24. Chapter 24
twenty-four
D avid was true to his word and didn’t touch her the rest of the night.
Well, that wasn’t quite true. They stayed up a while longer talking in bed, both of them in their robes and under the covers.
Jenny drifted off to sleep while he was telling her about his travels in Greece, when he got his tattoos and his piercing.
She woke up when he turned down the light and got back into bed.
He laid beside her on his back, but that hadn’t seemed right, so she’d put her arm around him.
Her last thoughts were of his deep, even breaths as she drifted off to sleep again.
Now, with the morning sunlight peeking through the heavy drapes, she rested with her head on his chest and his arm cradled her.
She kept her eyes closed a little bit longer and imagined this might be how it was every morning if they were truly in love.
If he wasn’t a known rake who slept his way across the bedchambers of London.
If love was a thing that existed as anything more than a fleeting obsession.
Stifling a sigh, she lifted her head and gave herself a moment to take in the beauty of the man beneath her.
His strong jaw was covered in a light growth of dark hair, though it was a shade lighter than that on his head.
His sensual lips were soft and parted and she couldn’t stop herself from wondering how it might be to kiss him.
They had never done that and she sometimes wondered if the condition she’d insisted upon that had seemed so important at the time had been a mistake.
He didn’t seem dangerous in his slumber.
But no, he was anything but harmless. His roguish ways had been around long before Jenny had come along and they would continue to be a part of him long after, no matter that she had begun to understand the point of their origin because of his confession.
How might Jenny be different had Fanny abandoned her instead of making her feel loved and wanted?
No matter her complaints about her childhood, her mother had never made them feel as if she wished Jenny and her sisters had never been born.
David’s parents had wanted and loved him, but he’d felt abandoned by their deaths and, to an extent, his older brother, who had been forced to pick up the mantle of his title despite his own tender age.
She could understand how he’d used sex as a way to escape and find temporary solace.
She also understood it wasn’t a habit that would be easy to break.
She’d already navigated those waters with Vincent, who had been busy traversing his issues with several other women at the same time.
She’d allowed the pleasure they found in their couplings to make her believe they were in love.
She knew better now. Love and sex were two different things.
No, she needed to leave before these tender feelings she was having got any more out of control.
She turned away from David, only to have him roll and snake an arm around her waist. “Where are you going?” he mumbled without opening his eyes.
“You were awake?”
“Only for a moment.” There was a smile in his voice that made her feel warm and soft. He rubbed his face against her shoulder. “Where are you going? ”
She couldn’t help but grin at how adorable he looked with his rumpled hair and sleep-roughened voice. “Rehearsal.”
“Don’t leave.” He watched her through slitted eyes. “Every morning we’re together, I wake up to you leaving me.”
She laughed and leaned over him. “That’s because I have things to do that don’t include you,” she said and tapped him on the nose.
He didn’t appear amused anymore. His mouth turned down in a pout, a very kissable pout. “Yes, you’re very important, but I think you should find time for your poor husband.”
“I found a lot of time for you last night.”
“I suppose you did.” He relented and his hand slipped off her hip.
She was sad for it to go. God help her, she liked how he touched her.
She wanted to climb back into bed with him and spend the morning savoring each other.
That need is exactly what made her slide from the bed and make her way to her pile of clothes.
The clock on his mantel told her that if she left now she’d have barely enough time to go to the boarding house and change her clothes before she was due at the theater.
“Shall I cover my eyes?” he asked.
She slipped out of her borrowed robe and glanced over her shoulder, secretly delighting in how he watched her.
He’d sat up against the pillows with the bedding draped over his lap.
He still wore the robe he’d fallen asleep in, but it had fallen open during the night and wouldn’t hide very much on its own.
She couldn’t resist a quick look at his hair-dusted chest and the semi-erection hidden beneath the blanket.
His eyes burned with heat she could feel across the room.
“Not necessary.” She didn’t mind teasing him. That she could do and keep her heart safe from him.
“Would you care for my help? ”
“Thank you, but I can do it myself,” she said as she pulled her camisole over her head.
She’d had to dress herself for a long time.
Mrs. Wilson had a woman who came to clean and cook, but they’d always been on their own when it came to dressing.
Jenny made sure that her everyday clothing could be managed without help.
“That’s a curious corset,” he said.
The corset had a wider shell than the typical corset, with shorter lacing.
Of course he had seen enough corsets in his day to notice.
“Mrs. Wilson has a costumer friend who makes them for me. They keep compression off the organs which, as you can imagine, is important for a singer. The corsets don’t work for finer gowns, but they’re fine for daily wear.
” She wore them as often as she could manage because they allowed her to take deep breaths when she sang.
He didn’t say anything else but continued to watch her as she dressed.
Though she kept her back to him, she could feel his gaze devouring her.
It made her feel beautiful and cared for, even though that look had nothing to do with affection and everything to do with lust. Her heart was faulty when it came to interpreting such things. It always mistook lust for love.
“Do you mind if I borrow this?” She picked up his hairbrush from the stand that held his shaving and other grooming supplies.
“Please, help yourself.”
