4. Charlie
CHAPTER 4
CHARLIE
I t was only lunchtime, and Charlie was already exhausted. But it wasn’t the patients, quizzes, or work causing his exhaustion. It wasn’t his first day of residency that made him want to go home and crash in his bed. It was the group he’d been made to work with. How could he take his own residency seriously when no one else around him was doing so? He felt like he was a babysitter for this group rather than their peer.
Amy had a mouth that could ridicule the pope without shame. She had all the best jabs in her pocket, and she wasn’t afraid to use them to get a laugh out of the rest of the group. Keith just went along with whatever everyone else thought. He was a follower through and through. And Kayla was so timid that Charlie was surprised she didn’t hesitate to breathe for fear it might offend someone.
Then there was Megan. For some unfathomable reason, she irked him most of all. She just never stopped smiling, even when he knew she should. Charlie got the impression Megan would smile while giving a patient the worst news they’d ever received in their life. She just talked and talked and talked, on and on and on. And he couldn’t stop watching her mouth as she did. It was distracting him, her mouth, and it wasn’t the only thing about her that made it difficult for him to concentrate on his job. She was beautiful, of course — probably one of those girls who knew it, too. Every time she fidgeted with her glasses, he caught himself staring at her eyes. Doe eyes, some would have called them, but there was a sharpness there along with the na?veté.
Charlie was having a hell of a time not thinking about her while he ate his lunch. It didn’t help that she was sitting kitty-corner across the way from him. His eyes kept finding her for no good reason. She was always smiling, and he found himself smiling back on the inside, which was the worst thing that could happen if he wanted to stay serious. Being nonchalant, treating his residency like a game or summer camp, was not going to bring him closer to his goals. It wasn’t going to win him the approval of his father and grandfather.
He had so much weight on his shoulders, and this Megan person seemed determined to make him shrug it off and let down his guard. Whether it was intentional or not, he couldn’t tell. Regardless, he wasn’t about to fall for it.
“What about you?” Megan leaned across the table toward Charlie, pointing a half-eaten carrot at him. “Who’s your favorite patient so far?”
Why she would even begin to assume he’d been paying attention to their conversation so far was not a mystery Charlie was interested in solving. “I don’t have favorites,” he said before taking a bite of the yakisoba he’d ordered for lunch. A full mouth meant he couldn’t elaborate, so it made sense to just keep eating.
Megan didn’t seem to care. “No, I mean who are you going to remember? We were talking about how there’s always one patient from your first day that you remember for the rest of your life. Someone who gives you the feeling that you’ve made the right choice in being here. Surely someone is a candidate so far.”
She was beaming for some reason, but Charlie managed to hold his scowl. “The question is ridiculous,” he said. “Choosing a favorite patient will not help you to become a better doctor. And choosing a favorite patient may encourage you to neglect the others.”
Megan stuck out her tongue and poured more of her soup from her sunflower-themed thermos into her yellow cup. “Buzzkill,” she muttered. “Just because someone touches your life in a positive way doesn’t mean you’ll never think about anyone else. That idea is what’s ridiculous if you ask me.”
“I prefer to treat everyone equally,” he said with a shrug, although the gesture did not accurately portray how he was feeling about the conversation. It infuriated him, irritated the hell out of him, and for some reason, he never wanted it to end.
“Equally badly?” Amy added.
“No one asked you,” Charlie shot back.
“Ooh, someone’s not a team player,” said Amy after swallowing a bite of her salad.
“Why would I be?” Charlie asked. “We’re all in competition with each other. I try not to get too close to my competitors. You’ll all regret making friends with each other when you’re competing for the same position.”
Megan sipped soup from her yellow cup and downed half of a canned coffee before responding. “I disagree. I think medicine is a team sport, you know? We all have to get used to working together, nonverbal communication, and things like that. It’s important, just as important as remembering all those facts from college textbooks, lectures, and seminars.”
Keith nodded along. “Yep, I agree with Megan.”
Of course, you do, Charlie thought. You’d agree with the nearest rock if it had an opinion.
Then Amy chimed in. “She makes a good point.”
And Kayla. “I agree with Megan, too.”
Fine. This was all fine. Charlie knew better than to get attached to any of his co-residents. “Okay, then,” he said in his most nonchalant tone. “Enjoy stabbing each other in the back when you finally get a shot at a fellowship. I’ll be over here watching the whole show by myself, having known from day one where I stood with all of you.”
“Well,” Megan said, that infuriating smile gracing her features once again, “I can’t speak for everyone else, but I know where you’ll stand with me. We’ll have been on the same team the whole time regardless of whether you realized it.”
“And what team is that?” Charlie mumbled, half expecting a sarcastic answer from her.
“The one that aims to save lives and improve people’s health.” She grinned wider. “You know, the real reason all of us are here, I hope.”
That shut Charlie up. It wasn’t because her point couldn’t be argued against as much as it was because she sounded exactly the way he did before his father got into his head. He had wanted to become a doctor to help people. He’d admired his father and grandfather because they were saving lives, not because they had some grand achievements in medicine. But these days, it felt like his whole purpose was just to advance his own family’s name for the sake of his brother and any future children he may have. It was all about the glory, and that idea just didn’t sit well with the younger, more idealistic version of him — that kid who proudly announced to his father, one day, that he intended to go into medicine because he wanted to help people more than anything else in the world.
The others were still talking, but Charlie no longer heard what they said. He’d fallen into nostalgia and contemplation. He’d gone full-on existential crisis on all of them, but they didn’t seem to notice. All the better for it, he thought. Nothing mattered as much as maintaining his facade.
Dr. Ralter came to call them back to work, and they all dutifully followed him to the next few patients. This time, he split them up. Amy and Keith were more experienced residents, so they were paired off together, while Charlie, Kayla, and unfortunately Megan were stuck with each other.
