Chapter Twenty-Four
Later that night, I dined with the Dragon King at his table in the dining hall. The meal started well, but then Falken spotted Arril sitting with the Volper courtiers.
“Would you prefer to mate one of your own?” Falken's voice slid over my skin like a warning.
“We don't call it mating. We marry.”
“You didn't answer my question.” He turned in his seat to face me.
“No, I don't have a racial preference. I have a compatibility preference.”
The King grunted, glanced at Arril, and drank half his glass of wine. “Where did you meet Arril?”
“I won't speak to you about this.”
“About what?”
“My past dalliances.”
His dark-blond eyebrows lifted. “Dalliances? Is that what we are having?”
I glanced at him but didn't answer.
“Is it?” he demanded.
“Do not raise your voice to me.” I leaned in close so no one else could hear our argument. “And no, it is not what we have. We have a contract.”
His breath warmed my cheek. “And what does that mean, exactly?”
“It means we are in a relationship.” I sighed and sat back. “I don't find jealousy attractive.”
“I'm not jealous. He isn't with you. I am.”
“Then why are you so upset?”
“Because you say we are in a relationship, but it doesn't feel like it to me.”
I gaped at him, and then anger rose inside me.
I leaned in again. “I have given you more than I've given anyone else I've taken to bed.
I made a contract with you so that there would be no questions about who we are to each other.
Yet you are not satisfied. It doesn't feel like a relationship to you?
Well, it's the most intimate I've been with anyone.
Didn't you see Arril's shock when I mentioned our contract?
This is not common for me. Arril and I had an incredible affair.
It was enough to leave an impression on both of us.
But I left him when the time came, and I haven't regretted it . Barely even thought of him until today.” I huffed and shook my head.
“Reason tells me we've contracted too soon, and maybe I should have listened to it instead of—” I cut myself off.
“Instead of what?” Falken whispered.
“My emotions.” I leaned back. “I never make decisions based on what I feel. That's foolish. But for you, I've played the fool. Now, you throw it all in my face, acting as if it's nothing! If you think that, you don't know me at all.” I stood up. “Goodnight, Your Majesty.”
I left the dais and strode down the center of the hall, ignoring the curious looks of the courtiers, especially Arril's.
I didn't care what they thought. My goal was to get away from Falken before I revealed too much.
Or wept. That would have been humiliating.
I was not an emotional man, but the Dragon King was changing that.
If I were smart, I'd pack up and leave immediately.
My job was done. I'd found the problem and instructed the King on how to fix it.
Nothing was keeping me there, not even our contract.
We hadn't stipulated the length of our relationship.
I could leave whenever I wished. He hadn't mated me.
“He hasn't mated me,” I whispered, pausing in the corridor.
We'd been physically intimate for a week, but the Dragon King hadn't mated me. Granted, I didn't know how long it took before the mating magic activated. But with all the sex we'd been having, it seemed to me that it would have happened if it were going to happen. Did quantity matter over quality?
“Yet another reason to leave.”
I went to my guest room instead of the Royal Apartments for a couple of reasons. First, I didn't want to sleep next to Falken while I was so angry at him. Second, I didn't want to see Falken. Third, I didn't want to talk to Falken.
Being upset only made me more anxious. I couldn't remember the last time I'd gotten mad at a lover.
No one had ever gotten to me like Falken.
No one had challenged me, demanded more of me, or aroused me as he did.
Getting upset meant that I cared, and caring for a man with whom I had no future was a mistake I refused to make.
I closed the door behind me and went to the dressing room.
There, I opened a trunk and began packing.
It needed to be done quickly, before my ridiculous emotions could lodge a protest. Realizing that I wasn't Falken's mate had made me feel a shocking sadness, and that terrified me.
Analyzing my emotions made me uncomfortable, but I knew myself, and I wouldn't shy away from the truth.
I didn't want to be bound to anyone with magic.
That felt unfair and foolish to me. And yet the thought that I wouldn't be bound to Falken brought an ache to my chest. It was nonsensical.
I had to leave before the Dragon King pulled me deeper under his spell.
He was changing me, and not for the better.
If this continued, I'd fall in love with him, and when he found his mate and left me to bind himself magically to another for eternity, it would destroy me.
“No, that is not acceptable.” I placed a folded shirt in my trunk.
“What the fuck are you doing?!”
I spun around to find the Dragon King in the dressing room doorway, his entire body tight with fury. It took all of my courage to remain where I was and not cringe away from him. But with that courage came reason.
I lifted my chin. “I don't like the way you make me feel. I'm ending our contract.”
“What?” His eyes began to glow.
“I am within my rights to end this. My job is complete. I've given you the answers you need to move forward. So, there is nothing keeping me here. It's time I moved on.”
Falken stormed into the room, stopping just an inch from me, and lowered his head to lock our gazes. “There's nothing keeping you here? Is that truly what you think?”
“I think we've had enough sex to determine that I'm not your mate.” I turned away and pulled another shirt off its hanger. “You should be relieved that I'm leaving now. If I stay longer, things could get complicated.”
“Had enough sex?” He made a huffing sound. “You don't know what you're talking about, Sevarin. We've barely been together a week, and you think that means you're not my mate?”
“Magic should be able to recognize your mate instantly.”
“That's not how Dragon mating magic works. It's different with every Dragon. Sometimes it happens during the first sexual encounter, and sometimes it takes months before the mating magic awakens.”
“That doesn't make sense.” I tightened my hands into fists to hide their trembling.
“It's magic. It doesn't have to make sense.”
I looked at the crumpled shirt in my hands. “I don't like these feelings.”
He moved closer. “What feelings?”
“I don't know.”
“Yes, you do. What are you feeling, Sevarin? You agreed to tell me.”
