Chapter 11 #2
"Do you remember what I said to you earlier?"
"Our promise." Lara twisted the diamond necklace, and her forehead creased.
I was giving Lara whiplash, but I shoved the hurt deep down, knowing I had no choice.
This was for the best.
"Forget about it, alright? Date, fuck, love anyone you want. I'm not on the same level as you, and we both know it." I injected every inch of haughtiness I could.
Arrogance I'd once believed.
You're a million times better than I ever could be.
Lara tilted her head, and I waited as the push and pull of her reaction settled.
"You're confusing me here, Ray. Earlier, you wanted to rip my throat out before going on a date. But now you think you're better than me? There are bigger things going on right now, and we should stick together."
"I'm a Donato, and you're no one. I shouldn't have led you on, and I'm fixing that."
Her eyes narrowed, and I didn't miss the flash of hurt.
She walked into the kitchen and poured a glass of water.
Her shoulders hunched over the sink. I should have left, but I was hungry for one more moment with her.
From now on, I would have to look right through her, so I wouldn't attract the attention of my papa.
"Aren't you going to say anything?"
She put the glass down and rolled her eyes at me over her shoulder.
"If that's what you want."
My veins flooded with heat. No, it wasn't what I wanted.
If I had my choice, I'd bend her over the kitchen table and have my cock buried inside her.
But I knew my papa. Lara let out a sniff, and my control frayed.
I rounded the kitchen counter and pinned Lara to the bench.
She threw her ass back, like that would deter me.
"If that's what I want?"
Didn't she want me? Didn't we have something? My desire for Lara crumbled the walls I'd built since I was a child, and all she could say was, if that's what you want?
"Get off, Ray." Lara wriggled, and I wrapped my fingers around her jaw, yanking her head toward me.
"Someone tried to kill me tonight, and you know what I was thinking about? You. Your dress, your laugh, and your perfect fucking smile you directed at someone else. My necklace and how I wanted to choke you with it." My fingers tightened until her breath hitched.
"What do you want from me, Ray? I'm only agreeing with you."
The whites of her eyes were the opposite of surrender.
"We can't be anything to each other, got it? I shouldn't have come here." I said, my words incongruous with my actions.
The small, logical part of my brain screamed that none of this made sense, and I needed to back away.
But my fingers curled tighter. I didn't even know what I wanted, just that Lara's easy agreement was unacceptable.
I wanted her cells changed like mine were.
Lara should be unsteady, dizzy on her feet, like I was.
"Fine. We were nothing," she said through gritted teeth, and I let out a low snarl.
"Not fine."
"You're acting fucking insane right now."
"I know. I don't have a choice."
Her pulse pounded under my tight grip, and I slammed my lips onto hers. My tongue swept into her mouth, and the stiff set of her shoulders melted against mine. Her fingers fluttered at my hold underneath her jaw.
"Ray, Ray, stop—I don't have it in me to deal with this as well."
I whirled away and put the kitchen bench between us. Lara's hand covered where I'd held her at her throat. Trapping the desperation I'd marked her with.
"Do you feel something? When I kiss you?"
The idea of Lara being nonchalant tore me up inside. There was nothing but primal instinct. Lara sipped her water, a careful moment to catch her breath.
"Of course I do," she whispered. "But normally I don't kiss someone after they insult me and tell me to stay away from them."
I dropped my head as nausea rolled around my stomach.
"It's more than that, though, isn't it?"
Please don't let it be just me trapped in these emotions.
Not when I knew how sweet she tasted. Lara clicked her tongue, and her patience wavered with a frown. I didn't blame her. I was being a confusing asshole.
"Ray, I like you a lot more than I should." She chewed her bottom lip, and her gaze darkened with the weight of unsaid words.
The vise on my heart loosened, and I let out a shaky sigh. There was a roar in my ears, and my heartbeat pounded in time with it.
"Good, that's good," I muttered, shaking my head.
This was absurd. I'd come here to make sure Lara knew nothing would ever happen between us, and now I was begging her to give me hope.
"Is it?" Lara tossed her hands up. "You get me to admit I care for you and then you leave? I need you on my side more than ever, if you only knew."
I took a hard swallow. She wrapped her arms around her chest in my silence.
"No, it's not. But we can't do—" I waved a hand between us. "Whatever this is anymore. Don't call me. Don't call my papa. Understand?"
I moved to the door before I could see the look on her face. I didn't want to know what I would find there. Anger, hurt, confusion—I could deal with. Mine was churning in my stomach. But indifference? That would have me spinning on my heels to prove her wrong.
"You got it, Ray. Thanks for visiting." Lara's bitter words lashed over my shoulder like a whip, and I smothered a wince.
I looked back to see her hunched over the bench and signed what I wished I could say out loud.
I'm sorry.
Coming here hadn't calmed the storm in my chest. But I couldn't let myself dwell.
I had to go back to the hospital, back to Adelaide.
To pretend I was someone I wasn't. The only person I really wanted to be with, the one who had a peek at what was underneath my charming skin, was fuming in her kitchen, probably plotting how to cut off my balls.
And I didn't blame her one bit.