Chapter 17 - Jenny
I know I should be grateful to Hudson for tracking me down to rescue me.
And not force me to return to that dreadful compound.
But my body aches with the loss of Lash like I’m withdrawing from a potent narcotic.
He was morphine to me.
Toxic and numbing, yet reached a hidden part of me that brought out an unmatched euphoria.
It’s perplexing how my mind tells me this is the right path while my heart cries in solitude.
Sleep is where I lose control.
I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve woken in Hud’s patient arms with tears streaming down my face.
I can’t stop missing my beast.
There was a hole in my heart, torn and scarred from my past, that Lash somehow filled.
Now it’s a new weeping wound, festering in sorrow over an unfulfilled bond.
Yet, Hudson perseveres. He’s found me clothes and has kept me fed and warm, all while continuing to move us northwest towards my son.
I should love him for what he’s done. Except I still carry a shard of wariness for the years that he stood by and watched me suffer.
“Here, Jen.” Hudson hands me a pink and green apple, then takes a bite of his own.
The crisp snap rockets me back to the moment when Lash popped his teeth shut, promising never to hurt me.
Then made me scream out in ecstasy.
Hudson’s chest rumbles after his sharp inhale.
I can’t help but notice him drift a few feet away, upwind.
“Sorry,” I mumble before taking a sample of the sweet fruit.
“It doesn’t bother me, Jen. I only hope that one day it’s for me.” His amber eyes remain focused ahead of us, carefully not turning towards me.
I know I’d see pain in them.
It’s hard to remember sometimes what he gave up to save me, when I’m so mired in blaming him.
But I need to remind myself he’s grieving his daughter, even as he’s helping me find my son.
This world isn’t for the weak.
It’s gray and twisted, forcing us to fight tooth and nail for every inch.
“Jen? I’m gonna check inside, you wait here, ‘kay?” Hud gestures at the collapsed building that’s being slowly consumed by ivy and moss.
The tilted sign that’s burrowing into the hole in the broken asphalt looks like some sort of gas station.
It’s from a different lifetime. Almost an alternate universe.
Yet it’s fitting for my melancholy mood.
After he disappears inside the shattered doorframe, I wander outside until I find a concrete bench.
At least that has lasted.
Kicking at a clump of leaves, an acrid smell tickles my nose.
It vaguely reminds me of him. Those last few hours after he had washed in the creek, when his fur was still damp as I snuggled to him.
Heat surges through my loins, tugging at my lower belly.
Why do I still want him so fucking badly?
Days, if not a week, have passed. He’s gone. I need to come to terms with that.
My body never learned to accept that my first monster was gone. I still yearned for his rough touch decades later.
“Jen! Look what I found!” Hudson holds up a pair of dusty bottles proudly. “Maybe it’s time we celebrate our freedom?” His white teeth flash through his dark whiskers in a broad grin.
“What is it?” I lean forward, eyeing the square glass.
“Whiskey. Not exactly top shelf, but it’ll do the job,” he snorts. “With our metabolism, only the hard stuff will even touch us anyways.”
I need to pull out of this funk.
Jumping up, I put on my best smile. “You know what? I’m game. I don’t think I’ve ever had alcohol though. What does it do?”
Hud shrugs. “Everyone is different. Sometimes makes ‘em happy. Sometimes sad. Sometimes horny,” he laughs. “I guess we’ll find out.”
Oh. I’ve been messing up. Hudson hasn’t touched me since he rescued me except for tenderly wrapping me in his arms and the occasional soft press of his lips against my temple.
He’s giving me space.
But it might be time to erase the past.
Purge the scent that still runs in my blood.
Replace it with new.
Helping him gather firewood, I try to remember that night when he carried me back to my room.
The shower where he admitted the truth.
By the time the flames lick the logs, I’ve replayed every stroke of his fingers and feel of his mouth.
His nostrils flare, but he doesn’t acknowledge the desire pouring off me so thick it almost shimmers against the humid night.
“Come here and let’s crack this open.” His cheek lifts, even as I can see the pain crease the corners of his eyes.
He doesn’t realize that this need growing in me is for him.
Finding my spot at his side, he twists the top of the first jug and takes a long pull.
Wincing, he hands it to me. “Pretty stout,” he chokes. “It’s probably twenty years past prime.”
It burns my nose, but I dutifully take a matching swallow.
Fire crawls down my throat and scalds into my stomach hotter than the coals in front of me.
“Fuck,” I cough. “People drink this for fun?”
“Just wait.” He takes the bottle and tilts it to his mouth again. This time with barely a squint. “It does get easier. I just don’t know how fast you’d have to keep it going to feel the effects.”
Warmth spreads through my limbs by the second round.
“It’s kinda nice.” I’m starting to see the allure. Everything is tingly.
Needy.
“Hud?” I exhale after another draught. “I want to stop being sad.” My palms feel hot, so I press them against his thigh. “I’ve been thinking about that last night we had together.”
The whiskey pauses mid-air as he side-eyes me. “You have? I haven’t stopped.”
Has he been clinging to that moment this entire time?
From the heat in his gaze, I believe him.
Rising to my knees, I shift to straddle his lap. “I want more memories like that,” I whisper. “No more secrets.”
His jaw tics even as he rolls his bulging crotch against me. “Then I have one more to share.” He turns to take another long drink. “Here, you’ll need this.”
“Is this going to make me hate you? Because I was really hoping we could reconcile tonight.” Raising one brow, I squint trying to gauge his reaction.
His heartbeat stays steady as he shakes his head.
At least he’s telling the truth.
