Chapter 25
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
Gordon’s hand settled firmly at her waist, and before Ailis quite understood what he wanted to do, he lifted her effortlessly from the floor.
A startled breath escaped her.
“Gordon…”
He set her gently upon the edge of the library table, standing between her knees. The sudden change in height brought their faces almost level, and Ailis’s fingers instinctively caught his shoulders.
The solid warmth of him beneath her hands made her pulse quicken, and for a fleeting moment she forgot every sensible thought she had carried into the room.
He leaned closer, and his breath brushed the sensitive skin beneath her ear, and his voice dropped to a rough murmur against her neck.
“Ye make it very difficult to remember me good intentions, mo chridhe.”
A shiver traveled through her. It began at the place where his breath touched her and moved slowly down her spine, leaving her suddenly aware of every inch of space between them.
His hands remained at her waist, holding her securely but without urgency. He lingered there, close enough that she could feel the warmth of him, his breath stirring the fine hairs along her neck.
Her hands circled around his neck too, and she breathed against his lips when he kissed her again, his tongue thrusting into her mouth as she parted. Ailis did not know what to do at first, but he nibbled on her lower lip and let out another deep guttural sound that spurred her on.
Her hands slid down his chest instinctively, and her thighs clenched even tighter around him. Ailis’s fingers drifted tentatively across Gordon’s chest, tracing the warmth of his skin as though she were trying to understand the man beneath her hands.
She felt his breath change and her gaze lifted to his face.
Did that pleasure him?
His eyes stayed close as he groaned again, but his lips stayed clung to hers. When her hand drifted lower down his body, she felt a certain hardness throb there, and it made her gasp.
Gordon caught her wrist at once. “Nay.” His voice was low, roughened as he breathed out deeply.
Ailis looked at him, startled. His fingers remained wrapped around hers, his expression taut as he fought to keep himself composed.
“Do nae do that,” he murmured.
“Why?”
His jaw tightened. “Because if ye do that again…” He drew a slow, unsteady breath. “There will be nay way I can keep meself from ruinin’ ye.”
His lips trailed down her skin as well, leaving kisses on every bare patch until he reached her chin, then claimed her lips again.
Ailis parted her lips for him, gasping as his hands slid up her thighs.
The sensation made her fingers clench against his shoulders.
There was something dizzying about being held so close, about knowing that the same man who had spent so much of his time keeping her at a distance was now looking at her as though he could scarcely bear to let her go.
He stood between her parted knees, his gaze locked on hers while his fingers traced slow circles over the fabric of her skirt.
The quiet rustle of cloth filled the space between them.
He leaned in, pressing his mouth to hers again, the kiss deeper this time, his tongue stroking hers with unhurried intent.
Ailis felt herself melting beneath the attention, her thoughts softening and growing less certain.
She could no longer remember what she had meant to say.
There was only the warmth of his mouth, the roughness of his breath, and the strange fluttering sensation that seemed to gather whenever he touched her.
Gordon’s palms moved higher, bunching her skirt at her hips until cool air touched bare skin.
His fingertips brushed the edge of her stockings, then slipped past it.
He stroked her gently, the pads of his fingers gliding through the slick heat already gathering there.
Ailis gasped into his mouth, her hips twitching at the first deliberate press against her clit.
A tremor passed through her. The sensation was startlingly intimate, yet beneath the surprise was something else, something that made her want to remain exactly where she was.
He broke the kiss to watch her face, his eyes dark with focus. One finger circled her slowly, building a steady rhythm that made her thighs tremble. He eased the fabric aside and slid two fingers along her folds, parting them with care.
The wet sound of his touch echoed softly in the still room. Ailis’ hands gripped the edge of the table, knuckles whitening as pleasure coiled low in her belly.
Gordon lowered his head, his lips brushing the curve of her breast through the exposed neckline of her earasaid. He moved one hand over the laces holding it in place, tugging until he managed to free them a little.
