Chapter Fourteen
There is happiness in delusion. I let go of the pain of not being myself and embraced that joy because I had the hope of one day being accepted for who I was.
This was temporary. A way through the trauma.
I could accept that. Perfectly understandable.
And Vasren's dragon seemed to accept it too.
He started coming out to play again. I guess everyone enjoys a good fantasy.
But as the days turned into a week and then another, I wondered just how long Vas would need to get over my betrayal.
How long would I have to play this part?
Sometimes, it got difficult to remember who I was beyond Kat.
And that scared me. But there was so much pleasure to be had without the whole of me.
It became easier and easier to let myself go.
“I want to show you something,” Vasren said.
I was in the library on the ground floor.
It was my favorite room in the manor. I loved lounging on a blue velvet chaise while reading beneath the domed ceiling and occasionally pausing to look up at it.
The ceiling was also blue but darker, with golden constellations painted across it.
It wasn't an artist's representation of the night sky but rather a scholar's.
The constellations were fully formed, with thin gold lines connecting the gilded stars and names written beside them.
My chaise was directly beneath the constellation of Ensarena, the Dragon Goddess, who also happened to be responsible for my mating bond with Vasren.
I found comfort in looking at her stars, even if they weren't the real thing.
My life wasn't about reality at the moment, so fake stars seemed perfect.
I put down my book and stood up to take Vasren's hand. “Are we going into the city?”
“No, I want you to know the escape route.”
I went still. “What?”
“From the manor. There's a secret passage in this room. I need you to know the way in case you have to escape intruders.”
This was momentous. So many layers of meaning coated Vasren's offer. It showed his concern, yes, but more than that, it showed his trust in me. Previously, he'd been worried about me leaving him. Now, he was showing me the way out.
“Are you anticipating trouble?” I asked.
“No.” He cupped my cheek. “You're safe. I promise.”
“Vas.” I sighed. “Is this about the King's Talons? Are you afraid they'll discover that you have me?”
“No. I'm sure I can reason with the King if they learn of your whereabouts.”
“So, you haven't told him?”
Vasren's face twitched.
“Vas, won't he be expecting you to return at some point? He sent you after me.”
“Actually, he didn't.”
“What?” I let go of his hand.
Vas rubbed his chin. “I went after you on my own. The King isn't concerned about you. He feels that you were helpful, and your actions led him to discover his mate. So . . .” Vas shrugged.
“Are you saying that I could return to Kochan?”
“I don't think that would be wise. He may be forced to apprehend you if you return to the city. But with you gone, he can ignore you.”
“Oh. I see. Well, that's still more than I hoped for.” I frowned and stepped back. Then his words really sank in. “You said I'd be executed if not for you. That you were my only path to survival!”
Vas looked away.
“Damn it, Vas! You let me live in fear. No, you purposefully made me afraid.”
“First of all, you deserved to feel that way,” his voice hardened. “Second, as I just said, you wouldn't be safe if you returned to Kochan. The King may even be forced to execute you for the sake of his public image. I don't know. So, it wasn't entirely a lie.”
“Uh-huh.” I crossed my arms.
Vas leaned down to bring our faces to the same level. “Do you have any idea of how afraid I was when you left me? Do you know how you destroyed me?”
“Why were you afraid?”
He straightened in affront. “Because you were a criminal on the run. A fucking fugitive! You were beyond my protection or my help. I imagined all manner of evil befalling you.”
I sighed and dropped my arms. “All right. Let's just call it even.”
“Call it even?” He snorted. “I didn't deserve what you did to me.”
“But I deserve everything you've done to me?”
“What have I done, Katai?” He waved his arms. “Tell me. Go on. List my crimes.”
I stared at Vas. The real me wanted to lash out at him.
I wanted to give him that list and watch his face crumple.
But where would that get me? My father taught me to always think before I spoke.
To ask myself what result I wanted and what I could say to get me that.
What I wanted was to get our happiness back.
The peace we had reached. And throwing Vasren's bad behavior in his face would not make either of us happy.
I bent my head. “Nothing, Vas. I'm sorry. I lashed out because you upset me. I don't like thinking about you being in pain. I especially don't like knowing that I caused that pain.” I looked up at him. “You're right. I deserved to be afraid. That's the least of what I deserve.”
Vas crumpled, but not in a bad way. His anger vanished as he pulled me into his arms. “No, I'm sorry, my little Kat.
I shouldn't have said that. I don't want you to be afraid either.
I was mad at myself for behaving so abominably, and I took it out on you.
I should have told you sooner that I misled you, and your accusation made me feel the weight of that. I'm so sorry.”
I closed my eyes and nestled in closer. Yes, this was much better than arguing.
Pride be damned. Being submissive had gotten Vas to admit that he was wrong.
But if I were completely honest with myself—which I always make a point of being—I'd have to admit that as much as I was pleased with this result and counted this as yet another win for me in our little game, it vexed me that I had to resort to manipulation to get Vasren to be honest with me.
I was so tired of games. Would it always be like this with him?
Vas kissed my forehead and stepped back to take my hand. “Come now, my love. Let me show you how we will leave the manor if we're ever under attack. I need to know that even if we're separated, you can escape on your own.”
I let him lead me across the library, continuing to play the meek lover—all wide eyes and soft mouth. Vas lapped it up, smiling and stroking my hand with his thumb as he held it.
“Here. You see this notch in the molding?” He pointed at the carving between the bookshelves against the back wall. “Press here to open the passage.”
As Vas pressed the point, the entire shelving unit on the left swung out, revealing a set of stone steps going down. He tugged on a hanging cord just inside the passage, and light spheres came on, one after the other, leading downward.
“Where does this go?” I asked.
