Chapter 17
CHAPTER 17
LEAH
T here’s been no mention of The Sofa Incident , so I’ve just let it ride.
Tonight, I’m heading over to Stella’s. I clutch a bag of our favourite Chinese, and a couple of bottles of wine. I know I’ll need wine for the bombshell I’m about to drop.
“Come in,” Stella says, throwing open the door to her compact apartment. “The witch is away, so we have the place to ourselves.”
“The food is here,” I say, holding up the bag and making my way to Stella’s tiny kitchen.
“That smells amazing,” Nat says from the sofa, before getting up to follow me.
“I’m starving.”
We lay out the dishes, helping ourselves. The apartment is too small for a table, so we pick up books and use them as trays on our knees.
“Any news on when your apartment will be habitable?” Stella asks, pouring me a glass of rose.
“The apartment is still being dried out. They need to check the underfloor heating and electrics for damage. The furniture, however, is a right off. Gabriel has put in an insurance claim. He met with his interior designer earlier this week and ordered replacements.”
“How’s it going? Living with the illustrious Gabriel Frazer?” Stella asks.
“I’ve hardly seen him,” I tell them. “I cook us dinner, and then he does his thing, and I do mine.” I’m not being entirely honest, but Gabriel and my set up is complicated.
Stella’s face drops, making me chuckle.
“Sorry,” I tell her. “No salacious gossip. My life is boring.”
I stop and take a deep swig of wine. “I do want to talk to you both about something.”
“Fire away,” Nat says, topping up my glass when I hold it out.
I inhale and exhale, trying to steady the butterflies that have taken flight in my stomach. “I want to have a baby.”
Silence descends, as both of my friends stare at me.
“A baby?” Stella coughs out.
“As in a real baby?” Nat asks.
“Is there any other kind?” I laugh.
“You know what I mean,” Nat says. “How? When? I suppose more importantly, who?”
I look at my friends and hope they’re going to understand. “I’ve always wanted a large family. It’s why I pushed Vince to bring our wedding forward.”
“Forward! Leah you were engaged to the man for over five years!” Stella says, her exasperation clear.
“And I should have seen the writing on the wall,” I admit. “His barrage of excuses is something I’ve thought long and hard about.” I move my plate off my lap and put it on the tiny coffee table. “Our split hasn’t lessened my desire to be a mother. If anything, his bombshell has strengthened it.” I sigh. “I’m not getting any younger. Next year, I’ll be thirty-five. Geriatric in terms of any pregnancy.” I drop my head and clasp my hands in my lap. “I’ve never been pregnant. If I’ll have any problems. I don’t have time to sit around and hope Prince Charming shows up.”
Silence descends, my friends taking in my latest declaration.
“You’re considering becoming a single parent?” Nat asks, leaning forward and taking one of my hands in hers.
“I am,” I tell her truthfully.
Stella leans forward and grasps my other hand. “Wow, it’s a big step.”
“It is.” I give them a weak smile. “There are so many cons telling me I must be mad,” I admit with a sigh. “I have no idea how I’ll juggle full-time work with a baby. Where we’ll live. Childcare.”
“All those are doable. If you want them to be,” Stella says, squeezing my fingers. “On a more serious note. You know you’ll never be alone. You have us,” she tells me, her gaze moving to Nat.
“We’ll be the best surrogate mummies your little one could have,” Nat adds. The look they share brings tears to my eyes.
“You are the best,” I say, emotion clogging my throat.
“I love you guys,” I say to my two best friends.
“The feeling is mutual,” Stella replies, as they both squeeze my hands.
I’m not entirely honest when I tell the girls everything with Gabriel is fine. Ever since I fell asleep on the sofa, he’s been acting strange. I initially thought he was annoyed with me for invading his space and taking liberties. But after today, I’m not so sure. The whole way through our afternoon meeting, he sat staring at me, like he wanted to ask me something but then changed his mind.
We should be celebrating. Callahan decided to give us his business, but instead, the atmosphere is thick and almost suffocating.
I’m relieved when it’s finally time to leave the office. I need to speak to Gabriel and clear the air. Whatever it is, I can’t ignore it any longer.
I grab a clean teaspoon and taste the chocolate chilli I’ve made for dinner. I need it to be perfect. Whatever is wrong, I need to fix it if I can. If I don’t, the next couple of weeks will probably become more strained. Yes, I can stay in my room, but I don’t want to damage our professional relationship.