She gasped when he dipped his head again, and his mouth closed over the stiff peak, sucking gently while his fingers continued their slow, steady strokes between her legs.
The dual sensations sent sparks racing through her. She arched, pressing her breast into his mouth, and a soft moan escaped her.
His tongue flicked and circled, drawing her nipple deeper.
At the same time, he eased one finger inside her, the intrusion careful and unhurried.
Her inner walls fluttered around the new stretch.
He added a second finger, curling them upward until he found the spot that made her breath catch.
His thumb kept circling her clit, matching the rhythm of his hand.
Ailis’ head fell back, eyes half-closed. Every stroke of his fingers sent waves of heat through her core. Her hips rocked forward, chasing the pressure, and Gordon met each movement with steady, patient attention.
She had never imagined pleasure could make her feel so unguarded. Every instinct that normally told her to think, to question, to protect herself seemed to have fallen silent. She could only feel him, hear him, breathe him.
He released her nipple and kissed a path across her chest to the other breast, sucking it into his mouth with the same slow intensity.
The library faded around them. All she felt was the wet heat of his mouth, the firm glide of his fingers, and the mounting tension that tightened with every stroke. Her thighs shook around his hips. Gordon’s free hand rested on her lower back, steadying her as he brought her closer to the edge.
He lifted his head, lips brushing her ear. “Ye are so bonnie,” he murmured, voice low. His fingers moved faster, thumb pressing firmer against her clit. Ailis’ breath came in short gasps. The coil inside her wound tighter, heat spreading outward in pulsing waves.
When her peak hit, it rolled through her in long, shuddering pulses.
Her walls clenched around his fingers, hips jerking as pleasure flooded her. Gordon kept stroking her through it, gentling his touch as the aftershocks faded. He withdrew his hand slowly and brought his fingers to his lips, tasting her with a quiet hum.
Ailis sagged forward, resting her forehead against his shoulder. Her skin felt flushed and damp, her breathing unsteady. This was the second time she had felt these sensations which swept through her with a tingling she could not explain.
All she knew was that it made her feel alive in a way she had never known before. It left her trembling, breathless, and strangely vulnerable, yet she did not want to retreat from him.
If anything, some quiet, newly awakened part of her wanted to remain there, wrapped in his warmth, and discover why his touch could make her feel all of this.
Gordon’s head rested against her shoulder, his breath warm and uneven against her skin. Ailis could feel the rise and fall of his chest beneath her hands, each breath gradually slowing as the silence settled around them.
For several moments, neither of them spoke.
Ailis tried to gather her thoughts, but they seemed scattered beyond reach. Her heart still raced, and her fingers remained curled lightly against his shirt, as if releasing him would somehow break the strange quiet between them.
She swallowed and at last, she found her voice.
“Gordon,” she whispered.
He shifted slightly against her shoulder but did not lift his head.
Ailis hesitated, suddenly uncertain of the words she had been trying to form, but Gordon’s drew back from her before she could find them.
“I willnae cancel our engagement,” she finally blurted out as cold seeped through her skin the moment he moved away.
Gordon went utterly still, his back still turned to her. He finally turned, his face drawn into a tight line that she hadn’t seen before. “What did ye just say?”
Ailis swallowed, a shiver racing down her spine as her stomach sank. “I said, I willnae run,” she clarified, even though her voice shook a little this time.
The words felt frightening once they were spoken aloud. Yet they were true.
She had spent weeks imagining herself fleeing this place, finding some road beyond the mountains and disappearing before anyone could put a ring upon her finger.
But she had stayed. She had stayed through the games, through the arguments, through the strange tenderness that had begun to grow between them. Most frightening of all, she had begun to want to stay.
And want him to want me too.
She could not explain how it had happened, or how Gordon had somehow made her forget her plans to ensure he refused the marriage between them. All she knew was that she wanted to be here, in his keep, with these people she had come to cherish.
“I was afraid before,” she admitted, moving closer to him so his body’s warmth seeped into her again.