They walked through the halls of the hospital, single file like ants. Charlie followed the women, and found himself repeatedly distracted by certain aspects of Megan’s figure. Somehow, he was going to have to get his attraction to her under control. He would just have to remind himself about how unattractive her personality was… or something. He frowned as they made their way into an exam room.
A young woman sat at the edge of the exam table, draped in a gown with her arms crossed over her stomach. Dr. Ralter turned to Charlie. “You have the most experience of the group, I assume,” he said. “Have at it.” He handed a clipboard to Charlie, who took it with a solemn air.
This would be his chance to show the others how a serious student participated in residency. Neither a good attitude nor warm fuzzy feelings about patients would help anyone to accurately diagnose this woman. Knowledge of symptoms and conditions was what it would truly take, and Charlie intended to prove that to them once and for all.
He picked up her file and read it carefully. “So, Ms. Cooper. You’re not feeling well?”
The woman nodded and held herself more tightly. She was young, in her thirties, a healthy weight. Her skin and nails were a good color. She didn’t look unwell outside her clear discomfort and dull eyes.
“Is this recent?” he asked.
“Just this morning,” she answered.
“Have you thrown up?”
“A couple times this morning.”
“Any diarrhea?”
The woman glanced around the room, clearly uncomfortable with her audience. But she shouldn’t have been, Charlie thought. Everyone in the room was a medical student, well acquainted with a wide variety of symptoms. She nodded sheepishly, and Charlie wrote down some notes, more to avoid eye contact with her than anything.
Then Megan chimed in. “Coming out both ends, huh?” she said with a friendly laugh. “I hate when that happens. It’s the worst, isn’t it? We’ll get you set up with something that’ll make you feel a whole lot better soon. Don’t worry. We’ve all been there.”
Charlie shot her the dirtiest look he could manage in the split second he had before anyone else in the room noticed. She was moving in on his territory, and it frustrated him. He cleared his throat and approached the patient with his stethoscope, telling her when and how to breathe.
“She’s tachycardic with high blood pressure,” he said, recalling her chart. The woman’s eyes darted around the room again, and he noticed she was picking at her fingers. “And agitated,” he added.
“It’s just the dog,” the patient said in an effort to excuse herself. “I… I don’t like dogs. I’ve been scared of them since I was a kid. If you can get the dog out of the room, I’ll feel a lot better.”
She sounded normal, rational, but there was no dog in the room.
“Where’s the dog?” Charlie asked her. She pointed to an empty corner, and Charlie didn’t hesitate to add, “She’s also having hallucinations.” And he added it to her chart.
“Good,” Dr. Ralter said with a nod. “Now that we have her symptoms, what should we do next?”
Charlie glanced at the patient, who now looked mortified. Megan quickly mitigated the situation, once again. “Can you tell what kind of dog it is?” she asked the patient. Why did it even matter? It didn’t, of course.
But the patient answered. “It… It looks like a black lab.”
“Oh, really? I love black labs. My cousin used to have one named Shadow. I was scared of him at first because he seemed so big. But he was a sweet boy, really. Always wanted belly rubs from everyone he met. Even at the vet.”
The patient glanced back to the empty corner. “I guess it is kind of cute.”
“It’s not growling, right?”
Timidly, the patient shook her head. “I guess not.”
“Probably just here to make sure you’re safe, then,” Megan added.
The room went quiet for a moment, and Charlie knew everyone was waiting for his answer to Dr. Ralter’s question, but he couldn’t get his mind off the way Megan made him want to simultaneously punch the wall and shove her into it, trapping her in his own embrace. He’d never wanted someone he hated so badly, and it was making him deeply uncomfortable.
“Do you think maybe we should run a tox screen?” Megan said, answering the question Charlie had been asked — in the form of a question, no less.
“Obviously, we should,” he snapped. Megan had given him the answer and given him an out. She was allowing him to answer her question and so keep the credit, although Charlie knew it wouldn’t fly with their attending. Dr. Ralter would know full well who had truly answered his question.
They sent the patient to get her tox screen. On the way out the door, Megan called to her. “You’re going to be just fine, Ms. Cooper. Don’t you worry now. And give your shadow puppy a good boy from me. He’s doing a wonderful job looking after you.”
The patient waved and smiled despite the dark circles under her eyes. Charlie saw her glance once at an invisible something and smile at it, too. Somehow, Megan had taken what might have been a frightening delusion and casually turned it into a protector. He couldn’t help a quiet smile himself, although he managed to bury it before Megan turned his way. Regardless of how well she was doing, Charlie’s pride had him seething, chomping at the bit to cut her down.
Dr. Ralter patted her on the shoulder as they continued down the hall. “Watch you save that woman’s life and make her comfortable at the same time. Excellent choices, Megan. You have good instincts with people.”
Megan shrugged. “It’s something I’ve always been able to do. I get it from my mom, I think.”
“Tell your mother thank you , then. She’s given you a foundation that will make you a wonderful doctor. Patients do worlds better when they have hope and feel safe. Excellent job pinpointing the problem without frightening your patient.”
Dr. Ralter went on ahead, and Megan fell back to walk next to Charlie.
“What do you want now?” Charlie grumbled.
“I wanted to thank you for the advice,” she said.
“What advice?”
“You know, about this being a competition and how we shouldn’t be making friends and all. Normally, I would have been too shy to speak up during your examination, but you were right. We’re not here to make friends. If I’m going to beat you, I’ll just have to be more aggressive in this game. Right?”
He narrowed his eyes at her as they made their way into the elevator. “You may have scored a point today, Bright, but you’re miles from winning the game.”