Chapter 15
Maya
The seat belt signs light up, and soon, we'll be landing in Dublin. I lean over from the middle seat toward Sophia, who wanted the window seat.
"Can you already spot the island?" I ask her, trying to make out anything else besides the vast, glittering sea beneath us in the sunlight.
Sophia presses her nose against the window. "There in front." I love the bright sound of her voice when she experiences a carefree moment. In the past two weeks, I've managed to give her such moments more often. And now, a wave of happiness washes over me as I watch her excitedly squirming in her seat. "You need to look outside, Maya."
Smiling, I avert my gaze from Sophia and concentrate on the world beyond the dim airplane window glass. Indeed. We're approaching a landmass that seems to consist entirely of various shades of green. Each of them glows in a very special way.
"Wow," I whisper in awe. I've read a lot about Ireland, but I've never visited the island. "Can you see any sheep?"
"They're way too tiny. You can't recognize them from up here." Shaking her head, little Miss Know-it-all looks at me. She enjoys knowing things better than I do .
I pull her into my arms and rest my cheek on her crown. "Oh, I see. Well then, we'll have to wait a bit." Even as I speak, I turn my head to Josh, who's sitting across the aisle and has been reviewing some documents with Tamika throughout the flight. His expression was serious.
But now everything is suddenly different.
From the way he looks over at us, I'm sure he's been observing us for a while. A brief smile appears on his face. The airplane jolts, then he looks away again.
Something's clearly wrong with this man. Something's troubling him and holding him back. Not only from his own happiness but also in his relationship with his daughter.
Granted, he might have made a little effort since our conversation, but the result was more than poor. With his tense manner, he simply can't build a connection with Sophia.
Quickly, I turn to the little one. "What's the first thing we want to do in Dublin?"
"Fridolin and Felix want to let off some steam." She busily strokes the two dogs on her lap.
"Then let's plan an outing. I already know where." It's not far from our hotel to Grafton Street, and if you believe the travel guide, the shopping street is a real spectacle for children. I glance at Josh surreptitiously. "Should we ask your dad if he wants to come?"
Sophia shrugs. "He won't want to anyway."
Of course, she thinks that.
Over the past few days, we've often tried to involve him, but it has yet to work out. Work is more important to him than his daughter.
Anger rises in me, and not for the first time. "You remember what we promised each other," I say encouragingly, nonetheless.
"That we won't give up." Her arms are flailing, and her cheeks are turning red. She's about to have a tantrum. "But ..."
Before she can work herself up, I raise my index finger. "No buts. As soon as we're in the hotel, we'll ask him. We can do this together."
Just by the way she's jutting out her lower lip right now, I can tell she doesn't believe me.
Why should she? She has no reason to. And neither do I.
But giving up is out of the question. For Sophia, I will fight until Josh's tough shell finally cracks. I can only hope that a great father lies beneath. Because if not, we have lost for good.
***
"Are you going out with us, Daddy?" Sophia asks hopefully as soon as we enter the spacious hotel suite with its emerald-green upholstered furniture and rustic dark wood paneling. Not without pride, I observe how she even dares to reach for his hand. "Please."
He looks down at her from above. A painful smile flits across his face, then his serious facade immediately reappears. "I'm sorry, Sophia. Tamika and I still have to work."
Now the little girl puts her fists on her hips. "But you've been working all day." She doesn't want to give in, yet she looks at me helplessly. I put down our suitcases and give her a thumbs-up to signal she's doing a great job. "Maya says there's a street with lots of shops. There are also acrobats like in the circus and funny street musicians."
"That sounds great, Sophia," Josh answers absentmindedly while already pulling out his documents from the bag. That's his standard answer. Even if his daughter suggested smashing this luxurious suite with its venerable furnishings, thick carpets, and standing lamps with golden ornaments to smithereens, he would say that.
"So are you coming?" She tugs at his arm. Surely, she notices that his thoughts are already elsewhere.
I clench my fists. He can't seriously think that just because Sophia is small, she wouldn't understand what's happening here.
To make matters worse, he additionally withdraws his hand. "I can't today. But definitely another time."
Does he think his daughter is stupid? As if anyone would believe him that it would ever happen. Perhaps it's not my place, but I can't help myself. I storm up to my boss, grab his upper arm, and pull him into one of the adjoining rooms. It's a bedroom with an oversized canopy bed and ugly old paintings on the wall. I shut the door behind me a bit too forcefully so that no one can hear us.
"What's wrong with you, hm?" I stare at him angrily.
A deep wrinkle forms between his eyebrows. "I can't do anything about it. This is not a vacation for me. I'm here to work. Tomorrow, I play the final rehearsal, and the day after tomorrow, the concert." Panic resonates in his voice. His look tells of a conflict that I cannot understand.
"Of course, you're here to advance your career." Involuntarily, I move a bit closer to him and can smell the scent of his skin. A delicate, woody note that makes warmth rise within me. I wish for nothing else but to show Josh that life has more to offer than just work.
I want to see his green eyes glow and hear his laughter. I want to dance with him out of his everyday life and find out what touches his heart.
My god, what am I thinking? I must be going crazy.
"B-b-but your career won't go down the drain because you spend a few hours with Sophia," I stutter confusedly.
He breathes out, pressed. "I can't. Understand that."
"One day, you will realize what you have missed. Then it will be too late," I reply urgently.
He doesn't react. Just looks at me with a desperate facial expression. Several times, he opens his mouth, but he does not speak.
I nod encouragingly at him. "Time can't be turned back."
Again, silence spreads between us. "You're probably right," he finally says to my surprise. "We'll do something together. After the concert."
"Good. Sophia and I will plan an excursion." I should be satisfied, but I only feel how his scent clouds my thoughts.
It can't go on like this. I hastily turn away. What's wrong with me?
"And no matter what it is. You will participate, understood?" I add for safety. I interpret his dreamy smile as agreement, maybe even anticipation. "Thank you." I do my best not to look him in the eye. Then I quickly make my way to Sophia. At least there, I am safe from myself.