Chapter 21 #2
My lips sting in the best possible way from the spontaneous attack. My lungs take a moment to fill with air. Her smile, her eyes, her sweet spirit… she’s layers of human tracks forming the most perfect song.
And she’s mine.
“Wow, computers really turn you on, don’t they,” I tease, because what else is there to say?
Totally worth it when I get a smack.
And another wild, messy kiss.
Callie makes me break for lunch, but as soon as I’ve shoveled down a few tacos, I’m back in my makeshift studio.
The diner chair in the corner provides an eerie audience while I work.
There’s a weird chill in the room that’s turning that haunted object into a silent collaborator.
My gaze keeps crossing to it like it knows something I don’t.
I can’t help but wonder how many hours Luke has spent in here staring at it like he was when I found him the other day.
I’ve just finished setting up the framework for the song and doing one full take on keys when Luke pokes his head in. When he sees I’m not recording, he enters with Callie behind him.
“How’s it going?” he asks.
Any irritation at being interrupted yet again fades with his sincere interest. As usual, I try to play it cool so I don’t break the spell.
“Well, it’s been all of ten minutes, so not much to show so far. Basically got the tempo set and first midi track lined up. I did one pass with keys but I think I’m going to run it on guitar, too, and see what that sounds like. I could use some input. Do you have your ears?”
My tone is casual, but there’s nothing trivial about that question.
I hold my breath .
He hesitates.
Please, Luke.
I can’t even look at Callie.
His nod feels monumental. “Yeah, in my room. Just a sec.”
I release the air in my lungs as he takes off, still in disbelief this is happening. Maybe he’ll change his mind once he gets to his room and has more courage to break my heart.
Callie rounds the desk to hover beside me.
“So, Penchant for Red, huh?” she says nonchalantly while squinting at the DAW like that’s her main concern.
My initial shock transforms into humor at my sneaky spy.
“Luke told you.”
She turns and leans against the desk to face me.
“Is there anything about you that isn’t going to make me swoon? What else is there? You also have a PhD in physics and founded a franchise of orphanages?”
I snort a laugh. “Swoon! There’s my old lady. Love it.”
What I don’t love? How distracted I am whenever she’s close.
Once again, I find myself flirting and sharing an urgent kiss with a goddess before I even realize what’s happening. This song is never going to get made with Callie hanging around.
Luke returns too soon and not soon enough. His smile when he sees our scramble to separate eases the tension at being caught. This has to be weird for him.
“I can come back,” he jokes.
“No, it’s fine,” Callie says.
They continue chatting, but my mind is already embedded in quantizing the keys track I just recorded. I put my left IEM in to listen back to the opening intro. I don’t like the strict timing. I think I want the first notes of the chords slightly ahead of the beat to sound more natural.
“You cool with that, Case?” Luke cuts in.
“Fine with me,” I reply, having no idea what I just agreed to. “Hey, so here’s the first take at the keys. Before I clean it up, I just wanted to see what you thought of the general direction.”
Luke puts his ears in and hands me the cable to plug into my laptop.
My heart races while he listens, my knee bouncing below the desk like I’m next up at the DMV. I’m always anxious about feedback, all artists are. But this is different. This is the past, present, and future converging into one rough layer of keys.
Relief plunges through me when an approving smile lifts his lips. He pulls his IEM out and glances at me.
“It’s good, Case. Maybe a little aggressive on the verses. I love the intro, though. I can totally hear the piano riff followed by the band coming in with the crash of the drums and guitars.”
Somehow I knew he’d say that. He always thinks my keys are too aggressive. This time he’s right, but it’s only because I’m using it as a base for the scratch track. Most, if not all of it, will come out in production.
“That’s what I was thinking,” I say. “One pass of piano for that first progression, and then all-in hard on the second.”
Luke’s brows arch like they do when he’s on board. “Yeah, I like that.”
It feels so damn good to slip back into our instinctive collaborative mode. Too good when it leaves an awkward silence after the easy exchange.
My head and heart belt the ugly truth I’ve been trying to ignore since this song started forming. I thought I’d be okay doing it on our own. That we could find a way to fill the gaping hole of Luke’s vocal. But this song is too good to hand to anyone else. Too special.
Too fucking important.
I squirm from the twisting in my stomach. “I’d love if you could help me with the vocal. You’d kill this one. You know you would.”
He winces at the surprise ambush, and so do I. He’s probably just as shocked as I am that I asked again after the disaster of the last time. I sense Callie’s concern as well.
God, I’m such an idiot. Why do I do this to myself?
I divert my gaze back to the safety of the screen. My chest feels tight as I pretend it hasn’t just been ripped open and gutted.
“Yeah, sorry,” I say quietly before this gets worse.
I don’t want an explanation or apology. I just want to kill this torturous hope once and for all. It hurts too much, and I just?—
“Casey…”
I can’t look at him. I hear it in his voice.
“No, I know,” I grit out. My jaw aches. My eyes. My throat. I don’t even know why. “Sorry, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have asked.”
It’s fine.
Such a bald-faced lie.
My heart feels like it’s been crushed and doused in gasoline.
“No, it’s not fine, Casey. It’s not fine.”
Luke’s firm voice echoes through the room as he covers the distance between us.
I look up to see a storm of emotions on his face.
I can’t begin to sort through them, and I’m not surprised when he closes his eyes.
I feel like doing the same. No one wants to witness chaos like the internal mess we just threw at each other in that single glance.
After a long, painful pause, he opens his eyes to deliver the crushing blow.
The apology.
The rejection that will somehow make me feel like the villain for having hope in something better.
“Can you run through it with me a few times first?” His voice is almost a whisper.
I go numb.
There’s no way …
“I only heard it that once, and I know you changed some of the melody anyway,” he explains.
I can’t speak. Can’t move. I just stare at the screen until tears obscure my view. I blink them away, my ribs aching beneath the weight of what’s happening.
“Um, yeah, of course. Just...”
Fuck, I can’t even get words out.
This can’t be real. I have to be dreaming, and I’m going to be heartbroken when I wake up and realize I’m alone on a plane with my laptop and a lifetime of charred memories.
But the sudden pressure squeezing my shoulder feels so damn real, and when I dare to look up, so does the man standing beside me.
My best friend.
My brother.
My lead singer.
His eyes scream everything I’m feeling as he pulls me in for a tight embrace. His arms constrict around me, suffocating the darkness. I hear everything he wants to say in the way he holds on, and my cheeks are wet with tears I’ve been needing to cry for so damn long.
“I’m sorry,” he whispers in a choked voice. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
“I know,” I return softly.
And for the first time, it’s the truth.