31. Chapter 31
thirty-one
J enny arrived at the Duke of Strathmore’s home on Berkeley Square the next afternoon.
Fanny and Cora insisted on returning with her, which had slowed her down more than she’d liked.
She felt that she was already on the cusp of losing her husband.
Another delay between them might be the one that saw him lost to her forever.
Her family had dropped her off at David’s home only to be told that he wasn’t in residence.
Since Alfred’s accident, he’d spent most of his time at his brother’s home.
They had hurried across Mayfair and now she was standing in the foyer with a butler she’d never met before staring at her as if she’d be better suited to Bedlam than visiting the drawing room.
“If you could simply tell Lord David that I’m here, I’m certain he can explain,” she said for the third time.
The older man stared at her through the lenses of an impossibly small pair of eyeglasses. “As I’ve said, his lordship is attending to guests. Perhaps you’d like to wait for him at his address.”
She’d already explained to him that she was David’s wife. Did David not want to see her? Had he already started divorce proceedings and this was his way of never speaking to her again? Panic made her bold. “Please, sir. If you’ll only pass him a note from me.”
The butler gave a long-suffering sigh .
She didn’t know who the guests were or why they were important enough to keep her from David.
Her attention was caught by a footman exiting from a room farther down the wide hall that bisected the house.
He held an empty tray at his side as he quietly closed the door behind him.
Jenny darted around the butler. She’d bet anything her husband was in that room, and she wouldn’t be put off from seeing him for another second.
“Stop her, Geoffrey,” the butler ordered.
Geoffrey took a step in her direction but took one look at her face and hesitated. “Sir, I believe—”
Jenny lifted her skirts and hurried to the door, throwing it open.
Four people were inside, lounging in chairs set around the fireplace.
They paused in their conversation and stared at her in bewilderment.
Kit recovered first and rose. The gentleman across from him did the same, placing his teacup on the table next to him as he did so.
The woman to his right stayed seated, though her mouth had dropped open in shock.
David was the last to rise. He stood, his eyes wide in surprise, but he was also the first to regain his composure, smoothing his features until they were impassive.
Her heart sank. She couldn’t tell if he was happy to see her or wishing her to the devil.
The latter, she suspected.
“Jenny, dear, we weren’t expecting you.” Kit broke ranks and crossed to her. Taking her hands, he pulled her in for a quick kiss on the cheek.
The butler and footman stood in the doorway, unsure if she’d be accepted or not. “Was there anything else?” Kit asked them.
“No, sir.” The butler closed the door and left them alone.
“The show closed last night.” Kit squeezed her hands. “How was the final performance?”
He looked at her with such pleasure and devotion that she had to recalculate her earlier assumption that David had begun the divorce proceedings. Kit wouldn’t greet her with such enthusiasm if that were the case, would he?
“I don’t know. I didn’t attend. I came as soon as I was informed about Alfred.” She glanced at her husband. “Luci took my place.”
David’s expression didn’t change.
Kit looked back at David with a puzzled expression but then said to her, “I see.”
Perhaps she shouldn’t have admitted to not knowing about Alfred’s accident for so long, especially in front of strangers, but she didn’t want Kit or David to think her callous enough that she hadn’t cared all this time.
“Come meet the family.” Keeping hold of one of her hands, Kit led her to the group. To the couple, he said, “It is my pleasure to present Lady David. My dear, may I present Mr. and Mrs. George Silsbury.”
Did this mean Alfred was on his deathbed and they’d come to pay their respects? She offered a quick greeting, but she sensed calculation in their demeanor.
“We were beginning to suspect that you didn’t exist,” Mr. Silsbury teased, his biting gaze darting to David.
“That’s why we had plenty of witnesses at the wedding,” David quipped.
Everyone laughed, except her husband, who moved to stand behind the chair he’d vacated. “Take my seat, my lady.”
Kit offered her refreshments, but she refused. She hadn’t been able to eat all day. Unable to stand it any longer, Jenny asked, “How is the duke?”
Kit frowned but whether it was from displeasure or confusion, she couldn’t tell. “Much improved,” he said .
“Thank God.” Kit led her to David’s chair and she sank down, relief making her weak.
David walked to the window and stared out. It hadn’t escaped her notice that he hadn’t bothered to greet her properly.
“Forgive my tardiness,” she said, taking off her gloves. The butler hadn’t even bothered to take her outer garments. He’d been too busy trying to see her out. “I left as soon as I could.”
Kit assured her there was no trouble, but David remained quiet.
Removing her hat, she sat it on the table with her gloves and tried her best not to feel inadequate while sitting in her traveling clothes and hair that was likely wispy and in need of a refresh while Mrs. Silsbury wore an elegant gown.
She was an attractive woman who was in her thirties, similar in age to her husband.
He had the same build as David and Alfred, but his hair was light brown and he seemed a little soft around the middle.
“Forgive me, Kit, but you mentioned family. How are we related?” She didn’t remember them from the wedding.
Mr. Silsbury smiled and explained he was a distant cousin.
As the conversation progressed, she realized he was next in line for the title after David, assuming David didn’t produce an heir to change the line of succession.
Conversation was easy for Jenny because she’d spent many hours entertaining affluent patrons over the years.
The Silsburys were no different in that regard, except they were clearly not patrons of the arts.
They managed to hide their smirks when they asked about her profession, but it came out later on when Kit asked about the possible February production.
“You mean to carry on with…performing?” Mr. Silsbury asked, the pregnant pause carrying more weight than his question could on its own.
“I do. I enjoy it. ”
The man nodded. “I’m certain you do, but you have other duties now.” He glanced to the side where David stood at the window, slightly removed from the group.
