Chapter 10
Eleanor
Ipull into my apartment parking lot, turn off my car’s engine, and stare blankly ahead, my body frozen while I disassociate from yet another miserable day at work.
Part of me wants to reverse back out and drive straight to Starry Hill, leave this city and my stressful job behind, and enjoy the peace of the island, the sunshine, the books, the creatures… Beck.
But I remain frozen. There’s no need to make my unhappiness anyone else’s problem.
Eventually, I’ll get out of this car. I’ll head upstairs, pretend the day didn’t happen, and go back tomorrow just to repeat it all again. And I’ll keep doing that for as long as I need, because somehow when the gods were handing out courage, they skipped me.
As a young girl, I was promised that if I work hard and don’t draw too much attention to myself, then I’ll be rewarded with the respect of my peers.
That’s what my mother repeated to me over and over again as she straightened my curly hair before school every morning and tamed it into an inoffensive ponytail or bun that won’t distract anyone else in my class. The same way I still wear it most days.
Except for when I go to Starry Hill. The rules feel different there.
I’m not quite brave enough to try wearing my hair curly yet, but I’ve gotten as far as leaving it down.
I’ve also splurged on a couple of pretty dresses for the weekends, clothes that actually make me happy each time I put them on, as opposed to the boxy blouses I wear to work.
Tap. Tap. Tap.
I scream as a face appears next to my window, my hand flying to my chest in an attempt to contain my racing heart from scuttling down to the footwell where it so desperately wants to go.
“Sorry,” Audrey says with a slight cringe, lowering her sunglasses to see the apology in her eyes. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”
I’m already shaking my head as I lower my window, my heart now trying to return to a healthy human rhythm. “No, no. Not your fault. I guess I should be more observant. Sorry for screaming in your face.”
“Honestly, it was a pretty good one,” Audrey says, giving me a cheeky wink. “Before I make an inappropriate comment about situations that can elicit more screams from you, want to tell me what’s on your mind? You’ve been sitting here for quite a while.”
“I’m okay.” The lie comes easily, the response fine-tuned with years of practice.
Audrey raises a single brow. “Work, family, boys, or all of the above?”
“Work.” I let out a slow breath and, after another moment’s hesitation, add, “Maybe a little bit of everything.”
“Want to come upstairs and tell me about it?” Before I can refuse and tell Audrey I won’t be great company, she says the magic words, “I have wine.”
Audrey and I settle onto her couch in the living room with dinner ordered from the cute pasta place we both like, substantial wine glasses in hand.
Taking a big sip, Audrey eyes me over the rim of her glass. “Was it just a shitty day, or is there more to it?”
I puff out my cheeks while I contemplate my answer. “Today was especially shitty, but I’m starting to realize just how much I hate my job. Every day is a struggle to get through. It’s like I’m living for the weekends. That’s the only thing that keeps me sane at this point.”
Audrey taps a dark nail against her glass as a sly grin plays on her lips. “I don’t know how much help I can be on the work front, unless you want me to teach you some malicious compliance techniques that’ll drive whoever’s bothering you absolutely nuts.”
“I couldn’t.”
“But if you change your mind, you know where to find me,” Audrey says, twirling some pasta around her fork.
“I do. Thank you,” I say around a mouthful of creamy goodness. “You’re my favorite shit-stirrer I’ve ever met.” It’s not like I’ve met a ton of people as mischievous as Audrey, but even if I had, I’m sure she’d still be at the top of the list.
“A title I’ll wear with pride.” Crossing her legs, Audrey leans back on the couch and swirls her wine around as she contemplates something. “Maybe I can get a badge made. Or a sash. Next ladies’ night on the island, I’ll wear it.”
I stare at my upstairs neighbor as a feeling of such gratefulness wraps around my heart. “I’m so happy our paths crossed.”
“Me too. Now, tell me more about your weekends. What exactly is it about them that has you giddy enough to balance out your struggles? Or is it a who?”
Warmth spreads across my cheeks as numerous versions of Beck flash through my mind, each part etched onto my brain for different reasons.
The way his whole body relaxes when his hand dips into the ocean, his genuine joy when we’ve made new plans together, the wide set of his shoulders when he’s comfortably sprawled back in his seat, the way his voice gets all deep and rumbly on the phone when it’s getting late, and the way his fingertips felt when they brushed against my cheek.
“Holy fucking hells, Eleanor. Who is it?” Audrey asks, setting down her wine like she’s not willing to let her favorite adult beverage stand in the way of getting the whole story.
I am the sole focus of her attention now, something that makes me want to both crawl into a hole but also revel in the momentary spotlight.
A thousand tiny wings flutter in my stomach and my heartbeat climbs into my throat. Am I finally going to tell someone? Will it make it more real if I say it aloud?
Unable to deny my feelings anymore, I let the butterflies in my stomach carry his name up until it whispers across my lips. “Beck.”
