Chapter 23
You’ve never been much of a fighter. And even if you were, you have no chance against that giant beast that is twice your size. Your best chance is to try to gain his sympathy so that he might let you go.
You wait in the clearing, planning out what you want to say to him.
Luckily, you’re so broke that you haven’t been able to eat much lately—you can make the argument that you’ll be far too lean and stringy for him to enjoy.
Plus, the hitchhiker is still tied up and available as a delicious alternative.
You stand there, terrified, as the thumping of the monster’s feet on the ground grows louder and louder. You’re not sure which is louder, the footsteps or your heart. Either way, in a minute, you’re going to come face-to-face with the beast.
You see his imposing shadow before he comes into view. He lets out a low roar as he bumps his way into the clearing, and it takes a few moments before he comes into view. And when he does, you are so scared, you nearly pee your pants.
This is the first chance you’ve had to get a good look at him—out by your car, you didn’t have much of a chance.
He’s about eight feet tall and covered head to toe in white fur.
Except, of course, for his fingers, which are a deep purple.
His nose is nothing more than two breathing holes in the center of his face, and his eyes are two endless dark abysses.
The glow of the fire provides just enough light to make out his sharp yellow teeth.
As you stare at him, you finally realize what you’re looking at.
This monster is the abominable snowman. The monster from the legends.
You don’t have any time to waste. If you hesitate, he’s going to scoop you up, pop you in his mouth, and gulp you down in one bite. He’ll be licking his fingers before you can even get a word out.
Impulsively, you fall to your knees. “Kind sir,” you say, “I am here to throw myself at your mercy.”
The abominable snowman just looks at you. But he doesn’t lick his lips or anything like that, so you plow forward.
“I know that you can do whatever you want with me,” you continue, “but if you could find it in your heart to spare me, I can… Well, I’m not entirely sure what you’d like me to do.
I could…” You glance around the cave. “I could tidy up. I could organize some of the rocks over there! I could help you build other snowmen, in case you want to make an army or something. I could, um, build you a snowwoman, in case you’re, um, lonely? ”
You can’t tell if he understands one word coming out of your mouth.
For all you know, your entire speech just sounded like unintelligible grunts to him.
Also, like with most men, his expression is incredibly hard to read.
In that sense, he sort of reminds you of your last boyfriend, Josh, which doesn’t make you like him any better.
And then the abominable snowman lets out another roar that shakes the walls of the cave. Your heart sinks. None of this is getting through. Despite your best efforts, this monster is going to kill you.
But then his shoulders start to shake. And that’s when you realize that he is not, in fact, growling at you.
He is laughing.
Turn to Chapter 24 (page 58)