16. Rowan
Rowan
Ididn’t get to see Nix that evening. Instead, I had worked until late in the night, then collapsed into bed.
The next morning, I was doing it all over again.
After the early rush of patients, I slumped in my chair, thinking longingly about that break Nix had mentioned.
My skin started to itch, and the claustrophobic feeling took over as I stared at the papers piled up on my desk, not really seeing them.
There was so much to do: records of the fall at the cabin, and the dragon who’d burned themself on the stove. It was never-ending.
Exhaustion blurred the words on the pages. My work was tiring, but even worse, I wasn’t sleeping without nightmares, visions of all that pain, of seeing the dragon fire scars for the first time, haunting me.
Slamming my desk drawer closed, I paced the room for a moment, my heartbeat too loud in my ears.
I still had plenty of work to do. There were patients who needed to be seen, paperwork to complete, and herbs that needed to be turned into medicine.
Lotions needed mixing, teas needed brewing, and several tinctures needed fermenting.
The work didn’t stop. It was all part of being a healer.
Still, right now, I was overwhelmed in a way I never had been before.
My chest felt tight as I looked around the room, thinking about everything I needed to do.
Sure, I had help. I had Nina, and I knew there were some things that I could offload on a few of the other dragons here, but not much.
There was no other provider, no nurses or staff, like there might have been at a human clinic.
This was all on my plate.
I turned toward the desk, my gaze landing on my small bag there.
I grabbed my keys and rushed out of the office, locking the door behind me.
I had no idea where I was going, but I made a beeline for the forest, because I knew no one was out there, since the Alphas were busy working on Griff’s cabin.
If I went back to the den, people would have accosted me, wanting to talk to me about medical issues or anything else.
There would be so much noise, so many bodies, so much chatter.
I needed peace, so I rushed off through the trees, letting the woods’ ancient stillness envelop me.
The forests surrounding the North Oak den were impressive—dense and lush, with late morning sunlight filtering through the trees. The moment my eyes landed on a path, I took it. I didn’t think twice, my feet finding the narrow, worn trail and moving quickly.
I didn’t know how long I walked. All I knew was that I kept going. Through the thick, green shrubbery, pondering the herbs I could see and soaking in the sights and smells, there was something so quiet yet noisy about the woodland. But not in a way that felt overwhelming or too people-y.
My body ached from the exertion by the time I came across a small stream, breaths short and feet sore. Sitting at the edge, I took my shoes off and placed my feet in the water, letting the cold ripples ground me. It was a shock at first, and then the water seemed to melt into my skin, soothing me.
Taking a deep breath, I threw my head back and looked at the sky above me. It was a beautiful, perfect day. Birds sang in the distance, and a gentle breeze made its way through the canopy. There was no rush, no hectic pace I had to rise to.
With every moment I sat by the stream, the tightness in my chest eased a little. My mind had been running a million miles an hour since I set foot in the North Oak Horde lands. And for the first time in a while, I felt… quiet.
“Rowan,” a concerned voice said behind me, making me jump.
Turning, my eyes landed on Orsen, who stood at the tree line. His brows were deeply furrowed, and I could sense the frustrated energy circling him.
“Hi,” I greeted weakly, exhaling hard.
“What are you doing out here?” He strode forward to join me at the stream. “Did you tell anyone you were coming out here?”
I shook my head, rolling my eyes a touch. Orsen got right up in front of me, staring me down. It felt like being scolded by a parent or something.
“I just needed a few minutes alone. Everything was getting a bit…” I trailed off.
Sighing, Orsen blinked slowly, running a hand through his hair before nodding.
“Look, I get that it can be a bit much to handle,” he agreed, taking a seat next to me and removing his own shoes, “but you can’t just run off like that.
You were literally just kidnapped. What if something were to happen to you again? ”
“I didn’t go far. I just—” I stopped. He had a point, as much as I didn’t want to admit that. “I’m tired, Orsen. I’ve been working so much. I accepted this job, I know that. I want to help, but… my brain hasn’t been letting me sleep very well, either.”
Furrowing that brow again, he studied me, tilting his head. “Well, can I stay with you for a little bit?”
