Chapter 10 #2
Great question. I stare at him, not sure how to answer it. Part of me wants to flip him off and leave. The other part is in disbelief he even gives a shit enough to ask that question. Even if it’s because he’s trying to make conversation, it’s more than I ever thought I’d get.
“New tour in four months with at least three new tracks.”
His smirk grates on me. “Got tired of waiting, I guess.”
“I’d love your help, man.”
It’s only in the tense silence that follows that I realize my words were part plea and part punishment .
I’m not remotely surprised when he won’t look at me. “Yeah, well, that’s not my thing anymore.”
Of course it’s not. Nothing is his thing except drinking and accidentally seducing the only woman who genuinely cares about him.
I have nothing to lose, so might as well go out with a bang.
“I know, but maybe if?—”
Luke shoves back from the table. “Alright, well, I know I’m full. What about you guys?”
His dismissive tone hurts more than his abrupt retreat.
While he stalks away, I slide my chair back as well, fists clenched. I watch him go, forcing away the twinge of guilt clawing its way up my chest. We can’t keep tiptoeing around him. Catering to him. Walking on eggshells because he’s the king of the universe and the rest of us?—
“You okay?” Callie asks.
Am I okay? No, I’m not fucking okay!
I don’t even try to hide my frustration when I face her. She’s just as guilty in this. Maybe more because she broke a promise. At least he never pretends to be better than what he is.
“You’re living with him?” I spit out. “Why didn’t you tell me you two hooked up? Don’t you think you should have led with that?”
She winces, but those doe-eyes won’t work on me anymore. I still believe she’s genuine. None of it’s an act with her. It’s me who read everything all wrong. This is my issue, not hers, but I still need the truth.
“What? Whoa, wait a second. We didn’t hook up.”
I release a harsh laugh. “No? But you moved in?”
“It’s not like that! I mean, I know what it sounds like, but it’s not.”
My anger falters at the urgency in her delivery.
“I didn’t move in, I just keep some stuff here in case it gets late,” she continues, eyes pleading .
My stomach sinks. I want to believe that. So much. It’s just… history. Every bit of evidence in front of me.
“Come on, you know he’s not ready for a real relationship,” she says, searching my eyes. “I know you know that better than anyone!”
Yeah. I’m the one who warned her. And she…
Ah!
I scrub at my face. Evaluate hers. There’s nothing but sincerity there. And something else. Fear. Why would she be afraid right now unless…
My pulse picks up. Her hazel eyes are screaming for me to believe her. There’s no reason for her to fight so hard for a lie.
I release a breath, struggling to sort the mess in my head. Just because everyone else lies to me, doesn’t mean she’s not the one person who isn’t.
“He’s not, you know,” I think out loud. I scratch at an imperfection in the table. “I’m not sure if he’ll ever be. I warned you about that from the beginning.”
She scoots closer, drawing my attention. “I know that, trust me. I’ll admit in the beginning I had thoughts, but now I just care about him. I want to help him. Just like you.”
Her eyes.
I consider everything I’ve seen. Everything she’s saying. Would I even be questioning her story if jealousy wasn’t a factor?
No. And the reality of the situation streams into sharp focus.
I’m falling for her.
I want her to look at me the way everyone else looks at Luke, and it crushed me just now when it seemed like that would never happen.
I exhale a heavy breath, mad at myself more than anyone.
“God, I’m sorry, Callie. It’s just…” I don’t know how to explain what just happened. The past, present, and future collided in an atom bomb in my head .
“They all fall for him,” I explain in a fractured voice. “Every single one. How can they not? I’m not saying he does it on purpose. Maybe sometimes, but mostly he just doesn’t realize the effect he has. But I know where he’s at right now, and you will get hurt. I know you will.”
“Where is he?! Tell me!” Elena sobs.
“I… Don’t make do this.”
“Then tell me where he is! He’s with someone else, isn’t he?!”
I clench my eyes shut, shaking my head, even though she can’t see me. Neither can he. They definitely can’t see each other because they stopped doing that months ago.
Callie’s earnest nod contains a touch of something else. Desperation. That’s it. A deep need for me to understand because… it’s not in my head. It’s not just me.
“I know,” she says, her gaze scouring mine. “Seriously, Casey, I know, okay? It’s not like that. I don’t have those kinds of feelings for him anymore.”
Her eyes finish the sentence. Those feelings are for someone else.
My heart pounds. My blood runs hot.
I’m stunned when she gets up and moves toward me. Suddenly, the bitter shove of rejection that sent me away from the table is an opening for the opposite as she hovers in front of me.
She takes my hands and laces our fingers. Closing the distance between us, she straddles me on the chair, still standing. For a few confusing seconds we stay like that. Me staring up at her, wondering, hoping… I don’t even know for what.
We went off script a long time ago.
I pull her down at the same time she leans in, drawing her lips to mine.
Her soft gasp when we connect echoes relief and longing. She tugs her hands free to frame my head, still kissing me as she lowers herself to my lap. I slide my palms down her back and let them rest just above the waist of her jeans.
Her lips are soft and warm, testing instead of demanding. She uses her grip on my cheeks to guide and explore, like she’s just as surprised this is happening. Like she wants it to last, instead of the urgent lust I’m used to in first kisses.
It feels so… real.
Personal and focused.
She’s kissing me because she wants me. Not because I’m Casey Barrett of Night Shifts Black.
For these few precious seconds, I’m not The Drummer anymore.
I’m just Casey.