I sag against the kitchen unit, exhausted. What with Vince’s affair, the pregnancy bombshell, the flood, and now Gabriel, I’m not sure how much more emotional upheaval I can take. Hopefully, the offer of a hotel is still viable should I need to move out.
I hear the door go and freeze. As usual, Gabriel makes his way upstairs to get changed. I’ve tidied up the kitchen in case I need to make a sharp exit. The only things left are the pans containing tonight’s dinner, and I must admit I’ve outdone myself. This recipe is delicious.
It’s ten minutes before Gabriel reappears, his hair damp from his shower. He’s changed out of his suit. Tonight, he’s in a t-shirt and jogging bottoms. The casual look gives him a different air to the office version of Gabriel, but then the man would probably look amazing in a bin-liner.
“Something smells good,” he says as he grabs two plates from the cupboard. This has become our nightly routine.
“Chilli Con Carne,” I say, noticing how his eyes are looking anywhere but at me. I’m not mistaken. Something is undeniably up.
“Delicious. Can I do anything?” he asks .
“No, everything is ready. I’ll bring this over.”
He moves to the table while I carry the pans.
I take his plate and load it up, first with rice and then with the vegetarian chilli I’ve prepared.
I help myself before taking a seat at the table next to him.
An awkward silence descends. I look at Gabriel, his brows drawn, his face tight.
I place my knife and fork down. Resting my elbows on the table, I clasp my hands together over my plate.
There’s a tightness around his mouth. As if sensing my gaze, he stops eating and looks up, his expression almost sombre.
I swallow past the lump that’s formed in my throat.
“Have I done something wrong?” I ask. Gabriel flinches. Yep, something I’ve unquestionably done. “I can’t fix it if you don’t tell me what it is,” I add.
He lifts his hand, running it through his nearly dry hair.
“It’s not you,” he says.
I raise an eyebrow. Is he really going with the it’s-not-you-it’s-me pile of crock?
I wait, knowing the type of man Gabriel is. He’s trying to find the correct words. Something I’ve learned about him over the past eight years.
“I saw your laptop,” he says, his eyes meet mine.
It’s my turn to look confused. He saw my laptop?
“I saw what was on your laptop when you fell asleep on the sofa,” he expands when he clearly sees a lack of understanding in my expression.
What was on my laptop?
The world closes in. Memories of the last thing I looked at before I put the movie on, flood my mind. Oh shit! Did I not close my browser? What the hell was Gabriel doing looking at my laptop?
“It was an accident. It was by your foot, and I was worried you’d kick it off. When I picked it up to close it, the screen opened.”
“Thank you for moving it,” I say, unsure what else to say.
This is not a conversation I want to have with my boss. What I do in my private life is none of his business, but then again, I rent his apartment. Maybe there’s a rule against children, or perhaps he doesn’t like children.
I pick up my plate and move towards the kitchen area, my appetite suddenly gone.
I sense Gabriel following.
“Leah,” he says. His tone causes me to stop.
“I’m not sure what you want me to say, Gabriel?”
I turn my face to his, my back against the kitchen unit. “What you saw was private.” I sigh. “I’m not sure what it has to do with you?”
He puts his plate down and runs a hand down his face, stopping at his mouth.
“I don’t either.” He sighs before adding. “I’ve been trying to work out what to say all week.”
He stands next to me, his back resting against the unit. We stay there in silence, staring out of the window. The silence is comforting as my brain tries to decide what to say next. I could walk away and tell him to mind his own business, but that’s not who I am.
“I’m thirty-four, and I’ve wanted a baby for years,” I stare at the floor in front of me. “But it was never the right time. A friend’s wedding, a fancy holiday, the apartment. There was always a reason to put it off.” I pause as my voice catches. “Now I’m single. It might be years before I meet someone who I feel comfortable bringing a child into the world with.” I shoot a glance at Gabriel, but he is staring straight ahead, listening. “The other night, my mum and dad sent me some pictures of them holding a friend’s grandchild. They looked so happy.” I pinch the bridge of my nose, hoping it will alleviate the pressure building behind my eyes. “I realised the end of my relationship with Vince also ended my dream of becoming a mum, and I can’t stop the pang of longing.”
Gabriel turns his head to look at me. I meet his gaze, unsure what I’m going to see there. I’m surprised when I see understanding. “It started me thinking, there are no guarantees.” I shrug. “No guarantees, I’m going to meet someone. That they will want a child. That I can even get pregnant.”
He nods before diverting his gaze.
“You’re going to try for a baby by yourself?” Gabriel asks.
