Chapter 15 #2
Goddrick shifted back onto the bed, grabbed her ankle, and, with fervor, pulled her to him. Her legs dangled from the bed, her arms raised above her head. His crimson eyes bore down at her, an expression she couldn’t place. She couldn’t tell if he was angry or trying to read her.
“If you think—”
“I want you to bleed for me,” his eyebrows pulled together as she cut him off, “like I’ve bled for you.” His gaze was hardening, but the corner of his lips pulled into a grin.
“I’m listening,” he brushed his hand against her cheek, feeling her tremble.
The manipulator.
Swallowing, she continued through shaky breaths, “I want to take you, and for you to bleed for me while I do.” His hand rested on her neck, drawing his thumb across the contours of her jaw. “Deus Meus, please…”
“All it took was for me to feed you?” his tone echoed his doubt.
“All it took was for all of my hope to be taken away,” tears filled her eyes.
“No one will come for me, not because they can’t, but because I’m a monster.
I know that now. I’m alone, but at least I have you here.
” Nearly choking, she sobbed, feeling her words fill her with regret.
They felt like truth, even to her, and she was hurt beyond belief.
“I have only been lying to myself, and there has only ever been you.”
He was kissing her then, just as rough as before. There would never be any gentleness with him, and that was okay. She wanted to hurt and never wanted to feel good because of him.
Her arms moved shakily over his neck, running one hand down his back and the other through his short hair.
She felt him groan, and her mind went to a distant place.
Instead of Goddrick wrapped around her, it was Kaed.
His warmth embodied her, ready to please her before even thinking of his own pleasure.
When Goddrick flipped her on top of him, she wanted to keep her eyes closed, not to see the face that caused her so much misery. Except she knew that she needed to. She had to face this pain head-on to get through it.
His hand gripped her hair and pulled her back, and she used the moment to look at him. There was hunger in his eyes.
Blinking, she replaced the monster that tormented and destroyed her with Jayce.
She envisioned the handsome smile that seemed to call to her, filling the emptiness inside her.
She imagined how he would put his hand on her neck, protecting her forever from anyone trying to take her breath away, as if it were his to claim and no one else’s to have.
“Sit,” his voice demanded, and while her heart was ready to escape, she did as commanded. Her body shook in protest of the simplest actions, barely managing to stay upright. “See how much easier it is.”
She nodded and adjusted her legs to sustain her posture. He hadn’t moved her to take her, he only stared up at her. Equally, she looked back through veiled, heavy eyes. She was so tired, and her entire body ached. He knew how badly she hurt, and it only fueled him.
Moments passed until he presented the dagger he had been violating and cutting her with. Looking from the dagger to his eyes for confirmation for her to take it, she took it with a shaky hand. She gripped the hilt so tightly that her knuckles turned stark white.
She stared into the blade; the reflection that stared back was someone she barely recognized. The sunken eyes, bruised temples, swollen lips, and cut nose.
Then her eyes slid to Goddrick. His hands were gripping her hips, with a wide, wanting smile.
“Tell me you love me,” he was moving her back, and she knew what was about to happen.
She took a deep breath and held it. “Then do with that as you please,” he gestured to the blade, “after that, it is my turn to make you bleed.”
She leaned forward, using her hand to prop herself against his chest. His skin under hers felt like fire, and she began to hate the sun. The warmth was not her friend, and she longed for the embrace of the icy river beside her home.
Biting her lip, she lifted the dagger, just as he simultaneously did to her. There was only pure sinister happiness on his face. He was getting what he wanted; why wouldn’t he be happy?
“I love you, Goddrick,” with strength she hadn’t realized she’d been granted, she plunged the dagger deep into his chest, right where any heart would have been. He took her with equal force while letting out a pleased sound. Her body, with zero energy, fell onto him.
If he was nothing else, he was predictable.
His hand gripped her hair as the other ripped out the blade that protruded from him. Her face was shoved into the pooled blood, and without hesitation, she ran her tongue along the gash. That only sent him further into desire as his movements became more rapid, and she mentally checked out.
There was no guarantee that this would work; maybe she just signed her permanent contract with the god.
Anything was better than giving up.
Even if there was a sliver of a chance that she could see the light.
She would continue to suffer.
She needed to escape.
She needed to get back to them.