I thought about it for a moment. I could have told him to leave, but the idea of him staying didn’t stress me out. If anything, I sort of liked the idea of his company, and the guy was sort of growing on me, so I rolled with it.
“Sure, but if you talk about healing or how I was being irresponsible, I may push you into the stream.”
He laughed, settling in as he dropped his head and peered into the water. “It wouldn’t be the first time. You know, Bastian once pushed me in from the top of that waterfall over there.”
Orsen pointed to the distant rocks, water cascading down. Even from so far away I could faintly hear the water crashing. I scoffed out a laugh. “What did you do to piss him off so much?”
“I honestly don’t remember.” He laughed. “He can be like that, though. So, for all I know, it was nothing.”
I rolled my eyes, looking at the stream ripple over the rocks. “Sounds right.”
Our conversation lulled into a pleasant silence for a while. We simply sat in each other’s presence, listening to the water babble and churn, the wind blowing softly.
“Please tell me how I can help.” Orsen’s soft words surprised me, and I opened my mouth to speak before pausing and coming up short.
I took a deep breath, running a hand through my hair. “I don’t think you can help right now. There’s just so much to do. I’ll admit… I’m a little overwhelmed.”
“You need to take time for yourself, too, you know. If you work yourself to breaking point, then what would happen?”
A chuckle escaped me. “And which of my many responsibilities should I take that time from? Healing an entire horde that’s been mistreated for years, or coming to terms with the fact that I have four mates I barely know who know me intimately?”
“Point taken,” he conceded, bobbing his head. “Though I did have an idea.”
I looked away from the water. Orsen was watching me intently, his brow lowered as though he were trying to figure something out.
“Dare I ask?” I questioned as the thought of sleeping crossed my mind again. I was damn tired, but every time I tried to lie down, I had another nightmare.
“I’m not going to do anything without your approval,” he explained, expression serious.
“But would it help if we got another healer you know to come and help? Surely there are other horde healers you could reach out to? At least for a while, right? While you take care of the backlog. I know you and Grey have discussed training someone, but that’ll take energy I’m pretty sure you don’t have at the moment. ”
I thought about it for a moment. “There are one or two, possibly. Honestly, they’re pretty busy with their own hordes, though. The best thing to do is keep training Nina. You should see her—she’s jumped right in. She’ll make an amazing healer one day.”
Orsen leaned back on his hands, a smile peeking out at the corner of his mouth. “My mother’s been talking about how amazing she is more and more recently. I don’t know why we never noticed her skill before.”
“Because Jenkins never allowed anyone to see it. It was his domain, and he ruled it with an iron fist.”
He took a deep, long-suffering breath. “I really fucked up, letting that asshole keep healing, didn’t I?”
“All four of you did,” I replied, not bothering to mince my words. “Not just you, Orsen. But yeah, he was a mistake, and correcting it is going to take a lot of time and effort.”
“We… I don’t think any of us realized how much your absence had affected us. Sure, we knew it was there. Hell, we all handled being gutted in our own personal, likely very shitty, ways. But how much we impacted the horde, well, that we didn’t see. I don’t think we wanted to see it.”
I looked up at him. That was the most honest I’d heard Orsen, and I had to admit that hearing him say as much reminded me that the Alphas had been in a lot of pain.
That loss, which I knew could be like missing a limb, was lost on me.
I didn’t remember them, and for the tiniest moment, I felt I might have had it a little easier than they did. At least, emotionally.
The agony and healing had been undeniably unbearable, something I was still having problems with. But I guess I couldn’t discount how difficult it had been for all of them.
“I get it,” I offered, nodding when Orsen made eye contact with me. “Whoever took me… Well, they did one hell of a number on all of us.”
Orsen studied me again, this tiny smirk in his narrowed eyes. “I’d sure like to find whoever it was. And I won’t be forgiving and forgetting this time.”
A laugh rocked me, and I pulled my feet out of the water because they were getting cold. I pulled my knees up to my chest as I sat next to Orsen, mock irritation scrunching my features.
“I’m surprised you’re not angrier about Colin,” I stated, skating my hand over the surface of the water.
