CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE | Penn
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
Penn
“Today’s the day, huh?” Alec flops down beside me in the waiting room, ignoring the look of confusion on my face.
“What are you doing here?” I voice what my expression is likely already saying.
“Thought some company might do you good,” he says like it should be so obvious. “Besides, if I’m going to be an uncle, I want to be the first to know.”
“If you’re going to be an uncle, God willing, it won’t be today.” I blow out a hard breath.
I’ve waited six long days for the paternity results and when I got the call that they were in, I wanted to hear it straight from the doctor’s mouth so that I was certain, hence why I’m currently sitting in a packed waiting room, feeling like I ate rocks for breakfast.
A paper can be forged. A lie can be voiced.
But Dr. Thomas—I’ve been seeing him since I was little, so I trust him.
Downside, his office kind of lives in the Stone Age and hasn’t fully adopted this whole online portal thing, so it was either come in and get the information myself, or trust whatever Cat gave me, and that was definitely not happening.
She’s pregnant. There’s no disputing that. I was there when they confirmed it via ultrasound. Me being the father is still up for debate. A question that will be answered soon... I hope.
“As exciting as being an uncle sounds, I’m with you there. Can you imagine having to deal with Cat Stewart when a child is involved? That woman is a nightmare on her own. I still don’t understand why you chose to take her to your bed. I’d have to duct tape her mouth shut.”
“I’m considering doing just that to you,” I grumble.
I don’t need someone rubbing my nose in my mistakes. I’m punishing myself enough as it is.
And then there’s London, the things I said. I wish I could take it back, but she won’t answer my calls or texts. The only communication we’ve had after our argument last week was her letter of immediate resignation, which came the very next morning.
For all I know, she’s somewhere halfway across the country by now. Rand is my only lifeline to her and he’s not talking, not that I blame him. He wants to stay out of it, and I get that, but not knowing is torture.
Not knowing if she’s really gone.
If I’ll never see her again.
If that night really was goodbye forever.
My stomach churns at the thought.
Did we maybe rush into things? Yes.
But that doesn’t mean that there wasn’t truth to everything I said.
I love her.
I’ve always loved her.
I will always love her.
I just hope one day we get the chance to fix the mess we’ve made. The mess I’ve made...
“You nervous?” Alec asks, bouncing his leg up and down.
“What do you think?”
As much as I appreciate what Alec is trying to do, I’m not sure him being here is making things better.
“I think you’re going to be okay no matter the outcome.” Alec nudges me with his elbow. “Everything happens for a reason.”
“People who say that are just trying to find justification as to why bad shit seems to be the theme of their lives.”
“Or maybe they just truly believe it,” he offers.
“Heard from Josie recently?” I ask, desperate to focus on someone else’s crap rather than my own.
“She’s ghosting me.” He sighs, stretching his legs out in front of himself. “I think I came on too strong.”
“Or maybe she’s not into you?” I offer.
“Not a chance. You should hear the way I make that girl scream.” He grins.
“You can enjoy screwing someone and not actually like them. I’m living proof of that.” I gesture around the waiting room as if to say look where we are.
“This isn’t that. Trust. I know she likes me. She’s just not ready to admit it yet. I’ll wear her down eventually.”
“You’re very sure of yourself.”
“Of course I am. Have you met me?” His grin morphs into a full smile.
“Super humble, I see.”
“You’re one to talk. You’ve never been humble a day in your life.”
“That’s not true.” I start to object when I hear my name.
Looking up, I see Heather, one of Dr. Thomas’s nurses, scouring the room. She says my name again seconds before her gaze lands on me.
“Well, this is it.” Alec stands at the same time I do.
“What are you doing?”
“Going with you, of course.”
“Alec.” I shake my head.
“Listen. If this doesn’t go the way we want it to, you’re going to need me. So shut up and start walking.”
Knowing he’s right, I nod once and head toward Heather, Alec fast on my heels.
The trajectory of my entire life will be determined by what I learn when I walk through those doors... I’m praying for a miracle but mentally preparing for a nuclear warhead to drop on my head because that seems the most likely outcome.
I want kids. I’ve always wanted kids one day. But not like this. Not with someone I don’t even like and certainly not at the expense of the only girl I’ve ever loved.
I thought losing her the first time was the hardest thing I’d ever go through.
Turns out, losing her the second time has been so much worse.
I had a taste of what happily ever after could look like and now, I fear nothing will ever compare.
London isn’t just the girl I’ve loved since I was old enough to understand what loving someone meant. She’s also the only person on this planet who’s ever made me feel truly whole.
You may not believe in soul mates, but that’s only because you’ve never experienced what it’s like to have a very part of you tied to someone else.
London is that for me.
She’s everything.
So why did you let her go a second time? The voice in my head chooses this moment to chime in. Always there to kick me when I’m down...
Because I was scared.
Because I was angry.
Because she was right...
Because I couldn’t ask her to watch me have a child with another woman.
Because I couldn’t ask her to tie her life to someone who couldn’t make her their utmost priority.
London deserves the world and until I know the results of this test, until I know my future, I can’t give her that.