“I fucking knew it. He’s such a hottie. Well done you,” Audrey says, holding up her hand for a high five.
Shaking my head profusely, I quickly lower her outstretched hand. “Oh no. We’re just friends. But…”
“But what? Give me the juicy details,” Audrey says, shifting forward to refill my glass before topping up her own.
I can’t quite look at her as I admit, “I sometimes wish we could be more. He calls me almost every night, and we literally talk for hours. I’m even reading less these days because I’m enjoying talking to him more. That’s never happened with anyone before.”
“So what’s holding you back from jumping his bones?”
“I’m not sure if he sees me as anything more than a friend.
” It’s one of the biggest factors for keeping my guard up as high as I can with Beck, because having all of these feelings and finding out they’re one-sided would be the most excruciating thing to ever happen to my heart.
More so than finding my best friend gone the morning I was planning to ask him to be my first kiss.
Audrey sets her glass down so hard, a bit of wine spills over the side but she pays it no mind, concentrating all of her incredulity on me.
“What the fuck are you talking about? No guy is willingly spending all night talking to a girl if he doesn’t either really like her, or wants to fuck her. Or both.”
I’m quick to counter that so-called fact. “But we used to talk like this when we were kids and—”
“I’m going to stop you right there,” Audrey says, effectively cutting me off with a raised hand.
“I know you guys were friends as kids, but you’re not the same people you were then.
You’ve got to think of this current version of who Beck is and who you are.
Meet each other where you are at this point in time and stop trying to compare things to when you were kids. That’s borderline gross.”
I giggle at the disgust on her face and a tiny part of me thinks there might be a kernel of truth in what she’s saying. “That’s actually really good advice. Thank you.”
Audrey picks up her wine again as another one of her signature smirks pulls at one corner of her mouth, making me nervous about what she’s about to say.
“If you want to test the waters, pun intended for your dragon boy, and see if he’s ready to make a move, you can always just show him your spectacular tits. ”
“How do I—? How can—? No,” I splutter, instinctively wrapping an arm across my large breasts.
Shrugging, Audrey gestures at my entire body with her glass.
“If you’re not going to show him your tits, then at least give him some kind of sign.
That guy wouldn’t get subtle hints. Write it on your forehead.
Fall strategically face-first into his crotch, or sit on his hand, preferably when two fingers are facing up.
And make sure you’re shaved. Just in case,” she adds with a wink.
“I’m not trying to fuck him.”
“Ever?”
“I’m not saying that,” I mumble, my cheeks burning with the admission.
Just this past week I was searching again for any articles I could’ve missed on dragon anatomy.
The results are still inconclusive, but some sites suggested that he might have two…
appendages. I can’t imagine that to be true, and knowing how secretive dragons are with their lore, I don’t believe these claims are substantiated.
But if Beck were to have feelings for me too, and he did happen to have two dicks, I’d certainly be up to the intriguing challenge.
Though, I might need some prep work before I could take both.
Fuck, Eleanor. You’re jumping ahead here. Figure out if he likes you first before you start contemplating double penetration.
Unaware of the naughty trajectory of my thoughts, Audrey stuffs another bite of pasta into her mouth before making a rather sage suggestion while pointing her fork at me. “Well, at least try to move things in that direction before you’re stuck in the friendzone. That’s a hard place to get out of.”
“But isn’t the friendzone better than no zone?” This is the question I’ve been battling with since I’ve realized my feelings have developed further than the mere platonic connection I thought we had.
Do I have moments imagining walking up to Beck, grabbing him by the shirt collar and pulling his mouth down to meet mine?
Or perhaps pushing him down on the dock, straddling his hips right there instead of getting on the boat another Saturday evening?
Maybe. But do I dare do anything as outrageous as that and risk our friendship?
Honestly, no. Maybe if I had an iota of Audrey’s courage, or Maisie’s, or Tilly’s. But my pusillanimous self could never.
Audrey leans forward and takes my hand, her smirk firmly packed away as she meets my eyes with a tenderness I rarely see from her.
“If you really think you’d be okay to keep things the way they are now for the rest of your lives, then sure, staying in the friendzone is fine and dandy.
However, if you have the opportunity to influence your own fate, maybe nudge it in a direction you think could make you happier than you are now, then I say grab it by the balls, twist it, and go for it. ”
“Nudge fate a little?” I ask, mulling the sound of that over in my head.
“Yeah.”
“I think I can try a subtle nudge,” I say, feeling a little bit of steel strengthen my spine as a smidgen of hope blooms in my chest.
“Good,” Audrey says approvingly, a sneaky grin creeping back into place. “Then later Beck can nudge you with his dick.”
A raucous burst of laughter bubbles out of me and I don’t even try to hide how much I like the sound of that. Now I just need to manage getting through the week so I can try out my mediocre nudging skills on Saturday.