Chapter 8 #3
Her pensive expression tugs at me as she leans closer to the phone.
She’s really hearing it, despite the grating scratch of the music from the awful speaker.
The fact that she specifically noticed the violin solo I did for that song means a lot too.
Inserting my classic violin background into one of our songs for the first time was another F-U to my father.
For the record, listening to music without proper equipment should be outlawed.
“Wow. He’s really good,” she muses in quiet awe. “Like, really, really good.”
I almost laugh again. “Shocking, huh? Bands generally prefer frontmen who can sing.”
I get another eye-roll before she goes serious again. “That’s not what I mean. I just never heard him doing his thing before, that’s all. Well, that I recognized anyway. I never truly listened. It’s like learning something new about him.”
I swallow another uncomfortable feeling rising in my chest. “Yeah, this is a pretty old one, too. That’s why I was surprised Luke brought it up.”
I watch her face for any more clues .
“He was talking about the time your gear got stolen from the motel parking lot.”
A burst of old anger shoots through me. I don’t think I’ll ever get over that one. “Oh yeah. That sucked big time. We were all broke to begin with, and of course, those bastards took off with most of my stuff.”
“Luke said they took the stuff they recognized.”
“Yes, and apparently drums and cymbals are pretty obvious, even in their cases.”
“Well, thankfully you’ve recovered.”
Not really. All the money in the world can’t buy my very first kit. Something that symbolized my journey out of the ashes. It meant everything to me.
“Interesting choice,” another voice says from behind.
We twist back to find Luke moving toward us. He gives me a curious glance, and I motion with my eyes toward Callie. He knows what this song really is—and that there’s no way I’d choose it for any situation, let alone this one.
“You couldn’t at least play our good stuff for her?” he says, deflecting.
I shoot him a grateful look.
“She picked it,” I point out in the same light tone.
“I like it,” she argues. “Besides, we were actually reminiscing about your gear getting stolen.”
“Please tell me your reminiscing includes coffee,” Luke grunts, scanning the counter.
“Here, dude.” I slide the carafe toward him. “There’s food too.”
He cringes as he fills a mug. “Let’s go with coffee first.”
Stillness settles over us as the song continues. My nerves return, while Luke’s expression takes on a careful consideration I haven’t seen in years. It’s like he’s hearing this song for the first time. I don’t know what to make of it, and stare down at my plate .
The music cuts out, leaving an awkward silence in its wake. None of us seem to know what’s supposed to happen next. Least of all me with the riotous state of my head.
“You know, Casey wrote most of that one,” Luke says finally.
Callie and I snap our gazes to him for different reasons. I fight the increase of my heart rate with a casual shrug.
“Black sheep, right?” I curl a weak smile.
Callie searches my face, and I pretend to be interested in my cold eggs again. She clearly suspects more than she’s saying. Fuck. Can she tell this song is about my dad beating the shit out of me?
“It’s basically what got us signed,” Luke continues.
“Well, that and our devastating good looks,” I joke before this goes any further.
Her gaze runs over me again, stirring a new kind of heat.
“She thinks it’s pretty,” I continue. A reassuring smile cuts across Luke’s face like he knows exactly what I’m doing.
“Pretty? ‘Argyle?’ She would,” he mumbles in a conspiratorial tone.
“I would? What’s that supposed to mean?” Callie returns.
Luke shrugs and takes a sip of his coffee. “Nothing, I’m just not surprised, that’s all.”
I feel badly about turning this conversation on her, but it’s better than where it was headed.
“Well, excuse me if I’m not dark and depressing enough for you edgy rockers,” she quips.
Luke’s amused gaze blasts me with a silent “See? What did I say?”
When Callie crosses her arms with a scowl, I’m officially hooked. “What? What did I do now?”
“Nothing,” Luke says in a soothing tone.
But Callie isn’t buying it and looks to me. I have no clue what’s happening right now but it’s funny as hell.
Her ire seems directed equally at both of us. “Fine. I should probably get going anyway,” she fires back as she slides off the stool.
Hang on. Is she seriously upset? Now I feel like a dick.
“Callie…” I reach for her as she brushes past. “We didn’t…”
She rips her arm away and stalks toward the hall.
“Callie!”
I stare after her, still not sure what’s going on. We’ve been bantering since the moment we met. How did it turn into this?
“Let her go,” Luke says, probably sensing I’m about to run after her.
“What just happened?” I ask in bewilderment.
“Stress. Fear. The sudden realization that she’s totally out of her element and has no idea how to process all this shit?”
I blow out a breath and run my hand over my head. “Right. Yeah. This whole thing can’t be easy on her. Last night was… a lot. It rocked me. I can’t imagine what she must be feeling right now.”
He lowers his gaze. Guilt washes over his face, but we have bigger problems at the moment.
“I’ll go talk to her,” I say. “Make sure she understands we’re the assholes in this equation.”
Brows furrowed, he glares into his mug. “Pretty sure I get the crown on that one. I should talk to her.”
“No, seriously. It’s fine. She and I have been going at it all morning. I thought it was in good fun, but maybe I’ve been misreading the situation.” My stomach grinds at the thought that all of this was in my head.
“No, man. Trust me. She’s into you.”
I shoot him a look. “How do you know that?”
“It’s pretty damn obvious. She’s never looked at me the way she looks at you. The chemistry you two have is off the charts, but dude, you know what that means, right?”
I roll my eyes. “You’re not seriously going to give me the protective big brother speech, are you? ”
“Do I have to?”
