Chapter Twenty-Two #2
Ulfrin opened a door and stood back while we entered. He closed it from the outside, and I heard his footsteps move away. The little room had no windows and was furnished with only a free-standing closet and a teak reclining couch. I waited as Vas set his satchel on the couch.
He glanced at me and grinned. “Take off your clothes.”
I cleared my throat. “Uh, are we doing this naked?”
Vas burst out laughing. “Yes and no. We leave our clothes here.” He went to the closet, opened it, and hung his shirt on a hanger there before motioning at the thick cotton robes waiting beside it. “We'll wear these on the way to our pool.”
“Oh. All right.” I got undressed and slipped into a robe. When we left without his satchel, I asked, “Is it safe to leave that here? Your money is inside it.”
“No one would dare steal from me.” He took my hand and closed the door behind us.
“I know a few who would.”
Vas grinned. “They won't be here.”
I shrugged. He was too confident in his status, in my opinion. But it was his money to risk.
Dressed only in our robes, with bare feet, we stepped out of the room and then out of the building to find Ulfrin waiting for us on a terrace.
He led us along an open walkway. On one side was the mountain, and on the other was a sheer drop.
The breeze coming up the drop made me shiver and clutch my robe closer, especially the lower half.
But the breeze vanished as we went around a curve and came to a wall with a single door.
Ulfrin opened the door and ushered us into the space beyond. “I'll send someone with refreshments. Ring the bell if you need anything.”
“This is perfect. Thank you.” Vasren started untying his robe before the door shut.
I did an inspection of the room first. Modest, but lovely, with two lounging couches, a small table between them, and a shelf full of fluffy towels, woven bath mitts, body brushes, and scoops that looked like little buckets on the end of sticks.
The far end of the room was open as if someone had sliced the tip off.
Half of a pool took up most of the room, with its other half jutting out beyond the roof into the open air.
Carved out of the stone floor, the inner half of the pool flowed seamlessly into the white marble that formed the outer half.
Steps led down into the pool, and bubbles broke the surface near the steps.
From behind me, Vasren's hands slid over my hips and around to my front. He untied my robe as he pressed himself against my back and whispered in my ear, “Do you like it?”
A shiver went down my spine as he drew my robe away, the material caressing my skin as cool air replaced it. I stepped forward instead of answering, seeking the warmth of the water. With my first step, I inhaled sharply.
“Is it too hot?” Vasren asked, his hand on my elbow.
“No, the heat is just a bit shocking against the cool air.” I glanced over my shoulder.
“You'll be grateful for the cold after a few minutes. It keeps you from overheating. Go on.”
I went into the hot water, my foot tickled by a spurt as it trailed over a fissure in the stone.
So that was where it was pumped in. And the out was the rim of the pool that constantly but gently overflowed.
I sighed as the heat sank through my body and loosened my muscles.
Vas came in behind me, his entrance pushing more water over the side.
Arms out to float in the water, I went to the edge and peered over.
Hot water gushed over my hands and around my body as I stared down the mountain.
Mist hovered around our mini-waterfall and glittered in the sunlight.
To either side of us was sheer rock, but below, I saw several larger pools where men and women lounged in minimal clothing.
There were also areas to dine or lounge in with a drink, and many people gathered there as well.
Vas came up beside me. “We can go down there later if you wish.”
“Maybe just to see the view from a different perspective.” I turned away from the side and went to sit on a ledge carved out of the pool. “So, the bathhouse is run by Ricarri?”
“Yes. They—”
A knock interrupted him.
“Enter,” Vas called out.
A human woman came in bearing a tray of covered dishes, steaming mugs, a silver carafe with condensation dripping down its side, and two empty glasses. She set the tray down on the table. “May I pour a glass of hot or cold tea for either of you?”
“I'll take the cold,” Vasren said.
“Hot tea for me, please,” I said.
She nodded, poured our drinks, and set them down beside us on the floor, all with her gaze averted.
Then she went to the shelf and collected a few items. She laid out a couple of bath mitts, a sea sponge, a ladle, and a wooden container near the pool's rim between us.
“The herbal paste is scented with mint and lavender. Would you prefer a different scent?”
“No, that's fine. Thank you,” Vasren said.
“My pleasure.” She bowed and left the room.
“Come here, Mate.” Vasren opened the container and scooped some green paste out to spread onto the sea sponge.
I took my mug of tea and went to him. “Can we just sit for a while?”
He blinked. Set the sponge down. “Of course. Would you sit beside me?”
Smiling, I settled onto the ledge beside him and sipped my tea. “This is perfect. I'm sorry I don't want to go through the bath ritual right now. I just want to be still and enjoy the peace.”
“I understand.” He took a swig of his iced tea and set it aside. Then he put his hands in his lap.
I looked over at him and grinned. “You seem nervous.”
“I . . . I don't know what to do if I can't touch you.”
“You can touch me. I just don't want to be bathed. That's a whole process that involves my participation.” I took his hand. “Thank you, by the way. This is spectacular. So much better than sitting in my office while I try to ignore the pounding of hammers.”
“You're welcome.” Vas cleared his throat. “Could I hold you on my lap?”
“How about you put your arm around me instead?”
