Chapter 50
“W
hy did you do this to me?”
I found myself in a disorienting space, suspended between the familiar life I knew and the elusive one I desired.
Caught in the interstice of time and its fate, I struggled to comprehend my surroundings.
I’ve never been here before, and I wondered if it was the power of the three world elements that had sent me to this place.
Unlike Purgatory, this place was bright and filled with air that tasted sweet, it resembled Paradise, yet a mirrored version designed to deceive those daring enough to traverse the fate-binding line between worlds.
As my bare feet made contact with the ground, water rippled around my toes, casting its reflections across the endless expanse. The sky, or perhaps a ceiling, displayed hues of blues and pinks, adorned with splashes of white.
“You took my life.” Kaed said, and while he never appeared in front of me, I knew he was saying those things directly to me. “I read your letter.”
“I want to die.” My voice raw and woven with pain.
“You are the villain, Azahara.” I hated the way my name sounded coming from him, with all that hate and anger. “You deserve to suffer.”
“You won’t even let me explain…” There were no tears that came, even though I wanted to cry. The fear that if I didn’t, I would explode and take whatever there was left of my life with me.
“There is no room for explanations from a murderous monster.”
I stumbled, my knees colliding with the floor, a soft splash accompanying the impact.
As I peered down into the water, expecting to catch a glimpse of my reflection, there was nothing but ripples dissipating from the disturbance.
“You once told me that you would choose me. Then, tomorrow, in this lifetime, and the next.” There was silence, and so I continued, “Choose me over them, and I can explain everything. Allow me to fix this.”
“You truly are a manipulator,” his words cut deep, the pain unbearable. I couldn’t fathom a worse feeling. “I knew what you were, yet I still fell for your lies.”
“I never lied to you!” I screamed, and the once-beautiful place around me cracked and began to shatter. My sanctuary, my lifeline, was crumbling. “I love you! I fucking love you so much. Don’t do this, please!”
“I will not stop until you are dead. For everything you have done to me, and the people I’ve sworn to protect.”
“Because of your duty…” My breaths came heavy, and despite the ample air, my mind wrestled with the notion of suffocation. “You... You coward…”
I don’t think he spoke again, and I wasn’t sure if I had blocked him out or if he had vanished.
In this place, I contemplated trapping myself—a realm of solitude, walking the line between this world and the ones beyond.
Here, I could avoid hurting another soul.
The pain would be minimal, and I could come to terms with the loneliness.
It was warm, a comforting warmth without being overbearing.
“Please, Azahara, don’t do this. Allow me to heal you!”
“Jayce.” He was trying to save me.
Don’t fall back into the darkness. I needed to allow him to help me. I couldn’t run away, as desperately as I wanted to.
“Baby, heal, it’s okay, wake up. Come back to me.”
As if being torn through an unending portal of blinding lights, she plummeted, the sensation of seconds stretching into an eternity of minutes, hours, and days.
The boundless vortex carried her through a kaleidoscope of potential lifetimes, none of them her own.
Her mind struggled to grasp the unfolding chaos, and she instinctively closed her eyes, afraid of witnessing realities she didn’t want to confront.
“Come back, we love you—I love you—don’t leave us.” His voice became the lifeline she desperately clung to, the singular thread that could rescue her from the chaos within herself.
“Ladybug please!” “Sunshine.” “Aza!” “Ounr!”
Finally finding herself back in her body, she slowly peeled her eyes open, keeping them at half-mast. A loud, harmonious sigh reverberated around her, and several faces came into view, though she didn’t fixate on any one in particular.
Jayce pulled her up against his chest, his hand gripping her arm. She could feel his Magic pouring into her, and she leaned her head against him.
“Sweetheart, allow yourself to heal, please,” his voice carried pain.
“He...” her words emerged, shattered and almost in a whisper, filled with agony, “he tried to kill me...”
His hand tightened, “I know—”
“He hates me.” Tears traced a path across her temples, her gaze shifting to Jayce’s deep amethyst eyes, now glossed over. “He called me… a monster.”
He lifted her, wrapping his arms around her as he rocked her gently. She sobbed against him, feeling strong arms enveloping her from behind, another set snaking around her head. More bodies pressed in, creating a nest of warmth around her.