She made short work of brushing her hair out and pinning it again. It wasn’t the best, but it would do, especially with her hat.
“Well, I’m off,” she said and turned around.
He had a peculiar look on his face that was similar to the one he’d had last night when she got the sneaking suspicion he was about to make some great declaration of his feelings.
She paused and a chill swept over her. She couldn’t bear it if he declared his love for her when she knew it wasn’t real.
Her stupid heart was too foolish to know they were words people said without meaning.
“I suppose I’ll see you later.” Why did she feel sad to leave him?
“Jenny, wait.” He rose from the bed, gathering the thick folds of his robe around him so she only got a glance at his long bare legs before he was covered. “I meant what I said last night.”
“Which part?”
He hesitated. “All of it.”
“David…we can’t…we aren’t…” How to make him understand that she couldn’t withstand an assault by him? If she confessed the trouble she was having, he’d only use it to his advantage and take even more of her heart.
He shook his head. “No, I meant the part about staying here. It’s ridiculous for you to room at a boarding house when we have this here all to ourselves.”
She glanced at the bedroom and had to admit it wasn’t only larger but much nicer than the room she shared with Luci. Still, she had to protect herself. “I don’t think it’s such a good idea.”
His mouth tightened as he held back something he wanted to say. Probably how she’d be more comfortable warming his bed than her tiny cot.
“You have your own room,” he said.
“Which you said isn’t ready,” she reminded him.
“I’ll have Mme Tremblay get it in order today. It shall be ready by the time you get home tonight. She’ll have dinner and hot water and clean linens. Everything you need.”
“What about your needs?” She arched a brow and avoided glancing down to check if he was still aroused.
If she didn’t know he was beyond blushing, she would have thought his cheeks turned pink.
“I am capable of keeping myself in check. I meant it last night, no sex. You’ve more than held up your end of our deal.
No more sex.” He swallowed and she could see the great pain the next word caused him. “Ever.”
“Do you truly mean that? It won’t be awkward between us?”
“Not at all. We spent many months as acquaintances who didn’t engage in intimacy. We can do so again.”
She refrained from reminding him that those months had been spent in his active pursuit of her. Though she couldn’t help but say, “But we didn’t do that very well, did we?”
He grinned at the shared memories. “We shall do fine, Miss Dove.”
She had enjoyed being pursued by him. But her smile dropped when she remembered the boarding house and Mme Lamaire.
She’d be unhappy with Jenny’s absence last night.
Perhaps it would be best to quit the lodgings and return here, where it was much more comfortable and she’d be free to come and go as she wanted.
“Fine. Let’s give it a try.”
Relief swept over his face. It was so quick and conspicuous that she almost changed her mind because it meant he was assigning too much meaning to a decision that was more about comfort than about them. Almost, because there was no denying how luxurious this house was.
“Good,” he said. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Jenny managed not to think of him or their arrangement for the rest of the morning.
Of course, she thought about him a little when she had the pleasure of telling Mme Lamaire to her face that she was moving out.
She also thought of him when she took a quick bath to wash his scent from her body.
Her body ached pleasantly so it would have been odd not to think of the man who had caused those aches.
Then, as she walked to the theater with Luci, a few memories of the previous night snuck in, stealing her attention so her friend had to repeat herself multiple times.
But that was it. Once she got to the theater, she barely thought of him at all.
By the time rehearsal finished and she walked out to find the familiar driver and carriage waiting for her, she had begun to second guess her decision.
Thankfully, her husband wasn’t inside waiting for her.
The driver dropped Luci off and Jenny had the entire ride home to think of how she might react if David tried to seduce her.
Would she be strong enough to put him off?
Would she succumb to his advances? She suspected it would be the latter.
But she needn’t have worried. David was not home when she returned to the townhouse that night. Her trunk had been brought over from the boarding house and her bedroom was pristine and Mme Tremblay assured her that dinner would be ready within the hour. But David wasn’t there to eat it with her.
She told herself that she was happy about that.
She was happy he’d listened to her and understood that their living together was only a convenience.
But she lay awake in bed that night wondering where he was.
He’d probably had dinner out and spent the hours after in bed with a woman.
He wouldn’t have trouble finding someone here in Paris.
She was still awake long after she should have been sleeping when she heard his boot heels on the stairs.
He walked softly but with purpose. She sat up in bed, her heart beating in her ears as she stared at the door.
Most of her hoped he’d go to his own room, but a small and very treacherous part of her wanted him to come to her.
His very presence in the house had a pulse beating between her thighs.
His door opened and closed with a light click.
He emerged moments later and she could hear the water spray from the tap as he completed his nightly ablutions in the bathing chamber.
When he returned to his room, she waited in silence for five minutes before lying down again.
He didn’t seem inclined to cross the hall.
Good. It was what she wanted. She’d had her fill of him and now she needed to begin the business of getting over him.
Curling up in the blanket, she tried to convince herself that the hollow in her heart was relief and not jealousy or loneliness, and if a little bit of it was loneliness, then that would be all right.
She could handle lonely. She could not handle another broken heart.