Chapter 32
V Saint
“Everybody around me thought I was celebrating another year of success while I was trying not to fall apart in real time.”
I was tired and ready to fuck Milan up. That live was circulating, and it was something I ain’t want nobody to see.
I’ma kill that bitch when I catch her, I thought as some girl popped her ass in front of me.
My mind just wasn’t there. A nigga felt like he was deteriorating on the inside. Work, long nights, competition, bitches… it was all wearing me down mentally and physically.
I took another shot from my bottle. I was so numb it went down like water.
By the time I finished the last blunt I had on me, I was gone. Spinning. I closed my eyes, but I heard yelling and cheering. I opened my eyes, and all I could see was sparklers and the DJ yelling, “HAPPY G-DAY, V-SAINT!”
Everybody around me was live, throwing money, singing happy birthday, and I was sitting there, elbows on my knees, folded over, staring at the floor. Pathetic if you asked me.
I wanted Sade.
I wanted a calmer life.
I wanted to grow the fuck up.
But how???
“I ain’t shit,” I mumbled.
CK and Vanessa must have known I was done for. All I could hear was Vanessa say, “Take my brother home. He ain’t feeling it,” and she was right.
CK helped me up, and I stumbled out the private exit. Valet brought my brand new blacked-out two-seater AMG GT Mercedes. CK got in the driver’s seat and let the top down.
When I got in, I grabbed the water I left and the blunt. He started the car, and “Scholarships” by Drake and Future came on. It had been my theme song for days.
Once the night air and water hit me, I came to my senses a bit, but not enough.
I pulled out my phone. I was on some nut shit, out of body. I couldn’t get what I wanted, so I went for what I didn’t need.
I texted Alana first.
ME: Meet me at the Ritz, Residence 2630.
Then Nia.
ME: Meet me at the Ritz, Residence 2630.
Then I told CK to take me there.
They had no idea what I had in store for them.
CK pulled in front of the hotel, and I looked over at him.
“Take my whip. Don’t crash it,” I told him.
He chuckled. “You know I ain’t, bro. But is you good?”
“Yeah, I’m good. Finna go fuck these hoes then crash.”
He dapped me up. “My nigga. Enjoy your night.”
I stepped out and went inside.
I hopped on the elevator and went to the top floor to the room I paid for every month. My duck off.
I looked out at the city as the elevator went up.
I had it all. Money, cars, designer clothes, all Sade homegirls, but I wanted her.
But she was somewhere out in the city I was looking at with a nigga that only wanted her virginity.
I knew she was with him now. I knew her every move.
Like Milan said, I was obsessed and never gave a fuck. In my head, she was going to be mine.
I stepped off the elevator and walked into my room. I turned on music, but not rap. Not yet.
“Body Alana was sucking my balls.
The shit felt amazing. My toes were curling, eyes closed, then the next thing I knew was thinking about Sade, and damn, that made me nut so hard, I almost called her name.
I skeeted on both their faces, and they ate it up.
I sat there breathing heavy, eyes closed, not even connected to life anymore. I could hear them giggling. I was sure they had more fun than I did.
I finally got up and headed to the bathroom.
The first thing that came to my mind that never came to mind was:
I’m going celibate.
I needed a break from everything.
I got in the shower and leaned against the wall.
Nia came in laughing, holding a blunt.
“Vaughn, we—”
I cut her off before she could finish.
“I want y’all gone when I get out, and I ain’t fuckin around. We done.”
She laughed nervously. “Excuse me?”
“I said we’re done.”
“Like for good or for the night?”
I sighed. “For good.”
She sighed too. “I always knew this day would come, but never like this.”
Alana busts in, drunk and laughing.
“What he say?”
“I said y’all gotta leave.”
Alana looked at me for a second, like she was waiting for me to laugh and say I was joking.
I wasn’t.
The room got quiet outside the shower, except for the music still playing low and water hitting the tile.
“I’m serious,” I said again. “Take y’all shit and go.”
Neither one of them argued after that.
By the time I got out of the shower, the room was empty again. Bottles everywhere. Weed smell heavy in the air. Birthday balloons still tied to the gift Sade gave me, sitting on the counter.
I stared at it for a second before sitting at the edge of the bed with a towel around my waist.
The room spun a little.
I looked out at the city through the penthouse windows.
Thirty-six years old and a nigga still ain’t know how to be happy.
$$$$$
I woke up the next day, throwing up.
The room was bright as hell, sunlight cutting through the windows, while my head felt split open. I barely made it to the bathroom in time. Liquor, bile, nothing but bullshit coming up while sweat ran down my back.
I sat on the cold floor, breathing hard for a minute before looking up at myself in the mirror.
I looked fucked up.
My phone was buzzing, and texts were piling up. I ignored all that shit and grabbed the blunt off the sink anyway. The first hit made me cough harder than usual. I looked at my phone finally.
Five missed calls from my mother.
Eight from Vanessa.
I frowned.
Damn. I forgot all about breakfast at my parents’ house.
I pushed myself up off the floor and grabbed a warm 7 Up from the kitchen counter before checking my phone again.
V Baby: CALL MOM ASAP.
Something in my stomach dropped lower than the liquor already sitting there.
I called my mother back immediately.
She answered on the first ring.
“Son.” Her voice sounded wrong.
“I overslept,” I said, rubbing my face.
“Come to Cedars.”
My hand stopped moving.
“What happened?”
“Your father collapsed this morning.”
“I’m on my way.”
I hopped in an Uber and told him to roll down the windows. I was sipping warm 7 Up, trying not to throw up in this nigga car. My stomach was fighting me. Hands shaky. Mind racing.
As soon as I got to Cedars, I saw Vanessa standing outside the room, crying quietly while my uncle Darryl talked to a doctor down the hallway.
Vanessa looked at me and shook her head before I even asked.
That told me enough.
I walked into the room.
My father looked smaller in bed with tubes and machines connected to him.
He looked over at me but didn’t say nothing at first.
My mother stood beside him, holding his hand.
The doctor came in a few minutes later with my uncle, and I barely heard the words until one sentence finally landed.
“It has spread to the brain.”
My mother and I looked at each other.
“A couple months at best.”
I looked down at the floor and nodded, but honestly, my mind stopped right there.
A couple of months.
My father looked at me from the bed, calm as hell, while my mother quietly cried beside him.
That man spent his whole life moving strong just to end up dying in a hospital room.
I stayed there for an hour before leaving.
By the time I got back to the Ritz, I was depleted.
I walked inside the suite, still wearing the same clothes from the night before.
The room looked filthy suddenly.
I sat at the edge of the bed and stared out at the city.
My phone kept going off.
I turned the phone face down.
I hadn’t cried since my grandfather died when I was ten, but tears started falling before I could stop them.
And after that…
I stopped answering everybody for days…