Chapter 2 #2
“People died today over my hurt feelings.”
“And more will die.”
“I don’t know if I can live with that.”
“It’s too late to turn back now. We’re almost there. His body and our brother’s are almost in the ground.”
“Maybe there’s another way to figure this out.”
“There isn’t.”
“I just. . .”
I leaned my head to the side. “What?”
“I just don’t know if my pain is worth the price of others’ deaths.”
“It is.” I held his gaze. “To me, it’s worth everyone’s deaths and more.
My brother was shattered for no reason at all.
As far as I’m concerned. . .let the fucking sky rain down with innocents' blood.
Let the Fox and the whole world burn down to quiet ash.
As long as you come out the other side of this healed.
As long as you're happy again. That's all that matters.”
Hiro frowned. “You love me too much.”
Nyomi reached over and touched his arm, giving him a small squeeze. He looked at her hand, then at her face.
He nodded.
She let go.
I watched Hiro take the joint from Nyomi's fingers, bring it to his lips, and pull deep. And then. . .I saw the grief he carried folded behind his eyes.
We’ll kill the Fox because he took away your happy ever after with Nura.
Plus, if the Fox knew about Nyomi, she would be next. That was the war, stripped of everything else. We were battling for the ability to love who we chose in peace.
“Hiro. . .” Nyomi leaned his way and wrapped her arms around his neck.
Hiro didn't move. His hands stayed at his sides and his gaze found mine over her shoulder.
For the first time tonight. . .he looked lost.
I held his gaze.
I’ll kill tons of innocents and more, just to see that sadness leave your eyes.
As if he heard me, he closed his eyes. Finally, he put his arms around her and sighed. “Nyomi. . .you love me too much too.”
She buried her face into the corner of his neck. “Never that.”
My heart warmed.
The music moved through the room.
I turned to the cherry blossom tree. A third petal left a high branch. It turned once in the air and then landed on the tatami without sound.
A memory of my mother filled my head.
I must have been five at the time.
I looked up at her in the garden. “Why must they fall, mommy?”
“Leaves fall so new ones have room to open.”
I looked back at my brother and Nyomi.
Sighing, she let him go and came back to me.
Hiro pulled back from the hug and held the joint up between two fingers. The tip still burned. A thin thread of smoke rising from it in the quiet room.
Then he reached for the sake bottle on the nightstand, tipped the joint downward, and pressed the lit end into the narrow mouth of the bottle.
The ember hit the sake.
A short sharp hiss cut through the music.
A tiny curl of steam rose from the bottle's mouth.
Hiro lay down.
I watched him. "Nyomi sees it.”
Hiro looked at me. “Sees what?”
“My dragon. The shadow of it.”
Hiro stared at me. “How high are you right now? And what the fuck are you talking about?”
Nyomi snuggled closer and laughed. “Baby, I don’t think we need to talk about this.”
“Do you remember what my mother would say about the animal shadows?”
“Aww.” Hiro nodded. “Wait a minute. That stuff is true? I thought it wasn’t.”
“She sees it.”
Hiro looked at Nyomi. "You see his shadow?"
“Yes.”
“When?”
“Different times.”
“What about now?”
She looked up above us. "Yeah. It’s. . .I don’t know. . .high like Kenji and floating on its back. I’ve never seen him like that before. Kenji must be pretty fucking high.”
Hiro's gaze moved to the space above us. He squinted. “I wish I could see that.”
“You don’t. Sometimes Kenji’s dragon-shadow is scary.”
I quirked my brows.
“And let’s not forget about the fact that seeing it at all is a bit creepy.” She yawned. “It’s like. . .making me question my reality and all that.”
Hiro watched her. “Do you see an odd shadow with me?”
“No.”
“Then, I probably don’t have one.”
“I bet you do. You just need your true love to see it.” I smiled.
Nyomi nodded. “I agree.”
He gave her an odd look. “But you’re my true love.”
I frowned. “Careful.”
They laughed.
I didn’t.
Hiro let out a long sigh. "My true love. She's out there somewhere having a terrible time without me."
Nyomi closed her eyes. “Facts.”
He chuckled, but I saw the flicker of grief beneath the sound. The place where Nura's death still lived. His expression went serious again. “Hiroko smiled before they shot her. Did you see that Kenji?”