“My lady’s duties are none of your concern, George.” David’s voice was laced with boredom.
Mr. Silsbury raised a bushy eyebrow. “Maud would be happy to—”
“I’m certain she would.” David gave the woman a heated stare that had her blushing. Jenny was forced to cover her mouth before a giggle could escape. “Jenny doesn’t need assistance, I assure you.”
“My, it’s getting late.” Kit stood, leaving the guests little choice in the matter. “I’m sure you understand that we end receiving hours earlier now that Alfred is convalescing so as not to disturb his rest.”
Whether they did or not, the couple pretended to understand and Kit walked them out of the room and to the front door. Alone, Jenny stared at her husband.
“David…”
He kept staring out the window, his back to her.
“How is Alfred?” She jumped to her feet, afraid he might make for the door. “Is he truly better?” She believed Kit, but she needed to hear it from him.
“He is.” He kept his eyes outside, refusing to look at her. “He developed a fever, but it’s gone now. He’s been eating a little. He sat up long enough to convince George he won’t be moving up in the line of succession any time soon.” The dry humor in his tone gave her hope.
“That’s wonderful. I’ve been worried for him.”
She crossed to him but paused when he looked at her. His eyes were closed to her, but she sensed something burning beneath the surface. “Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, even though she knew why.
“I’m not ready to have this discussion,” he said and his gaze swung back to the window .
“Then you don’t have to talk, but please listen.
” She took a cautious step, as if approaching him too fast would send him running.
When he didn’t leave or protest, she said, “I came to apologize. For everything. For all of it. I should never have sent you away. I regretted it the moment I left but I was too proud to come back.”
He’d stopped breathing, as if he’d turned to stone. She paused next to him, afraid to touch him, afraid that she’d never be able to touch him again. A damnable lump formed in her throat and she had to swallow several times to finish what she’d planned to say.
“I love you, David.” He made a soft sound in his throat.
He didn’t move otherwise, but he was listening.
She fixed her gaze on his eyelashes in profile and said, “Actually, I’ve loved you for a while now.
Since before the wedding.” He looked at her and her heart leaped.
Pain shone in his eyes. “I think it’s why I was so insistent on pushing you away.
I was terrified of getting hurt. I didn’t mean for it to happen, but it did.
How could I not love you? You’ve been so very good to me. ”
Deciding fear wasn’t going to stop her anymore, she took his hand.
He didn’t pull it away, so she wrapped it between hers and brought it to her lips, where she pressed a kiss to the back and then to his palm.
“I let that fear hurt you, and I’m so sorry for that.
You don’t deserve to be hurt. You deserve someone who can stand with you.
Who can be your duchess. Who can love you as you should be loved.
I want to be that woman. I swear to do my best… if you’ll let me.”
“What about George and everyone else?” His voice was raw. “They won’t change. They’ll mock and slight you behind your back.”
“You are worth more than all of them. I’d face the devil himself if it meant I get to be with you.”
“Am I the devil himself?” His brows drew together as he studied her. “Do you still believe I’ll hurt you?”
That was the rub, the one thing that had held her back. Part of her did believe he might. “I’m willing to take the risk,” she said honestly.
He stared at her for so long she thought he might turn her away. He looked down at their hands, his thumb tracing over her knuckles. “Before I came to you in Paris…I tried to get back to my old life.”
A dart of pain tore through her, but she managed to keep her expression from showing it. “What happened before doesn’t matter.”
But he shook his head and his fingers tightened on hers. “Tried,” he repeated. “I failed. I went to a party…one that I’d been to many times before.”
She swallowed. She’d heard tales of the parties he attended.
They were always spoken of in whispers, much like the rumors of his adornment, which had turned out to be true.
She didn’t want to hear more and might have looked away from him had he not appeared so earnest and insistent that she listen, his gaze capturing hers.
“There was a woman there whom I’d been with before many times…but I couldn’t do it.”
“Couldn’t do it?”
“I couldn’t…perform. I thought you’d bewitched me. I felt ill.”
She tried not to smile but she couldn’t help it. It broke through despite her best intentions.
“I left. I came home and found your contract. I knew then that I needed to see you. I knew then that you had bewitched me.”
Joy rushed out of her as a laugh. “That’s what you meant when you said you hadn’t been with a woman since…” She counted the time in her head.
“Since the day of our engagement party,” he confirmed.
Since before they were married. Her heart filled with such aching joy she thought it might be in danger of bursting.
“Oh, David. ”
“You’re the only woman I want, Jenny. I admitted I loved you in Paris.
” His arms went around her and all but crushed her against his chest, and yet it wasn’t close enough.
“But the truth is I loved you much longer than that. I knew since the night you sat across from me in that carriage,” he whispered against her hair.
“You knew even then?”
“You sat across from me and offered yourself to me to help your sister.” He looked down at her, his hands cupping her face. “You would do anything for those you love, no matter what it cost you. I knew then that I was lost for good.”
“Do you mean to tell me that you would have married me had I not agreed to a night in your bed?”
His grin was decidedly wicked. “Probably, but I would have found a way to seduce you.”
She laughed again as she imagined the torment she’d saved both of them by her audacious proposal.
He leaned down and kissed her deeply, his tongue brushing hers.
She held on tightly and allowed herself to sink into the decadent heat of him.
She’d never get enough of this. Her fingers curled in his hair and the kiss deepened until they had to break for breath.
“Do you forgive me for what I said to you in Paris?” she asked against his lips.
“Not yet, but I’m certain you can convince me.” He took her mouth again.