“A compromise.” He grinned and slid his arm around my shoulder. “I'll take it.”
I sighed and settled in against Vasren's side, my stare going back to the view.
With us so high up and sitting back from the edge, all I saw was a misty swath of distant land and the sky above it, but that was perfect.
It made me feel separate from the world.
Just Vas and me, away from the issues that hounded us. No crime or duty holding us back.
“So, Vasren Tsai.” I turned my head to look up at him. “Let's get to know each other.”
Vas met my gaze. “What would you like to know?”
“I know we're starting over, and I understand that we had a difficult start with our mating, but I need you to be clear with me before I can move forward. There is something that weighs on me.”
“What is it?”
“You said when you bonded with me that you saw me, but it wasn't a complete picture. Like the rings in a tree.”
“Yes.”
“But, Vas, I felt you touch my soul and then pull away. It felt like you had rejected me.” I swallowed past the dryness in my throat and then forged ahead. “What did you see that was so terrible? I need to know. Am I . . . is there something wrong with me?”
“Kat,” Vas whispered and bent to touch our foreheads together briefly.
“There's nothing wrong with you.” He sighed and lifted his head to meet my stare.
“I was shocked, not repulsed. I thought I knew you, but there was so much more to you.
You want to know what I saw? I saw a strong soul, steady and true.
Loyal. Committed to justice. So committed that it practically consumes you.
And all I could think was that there was no room for me there.
You didn't need me. You didn't even want me.” He looked away.
“It was I who felt inadequate. Rejected, and by the man I had searched my entire life for.”
I stared at him. Could it be that the withdrawal I had felt had been about his pain, not my soul? I saw Vasren's face in my memory, above me as we were bound. Once more, I felt his soul touching mine. And I knew what he said was true. It was just another terrible misunderstanding between us.
My chest lightened as the terrible trauma left me. Vasren hadn't turned away because he had seen a monster inside me. He had turned away because he didn't think I loved him.
“Vas, I have always wanted you. I love you. How could you not see that inside me?”
Vasren spun his head back toward me. “Your heart is full of the dead, Katai. There is no place for me inside it. That's what I saw.”
“Then you didn't look deep enough!” I turned to straddle his lap and took his hand to place it against my chest. “Look again, Vas. Look past the ghosts and see who truly consumes me.”
Vasren's stare flicked from my face to my chest and back.
Then he closed his eyes, and I felt a tingle against my chest. Awareness filled me.
My Vas. There he was. Inside me. Not in a sexual way, though it did stimulate my body.
No, this was the real him seeking the real me. And he found what he was looking for.
Because I had stopped hiding.
With a forehead-slapping revelation, I saw what had really happened the night of our mating.
Vas had invaded me—body and soul, and I, so used to protecting myself, had summoned the armor of my vengeance to hold him at bay.
Vas hadn't seen my love for him because I wouldn't let him.
I had hidden it so deep beneath all the other parts of myself that even while he gave me a piece of his soul, he couldn't see all of mine.
He hadn't rejected me. I had hidden from him. Dear Gods, I had rejected him!
All that talk about tree rings and the whole picture was true, but it was also evasive.
Vas didn't want to admit that he had felt rejected.
He couldn't tell me that the reason he didn't believe my vows of love was that he hadn't seen love in me.
It was too shameful. Mainly because he wanted so badly to believe.
Only his beast remained unaffected, clinging to me despite how much I hid from him.
It was because of the dragon's tenacity that I was able to connect deeper with him than with the man.
But I was done hiding.
Vasren shuddered and opened his eyes. “Katai.” His hands lifted to cup my face. “Even in this, you are extraordinary.”
“What do you mean?”
“You shouldn't have been able to hide anything from me, not when we were mating. But my Kat is stronger than I ever imagined—inside and out. If I weren't so relieved to feel your love and so damn impressed, I'd be upset with you.”
“I love you, Vas. I'm sorry I held back from you.”
“You weren't the only one. With our bond being one-sided, I was able to hide the way I felt too. I just couldn't let you see the depth of my love when you felt nothing for me.” He brushed his lips over mine. “Look now, Katai. Feel the truth. I love you with all my being. I was born to be yours.”
I felt for our bond and was instantly bombarded by love. The sense I had of him before was a watered-down version of him. This was pure. It was an ocean compared to a pond. And Vasren's ocean was full of love for me.
With a cry, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and yanked him against me.
Vasren nuzzled into my neck and sighed, his hands sliding up and down my back.
Through our bond, I felt the two sides of his nature merge and flow peacefully into me.
Back and forth, we exchanged love without words.
Although our bodies hardened, preparing to take our love into the physical, we remained locked in our embrace.
Our soul connection was far more important than merging our bodies.
It wasn't just bonding. It was healing. There was so much pain lingering between us, and this was the only way to destroy it.
We'd crush it between us until only dust remained.
Within steaming water pulled from deep within the world and high up in the cold of that mountaintop, my mate and I found balance between our warring selves.
We set down our weapons and formed an alliance.
No more hiding. No more misunderstanding.
We still had to find a way to merge our lives as well as our souls—love doesn't fix everything—but at least we were fighting on the same side now.