This time the alcohol doesn’t burn, but goes down too easily as the empty glass catches the firelight.
With a deep breath, I pitch it into the night, then lower my nose level with his. “Lay it on me, big boy.”
His fingers dig into my hips, pressing me tighter. “That footage they showed you about your son? It’s almost five years old.”
Please be a lie.
But the solid thrumming of his pulse doesn’t change.
Half a decade.
Michael could be anywhere. Or dead.
He always struggled to fit in.
Pain rushes through me.
“Hud?” I whimper, rolling my groin against his zipper. “I don’t want to hurt anymore.” My palms frame his face and my nails work into his dark hair.
It isn’t as thick as the fur I’ve been used to.
I need to stop thinking that way.
“Jen—” His voice is husky as his thumbs work under the hem of my shirt. “—I’ll do anything to take it away.”
Leaning closer, our noses brush. I want to smell him. Absorb him into me.
Replace everything else.
“Love me,” I whisper. “I’m tired of pain.”
He tilts his chin, closing the gap between our lips, and kisses me.
Like it’s the first time. Deep. Tender.
His fiery touch, hotter than any fire or whiskey, burns up my sides to peel my top over my shoulders.
I know he’s seen me naked more times than I can count.
But the reverence in his gaze makes it feel as if he’s seeing me with fresh eyes.
“I have, Jen,” he groans, smoothing his rough callouses across my skin.
“I’ve loved you longer than I can remember.
You wonder why I stood by for so long? Because I didn’t want anyone else to take my place.
I was the only person I trusted around you.
” The pads of his thumbs drift across my tight nipples, sparking a shiver the coils into my loins.
“It was the only way I knew to protect you.” His mouth finds my collarbone, tracing the edge to the hollow of my throat.
Tears stream my face as I hug him close. “You’ve always been there for me. I never realized how much I counted on you until you weren’t there.”
Raking my nails down his back, I tug at the sweaty fabric sticking to his broad muscles.
I want to feel him.
I need to.
This beautiful man has stood by me at my worst, picking up the pieces every time I suffered.
He walked away from his only purpose to be with me.
Why did I mourn the beast, when everything I needed was right in front of me?
Pushing myself up, I unbutton my pants and start to slide them down over my thighs.
Hudson covers my hands, taking over the rest so I can step out.
He doesn’t let me down, instead tugging my knee over his shoulder to press his mouth against the place I need him most.
When he groans, it vibrates up through my clit and pelvis, racing my pulse to a frantic pace in time with his flicking tongue.
His pupils swell as he watches me, but when he slides in two fingers, my own focus aims for the night sky.
I ride his mouth until I lose my screams into the stars.
My legs go weak with the tremors shaking through me, and I collapse against him, clinging to his neck.
“Fuck, Jen. I just want to do that forever. Can I?” He lets me slide down his chest until my knees frame his hips.
“I need you, Hud. Fill me up until you’re in every cell, every fiber of my body.” Grinding against him, I’m so wet I soak through his jeans.
He lifts me to lower his zipper, freeing his girthy cock.
When he leans back to lift his ass, I seize the moment, dropping my dripping pussy over his leaking tip.
“Oh, God,” he moans, gripping my thighs as I sink onto him.
“Jesus,” I hiss. “I forgot how big you are.”
His abs flex with a laugh. “Such a compliment that you don’t remember.”
My body trembles when I bottom out and the delicious stretch hits every spot. “It’s been a busy week.”
With my giggle, it makes my inner muscles clench around him.
He twitches, reaching for me. “I’ll make sure to do this everyday.” His strong hands tip my pelvis, rolling me to rub his engorged end against the well of my womb.
Cold sweat coats my skin at the ferocity of the sensation.
But when I start to move, fire that rivals the blaze of the sun churns within me, growing with every slow thrust.
I want to love him. Bond with him.
He can be my mate.
His fingers tangle in my hair to pull our lips together.
The passion that he possesses me with rips my breath away as his strokes grow faster.
Deeper.
“All I want,” he grunts. Every movement gets more frantic. “Is your heart.”
My toes curl under his thighs when the spasms take over.
His jaw clenches as his shaft swells within me, locking into my pelvis.
“Yes,” I cry out, arching against him.
“No.” A deep growl echoes through the clearing.
Then a giant force crushes me from above.
Darkness and fur pin me against Hudson’s bare chest.
Claws cinch into my hair, ripping my head backwards.
Lash.
“Mine.” The word is a snarl, oozing into my ear.
In slow motion, the jagged nails drag across Hudson’s throat leaving gaping furrows through his carotid, spraying me with hot arterial blood.
The vacuum of his inhale whistles from his severed windpipe and his dark eyes go wide.
Without thinking, I shove my fingers into his mouth and hit his chin, chopping off the tips against his tongue.
Please let that be enough.
Agony rips through me when Lash thrusts his hard cock into my ass.
Fuck, I’m splitting in two.
He pumps savagely, brutally tearing into me around Hudson’s massive knotted shaft.
“I’m going to flood him out, little elixir.” The beast’s maw closes over my shoulder, piercing the flesh, rending tendon from bone.
“I tried gentle. You left me to die on a riverbank. No more.” With another mangling rut, he grunts as he spills his seed in my shredded hole, his own cock doubling in size within me.
The shredding sound of my pelvis rupturing is a hellish nightmare, a pain so profound my vision starts to blur and the edges get darker.
“You wanted us both? This is what you get.” His thighs flex, forcing the wedge deeper.
Shock crumples me over Hudson’s gaping mouth.
I press my lips to his, one last time.