I lowered the shirt and looked at him. This had to be done. An alchemist never shies away from results or breaks a contract. We face what we do, whether it's a failure or a success. I didn't know what this was yet, so it was even more important that I analyze it without bias.
“Uncertainty,” I whispered. Then I strengthened my voice. “Confusion.”
Falken took another step toward me. “What else?”
I rubbed my left horn and tried to unravel my emotions. “Anxiety. Need or maybe want. Desire, definitely. Fascination.” I met his gaze. “Curiosity. And there are feelings I can't define.”
“Does your heart race when you feel those undefinable emotions?” His voice went low, sending thrills down my spine.
I nodded.
“Does your body seem restless, as if your muscles want to move when you're still?”
“Yes!” I frowned at him. “What is that?”
“Does it seem as if there's something you must do urgently, but you don't know what it is?”
“Yes, that's it! You feel that too?”
Falken leaned down to whisper in my ear, “Yes, it's called longing.
It's the ache of falling in love. We're almost there, Sevarin.
Don't leave me now.” He moved back a little to slide his cheek along mine and then brush our lips together.
“You're feeling the start of a great romance.
Even that cold rationale of yours can't defeat this.” He stepped away from me so he could meet my gaze.
“It will get better. When the longing is satisfied, your racing heart will slow, and you'll know what you need to do.”
“What?” I whispered. “What will I have to do?”
He took my hand and smiled. “Just let yourself fall.” Then he blinked and looked down at his wrist.
I followed his stare to find the end of my tail wrapped around him there. My body had made the decision for me. I couldn't fall yet, but I took a step in the right direction—toward Falken.
It was all I had to do. Falken lurched at me and picked me up off my feet.
My tail twining up his arm, I wrapped my legs around him.
Then came a revolutionary kiss, one that brought those feelings he helped me name to the surface.
It felt wonderful. He felt wonderful. But even as our tongues twined and our bodies hardened, anxiety crept in.
Unwinding myself from him, I pulled out of our kiss. Falken let me slide down to the floor.
“When will the longing abate?” I demanded.
He stared at me for a moment and then burst into guffaws—booming, unfettered laughter. Frowning, I stepped back.
“I'm sorry.” Falken held up a hand as he composed himself. “You are so earnest. I have to remind myself that you aren't familiar with love.”
“And you seem to be overly familiar with it.” I scowled deeper.
His smile faded. “I have been in love before, yes. But he mated someone else.”
“So you know how it feels to lose someone you love to that magic.” I lowered my arms. “I'm sorry.”
“I'm not. We weren't right for each other—constantly arguing, and not in the fun way.” He winked at me. “The magic is infallible, Sevarin. I trust it.”
“I don't.”
“If we're mates, you will.”
“And if we're not?”
“Then we will have this time together to cherish for the rest of our lives.”
“You will not be cherishing it if you're mated to another man.”
“One love does not negate another.”
“But you would leave me if you found your mate.”
“I would. And you would leave me knowing what it is to love. You would have that foundation to use with—” Falken went abruptly silent.
“What is it?”
“I don't like thinking about you with someone else.”
My eyes widened. “That's why you got upset about Arril.”
His jaw clenched, and he nodded. “It's not jealousy, exactly.”
“It's possessiveness.” I grimaced. “I will not be owned. Not in any way.”
Falken made a frustrated sound and spun away from me. “Love makes possession different.” He turned back to face me. “It's not like owning a slave. If we fall in love, I will own your heart.”
I stiffened and backed away, fear jolting me out of romance.
He followed and grasped my hand. “But you would own mine too, Sevarin.
That's how love works. It's an unspoken contract between two people.
There are no terms needed because you both know that betraying your love would destroy you.
I wouldn't control you, but I would own your heart, and I would expect you to respect that by being true to me, as I would be true to you.”
“And I would own your heart?” I frowned again, processing this new facet of possession. Could it be good? Not slavery, but a bond that can't be broken. “Mutually assured destruction.”
Falken chuckled. “In a way, yes. Other people call it heartbreak. Of course, if we mated, it would be accurate. You leaving would destroy me.”
I frowned deeper.
“These are things we don't need to worry about now.” He pulled me into his arms. “We can talk about it later.”
“But you said the things I'm feeling are leading toward love.” I pushed out of his embrace. “If that's true, I need to be prepared for it.”
“Love is not something you can prepare for, Sevarin. You just leap and hope that the person you love will catch you.”
I grimaced. “I don't think I like that analogy.”
Chuckling again, he pulled me back into his arms. “Think of this as one of your experiments, Master Alchemist. Can you prepare for every contingency?”
“No, but I can prepare for the most likely outcome.”
“Very well. Then prepare yourself to feel something so beautiful that nothing else can come close to it.” He nuzzled our lips together.
I leaned back. “What if we fall in love, and I'm not your mate?”
“I might never find my mate.” He shrugged. “Let's not worry about that now.”
“So, you would expect me to stay with you even if I wasn't your mate?”
“If we love each other, yes.”
“And I would be your consort? Or would you marry me in the ways of my people? And then, what if, after many years of marriage, your mate finds you? Would you leave me?”
“Sevarin, that's not going to happen.”
“Then you'd deny your mate?”
“All right, enough. Let's do this your way. If we fall in love, we will amend our contract. You can set your terms. Whatever makes you comfortable.”
“Anything at all?”
“Yes.”
“You'd do that?”
“Of course. But we're not there yet. Damn it, Sevarin. You're taking all the fun out of falling in love.”
I snorted. “Fun? This isn't fun. It's an up and down flight that makes me want to throw up half the time and scream with joy the rest.”
“It isn't fun?” Falken scooped me up and carried me out of my guest room. “How about now?”
I laughed as he ran down the hallway and into the royal apartments, on a path straight to his bed.