“I am angry at him, but at the same time… I respect what you did.”
I turned my head so sharply toward him, I was surprised I didn’t get whiplash. “Excuse me?”
He laughed, shaking his head. “I know. I never thought I would admit it, either, but you put the needs of those around you before yourself. You acted as an Alpha would. You saw someone in trouble and helped them, no questions asked, even though they had done harm to you. It’s infuriating, but I respect it. ”
“Are you okay?” I asked, leaning forward and placing a hand on his forehead. “Do you need a healer?”
He shot me a look, and I playfully shoved at him, only shifting him an inch toward the creek. “And trust me, if we ever find out who was responsible for what happened to you… Well, there will be a very different outcome.”
I touched my stomach, phantom pain tickling my skin as I drew attention to the scars. “I give you complete permission to eat ’em.”
Bursting out with a laugh, Orsen wrapped his arm around me and pulled me against his side. It was reflexive and instinctual, this move for proximity, and I didn’t pull away, but I couldn’t look at him, either.
“I think I’ll enjoy that. But, for now”—Orsen squeezed me before sliding off the rock and standing with his hand outstretched—“how about we head back? Ma is making her famous double chocolate brownies for after dinner. And I, for one, don’t want to miss them.”
I took his hand, standing with a smile. “Oh, no. Can’t have that. By the way, how’s Griff’s cabin going?”
“I regret my move to beat the shit out of him more and more with every day I work on that damn thing.” Orsen didn’t bother with shoes, ready to lead me to the house barefoot. “Totally not worth it. The cabin is way too much work.”
I knew he was joking. I laughed as he talked about how it was going, idly elaborating on how Griff was demanding as hell. It was oddly pleasant to hear him talking about it like this. There was no animosity, and I could tell it was all coming from a place of good-natured kidding.
“As I said, though, let’s get back, Ms. Wanders Off Irresponsibly Into The Woods.”
I gasped at him, stomping a foot playfully.
Still, it occurred to me what I’d said before.
I didn’t know why I suddenly actually felt capable of doing it, but I went with it.
Stepping forward, a move I completed with surprising speed, I caught Orsen off guard and placed my hands flat on his chest before I shoved.
Hard.
He fell right into the river.
The loud splash was a detonation, and I laughed so hard that I thought I might pee my pants.
Orsen bolted up with a gasp, swishing his hair out of his face as he stood there, utterly soaked.
Holding my hands in front of my mouth, as if it would hide my massive grin, I stared down at the wet dragon, shaking as I fought back more laughter.
Orsen eyeballed me, his eyes flashing that dark red, just like his dragon’s. “You did not just do that.”
I put my hands on my hips, not bothering to hide the smile this time. “I did warn you.”
“Well, consider this yours.”
Reeling backward, I just blurted, “Wait, what?” before Orsen surged out of the water and wrapped his arms around me, hoisting me off the ground and pulling me into the water with him.
It went over my head for a moment before we both got up. I screeched as the freezing water soaked through my clothes.
“Orsen!”
He just smiled at me as he shot back, “Rowan.”
“Oh my God, it’s so cold!” I looked down at myself, instinctively pulling off the sweater I’d been wearing and tossing it onto the bank. “I still have to work!”
“That can wait. Breaks, remember?”
Orsen glanced at my chest, and I abruptly realized that my nipples were straining through the thin, soaked fabric of my T-shirt. A low growl rumbled out of Orsen, and he slinked up to me, placing an arm around my lower back.
His eyes darkened as he stared down at me. “Hi, there.”
I swallowed hard, unable to move. “Hi.”
So close, I could see every freckle on his face. Everything was overwhelming: his scent, his hungry gaze.
I wasn’t running, though. In fact, I wanted nothing more than to lean into it.
Orsen’s other hand reached for my cheek, and I didn’t move away. “Say no, Rowan. Say no right now, or I can’t stop what happens next.”
My heart hammered against my sternum, and I sucked in shallow breaths. The seconds stretched on, all the time I needed to tell Orsen to back off.
But I didn’t.
“I-I don’t want to.”
Yanking me closer, Orsen whispered, “Thank fuck.”
And then he kissed me.