Tension gathered in my shoulders.
Nyomi opened her eyes. “What?”
I sighed. “Hiro. . .”
“It’s just. . .” Hiro shook his head. “I didn’t need another smiling woman being shot in front of me. That’s all. I needed to say that out loud.”
Nyomi’s eyes watered. She shivered against me and I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t think she needed the gory details, but I also knew she deserved some rationalization.
Tears left her eyes and she turned to me and buried her face in my chest.
I held her closer.
We were all grieving. Hiro for Nura. Nyomi for Hiroko. Me for every man I'd put into the ground and every man I knew the ground was waiting for soon.
And beneath the grief, a truth lived that I wouldn’t speak to anyone.
Not to Nyomi.
Not to Hiro.
Not even to Reo.
A son killing his father is not a natural thing. It will haunt me, even if he deserves it.
I wanted him dead.
I wanted him removed from the earth the way one removed a disease. The Fox had earned every bullet and blade coming for him. He'd earned it with Nura's blood. With Hiroko's. With every man and woman he'd destroyed to maintain a grip on a world that had already moved past him.
But my wanting my father’s death and surviving my killing him were different things.
I could want him dead and still know that putting him in the earth would change the shape of my soul forever.
The son who killed his father would carry that act in his hands for the rest of his life —in every touch, every gesture, every time he reached for the woman he loved and wondered if his hands had finally become clean.
I pulled Nyomi closer. She made a small sound and pressed into me.
Hiro shifted, and his hand found her wrist, held it loosely for a breath, then let go.
The three of us.
In this room.
The comforting weight of her against me.
The sound of his breathing slowing beside us.
The koto playing the same patient notes around us.
After several silent minutes, Hiro sat up, stretched, and cracked his neck to one side, then the other. “I should go.”
Nyomi sniffled, rose, and wiped her face. “You don’t have to.”
“It’s getting late.”
“It’s not.”
He looked at Nyomi for a long moment, then reached over, and took the pillow she usually slept on. “This is mine now.”
She wiped her tears some more and gave him a sad smile. “What? That’s my pillow.”
“I know.” He tucked it under his arm. "It smells like you. I'm keeping it."
She shook her head but at least she was smiling.
“I love you, Tora.”
“I love you too, Hiro.”
“I’m sorry about Hiroko.”
“It’s okay.” She shook her head. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“It was.” Hiro pressed his lips together and headed away.
“It wasn’t.” I watched him go and. . .these thoughts hit my head.
Stay, brother. Sleep here tonight. Just lie down and never walk away. . .
I didn't say those words, even though my chest ached with them.
Hiro stopped at the door, opened it, and looked back at us. “By the way, I think we should have the Claws’ Cocktail party tomorrow night.”
I rolled my eyes. “I think the whole island knows you feel that way.”
“It’s time.”
Yawning, Nyomi lay back in my arms. “Yes, Hiro. We’ve got it. The party is tomorrow.”
“I’m just saying. It’s time.” Hiro walked out and closed the door behind him.
That fucking party. I can’t wait to have it just so he will shut up about it.
I stared at the door and. . .my heart ached for him and all that had been said.
Nyomi's breathing had gone deep and even against me. Her fingers had stopped moving.
She’s asleep or close. . .
I almost woke her up to fuck or just. . .tell her how broken my heart was. But the sake and marijuana had weighed me down too.
My heart.
I leaned over and pressed my lips to her forehead.
A second later, I closed my eyes, but couldn’t go to sleep.
Minutes passed.
Then I heard it.
A sound on the balcony. It was small. A scuff of weight on stone. The faintest creak of the railing shifting under pressure.
Then a light tap at the glass.
Hmmm.
My eyes opened.
No window or balcony was as heavily guarded as mine on this island, which meant that whoever was there. . .had asked for permission to go up. And I knew the only person that would have the audacity to do so.
What does he want?
I yawned and carefully placed Nyomi on her side.
She shifted, mumbled something, and reached her hand for where I'd been, before letting it fall to the bed.
My Tiger.
I left the bed and stood.
The floor was cool beneath my feet.
Let's see what trouble he's gotten himself into this time.