“To the base of the cliff.” Vas pulled me along with him as he entered. Once we were inside, he shut the bookshelf/panel. “Here is the latch to open the way if you should need to return.” He tapped the steel lever on the back of the panel. “Now, come with me.”
We went down the steps, our boots making hollow thuds on the stone. The passage curved around a corner before going downward in a straight line. At the bottom, a pale blue glow softly illuminated the doorway. The comforting sound of waves wafted through it along with the scent of the sea.
Vas led me out of the stairwell. For a few moments, I enjoyed a peaceful view of a vast cavern lit from golden sunshine shining through a passage on my left and blue underwater lights within a huge natural pool directly before me.
Then Vas pulled another cord. Lights came on above us, the spheres lodged within crevices on the cavern ceiling.
White marble arches reinforced the ceiling, and a portion of the floor to our right had been smoothed into a flat, polished surface.
A few couches stood on the even ground, but that was all.
Steps led down from that section into the pool, the expanse and depth of which were great enough for a dragon to submerge itself.
The underwater lights couldn't compete with the spheres above and kept their glow to the rocky sides and sandy bottom of the pool.
To the far left, the cavern opened to the sea, the passage also large enough for a dragon.
“This way.” Vas stepped over to the edge of the pool where a rowboat bobbed gently, tied to a steel post in the ground. “If you need to leave without me, take this boat.”
“And what about you?”
“I have Water Magic. I don't need the boat. Or I could simply shift and fly away.”
“Oh.”
“Before you get in the boat, you need to retract the gate with this lever.” He indicated a steel handle that poked out of the rock floor beside the mooring pole.
“The gate?” I looked at the opening again.
“It's further out.”
“Oh. All right.” I looked up and then over at the furnished area. “Do you come down here often?”
“It's a nice place to swim.” He led me to the right end of the cavern and onto the polished portion. Then he waved at the door set into the wall. “This is my vault.”
“Your vault. Of course. Where else would you put it?”
Vasren chuckled. “I forgot about your sense of humor.”
Again, I didn't want to ruin the mood, so I didn't mention how little there was to joke about lately.
I just looked from the door to the water.
“It's beautiful down here.” My stare lifted to the opening in the far wall, surging up nearly as high as the cavern.
From that perspective, I could see the metal gate Vas mentioned—a grid of thick metal strips.
Beyond the gate, sheer stone rose from the water.
“That passage.” I pointed. “Is it hidden?”
“From the outside? Yes. It's tucked within a curve of the cliff. But even if someone were to venture around the protective wall, the gate would stop them. Don't worry. You're safe here.”
“I know.” I looked over at him. “I'm not worried. I was just wondering why I couldn't see the channel.”
“Ah.” Vas grinned. “Would you like to go swimming?”
I looked back at the water. “It looks deep.”
“The descent it swift, but there's still a shallow area. You see?” He led me up the steps where I could see the slope. “Don't you know how to swim?”
“Yes, of course. But not seeing the bottom makes me nervous.”
“What do you mean? The lights illuminate the entire bottom.”
“Yes, but they don't go past the passage. It's dark over there. Anything could be lurking in that water.”
“The gate goes down to the seabed. Nothing larger than my palm can get through it.”
“Have you ever heard of eels?”
Vas burst out laughing. “I will protect you from any eel that dares to threaten you.” He undid the buttons on his shirt. “Come on, little Kat. I've never brought anyone down here. Don't disappoint me.”
“I'm the first?” Why did that make me so damn happy? My heart was ridiculous.
“Yes.” Vas shrugged out of his shirt. “You're the first person I've shared any of this with.” He motioned up at the manor.
“Oh.” I chewed my lower lip. “All right then.”
He grinned as I began to undress.
“No sex in the water, though.” I pointed at him. “I don't like it.”
“You don't like having sex in water?” He lifted his eyebrows.
“No. It gets inside.” I made a face at him.
He laughed again.
“Don't laugh!” I pointed at him. “It's very uncomfortable to get pumped full of water. And then it has to . . . you know . . . exit.”
Vas stopped laughing. Blinked. Then laughed even harder.
“Vas!” I slapped his chest. “It's not funny.” Then I giggled. “All right, it's a little funny, but I don't want to do that.”
“Very well.” He pulled me in against him. “I won't have sex with you in the water. I'll make sure your ass is above the surface.”
“Ugh!” I pushed away from him as he laughed again. “I'm not going in.”
“Oh, sweetheart, I'm just teasing. You know I have Water Magic. I can keep it from you.” He pouted. And then he pushed down his pants.
No underwear. Damn him.
“I don't care if you can control the water. You might lose control of it mid-fuck. So, no sex!” I pointed at him. “Promise me.”
He held up his hands. “No sex in the water. I promise.”
“Fine. And if I feel an eel slide against me, I'm getting out.”
“The only eel you'll feel is—”
“Don't!” I cut him off. “You promised.”
Vasren laughed again, and this time, I just stared at him, appreciating how it changed his face.
Vas was always beautiful, but laughter lightened the weight in his eyes and the hard angles of his chin.
It made him boyish. He used to laugh all the time when we were in Kochan—back when I was more amusing.
That was the man I was used to. The man I had fallen in love with.
Seeing Vasren vicious and angry had been a shock, even knowing that it was a natural response.
But now, it was his laughter that shocked me.
It also reminded me that all of my acting was worth it.
I undressed, tossing my clothing onto the couch, and Vasren's laughter abruptly stopped. When I looked back at him, I found his expression had shifted into pure lust. I pointed at him again. Just pointed and glared.
He grinned. “I gave you my word, little Kat. Now, come play with me.”
“Oh, I intend to, my big Dragon,” I purred and went into the water.