Chapter 30
Thirty
“We let them sleep tonight with a false sense of peace. For tomorrow we rain fire down upon them.”
—“The Horse,” The Wooden Horse, Act Two
Dexter stirred his green tea while Jonah dipped his finger into a large hot chocolate complete with whipped cream and marshmallows.
A large dollop of cream coated his fingertip, and he raised it to his lips to lick it off and groaned all while Dexter focused
on him intently.
“That’s literally the best whipped cream in the world.” He looked at Dexter. “You want some?”
Dexter cleared his throat and shook his head. “No, thanks.”
“Right, can’t spoil the delectable taste of green tea with something that has an actual flavor.”
“Green tea does have a flavor.”
“You’re right,” Jonah agreed. “It tastes like punishment.”
Dexter smoothed his hands down his jumper, maroon with an embroidered pineapple just beneath the center of the collar, though
Jonah admitted to himself it wasn’t as bad as some of the others.
“If you’re quite finished insulting my choice of drink, I think we should get to what I need to say to you.”
Patroclus. Jonah knew the important announcement would be him taking over the role from Bastien, but he kept his expression
neutral. “Sure. Go ahead.”
“I fired Stephen.”
Jonah froze with his finger in midair, piled high with whipped cream. He stared at Dexter for several seconds until the cream flopped off his finger and splattered onto the table.
“You what?”
“I fired him. I don’t know if that’s the correct term for parting ways with an agent? I’m going with fired because it sounds
more dramatic,” Dexter said smugly and grabbed a napkin to wipe up Jonah’s mess. “I guess I have you to thank for it. You
told me I had issues with trust, too, and at first, I didn’t want to admit that, but you were right. I do. And it’s all down
to him.”
“Wow, Dex, that’s huge.”
“I know. And it wasn’t until . . . okay, so, I have something else I need to tell you.”
“Go on.”
“I know you think I’ve been conspiring behind your back to take Achilles from you, but it’s honestly not the case, because
I’ve enjoyed playing Hector,” he said as he wrapped his hands around his drink. “But after Bastien said he wouldn’t be renewing
for another year, Colbie offered me Patroclus.”
Jonah nodded slowly, the truth finally being placed on the table in front of him. “Right.”
“Which is what the meeting was about, the one you saw us at. They were both pushing for me to sign on, but something didn’t
feel right, so I didn’t. Stephen basically screamed at me when we got back to his office. And . . . and he said some stuff
that really bloody hurt.”
“What did he say?”
“Did you know Henrik auditioned for Achilles?” Dexter asked, focusing on his tea rather than Jonah. “Because I didn’t. I was
doing West Side Story, as you know, and that’s where Stephen met Henrik, and he signed him as a client.” He took a deep breath. “Their affair started
then. And I think I knew it at the time, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it because I was so in love with Stephen, I would
have done anything to keep him.”
Jonah dipped his finger back into his cream and licked it again. “I get it. Sometimes pretending nothing’s wrong is easier
than accepting the truth.”
“And that’s not even the thing that’s hurt me the most,” Dexter said. “He told me he withdrew my name from consideration for Achilles. He called Colbie and said I was no longer interested, just so Henrik would be seen as a contender.”
“Sorry, what? He did what?” Jonah leaned forward as he spoke, the anger he felt at stupid Stephen Carrington practically melting the marshmallows dotted
on top of his drink.
“Of course, it backfired, because you then came along and blew Henrik out of the water.”
“Dexter, I’m so sorry.”
“He told me they didn’t want me. He made me feel shunted, like I wasn’t good enough, and he saw what that did for my self-esteem.
Then he crushed me even further by leaving me to be with Henrik all while we were still in a show together.” Dexter sniffed
and quickly swiped his hand beneath his eyes, stilling any tears that threatened to fall. “And Henrik loved it. He loved seeing
me feel like shit behind the scenes. I begged Stephen to get me an audition for something, anything else, and I think he only
did it out of pity, but thank God he did.”
