as well.
There was no point. I couldn't compete with Ray.
My best friend was a seventy-year-old woman, and my apartment was lonely, no matter how many plants I added.
It didn't feel like a home. I'd never grown up with one of those.
I didn't know how to make one of my own.
Lara had seen what I had to offer. And she couldn't get away fast enough.
"It's your life." I replied, and her shoulders dropped.
I cursed my reticence as she turned away. Everything I wanted to say clung to the roof of my mouth.
"What are you two whispering about?" Ray leaned between us.
Lara pulled back the curtain and arched an eyebrow. There was a challenge in her gaze that only amused Ray, and the way they communicated without words made my stomach twist.
"None of your business," Lara sniffed, and Ray caught the curtain in his hand, stopping her from locking us out. His eyes flashed with something like malice.
"I'm glad you finally told Jonah what was going on with your ex. You know he'll notice if he sees a violent, abusive stalker tracking you."
A jolt of energy rolled down my spine, especially when Lara reared back with a hiss.
Ray's expression was sharp, and it didn't soften.
"That was petty," she whispered, avoiding my searching gaze.
"What is he talking about?" My voice was gruffer than I expected.
Lara tried to close the curtain in our faces, but I muscled my way into the small cubicle and caged Lara against the wall.
Heat coursed through my veins. Ray squeezed in with us, and his low chuckle brought a slash of fury to Lara's cheeks.
Her chest heaved with quiet indignation.
It would have been so easy for her to call out to Adelaide for rescue. But she didn't.
"Lara." I used my weight to pin her to the wall.
She tried to wait me out with haughty indifference, but I pressed my nose close to her neck, taking a deep breath of her vanilla scent. Ray's peppery cologne layered on top made it sweet with bite. A smile with teeth.
"Just tell him." Ray needled, and my jaw burned as he reached out and trailed his fingers down Lara's jaw.
He could touch her so easily.
"Tell me what?" I turned her chin in my direction and gave Lara no choice but to look at me.
Her chest heaved against my solid one, and her mouth opened once, twice, three times. It clicked shut and flattened when Ray let out a frustrated sigh. If her eyes were knives, I would have been in ribbons by now.
"It's nothing," she mumbled, tacking on a blistering glare at Ray.
Her lips formed a thin line, and I wanted to pry them open and wrench out a confession. I was very good at using violence, but I didn't want to hurt Lara. Something else bothered me.
"You don't trust me?" My heart clenched at the thought.
Her jaw ticked, and a soft sigh puffed against my cheek.
"You're Adelaide's man, Jonah, and I don't want her worrying about this."
"I'm your man too, Lara." In more ways than one.
She was close enough to kiss, but there was a distance wedged between us.
It shrank at my confession. The words shocked me as well.
I'd pledged my loyalty to Antoni Orazio years ago, and I'd never wavered.
He took a desperate teenager off the street and gave him a chance.
I'd never let the Orazio family regret taking me in.
Loyalty had almost the same warmth as love, didn't it?
Ray made a low whistle and locked his arm around my shoulders.
"Well, isn't this cute? I didn't know you had a crush on Lara as well."
I ignored Ray, even as heat crept up my neck.
"Tell me, Lara, I'll protect you. I promise not to tell Adelaide."
The idea seemed inconceivable. Adelaide had been my number one since her father trusted me with her protection. But I knew intrinsically that whatever Lara asked of me, I would do. Especially if it meant I could be the one she turned to rather than Ray.
"Things ended badly with an ex. He sent some nasty messages when I didn't respond to him." She lifted one shoulder. "Ray insisted on poking his nose in, but it's nothing."
"What?" I hissed through churning rage, knowing I needed to pull back.
But I couldn't, not with Lara flattened between the wall and my bulk. Ray let out another of his unserious laughs, head jerking up as Adelaide called for him.
"Don't lose your temper, big guy. Deep breaths, yeah?" He clapped a hand on my shoulder, and I snarled at him.