21. Megan
CHAPTER 21
MEGAN
C harlie was gone, and Megan felt his absence with just about every patient she saw. This one, for example, was a man with a mysterious rash on his neck. Normally, Charlie would have been looking over Megan’s shoulder, correcting her, adding his ideas, and generally trying to one-up her. And when Megan had to lean in to examine the rash a little closer, Charlie would have been glaring at the patient from behind her, keeping the man in line. As it was, Megan had to deal with the patient clearly enjoying her proximity, sneakily sniffing her hair, and pretending like he had to steady himself by touching her arm.
After she told her patient he had petechia and should get some further testing to see what could be causing it, he offered her his number and winked. “Maybe we could have that further testing at my place next time?”
Megan recoiled. “What?”
The patient stood. “Or over dinner?”
“I don’t think so,” Megan said. “Just get to the lab, and give them this.” She handed him the sheet with her orders and quickly left the exam room.
As if Megan needed another reason to be angry with Charlie. Now, not only had he stolen an opportunity from her, he’d taken himself away, too. He knew he was her rock, the steady presence that was single-handedly getting her through her residency. How dare he? She missed him so much that she had to rely on working herself to the bone just to keep from bursting into tears in the hall every time something mildly inconvenient happened to her. She took every extra shift, stayed after hours, and spent any free time she had, in which she wasn’t taking care of her mother, studying.
On her way to the break room, Dr. Ralter approached. “Dr. Bright,” he said with a wide smile on his face. “Exhausted yet?”
“It’s my natural state,” she quipped.
He stopped her and gave her a half smile. “You’ve been pushing yourself harder than usual. Don’t think I haven’t noticed. I’m going to be attending a conference this weekend, and I’ll be taking one resident to accompany me. I’d like that resident to be you. I will understand if you’re too burned out to join me, but keep in mind, it might give you the opportunity to make some valuable connections in the medical community.”
There wasn’t any question or doubt in Megan’s mind. “Oh, I’m going! Thank you Dr. Ralter.” She grabbed his hand and shook it vigorously. “Thank you so much.”
Dr. Ralter laughed. “Such enthusiasm. I knew I’d made the right choice.” He gently but firmly pulled his hand away and patted her on the shoulder instead. “I know you’ve been disappointed since you lost the fellowship, but as far as I’m concerned, you didn’t lose it. It was unfairly taken from you. And had the decision been mine, it would have been you who won it. Unfortunately, I’m merely an attending at a community hospital, and the decision was not mine.”
“Thank you, Dr. Ralter,” Megan said again. “I know it might not seem like it, but… that means so much to me. It really does.”
He nodded. “I know. Now go home and rest up. I want you sharp for the weekend. I’ve been bragging about you to all my friends, and now you’ve got to live up to your reputation.”
The conference was buzzing with excitement. There were specialists talking excitedly over things that would put most laymen to sleep. The hotel that hosted the event had a huge conference room with wood-paneled walls, recessed lighting, and extremely uncomfortable chairs. It didn’t matter to Megan, though. Everything she was learning was buried treasure to her, and she sat taking notes like she was drawing the map to it. Researchers were making huge strides in cardiology, including testing a new medical device that could make pacemakers a thing of the past.
To Megan’s surprise and delight, Dr. Ralter urged her to join him after the lecture. “Dr. Lee is an old friend of mine,” he said as they wove their way through the crowd. “You should absolutely meet him. He’ll love you.”
Dr. Lee was a tall man with thick black hair and a winning smile. If Megan didn’t know any better, she would have guessed he was a politician rather than a doctor. His handshake was firm, and Megan felt immediately that this was a man who would know what he was doing in almost every situation he could possibly stumble into.
“This is my resident, Megan Bright,” Dr. Ralter was saying. “She’s one of our… well, let’s say she’s our brightest resident currently, and I have high hopes for her future career. Her work ethic and quick thinking, not to mention her excellent comprehension, would make her a valuable asset to any hospital.” He grinned when he saw Megan blushing. “I was thinking you might like to take a shot at convincing her to go into cardiology.”