“It’s one option. I’m worried if I wait for Prince Charming?—”
Gabriel scoffs at my words, and I shoulder bump him, making him chuckle, which surprises me.
He sinks his hands deep into his pockets.
“Look, I won’t be offended if you tell me it’s a problem. That you want me to find somewhere else to live if I go down this path,” I say quietly, not able to meet his gaze.
I watch Gabriel’s brows furrow as he removes his hands and crosses them over his chest.
“What about me?” he says, his eyes still not meeting mine.
“I don’t?—”
He turns to face me, his hip resting on the counter. His eyes once more on my face.
“What about using me as your sperm donor?”
My jaw drops as my muscles go weak. I can’t have heard him correctly. I cough and raise a trembling hand to my mouth.
“What?” I squeak.
He takes a deep breath as if giving me a chance to catch up on his announcement.
“What if I act as your sperm donor?”
“Gabriel... I...”
I stumble over my thoughts. This is not what I expected. My eyes lock on his face. His expression tells me he’s been thinking long and hard about this.
Gabriel takes my hand and leads me over to the sofa. I follow in a trance. “Sit. I’m serious,” he says, taking a seat opposite me. “I want you to hear me out.”
I nod, too shocked to say or do anything else.
“I think we can help each other.” He looks at his hands, his forearms resting on his thighs. “I don’t ever see myself in a long-term relationship. I’m grumpy, self-absorbed and a workaholic. Not good husband material. Therefore, the prospect of me having a child or children of my own... let’s say they’re minimal.” He runs a hand through his hair, leaving it mussed. “I don’t want a marriage of convenience, or to marry someone only to have my children caught in the middle of a messy divorce, or being used as pawns.”
I bite my lip when he returns his gaze to me. It’s then I realise he’s deadly serious. Gabriel continues.
“I need an heir. Want an heir.” He tilts his head and gives a small smile. “I could leave everything to my godson or my nieces and nephews, but they already have enough. I’ve been thinking recently that I like the idea of my own child.”
Oh shit, my billionaire boss is asking if I can make both our dreams come true.
He wants to be my baby’s daddy!
Adrenalin floods my system, and my heart rate kicks up several notches. My mouth falls open, and I know my eyes must be bulging. This is not what I was expecting.
“That’s er...wow.”
I stutter, realising that all my years as someone who values their ability to communicate clearly have abandoned me in my moment of need. I close my mouth and swallow, taking a moment to let my thoughts percolate.
“I don’t want to be a surrogate.” The words leave my mouth in a rush. “I want to raise my child,” I say, unsure if he understands that.
Gabriel smiles. “That works perfectly,” he says. “As I mentioned before, I’m a workaholic. A surrogate wouldn’t work. Any child I have that way would require nannies. That, to me, is a hard no. I was raised by my mother and father in a loving environment. I want that for my child.”
It’s my turn to look confused. “But we aren’t in a loving relationship,” I say, not quite sure what he’s getting at. “We don’t even officially live together.”
Gabriel huffs as if I’ve missed the point. I shoot him my seriously stare, and he smiles.
“Maybe that came out wrong. I was loved by my mother and my father. I had the love of both parents. I would like that for my child.”
My heart rate picks up, and heat rises in my body. He has clearly thought about this long and hard.
“I’m suggesting we co-parent,” Gabriel continues. “Apparently, it’s becoming the latest trend in thirty and forty-somethings. Two people decide to have a baby together and co-parent the child. Similar to a divorce, but without the animosity.”
I stare at him. My mind flits back to an article I read. Agencies have been set up to help match potential parents. It’s an option I discounted once I realised it meant sharing my child with a virtual stranger. Surely Gabriel can’t mean this type of relationship?
I sink back into the sofa, my shoulders slump as my mind spins.
“Think about it,” Gabriel continues. “You wouldn’t have to raise a child alone or with a stranger. You’d have me to share in the parental duty. You know me, quirks and all.” He smiles, and I return it with one of my own. “Any child or children we have will be financially looked after. I can see to that. Most of all, you’ll have my support and that of my entire family, as well as your own.”
I draw in a shaky breath, spots appearing at the edge of my vision. This is most definitely not where I saw tonight’s conversation going. “You’ve really thought about this,” I say.
Gabriel leans forward and grabs my hand, squeezing it. “I can have my lawyer draw up an agreement that works for us. When I say together , I mean together.”
The feel of his hand in mine sends tingles up my arm. Am I dreaming, or is this really happening?
I look Gabriel in the eye. “You’re saying you want to have a baby with me?”
