Chapter 19 #2
Hadn’t I thought the same thing? When the dirt walls closed in around me, and I breathed worms and dust and terror.
It had been his command that sent me underground.
But the choking fear was nothing but a tattoo on my insides now.
A scar of my strength. Because I survived and I’d never be ruled by it again.
Not that I would thank Beck for it, because it didn’t absolve him.
But I knew the magnitude of his fear. Vomit-scented, heavy terror that hooked deep.
“Is this where you disappeared to?”
I wanted to know everything. Floodgates slammed open inside me, and everything I’d fought to hold back roared through.
“Yes.” He caught a tear as it dripped from my lash line. “I didn’t want you to think I was doing this to manipulate you. Don’t go soft on me. Stay angry, and hate me as long as you need to. I’m only in this position because I didn’t take care of your heart.”
I ached from my bones to my tight skin at the rawness in his tone. I’d never really given him a chance to love my heart the way he wanted. He’d craved me alone and punished me for making him share. Even if I could forgive him, could things ever change?
“What about Jonah and Ray?”
I expected him to pull back, scoff, and argue for his rightful place in my heart. The one he’d staked long before I’d met the other two. But he dropped a kiss on the crook of my neck instead.
“Let them love you, Lyra. Don’t lump their actions in with mine. Forgive them and let them care for you the way they long to.”
I jerked my head back, sucking in a breath thick with dust and blood.
“You want me to be with them?”
His fingers carved warmth down my jaw. “Whatever makes you happy. Once you’ve satisfied your revenge, you can order me to leave and live however you want.”
His vocal cords sang a song of resignation. His words should have pleased me. Didn’t I want them to leave me alone? But a wave rose inside me, threatening to drown me.
“You’d truly go?”
His lip quirked. “I’d make sure you never saw me.”
Trapped and hunted we might have been, but I’d never felt closer to him. Like our bodies might fuse in a mix of adrenaline, panic, and desperation. Underneath all my bluster, I still couldn’t imagine a life without Beck.
“What about this?” I pressed the space over his heart. “Why is it blank?”
“It doesn’t belong to me.”
I used to fear the endless shadows in tight spaces. But inside Beck’s gaze was an expansive abyss. I could never feel claustrophobic when he stared at me.
“Who owns it?”
I tasted the warmth of his short breaths.
“You Little Liar. My heart has always, always, been only for you.”
In a dark, dusty corner of an office. With the heat of his body and the marks he’d made for me, I cracked open.
He’d warned me loving him would be painful, and oh, it was.
Needles, thorns, and nooses. Nobody else could survive his love, and he held the darkest and most brutal part of my heart in return.
Beck forced his way in, snaking his arm around my shoulder to pull me against him.
Part of me wanted to pull back, to sneer at him until I could get distance between us.
But what if there was never another chance?
The reason his betrayal hurt so much was because of the twisted love I held for him. Illogical beyond reason.
My heart found rhythm along with his scarred one.
Still, I couldn’t unglue the seam of my mouth to say anything.
No matter how my foolish heart skipped in response to what he’d done for me.
Beck didn’t push any further, and we blazed in an embrace that felt as permanent as stone.
Until the sound of people shouting cut through the silence and shattered the brief reprieve.
They’d found us.
“Get in.” Beck motioned to the small space.
This time, I didn’t argue, though my stomach plummeted as I did. Not from fear. But because he couldn’t follow. Beck dragged a stationary cabinet from under the desk and set it on top. He left a sliver of light.
“Hide for me, Little Liar,” Beck whispered, crawling toward the shutters and peeking out.
“Check inside.” An order came from close, and I stiffened.
The flashlight waved through the broken blind and grazed the top of my head. How were we going to get out of this? It didn’t matter. Because Beck stood, up and the bright beam illuminated him instead. I swallowed a noise, choking on it as Beck shot me a warning look.
“No need, I’ll give myself up. Your bosses will want to speak to me.”
I shoved the cabinet out to watch Beck climb through the window.
Somehow, he made the awkward motion look elegant.
All limbs, dark clad and dripping in shadow.
I knew better than to protest. Beck was giving himself up to take the heat off me and give me a chance to escape.
I couldn’t help him if I were tied up next to him.
I crawled to the broken blind. Outside the office, a group of men swarmed Beck.
He didn’t say a word as they wrenched his arms behind his back and shoved a boot between his shoulder blades to send him knees first onto the ground.
“Ahh, perfect. There’s a bonus for bringing you in, ” one agent said.
“By all means, get me out of this shithole city then. I assume you’re taking me back to base.”
Even in the midst of being captured, Beck was thinking of me and giving clues for my next step. I was glad he didn’t think I would allow him to be taken without attempting a rescue. Beck held out his hands.
“Let’s go.”
“You think I’m going to take you awake?” The man laughed, and it sounded rough around the edges.
He flicked his wrist at one of his men, who pulled out a needle and slid it into his waiting hand. Beck’s eyes widened for a millisecond before his expression turned stone. The man strode behind him and wrenched his head to the side.
No. Not like this.
Beck’s gaze bounced over the men before it latched onto me. I’d never seen Beck undone, not like he was right now. Sweat peppered his forehead as he waited, and the tendons on his neck were so tight I thought they would snap. My stomach boiled with acid as my fingers curled on the windowsill.
“Get it over with,” he growled when the man paused.
The needle went deep, and Beck’s mouth dropped open. The sound wasn’t a scream, a shout, or a curse. But like an animal being slaughtered. Strangled panic and raw terror. I got a glimpse of what he’d suffered for his tattoos. His penance.
Beck’s eyes fluttered, and he lurched to the ground. I clamped a shaking hand over my mouth.
“What the fuck was that?” One man laughed, toeing Beck’s unconscious body.
My veins throbbed with burning fire. I wanted to climb through that window and wring their unsuspecting necks.
If they were agents worth their merit, they would have already completed a sweep of the surroundings, including the office I sat in.
But they herded together like frightened stock animals, nervous of the predator asleep in front of them.
“Who cares? Let’s get him out of here before his friends come running. No chance they didn’t hear the blood-curdling yell.”
You’re right.
I leaned back into a squat until my calves burned. I would come for Beck, but not rushing like they had. Their sloppiness would be their downfall. I’d come slow, on the dark lick of shadows until I crushed every single one of them.
Beck’s head slumped, and I saw the Lyre on his neck as the men lifted him.
I clamped my hand over my mouth as they dragged him away, grunting and cursing under their breath at his dead weight. A wave crashed inside me, threatening to drag me out into panic. If I didn’t catch myself, I might not come back.
Stay strong, Beck. I won’t let them have you, not when I wasn’t done with you.