Chapter 51 Hayden
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
hayden
TWO WEEKS LATER
Do we have everything?” Sierra asked as she balanced a casserole dish in her arms along with a big container of peanut butter cookies that my mom had sent home with us.
We were heading out the door to go to Colter and Ellison’s place for Thanksgiving. It was both a Thanksgiving dinner and a “Welcome Back, Hayden” party, apparently, even though I’d been out of the hospital for a few days now.
I was lucky enough that the bullet only hit me in the shoulder on my left side, damaging the soft tissue surrounding the joint.
The exit wound was fairly clean and fortunately none of my bones were fractured.
The doctors implied that someone was looking out for me that night because there wouldn’t be any long-term effects that would impact my rodeo career.
The blood loss and shock caused me to pass out, but I was cleared from the hospital relatively quickly, after undergoing surgery to remove any bullet fragments, with orders to take it easy for a while.
“We should have everything,” I replied, holding the front door open for her and pressing a kiss to her head as she passed by after shooing Pancho back to her bedroom. “Don’t worry, love. They won’t be mad if we forget something.”
Her cheeks flushed, but she quickly mumbled, “I know. I just want to make sure I’m contributing.”
Even though Spencer was gone, Sierra had been a bit jumpy the last few weeks, and understandably so.
Instead of buying a new trailer and getting back on the road, she’d insisted on staying with me longer, though I wasn’t opposed to that idea.
I wasn’t opposed to the idea of her staying with me forever.
She’d also opened up about everything that had happened the last few months, and even before then.
The true story about what happened that night back in May our senior year and what caused her to leave the first time.
The guilt she felt surrounding not being able to protect the people she cared about and the fear that someone else would get hurt trying to help her.
The anxiety attacks and the therapist she saw for a while.
Her fears of being abandoned again by the people she cared about.
I’d suggested reaching out to Elena about coming in for a session, because even though it’d been years, it might be beneficial. A quick Google search told me she still worked in Goldfinch. We could both see her, because God knew it would benefit me, too.
After Sierra called me out in the hospital for risking my life, I came to the realization that growing up, I’d developed a bit of a savior complex. All I’d wanted to do was help people, even if they didn’t need or want it.
I knew now that sometimes the people I cared about just needed support. But even though Sierra was right—I couldn’t support the people I loved if I risked my life and wasn’t around—never once did I regret taking that bullet for her. Not even for a moment.
Admittedly, the first few nights in the hospital, I woke in a puddle of sweat, nightmares of losing Sierra to her dad’s twisted plans haunting my sleep.
In every scenario, I didn’t make it to her in time—I wasn’t there to save her, and I had to watch the life drain out of her eyes as I held her in my arms.
I wondered if that was how she felt when she thought she was going to lose me.
She sat watch at the hospital every minute she could, despite my insistence that she needed to rest, too, and could go home.
That I would be fine. Part of me thought she believed that if she let me out of her sight, I’d disappear on her, but that couldn’t have been further from the truth.
Sierra Bayley was stuck with me. There was no world in which I would ever leave her. Not now, not ever, really.
If I was the sun, then Sierra was my moon, creating light in times of darkness.
I rang the doorbell when we got to Colter and Ellison’s place, and I could already hear the shuffle and chatter of people inside.
“Come in!” Ellison called out to us, and I opened the door, revealing all of our friends standing underneath a store bought banner that read Happy Birthday but Birthday was crossed out and replaced with Thanksgiving.
Someone had also written in smaller letters Homecoming, Hayden underneath the Thanksgiving as well.
“Welcome home, Hayden!” everyone cheered, except Mikey, who said, “Happy Thanksgiving!”
I huffed out a laugh because the sign and all their antics were oddly fitting.
“How are you feeling, buddy?” Colter gently wrapped his arm around me as he led both me and Sierra into the kitchen where a whole spread of food was waiting.
“I’m feeling fine. This one”—I squeezed Sierra’s shoulder—“has insisted on babying me for the last couple weeks. At first it was cute, but now I’m ready to get back to normal life.”
Sierra sputtered out some words in protest as she set down her trays, but I pulled her into my arms and kissed her on the forehead.
“I like when you take care of me, Skip.”
“Is everyone here now?” Isa asked from her spot on the couch next to Reid.
Ellison counted everyone in attendance—her, Colter, Reid, Isa, Mikey, Juniper, Jake, Keenan, Sierra, and myself—then nodded. “I think so?”
A knock at the door got everyone’s attention.
“Uh, honey, were you expecting anyone else?” Colter raised his brows.
“Not that I’m aware of?” She furrowed her brows as she headed toward the door, opening it to a shivering Caitlin and Whitley, her three-year-old daughter.
“Caitlin! What are you doing here?” Ellison pulled her into a hug before squatting to her niece’s eye level. “Miss Whitley, it’s so good to see you.”
“Hey, sis,” Colter greeted her.
“Sorry to barge in, guys. I hope you don’t mind that we’re here.” Caitlin sounded like she was out of breath.
“No, not at all,” Ellison reassured her while the rest of us awkwardly observed the exchange. “I thought you guys were spending the holiday in Washington?”
