Chapter 8
It has been nearly a week since I moved out and my husband told me he wanted a divorce.
The email from Jeremy’s lawyer is still sitting in my inbox, unanswered.
I still have not made any effort to find a lawyer of my own.
When I do, that will be like giving up. And I am not ready to do that.
If Jeremy is going through a midlife crisis, I can give him a little space. But divorce is not the answer.
As I’m standing outside the elementary school, waiting for Teddy and the other kindergartners to tumble out, it almost feels like things are normal. Ashlyn is going on and on about the note she got from the teacher about invitations to her son’s birthday party.
“Apparently, you are not allowed to pass out invitations in class unless you invite everyone,” she says. “Don’t you think that’s completely unfair? If you don’t want to invite kids that your child doesn’t like to the party, then you can’t invite anyone? Who made up these rules?”
I nod sympathetically, secure in the knowledge that Teddy will make the social cut.
“You think that’s ridiculous?” Cheryl says. “When Jaden had his party, we did invite the whole class—even that child with behavioral issues—but since not everyone came, the teacher wouldn’t let him hand out thank-you cards after the party!”
“How ridiculous!” Ashlyn sniffs. She turns to me. “By the way, what are you doing for Teddy’s birthday? Isn’t that coming up soon?”
I can’t imagine having a big party with everything going on. Even if Jeremy and I manage to resolve things, I don’t know if I can deal with the stress of it all. “We’ll probably just do something small. Family only. You know, because of the renovation.”
“How is it going?” Cheryl asks. “Are you ready to move back in soon?”
I tug at the sapphire blouse I’m wearing, which still wrinkles stubbornly despite a night hanging in the closet. I couldn’t locate an iron anywhere. “Um, not quite yet. We’re still stuck in the apartment.”
“Poor you,” Ashlyn sighs. “Although when it’s over, you are going to have a gorgeous new house! I’m so jealous.”
She wouldn’t be jealous if she had any idea what was really going on.
Even though these two women have become my closest friends, we barely hang out when our kids aren’t involved, and I don’t feel comfortable telling them what’s going on with me.
I don’t feel like getting their sympathy or their judgment.
I look across the freshly clipped lawn to where Cora Janzen is waiting, wearing another dress that compliments her athletic body.
I’m not sure whether she had a boob job or not, but she looks fantastic.
And yet all the other women seem to be avoiding her, like there’s an invisible force field surrounding her.
Like they’re scared of “catching” divorce.
I’m not going to end up like Cora. Jeremy and I will work things out. My boobs are going to stay the same size, thank you very much.
The kindergarten class emerges from the school, and the three of us walk over to greet our children. When Teddy sees me, he races over with more enthusiasm than he used to. I think he’s been missing me at night. We haven’t quite reached Jeremy levels of enthusiasm, but we’re getting there.
“Mommy!” he says. “Can you carry my backpack? It’s heavy!”
Without waiting for an answer, he shifts his backpack off his shoulders and thrusts it into my arms. Sure enough, it weighs a shocking amount, given it’s a child’s backpack.
“What do you have in here, Teddy?”
“I found five new rocks at the playground,” he says proudly. “Want to see?”
Without waiting for a response, Teddy snatches the backpack out of my arms and rifles through it until he pulls out a small shimmering rock.
“It’s mica,” he informs me.
Teddy’s rock fixation is getting a little out of control. He’ll probably outgrow it soon. Or else he’ll become a geologist, which would be pretty cool.
“I want to show Daddy when I go over to his house tonight,” he adds.
Oh my God, Teddy said that so loudly. I almost drop his bag. Cheryl jerks her head in our direction, a curious expression on her face. My thoughts race as I search for a way to mitigate the damage.
“Yes, we can show Daddy when he comes home,” I say.
Teddy frowns in confusion. “Your home or his home?”
My face burns. There is no chance Cheryl isn’t hearing every word of this. And the second they are alone, she will relay every word to Ashlyn. I cringe as I imagine the conversation between the two of them.
Teddy said his mother and father live in different homes. Do you think Naomi and Jeremy split up?
I bet they did. I always thought he could do better.
You know, they only got married because she was pregnant.
“Teddy,” I say, “Daddy is just staying at the house now while the renovation is going on, but we’ll all be back together soon.”
Teddy looks at me in utter confusion, but before he can protest, I grab him by the wrist and drag him away from the crowd. He can say whatever he wants once we get in the car. I just don’t want Cheryl and Ashlyn to hear, so I don’t stop moving until we are safely back in the parking lot.
“Mommy,” Teddy says as I twist my body in an effort to strap him into his car seat. “Are you getting a horse?”
I strain my wrist, trying to get the buckle on his car seat harness locked into place. Despite the fact that I put him in this same seat every single day, it always seems like he has grown far too big for it in the time since I last used it.
“A horse?” I say as the buckle snaps into place. That’s a new one.
“Zack says that if you and Daddy aren’t living together anymore, that means you’re going to get a horse.”
It now occurs to me that Teddy must be telling everyone at school that his parents don’t live together anymore, and my efforts at damage control are probably useless.
“Where would we put the horse?” Teddy asks me. “Probably at Daddy’s house, because it’s bigger, right? Your apartment is too small.”
“Teddy…”
“Would I get to ride it?” he asks hopefully.
I don’t even know how to answer that. “Do you want a horse, Teddy?”
He takes a moment to consider my question. “I would rather you move back home and live with us again.”
His answer tugs hard at my chest. Jeremy and I have not quite explained to Teddy what’s going on.
We have not once used the word “divorce,” and now is probably a good opportunity to tell him what his friend actually meant instead of “horse.” But the fact of the matter is Jeremy and I aren’t actually going to get a divorce.
There hasn’t been another peep since that email from his lawyer, and despite my mother’s ominous warnings, it doesn’t seem like there’s another woman in the picture. So there’s no need to scare him.
“We’re not getting a horse, Teddy,” I tell him as I climb into the driver’s seat. “And you can let Zack know that.”
“But he said that’s how it happened with his parents.” He looks almost tearful all of a sudden. “They moved into different houses, and then they got the horse.”
“Right, well, it’s not the same with everyone. Daddy and I are just living apart for a short time, then we will move back in together.”
“But that’s not what Daddy said.”
I crane my neck to look back at him. “Oh? What did Daddy say?”
“He said that you are going to be living apart from now on, but that doesn’t mean you don’t both love me a lot.”
I try to interpret what this means. Obviously, Jeremy felt the need to tell Teddy something, which is understandable. “Teddy,” I say tentatively, “have there been any other…um, women in the house?”
He nods without hesitation. “Yes.”
My stomach sinks. My mother was right all along. “There is?”
“Rosita!” he says. “She comes every morning.”
I let out a breath. Teddy’s babysitter, Rosita, is an extremely lovely woman, but she is nearly seventy years old and a grandmother of eight. That’s part of the reason I hired her. I very much doubt that he’s having an affair with Rosita.
“Anyone else besides Rosita?” I press him.
He shakes his head no.
I’m not thrilled that Teddy is blurting out to all his classmates that his parents no longer live together, but I’m also relieved to verify that Jeremy was telling the truth when he said he wasn’t seeing any other women.
This is a midlife crisis. I thought he got it out of his system when he bought the Tesla, but apparently, his midlife angst is still ongoing. But sooner or later, he’s going to come to his senses.
I’m sure of it.