Gordon’s expression softened for a moment, the crack obvious in the way his eyes trailed down her face. She tried to touch his arm, but he backed away from her.
“I am still afraid now.” Her fingers tightened against her skirts.
“But I am brave enough to stay. It is me duty, and I promised me sister I willnae run from it. I wanted ye to cast me out on yer own, but that didnae happen and…” She trailed off and exhaled the pent-up breath building inside her lungs as her truth soared through her. “Now I have nay other choice, Gordon.”
I have nay other choice because I want ye.
Ailis drew a shaky breath, and she swallowed hard.
“I can do this, Gordon. I can take upon me the duty I was given. I can be yer wife. I can bear yer bairns—I already love the people here, Marion, Jane, even wee Lileas… I cannae bear to be apart from them now.”
The words faltered for a bit as she could not say the rest.
I cannae bear to be apart from ye.
Gordon said nothing as he stared at her for a moment longer, his chin hard.
Ailis watched the change come over his face and felt her courage falter, but she stepped closer anyway.
“Gordon? Say somethin’.”
His gaze settled upon hers. “Ye shouldnae stay here because ye feel obliged to do yer duty.”
The words struck her like a blow to the chest. Her stomach tightened with it, and her heart sank because there was no warmth in his eyes.
“I—”
“I willnae perform me duty to ye simply because ye have decided to perform yers to me. If ye daenae wish for this marriage, then ye should leave.”
The warmth drained from her all of her, and her hands moved up, wrapping across her chest because she felt the need to hold herself.
“What?”
“Ye deserve the choice ye were never given,” he said quietly. “Ye deserve to paint. To fall in love. To have the wee lass with ribbons ye always dreamed of. Ye deserve a man who can offer ye those things. I am nae that man.”
“Gordon…”
He interrupted her without a pause. “And I cannae give ye that life.”
Her heart began to pound, but it was not the reckless kind that made her excited to be around him. This one hurt, and it wrenched at her like a piercing ache.
He probably did not notice her pain even as she whimpered to catch her breath.
“I didnae want this marriage either, Ailis. And now that ye have decided to accept yer responsibilities, I see that I must finally do what I should have done from the beginnin’.”
She stared at him. “What are ye sayin’?”
Gordon lifted his eyes to hers. “I have decided. I will dissolve the betrothal and give ye back yer life. It is what I should have done from the beginnin’, but I wanted ye to be the one to do it because I couldnae deny me brother what he wanted.”
For a moment, Ailis could not comprehend his words. The room seemed to tilt beneath her.
“It is what ye want.”
Nay, it is nay.
Ailis only swallowed and shook her head as her throat clogged again. She had only just told him she wanted to stay.
Ailis had finally found the courage to admit that she loved this place, that she wanted a life here. She had thought—foolishly, apparently—that he might understand what she had not been brave enough to say.
I want ye.
Instead, he was giving her freedom and shoving her aside once more, as if what had just happened between them meant nothing.
Like I mean nothin’.
An ache settled beneath Ailis’s ribs, deep and heavy, as though something inside her had been torn loose.
Each breath seemed to press against it. She had expected his rejection to make her angry, but there was no anger now. Only a hollow emptiness where her courage had been.
Ailis forced her lips into a smile. Her vision blurred, but she struggled to keep her emotions at bay.
I ought to at least walk out of here with what’s left of me dignity.
She hiked her chin high and made sure to hold onto his gaze while she spoke. “How considerate of ye, Me Laird. It is clear to me now what ye want.”
The smile on her lips trembled despite her efforts. Ailis still managed a curtsy, proud that she did not let him see how much his betrayal hurt.
“I shall bid ye goodnight,” she said as she straightened again.
Gordon’s brow furrowed. “Ailis—”
But she was already turning away.
If she stayed another moment, he would see everything.
The tears gathered too quickly now, blurring the doorway before her. She reached it, pulled it open, and slipped through without another word.
The door closed softly behind her.
Only then did the first tear fall.