“He’s a bastard,” Jonah said, trying hard not to grind his teeth out of sheer frustration. “You didn’t deserve any of that.”
“This all came out the day of the meeting, which is why I was angry that night. I was angry at what Stephen admitted to, angry
at Colbie for trying to force me into another role to capitalize on my relationship with you, and angry at you for meeting with one of the biggest directors in the industry without telling me.” He looked up from his drink. “Are you
leaving the show?”
Melanie had called Jonah at nine thirty-two that morning and told him she’d just got off the phone with Julianna, and that
they were officially offering him the role of the Emcee. Contracts would be sent over by the afternoon, and if Jonah was happy,
then he could sign and Melanie could call Colbie and tell her where to stick her poor attitude. It should have been news Jonah
shared with his partner, something he could scream about with Dexter the moment he got off the phone, if he didn’t think of
him as his enemy, even when he knew full well that’s not what he was.
“Yeah. I’m leaving,” Jonah said. “Colbie’s been awful to me, Dex.
I feel like I’m walking on eggshells around her, not knowing if my position is safe, and that’s down to her hinting to my agent that I wouldn’t be offered another year.
So, yeah, I met with Julianna, and I’m going to be leaving at the end of my contract. ”
Dexter nodded slowly, then pushed his tea away from him. “What’s the show?”
“Cabaret.”
Something lit up behind Dexter’s eyes, a recognition; he remembered their conversation in bed after spending the night together
for the first time. “Please tell me it’s the role you’ve dreamed of.”
“It is.”
“Jonah,” he said, voice softening. “Jonah, that’s amazing. I’m so happy for you.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I’m sorry I didn’t involve you in any of this. I should have, and it’s my fault for being insecure.”
“I don’t blame you for being insecure. It’s the way this industry works, isn’t it? We have to exude confidence, but behind
closed doors there’s mountains of rejection and constant self-doubt. And working with Colbie Paris will shrink anyone’s self-worth.
She’s treated Bastien terribly since he gave her notice, and now she’s doing the same to me.”
“Because you won’t play Patroclus?”
“Because I’m not extending at the end of my contract either.”
It took Jonah a moment to get his head around what Dexter just admitted. “But, Dex, you can be Achilles again. I’m leaving.
The role’s open, and you know it’s yours. People want you to play him again.”
“You know, I think I’m done with Achilles,” Dexter said with a laugh that sounded more sad than joyful. “It’s time to let
go. I knew I needed to let him go the first time I saw you as him. You were beautiful, and still are. You’ve taken that role
and made it your own.”
“Dex—”
“Jonah.” He smiled. “It’s going to be okay. I got a new agent the moment I got back from Cornwall, and she set me up with
an audition straight away. And I got it.”
“You did?”
“Yeah. The paperwork’s all signed. Which means we are both saying goodbye to The Wooden Horse.”
“What role did you get?”
“Bobby Child”
“Wait.” Jonah couldn’t stop himself from laughing and put his hands over his face. “Crazy for You?” he asked as he lowered his hands, only to see Dexter looking royally pissed off at him.
“Why is that so funny?”
“I auditioned for Bobby,” Jonah said, as he continued to laugh. “I was rubbish. Totally rubbish. Went left instead of right.
You and your aversion to the right clearly rubbed off on me.”
Dexter allowed himself to laugh as well. “Wait. Really? You auditioned for Bobby?”
“Yeah.”
“I didn’t know you could tap-dance.”
“I can’t. I mean, I can, but not to that standard.” Jonah wiped a tear from his eye and took a deep breath to calm himself.
“I’m so glad you got it. You’re going to be amazing. I can’t wait to come see you in it.”
“You’ll come watch?” Dexter asked, sounding surprised.
“Well, yeah, obviously?” Jonah’s stomach dropped as he took in Dexter’s suddenly subdued expression. “Would you not want me
to?”