He nods.
“You’ve decided all this after looking at my laptop?”
He frowns. “Yes,” he says.
“Maybe we both need to take five,” I say, wanting to kick myself but knowing this is important. “This is a lot to take in.”
Having a baby with someone, especially if that someone is also my boss—younger, incredibly wealthy boss, is not something I want to jump into lightly, even if my ovaries and brain are doing a happy dance. Nat’s comment about us making beautiful babies comes back to me.
Gabriel’s hand squeezes mine. “I won’t change my mind, but I understand you need to process it.”
I chuckle. That is such a Gabriel thing to say.
“I do,” I say, extracting my hand from his and placing it into my lap. The warmth and closeness do strange things to my insides. “You’ve taken me by surprise. This is not what I expected this evening.” Gabriel shrugs, and another thought enters my head. “Did you say, children?”
Gabriel smiles. “Well, if we have one, and it works, there’s always the potential to introduce a brother or sister at a later date. If you’re on board. ”
I know I’m staring. He really has thought about this.
“What about if one of us meets someone? You’re younger than me. Not even thirty.”
I’m not sure I can start this process and then have Gabriel change his mind because another woman has come on the scene. I know he doesn’t date per se. He has ladies he takes to social events he can’t get out of, but that could change.
His expression is similar to someone sucking a lemon. “We will co-parent. Believe me when I say I have no desire or intention of meeting anyone, let alone dating them.”
I stare at him. “How can you be so sure?” I whisper. “You’re not celibate.” Or at least I don’t think he is. My stomach contracts at the thought.
In my heart, I know Gabriel will be a good father, even if he does meet someone. The past eight years have shown he has a strong moral compass. Co-parenting is no different to a divorce, simply less messy. Gabriel doesn’t give me the impression he’ll shirk his responsibilities.
“I won’t be,” he says. “Although I will while we are undergoing treatment. I always have safe sex, and I will be discrete.”
I feel my cheeks flood with colour. I can’t believe I’m having this conversation with Gabriel. This is a different side to the man I’ve worked alongside for the past eight years.
“What if I meet someone?” I blurt out, not wanting to put him off but knowing I have to be honest. Gabriel’s eyes lock on mine. “I don’t want to be on my own for the rest of my life. I want the chance to have what my parents have,” I admit. “The only reason I’m contemplating this route is because time is running out. I could freeze my eggs and hope... but ...”
Gabriel sighs. “I understand if you want a relationship. Remaining single won’t be a condition of our co-parenting agreement. I know there are a lot of things we’re going to need to iron out. This isn’t a straight road. We can discuss any issues we foresee arising and include them in any legal agreement we have drawn up. I’m happy to support you and any child or children we have, but I won’t support another male. And Leah, if we are trying to have a child, you will need to remain faithful while you conceive. I don’t want to find I’m raising someone else’s child further down the line.”
It’s my turn to touch his arm. “That would never happen,” I tell him. “If, and I mean, if , we do this, I would be fully invested. You do not need to fear that. I’m not asking for financial support. I was...am prepared to do this alone. There are several reasons for me not rushing headlong into this process. The financial implications are but one of them. Childcare is another. A stable home. What you saw the other night was me checking out my options. A want doesn’t mean I’m going to do it.” I inhale before exhaling slowly. “Having a baby is a pipe dream.”
“Why?” Gabriel asks.
“Why, what?”
“Why does it have to be a pipe dream?” Gabriel sits up in the chair, his elbows resting on his knee, his body leaning towards mine. “I’m offering you a solution, so it doesn’t have to be a pipe dream. I have more than enough money to support you and a child. As for accommodation, there’s an empty apartment below here that is being renovated as we speak. We are both single, so we won’t be hurting anyone.”
I know I’m staring at him open-mouthed, but I can’t stop.
“What would we tell people? Our colleagues? Family?”
Gabriel shrugs, and I glare at him.
“Gabriel, I’m being serious,” I say.
He looks at me, his expression becoming serious. “Fine. What were you going to tell people?”
“I hadn’t thought that far ahead,” I tell him honestly. “Pipe dream, remember? ”
“What would you have told people?” he asks, pushing me.
“I’d have told them the truth. That I used a sperm donor. Gabriel, that’s not going to work if you step up and admit to becoming my child’s father. Can you imagine the rumour mill?” I cover my face with my hands and groan.
“What if we pretend we’re in a relationship?”
I drop my hand and stare at the man sitting in front of me. “Excuse me?”
