The Book of Magical Wet Animals
The proposition was just so terribly sad—an entire life spoiled in an evening—and it filled me with questions.
How had it been for her that night when Thomas Cavill failed to show for dinner?
Had all three sisters waited in a room done up specially for the occasion?
I wondered at what point had she begun to worry; whether she’d thought at first that he’d been injured, that there’d been an accident; or whether she’d known at once she’d been forsaken?
“He married another woman,” Mrs. Bird had told me when I asked, “engaged himself to Juniper, then ran off with someone else. Nothing but a letter to break off their affair.”
I held the story in my hands, turned it over, looked at it from every angle.
Envisaged, amended, replayed. I suppose the fact that I’d been similarly betrayed might have had a little to do with it, but my obsession—for I confess, that’s what it became—was fed by more than empathy.
It concerned itself particularly with the final moments of my encounter with Juniper; the transition I’d witnessed when I mentioned my return to London; the way the young woman waiting longingly for her lover had been replaced by a tense and wretched figure, begging me for help, berating me for having broken a promise.
Most of all, I fixated on the moment she’d looked me in the eye and accused me of having failed her in some grave manner, the way she’d called me Meredith.
Juniper Blythe was old, she was unwell, and her sisters had been at great pains to warn me that she often spoke of things she didn’t understand.
Nonetheless, the more I considered it the more awfully certain I became that Mum had played some part in her fate.
It was the only thing, surely, that made any sense.
It explained Mum’s reaction to the lost letter, the cry—for it had been of anguish, hadn’t it?
—when she saw from whom it came, the same cry I’d heard as we drove away from Milderhurst when I was small.
That secret visit, decades before, when Mum had taken my hand and wrenched me from the gate, forced me back into the car, saying only that she’d made a mistake, that it was too late.
But too late for what? To make amends, perhaps; to repair some long-ago transgression?
Had it been guilt that took her back to the castle and then drove her away again before we passed through the gates?
It was possible. And if it were true it would certainly explain her distress.
It might also account for why she’d kept the whole thing secret in the first place.
For it was the secrecy as much as the mystery that struck me then.
I don’t believe in an obligation of full disclosure, yet in this case I couldn’t shake off the sense that I’d been lied to.
More than that: that I was somehow affected directly.
Something sat in my mother’s past, something she’d made every attempt to hide, and it refused to stay there.
An action, a decision, a mere moment, perhaps, when she was just a girl; something that had cast its shadow, long and dark, into Mum’s present, and therefore right across mine too.
And, not just because I was nosy, not just because I was coming to empathize so strongly with Juniper Blythe, but because in some way that was difficult to explain, this secret had come to represent a lifetime’s distance between my mother and me—I needed to know what had happened.
“I SHOULD say that you do,” Herbert had agreed when I said as much to him.
We’d spent the afternoon squeezing my boxes of books and other assorted household items into storage in his cluttered attic and had just headed out for a stroll through Kensington Gardens.
The walks are a daily habit of ours, begun at the vet’s behest; they’re supposed to help with Jess’s digestion, the regular activity giving her metabolism a little boost, but she approaches the event with spectacularly bad grace.
“Come along, Jessie,” said Herbert, tapping his shoe against a stubborn bottom, which had affixed itself rather firmly to the concrete.
“We’re nearly at the ducks, old lovely.”
“But how am I going to find out?” There was Auntie Rita, of course, but Mum’s fraught relationship with her elder sister made that idea seem particularly sneaky. I pushed my hands deep into my pockets, as if the answer might be found among the lint. “What should I do? Where should I start?”
“Well now, Edie.” He handed over Jess’s lead while he fussed a cigarette from his pocket and cupped his hand to light it. “It seems to me there’s only one place to start.”
“Oh?”
He exhaled a theatrical stream of smoke. “You know as well as I, my love; you need to ask your mother.”
YOU WOULD be forgiven for thinking that Herbert’s suggestion was obvious, and I must take some of the blame for that.
I suspect I’ve given you entirely the wrong impression about my family, beginning as I did with that long-lost letter.
It’s where this story starts, but it’s not where my story starts; or rather, it’s not where the story of Meredith and Edie starts.
Coming into our family that Sunday afternoon, you’d be forgiven for thinking we were a rather expansive pair, that we chatted and shared easily.
However nice that might sound, it was not the case.
There are any number of childhood experiences I could submit in evidence to demonstrate that ours was not a relationship marked by conversation and understanding: the unexplained appearance in my drawer of a military-style bra when I turned thirteen; my reliance on Sarah for all but the most basic information regarding birds and bees and everything in between; the ghostly brother my parents and I pretended not to see.
But Herbert was right: this was my mother’s secret, and if I wanted to know the truth, to learn more about that little girl who’d shadowed me around Milderhurst Castle, it was the only proper place to begin.
As good luck would have it, we’d arranged to meet for coffee the following week in a patisserie around the corner from Billing it just jumped out at me when I was looking for the letting pages. A very good review, as it happens. Damn paper; no suitable flats to rent either.
Mum paused while the cappuccino I’d ordered for her arrived at the table. “And tell me,” she said, laying a paper napkin between her cup and saucer to soak up the slopped milk, “what’s next on his agenda?”
“He’s working on his own script. Sarah has a friend, a film director, who’s promised to read it when he’s done.”
Her mouth formed a silent, cynical “Oh” before she managed to utter some positive noises.
The last of these was drowned when she took a sip of coffee, flinched at the bitter taste, and, blessedly, changed the subject.
“And how’s the flat? Your father wants to know whether that tap in the kitchen’s still giving you trouble.
He’s had another idea he thinks will fix it once and for all. ”