“Help...” she whimpered, her voice desperate. “Help me...” Her grip on Jayce never faltered. “It hurts.”
Her cry resonated so forcefully that even Ilkiz whimpered in response.
In the aftermath, the Dragon herself seemed to join in the lament.
The agony and torment enveloping her heart tugged at the threads of their bonded spirits.
This pain surpassed any death she had endured before—drowning herself in the sea, cutting herself till she bled out, the rope around her neck, the blade through her heart—none of it compared to this.
The pain was suffocating, while bringing her back to life. A back and forth that would never end. It would continue to destroy her, only to repair itself, preparing to repeat the cycle once again.
Jayce… please…
“Tell me what you need.”
Put me to sleep, I don’t want to feel this. I can’t. I want to die. It hurts too much…
Without a word, she sensed him guiding her backward, the surrounding figures fading away as his hand tenderly traced her cheek.
The currents of Magic shifted, pulling her back into the comforting embrace of darkness.
Like a soothing touch, it offered a semblance of peace, and the pain began to ebb.
A layer of warmth surrounded her, and in that moment, all she yearned for was to linger in this tranquil embrace indefinitely.
“You are a fucking monster.”
After two days of continuous sleep, she awoke to find Jayce by her side, his soft eyes reflecting nothing but pure love.
She had feared that he would have sympathy or pain marring his face when she saw him, but thankfully, it was anything but.
He deserved to feel neither of those things and remembering how hard he had tried to get Kaed to come with them, he didn’t deserve to feel pain.
He had done everything right, and she wanted nothing more than to shield him from any hurt.
Her arms opened, and he promptly enveloped her, pulling her into his lap and wrapping his arms around her waist. Although she felt markedly better than after the events in the Kingdom, the lingering pain in her heart stayed.
As she tightened her arms around him, she pressed her forehead into the crook of his neck.
His wings unfurled, and without hesitation, encircled both of them, curling around her arms and cocooning them in their embrace.
The ensuing darkness that enveloped them further pacified her.
The wings quivered and shifted, settling against her skin.
“You aren’t hurt, right?” she finally whispered against his skin.
“Physically, no, I’m not hurt,” he replied, his arms tightening around her, drawing them as close as possible. “But my soul hurts for you. It’s beyond words.” Determined not to cry, she nuzzled against his shoulder before tilting her head back slightly, just enough to look up at him.
“I don’t want you to hurt at all, please,” she murmured, bringing her hand around his back, placing it on his neck, and then to his cheek. “How is everyone else?”
“Worried,” he answered promptly, his hand coming up to rest over hers. “There is no rush, but they want to see you. Karver, Illyan, Zhal, and the rest of the crew. Though I think those first three should take precedence.”
She nodded, subtly leaning away from him as if to rise, yet he held her firmly in place.
“Wait,” his hand gently lifted her chin.
“You don’t need to go right now.” Her lip trembled, and she couldn’t quite fathom why.
The purity of his expression and the unconditional care he emanated made her feel all the right things in that moment.
“Stay with me, just for a little, please.” His hand traced along her jaw, behind her ear, and pulled her into a kiss.
She didn’t pull away or hesitate, only letting out a soft sob as she leaned into the embrace.
Tears streamed down her cheeks, and as he poured his passion into the kiss, she tasted the salt in her mouth.
It wasn’t just her who had gone through hell that day; he had too.
Jayce would never say it, but witnessing what they did to her must have torn him to pieces.
Failing to save the one person in this world who mattered as much to him as he did to her was his own version of torture.
They kissed for what felt like an eternity, and he only leaned away to pull her back into his arms when she was out of breath.
His fingers laced through her hair, and as he took a deep breath, he rocked her ever so slightly.
“There will be no more kindness from me to those that hurt you. No plan worth enacting that would have them harm you,” he declared.
He released the air in his lungs and nuzzled his head against her neck. “Tell me to go and destroy them all.”
“Me too—” Ilkiz boomed in her head.
Ilkiz…
The air in her lungs got caught in her throat, “Jayce…”
“Send me to destroy our enemies; command me so that I may put their heads on spikes as reminders that anyone who even thinks about harming you—” He pulled her back, his eyes filled with rage and unfiltered power, “will suffer that same fate.”