“We pretend to be in a relationship. As far as the office goes, that’s up to you. If you want to keep it a secret until you’re pregnant, that’s fine. We can then announce we are having a baby together. You’d then go on maternity leave, and by the time you come back, everyone will be used to the idea. Problem solved. As far as my family are concerned. This is perfect. They’ll be so taken by the fact I have a girlfriend that they won’t be able to contain themselves. You’ll keep the social climbers and my matchmaking mother at bay and get a baby. It’s a win/win.”
How have we gone from work colleagues to co-parenting to being in a fake relationship?
Gabriel grabs my hand again, and clasps it in his. “We’re both single. We pretend to be a couple to the outside world. Keep the gossips at bay. You’ve worked for me for eight years, and we already have a professional relationship. When people realise you and your fiancé split up, it might not be such a leap as you think.”
His logic isn’t as far off as I thought. I’ve read enough romance books to know this is how it works. Only mine won’t have the Happily Ever After , although I will have a child to call my own. Is it really beyond the realm of possibility? Even Stella and Nat have suggested I hook up with him. It’s then I realise Gabriel is still talking.
“Caleb already knows you are renting the apartment downstairs. It won’t be hard for him to believe things between us developed. Which is not a lie. When the baby arrives, we can drift amicably apart and continue as we’ve agreed. As co-parents.”
My heart rate speeds up. His enthusiasm is contagious, but I need to take control. “But what about our living arrangements? Won’t they think it’s strange I’m living downstairs and not with you?”
“If you haven’t noticed, you’re already living with me. It plays perfectly into the narrative. You moved in, and we couldn’t keep our hands off one another.”
I feel my cheeks flush at his words, thinking about some of the wayward thoughts that have been invading my brain recently. Gabriel doesn’t seem to notice.
“In all honesty, my family rarely visits. If they do, I usually have notice. We let them see what they’re expecting to see. To be honest. It’s none of their business.”
“What about our clients? Colleagues? Men like Callahan have chosen us because of our professionalism.”
“Our professionalism will never be in doubt,” Gabriel reassures me. “Our private life is ours.”
I can’t argue when it comes to the business. It is Gabriel’s domain and I simply work for him.
“I can’t lie to my parents or friends,” I say
There is no way I can dupe my parents. I wouldn’t want to.
Gabriel squeezes my hand.
“You’re free to tell your parents and friends whatever you want. So, you’re aware, I don’t think I’ll have to lie,” Gabriel says cryptically. “When I drop into conversation with Caleb that you’re living with me. They will draw their own conclusions.”
I’m not sure whether I should be horrified or impressed. One thing is clear. He’s deadly serious about the whole thing.
“Caleb will never believe us. ”
Gabriel retracts his hand and sits back, his expression hardens.
“Do you fancy my brother? Has something happened between you two I don’t know about?”
I must look confused.
“I know he visits you in the office, Leah.”
I laugh when I realise he’s serious.
“No, I don’t fancy Caleb. He only does that because he knows it winds you up,” I say. I thought Gabriel had worked this out. “Half the time, he comes in, shuts the door, and leans back against it. He stays for five minutes and then comes to see you.”
I watch a furrow appear between Gabriel’s brows. “Well, I’m just warning you. If we do this, he will forever be off limits.”
I tilt my head, a greater understanding of the brothers’ dynamics coming to light.
I capture Gabriel’s gaze with mine. “There is nothing between Caleb and me. There never has and never will be.”
Gabriel’s shoulders visibly relax, and he gives a curt nod. We sit in silence, the tension growing. This is not something I can decide now. My head starts to pound.
“I need time to think about it,” I say, surprising myself. I should turn him down flat. This could compromise our working relationship and our newfound friendship. I love my job. If this goes wrong, my whole life will be ruined.
“Okay,” he says. He gets up and moves away. So typical of the man I know. I’m unsure whether I’ve just offended him, or like any business discussion, he feels it’s reached its natural conclusion.
I move to the kitchen and clear up the dinner plates. Gabriel disappears into his office. I lean over the sink and drop my head.
Have I entered the Twilight Zone ?
I have a lot to think about. My stomach clenches as an unexpected warmth floods my body, making its way south. My breath hitches as my nerve endings stir to life. I bite my lip, as I lean forward. Flashes of me inserting Gabriel’s sperm into my body rocks my thoughts.
The moment passes, and I draw in a shuddering breath. I make my way to my bedroom and close the door. I move to my bedside table, and pull out my housewarming present from the girls.