“Of course I would,” Dr. Lee said. “You never steer me wrong, Walt. If you say she’s got talent, then I believe it.” He turned to Megan. “So, have you ever considered a career in cardiology?”
Megan straightened her posture and tried to look a lot more confident than she felt. “Well, if I haven’t before tonight, after that lecture, I certainly will.”
Dr. Ralter chuckled and nudged her with his elbow. “She was taking notes through your entire lecture. I couldn’t have distracted her if I’d tried.”
Megan tried not to blush again. “Well, there was so much interesting information. I was worried I would forget some of it if I didn’t.” She still held her notes in her hands, and they were substantial, she had to admit. Note-taking felt like a crutch to her, and it was one she used often. But teachers and lecturers seemed to like it, and she could sort of see why. It meant you cared about what they were teaching. It meant you were paying attention, and that they weren’t wasting their time. And now, based on Dr. Lee’s expression, her habit had had the desired effect.
“I see,” Dr. Lee said with a huge grin on his face. “Well, should you ever have any follow-up questions for me, please feel free to ask. Teaching is my passion, and I’d love to have a student like you to mentor.” He offered her a card, and Megan pocketed it gratefully. Dr. Ralter had been right that she would make some great connections at this conference. Maybe losing the fellowship hadn’t been a total loss. Maybe it would even work out in her favor, in the end.
When Dr. Lee finally moved on to another conversation, Dr. Ralter said, “Let’s mingle. I’ll call you over if I find another gatekeeper I’d like to introduce you to.” He winked. “There are a number who I feel would be happy to take you under their wings.”
Megan made her way around the room, introducing herself to people and shaking a lot of hands. Most people there were friendly and smiling, happy to be present at such an event. She was certain she caught sight of a few other residents accompanying their attendings. They were all just as fresh-faced and energetic as she was.
Well, all but one.
At the other end of the room, she saw him rising just above the rest of the crowd — that almost white-haired, straight-postured guy with a permanent scowl on his face. Somehow, she’d had the bad luck to end up at the same conference as Charlie Sullivan — the man she’d hated and then fallen for, and now hated again. He stood across the room chatting grumpily with some men and women in fancy suits. He looked amazing in his own formal wear. It was probably bespoke, she thought, tailored to fit him perfectly. He made her feel like she was somehow uncivilized.
He also made her feel like brushing past him, squeezing his arm, and pulling him into the nearest dark and unused room so she could finally remove that fancy suit of his and have her way with him. She imagined him pressing her back against a wall, slipping his hand further and further up her thigh. And she realized, without meaning to, she had just turned back into a girl with a crush rather than a resident at possibly the most important conference of her early career. She had to get some air before she humiliated herself in front of someone important.
Outside, the sky was gray and drizzly, and everything was damp. Megan was glad it wasn’t a hot day. What she needed right now was to cool off more than anything. She leaned against the side of the building and watched cars come and go from the parking lot. “Just breathe,” she told herself.
But she wasn’t alone for long. She heard voices, one of which was deeply familiar, and she peeked around the corner to see Charlie and his father walking toward her. She did not want to talk to either one of them right now. It was bad enough just seeing Charlie here. The last thing she wanted to do was rehash the last several months with him. It wouldn’t change anything, and she was too exhausted to deal with it right now.
To her left was a hedge, evergreen and full enough that she could kneel behind it and not be seen. She darted behind the hedge and crouched down. When she could hear their voices getting closer, she panicked and sat even lower. Now she was on her ass in the grass and probably staining her new skirt. She wanted to chide herself, but it wouldn’t do any good. Her probably bad decision was already made, and going back now would only compound the issue.
As the conversation Charlie was having with his father moved closer to where she was hiding, Megan started to get the gist of it. The conversation was not a pleasant one, and she realized they had probably moved outside to avoid making a scene at the conference.