Caitlin pulled her bottom lip between her teeth and shook her head. “Had a change of plans. Adam had an emergency business trip. I thought Mom might be home, but it looks like she went to Bozeman instead.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Jake roll his eyes, his fists clenching at his sides.
“Well, we’re so happy you’re here!” Isa jumped up from the couch, prompting the rest of us to welcome the pair into the house. “Whitley, what do you like to eat?” She took the little girl’s hand in hers, leading her over to the living room as Caitlin offered her a grateful smile.
“I like patotoes!” Whitley squealed, her blonde pigtails bobbing as she jumped up and down excitedly. “And turkey!”
“Wow!” Isa giggled at her mispronunciation of potatoes. “Good thing we have both of those things! Are you going to eat so much and grow up to be a big girl?”
“Yeah! I’m gonna be big like him!” She pointed at Jake.
Jake grinned as he scrubbed his chin.
“Well, now that everyone’s here, should we eat?” Ellison asked, gesturing to the kitchen. “Go ahead, guys. Help yourself.”
“We turning on the football game?” Jake called from the kitchen.
Isa and Ellison both rolled their eyes at him.
“If you insist.” Ellison let out an exaggerated sigh. “Men and their football.”
“Don’t lie, Ellie girl, you love it, too,” Jake fired back. “Colter’s told me all about how competitive you get during playoff season.”
She shrugged. “Guilty.” Immediately shifting back into boss mode, she gestured for the guys to get moving. “All right, come on. Let’s get this line moving, boys. We’ve got a little girl who needs to eat!”
“I want turkey and mashed patotoes!” Whitley cheered, sending us all into a fit of laughter.
I cleared my throat once everyone was seated with food. “Before you all ask me the same questions over and over again, yes, I’m feeling better. No, I’m not in too much pain. I’m ready for everything to be back to normal, so please don’t treat me like I’m breakable. That’s all, thank you.”
A few mouths gaped, but then several people shrugged and went back to eating.
“If that’s what you want, Haydie, we’ve got you.” Mikey nodded.
“Guess that means you’re going to be opening the chute the next time we practice roping,” Reid teased.
Sierra shot me a stern look, but I grinned.
“You’ve got yourself a deal.”
It was late when we stumbled through the front door of my house. Sierra changed into pajamas then let Pancho out as I put away the leftovers Ellison sent home with us.
Pancho ran back toward Sierra’s bedroom when she let him back inside, and she started to follow him, but I stopped her before she disappeared down the hallway.
“Sierra, wait.”
She turned her head to look over her shoulder. “Hm?”
“Do you want to…” I cleared my throat, swallowing the nervous lump. “Do you want to sleep in my room tonight?”
Her head swung to her open bedroom door, but then she turned around to face me. “Yeah. I do, Hayes.”
“Come on, then, love.” I took her hand in mine as I joined her in the hallway and led her back to my room.
Sierra whistled for Pancho as I changed into sweatpants and a loose T-shirt, but the naughty little devil ignored her.
She snorted, rolling her eyes. “Whatever, I guess. He can have a room all to himself.” She closed the door then flopped down on the bed, rolling onto her side.
I rolled so we were lying face-to-face and reached out to brush a strand of hair behind her ear.
“Has that room always been vacant?” she asked, propping herself up on her elbow.
I nodded, wondering if I should tell her the real reason why.
“But there’s furniture in there and everything. Why didn’t you get a roommate?”
Fuck it, I thought. I wasn’t going to keep secrets from Sierra anymore. Not after almost losing her again.
“It was always meant to be yours.” I scraped a hand through my hair as I waited for a reaction.
Her eyes widened a bit, but she didn’t respond, so I continued.
“The room was always meant to be for you in case you came back. Maybe it was delusional, but I wanted to hold on to the hope that one day you’d reach out to me and we’d reconnect.
I nearly did rent it out, but at the last minute panicked and backed out.
It’s always belonged to you, just like I always have.
I know that’s probably weird and creepy but—”
She didn’t give me time to finish my sentence because her hands cupped my jaw and her lips smashed against mine.
“I can’t believe you did that,” she murmured against my lips. “But I always kind of wondered why you had a purple room in your house.”
“You don’t think I’m crazy?” I asked, pressing my forehead to hers.
She laughed, a soft, breathy one. “No, I do, but you’re my kind of crazy.
I wouldn’t change you for the world, Hayes.
” She planted a kiss on my cheek as she said, “I love that you can be a little crazy,” then one on my jaw with, “I love that you’re fiercely loyal to the people you care about,” a kiss below my earlobe as she whispered, “I love that you’d take a bullet for the people you love, even though that was a stupid fucking thing to do,” and finally, with a kiss and nip to my neck, “and I love that even though you can be a little overbearing and overprotective, you never tried to fix me. Instead, you showed me I was never broken to begin with. That I’m strong, capable. Worthy.”
“I love you, Sierra. So much.” A whine slipped from my lips as her hand trailed down my stomach, her mouth biting and sucking the sensitive flesh on my neck before her tongue darted out to soothe the sting.