“I thought that maybe once The Wooden Horse is done for us, then that would be it, you know? Working with an ex is one thing, but continuing to be around that person
when you no longer need to be might be seen as strange.”
Jonah looked at his hot chocolate, the whipped cream dribbling down the glass in a sticky mess. “I don’t want to be your ex,
Dexter.”
“I don’t want you to be my ex, either, but I don’t think you’ve somehow managed to overcome your distrust of me in a couple
of weeks. We can’t be together without trust, Jonah. It’s not fair to either of us.”
“Do you trust me?” Jonah asked.
“Yes.”
“Then let me try this again. Please. I’ve let my past experiences have an impact on us, I know that, and I can’t go back and change anything.
And, honestly, I never thought I would be sitting here opposite you asking you to be patient with me, because, Dexter, you were a royal dick to me when we first met. ”
Dexter grimaced. “I know. I know this isn’t all on you.”
“But we’ve not come this far to let it slip through our fingers. I love you. I meant it when I said that, Dex, and I still
mean it now.”
“Is love enough?”
The hot chocolate suddenly turned Jonah’s stomach. He didn’t know what to expect from their conversation, but he hoped they
might be able to move past the wall they’d built out of sheer stupidity. But Dexter couldn’t see a way around it, and Jonah
feared that no matter how many bricks he pulled from the foundations Dexter would keep putting them back in place. Jonah bit
down on his bottom lip to stop it from trembling. He did trust Dexter. He trusted that Dexter loved him, that he would drive six hours in the middle of the night for him, that he’d
walk by his side protectively to stop people from hurting him. He wanted to give Dexter his heart and trusted he wouldn’t
do anything to hurt it, but Dexter wouldn’t take it.
“We should really be heading to the theatre,” Jonah said, rising from his seat and grabbing his coat from the back of the
chair. He looked past Dexter through the large window at the front of the café to see a torrential downpour of rain waiting
for him outside.
“Should we get a taxi? We’ll get soaked in that,” Dexter said, picking up his own coat to shrug over his shoulders.
“I’m actually just gonna get the tube, but you get a taxi, seriously. I think I need to just clear my head for a bit.”
“Oh. Okay, yeah, sure,” Dexter said as Jonah’s fight-or-flight mode kicked in again and he walked away, his heart pounding
in his chest.
Jonah stepped out into the rain and shivered, the cold air wrapping itself around his body as he walked along the pavement, not caring that his hair was already sticking to his forehead.
He thought to himself that if his life was a musical, then now would be the perfect time for a groundbreaking ballad where the orchestra soared as he choked back tears.
Only, this wasn’t a musical. There were no violins, no slow dances, and no lyrics to sing.
But then again, that song in a musical would usually signify change, the place where the main character reflected on their journey and found the strength to go on before ending the show with the most outstanding symphony.
Perhaps this was Jonah’s turning point; he could easily look back to the beginning of the year and see he wasn’t the same person he was back then; he had been in a relationship based on lies, performing night after night without realizing he could be more than just the role he thought he didn’t deserve.
Because he did deserve it. Even now, knowing Stephen pulled Dexter from the running, he knew he earned Achilles, and a part of him believed that even if Dexter hadn’t been screwed over by his agent, he would have still beat him out for the role.
Because Jonah was bloody good at his job. He could sing the socks off most people, he could dance, though maybe tap wasn’t
his forte, and he could act; he knew he could make people laugh and cry with the way he delivered his lines, and he could
sleep well knowing he excelled in those things. And maybe he really should have realized this before; maybe it would have
saved his relationship, or maybe it wouldn’t have. Maybe he and Dexter were always meant to crash and burn as quickly as their
flame ignited. But, for now, love wasn’t enough, and Jonah needed to accept that and move on, even if moving on from Dexter
Ellis seemed like an impossible task. He needed to try.