Chapter 15 #2
My throat tightened. How terrified she must have been, balancing between Ellington and The Unseen.
We’d failed her a thousand times. Beck and I shared a look as his jaw clenched tight.
A frisson of understanding passed through us.
Lyra didn’t have to face The Unseen on her own. Jonah, Beck, and I were a team.
Even if we never had her heart again, we’d always have her back.
“Let me deal with him.” Connall pulled a small blade from his pocket and twirled it. “I have some pent-up rage that needs letting out.”
“I’ll help,” Ellington offered, and bloodlust heated his smile.
Connall curled his lip, like a dog protecting its meal.
“My best work comes alone.” Connall stared daggers at the hostage.
Lyra pulled Ellington away, patting Connall on the shoulder as she passed.
“Let him do it. He can ask the questions we need to make sure we intercept that shipment.”
Connall took a step toward the hostage, letting out a hiss of laughter as the man stilled. He’d tried to fool us and he’d succeeded somewhat, but now his time was up, and he knew it. Who were these people? They were like machines.
I chewed my lip as I followed Lyra out of the room. Lyra talked Adelaide out of coming down to supervise.
“But I could—” Adelaide’s protests dissolved into a fit of coughs.
“Just rest up. Did you get the soup I sent? Let me know when you need more.”
Adelaide let out a noise that was a cross between pleasure and annoyance. The maternal nurturing warmed my chest. I couldn’t relate to that notion with my natural mother, but Carol fussed over me too. Adelaide hung up, and Lyra tucked her phone in her pocket with a sigh.
We followed her into the kitchen, like the sad little shadows we were. Ellington pushed through us, throwing his arms around Lyra’s shoulder and crowing until she pushed him off. The pit of my stomach boiled.
“What?” Ellington slid the three of us a sly look. “Don’t you like them angry?”
Lyra turned her back on him and grabbed a soda from the fridge. The crack of the tab was the only sound as we all waited for her reply. Her throat worked as she took a sip.
“Seriously?”
Ellington stifled a laugh and sauntered from the room with a wink. I slipped in next to Lyra and bumped my shoulder against hers. The acid in my stomach melted to warmth. Ellington couldn’t give her what we could. I shot a look at Beck and Jonah until they glued their asses to the seat.
“You sure you want to leave Connall alone with our only link?”
Lyra shrugged, twisting the ring tab until it popped off. I considered getting the half-eaten packet of cookies from the bench, but decided against it. Lyra wouldn’t soften with the sweetness of food, but she might with my touch. I danced my fingers over her upper thigh.
“You trust him that much?” Jonah asked.
Beck’s stony expression sharpened like a knife blade twisting in the light. I stroked Lyra’s thigh, pushing my luck.
“We’re taught not to make connections when we join The Unseen, especially when you’re in the field for missions.
Connall ran away from the person he loves, but the emotion, the weakness, still exists.
Ellington proved that to him a thousand times over, and I think it broke something in him.
If this helps Connall deal with his hurt, I’m all for it. ”
Beck ran his hand through his hair. I didn’t care about Connall, but I understood the terror of weakness.
That was why I took such pains to protect Tony and his family.
Lyra knew that, and she’d put herself on the line for me.
Ellington was a legitimate psychopath, and I wouldn’t have been able to sleep knowing he had the person I loved in the palm of his hand.
I’d tormented her instead. My fingers convulsed on her denim-encased thigh.
Lyra narrowed her gaze at me, shifting until my hand fell off. My skin tingled from the loss.
“What’s your excuse for chasing Beck?” I teased, covering my disappointment with a charming flash of teeth.
Pushing her was a mistake, but I couldn’t help myself.
“I told them our history.” Beck filled in as Lyra’s forehead creased.
“Bonding?” Her tone was snarky.
“I’m told it’s mandatory for brother beaus.” Beck arched a dark eyebrow.
If I weren’t so damn sure about my flawless looks, I would feel threatened by him. He was the picture of violent beauty. Lyra’s fingers toyed with the chain around her neck.
I’d been carrying it in my pocket since the first time she refused to take it.
Waiting for the right time to offer it again.
There was no perfect time to apologize or right way to make up for what I’d done.
That was what I realized when I pressed it into her hands.
Hope jagged against my bones that she’d take it.
My chest tightened as the diamond caught the light. She had. That meant something, didn’t it? I was going to earn my way back into Lyra’s life. This was the first glimmer that my wish might be attainable.
“I chased you because I wanted to,” Lyra answered my question after a beat of silence.
Beck’s jaw tightened.
“When my mom died, I felt more at home around the dark and dangerous. Beck was what I wanted to be, ruthless and intelligent, of course, but more importantly, cold. But I could never cut out my emotions like he could.”
Jonah covered a cough, widening his eyes over his palm. I could hear his thoughts from here. Those two stayed locked up so tight it was impossible to get anything out of them. I kicked my foot in Beck’s direction. He winced as I connected with his ankle.
Say something, you idiot. I narrowed my gaze at him.
“I was born cold. My family tried everything to fix me, even a six-month sabbatical overseas, where the humid warmth was supposed to make me playful. My parents gave up and even signed me over to the hospital. I don’t blame them.
But I spent two years being prodded with needles every day.
Blood taken, tests done. They wanted to know my limit and whether they could break me.
Whatever shred of humanity I might have had died in that place.
When The Unseen offered to recruit me, I was more than ready to be the evil one. Until I met you, Lyra.”
Lyra’s eyes drilled into the metallic shine of her can. But I could tell she listened by the coiled tension in her muscles.
“Something sparked inside me the minute you turned the lights off in that underground basement. My heart leaped into my throat, and I choked on a need I didn’t know how to deal with.
The only thing I knew was if I ever gave in to you, it would be the ruin of us both. ” Beck’s voice was low and gruff.
I knew he was fucked up, but that was on another level.
“How right you were.” Lyra twisted the necklace around her finger until it turned white.
Ugh, this wasn’t where I wanted this conversation to go. We were trying to reconcile, not prove to Lyra how ill-suited we were for each other.
“What does regret feel like?” Beck tilted his head.
“It’s chest-aching, stomach turning with iron and acid. Restless nights and nightmares. Your muscles coiled so tight you can’t stay still,” Jonah whispered.
We’d had intimate contact with regret. Our bones vibrated with it.
Beck’s voice was hoarse. “When I think about that night, it’s like fire being held to my heels and never having a breath that doesn’t taste like ash.”
Lyra sucked in a sharp breath, twisting the necklace hard enough that I was worried the delicate chain would snap. I reached out and disentangled her fingers.
“I like to see you wearing this again.” I changed the subject.
“It’s got a tracker in it,” Lyra sniffed. “If someone buries me in the ground again, I’d rather be found sooner.”
I laughed. What else could I do? This moment was pins and needles and hurt we couldn’t get away from. But underneath the words was honesty. Lyra might not know it, but we all needed that right now. What we had was built on lies. The more we talked about this, the quicker we would heal.
Beck pressed his chest with a ginger touch as a soft knowing smile toyed with his lips.
He knew it too.