“Your performance is subpar,” Charlie’s father was saying. “That’s what I’m hearing. I don’t care what the reason is. You’re having a bad day? Fine. We all have bad days. But you’re a Sullivan, boy. You don’t let it get to you. We have a reputation to uphold. We don’t have the luxury of screwing up, and lately, it seems like all you’re doing is screwing up.”
Through the branches of the bush, Megan could see that Charlie’s head was down. It hurt her to see him that way. She was so used to seeing him proud and tall. The way his own father could cut him down made her angry.
“I’m doing my best, Dad,” Charlie said in a low voice.
“Then your best isn’t good enough.” His father’s tone was cool and authoritative. “But you know I don’t believe this is your best for a second. You’re making excuses, and that is unacceptable. I worked hard to get you this fellowship?—”
“And maybe that’s the problem.” Charlie cut in. “I didn’t want you to work to get me anything. I wanted to work for it. I wanted to win it. You’ve taken that away from me. Now I have this opportunity that I don’t even deserve. Someone else should have gotten it, Dad.”
“Ungrateful!” His father’s tone darkened. “Do you know how many lives have been saved because of our family? That’s a legacy you are privileged to continue. That’s a legacy you don’t just throw away.”
“I’m not throwing it away. I just think nepotism is wrong.”
“So families looking out for each other is wrong now? All the people our family has helped should just give that help back because it was unfair, I suppose.”
“You’re acting like our family are the only people who can help patients. There are other people, other students every bit as good as me. Haven’t you considered that? What help might they have given that isn’t there now because their chance was stolen from them.”
“Nothing was stolen,” Charlie’s father snapped. “Your great-grandfather worked hard for our reputation, the same reputation that got you this opportunity. Then your grandfather added his work to it, and I added mine. Now it’s your turn and your brother’s. This isn’t just about you. Don’t you get it? It’s about your nieces and nephews. It’s about your own future children. Stop thinking so small. You know you’re the best man for the job. I know you’re the best man for the job. My peers trust my judgment because they know I would never throw my weight behind a loser. Don’t prove them wrong there. You’ll be screwing over more of your family than just yourself. And family is everything.”
Charlie sighed deeply and shook his head. “You’re right. Family is everything. I’m sorry to have let you down, Dad. I’ll work harder going forward.” He sounded completely defeated.
His father nodded once. “Good. I knew you’d come around eventually. You always were such a stubborn boy.” He smiled and squeezed Charlie’s shoulder. “You know I only say these things because I love you, Son. Right? I want you to succeed, and I know you can. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t be so hard on you.”
“I know,” Charlie muttered. “I’m sorry.”
Megan could hardly believe her eyes when she saw how completely beat down Charlie had become in so short a conversation. He looked like a little boy, chided for eating his dessert before he finished his vegetables, rather than the hardworking medical student he was. He had absolutely given his all and outcompeted every other resident he worked with. Megan had seen it with her own eyes. She wanted to stand up and shout at his father for suggesting he wasn’t good enough. If Charlie Sullivan wasn’t good enough, then no one was and no one ever would be.
But she also realized her standing up for him now would rob him of his dignity. If Charlie believed this verbal lashing he’d received from his father was private, she didn’t want to take that small comfort away from him. All the rage she’d been suppressing since he accepted the fellowship position seemed to be melting away. Now that she had seen the pressure he was under — twice — she could no longer pretend she wouldn’t have made the same choices if she’d found herself in his position.
She decided to sneak off and give him the privacy she now felt he needed. She backed away in a crouch, making sure not to let her head rise above the hedges. But she really should have looked where she was going.
Something bumped her back — or she bumped something stationary — and she heard a loud crash behind her. She stood as a reflex and swiveled her head to see what had made all that racket. It was signage for the conference that had been displayed on a metal stand, which now lay strewn across the pavement. Megan froze and slowly turned back to where Charlie and his father had been standing. They were both still there, and now, they were both staring right at her.
Megan imagined the phrase deer in the headlights would most accurately describe the way she felt. She was frozen, unsure what to do or how to react to the situation she suddenly found herself in. So, like an idiot, she just stood there and waved at them.