Nothing squeezes my heart more than the thought of hurting that woman. “No. I understand that, man, believe me. She’s different. She’s special. And we need to make sure she knows that.”
I push away from the counter, but he grabs my arm.
“Please, Case. Let me talk to her. After last night… I have to explain and try to make things right.”
My insides twist with mixed emotion at his plea. “You can’t make things right. You get that, don’t you?”
His shoulders drop as he releases me, his gaze drifting to the empty hallway. “Yeah. Of course. Doesn’t mean I shouldn’t try.”
I search his expression and find the pain and sincerity I’m looking for. After a brief silence, I sigh and rub at my face. “Fine. Just… don’t lie to her, okay? You can jerk me around all day, but not her. Don’t make promises you know you can’t keep.”
He flinches, but I don’t regret it. The time for being gentle has passed, and if we’re going to fix this, we’re going to have to break some shit.
I hold my breath until he nods. “I’ll be straight with her. I promise.”
“Good.”
He smacks my shoulder with a “wish me luck” expression before following after Callie.
To say I’m jealous, and still nervous about what’s about to happen, is an understatement. This feels like one of those crossroads moments—Callie will have to decide if she’s going to stay on this convoluted path with us to heaven knows where, or run back to the security of her own world.
I know I shouldn’t, but there’s no way I’ll be able to sit here pretending to eat congealed eggs while a life-changing conversation is happening a few feet away.
Once I hear a knock, followed by voices, I creep down the hall to hide just out of view. The door is still open a crack, leaving me relieved and terrified I can hear everything.
“You know we fought over who would come in here,” Luke says.
“You lost, I guess?” she mumbles.
I shake my head in frustration. She really has no idea how special she is.
“No, I won!” he laughs in the same disbelief I’m feeling.
“God, Callie, don’t you get it? We don’t want you to be like us!
We want you to think our music is pretty and tell us when we’re being assholes.
You have to stop thinking that the gap that separates us is because of a shortcoming on your part.
Did you ever think that it might be on ours? ”
Damn. No wonder he’s the wordsmith of the band.
“I can be a major pain-in-the-ass,” he continues. “I know that. Last night…”
I see clear images of his struggle to explain when he pauses. I’ve seen it so many times.
And I need this time to be different. For so many reasons. If it is, it will be because of the girl in that room.
“Anyway, my point is, I’m sorry,” he says in a sincere tone. “I’m sorry for last night. I’m sorry for this morning. I have a ton of issues, but I never want you to think you’re one of them, okay?”
Another long silence follows, and it’s everything I can do not to burst through the door.
I hear movement, and a twinge of jealousy runs through me when I guess why.
Callie’s muffled voice when she speaks confirms my theory that they’re hugging.
I fight the ugly feeling spreading through me.
This moment isn’t about sex, but once again I’m reminded that I’m the third wheel in this relationship.
“I was so scared last night,” she says quietly. “I didn’t know… I mean, you… I hated seeing you like that.”
More silence. I clench my fists. I really need to leave before I hear something I can’t unhear. They’re not doing anything wrong. I’m the piece that doesn’t belong.
“That used to be normal,” Luke says.
“I know.”
“Casey told you.”
I cringe at the accusation in his tone.
“Casey loves you and is probably the best friend you have.” Her voice is firm and almost threatening. “No. You need to listen to me, Luke. Last night it was Casey who took care of you, not me. It was Casey who wiped the puke off your face and nursed you back to health.”
She stops. “You need to let him back into your life.”
A sharp breath expels from my lungs. I scrub at my face as every part of me wants to run from his response, but I can’t move. I have to know. After all this time, I need the honest truth.
Does he want me in his life?
“I can’t,” he says.
My heart cracks open.
Years of memories burn behind my eyes, peeling away any lingering scraps of hope.
He doesn’t want you.
You’re not enough. You failed him. Like you failed Elena. Like you failed the rest of the band, your siblings, and probably Callie too.
I slump against the wall, crushed beneath an unbearable weight.
“You have to,” Callie says.
“You don’t understand.”
“Okay, then explain it to me,” she challenges. “We’re past the ‘no personal stuff’… He’s a good person, Luke,” she says when he doesn’t respond. “And after what I saw last night, I’d venture to say, better than both of us.”
I lift my head in surprise. Does she really believe that?
“What?” Callie persists when Luke still doesn’t respond. “I don’t know if maybe you’ve had a falling out in the past, but he wants to make it right again. He wants to be a part of your life.”
“He can’t be part of my life,” Luke spits finally. “I’m not doing that to him again.”
Luke bursts into the hall before I can react.
Time stops when his startled gaze locks on me. A flurry of emotions streams across his face, but I can’t read them. Without a word, he takes off toward his room.
I can’t move, stuck between wanting to go after him and run like hell.
All I know for sure is that I can’t let Callie find me spying as well. I fight to remove all evidence of my fractured heart from my face as I rush back to the kitchen.
I pick up my phone as a cover, but don’t even unlock it. My brain is in a tailspin.
She can’t see me like this. She can’t know I’m breaking apart inside.
I’ll have plenty of time to shatter after she leaves, because there’s no way she’s sticking around with what I just heard.
I never should have trusted Luke to handle that delicate situation, and the fact that it fell apart over me stings that much more.
As usual, I’m going to pay the price for his choices. And based on the way my heart leaps and aches when Callie comes into view, the cost might be more than I bargained for.
Her devastated expression says it all. I’m about to lose the only remaining things I care about…
Again.