Chapter 24 #2
I need to see. I need to witness the magic of watching two virtual strangers break apart and heal right before my eyes. With her unflinching compassion and her courage to confront someone else’s pain, Callie did what no one else could.
She thinks she’s nothing? She’s a fucking miracle.
When they finally separate, Luke has the haunted look on his face I got so used to seeing before he decided to hide it from me permanently.
But there’s something else there now. I can’t label it, but it eases some of the pressure behind my ribs.
Callie still has his hand clutched in hers when he closes his eyes and starts to speak.
“It’s a perfect day for candlelight, let it cast its shadow.
It’s a perfect day for apathy.
It’s a perfect day for tragedy, eclipsed by a moment in time.
It’s a perfect day, why not today?
It’s a perfect day, don’t wait up for a tearful goodbye.
It’s a perfect day for illusion.
It’s a perfect day for solace, I’ll make this easy on you.
Don’t you worry, it’s a perfect day, why not today ?
Can you hear me, screaming some lie, disguising the truth
Can you see me, bleeding, I’m unraveling
Shattering
Do you remember what you told me, ‘Everything has its place and time?
Well, that’s fine, you can look away, you’re just proving it’s the perfect day.”
No one moves. My heart is cracking apart inside.
I see him in that diner chair, breathing those words into an empty void that echoes them back at him.
Elena screaming the same as the poison took control of her until she couldn’t fight it anymore.
All the people crying out for help without making a sound, until one split second explodes into a cry that reverberates for eternity.
Tears stream from my eyes as Callie crawls back to me. I pull her back to my chest, burying my face in her hair. I can’t sort the mess inside me. It’s just a knot of sadness and incredible gratitude.
I couldn’t help Elena. In some ways, we can’t help Luke, either—only he can take the journey toward healing. But we can stand in the void and stop the echo. We can shatter the mirror and destroy the lying reflection that tortures him.
“What’s The Chair, Luke?” Callie’s words splinter the silence. “What’s its power?”
I direct my watery gaze back at Luke and blink away the film. I have to see. I have to understand.
Luke rubs at his eyes and fixes his gaze on the table. “Things were really bad with Elena,” he says in a haunted tone. “They had been for a long time, but… I loved her… God, I loved her so much... I just couldn’t stop hurting her. ”
He clenches a fist in his hair, and I wince at the hostility in his tone, the self-loathing. It hurts like hell, but the poison has to come out. The mirror has to break.
“We’d talked that day,” he continues, releasing his hold to swat at his cheeks. “She couldn’t take it anymore, the way things were. She wanted to try to work things out. I agreed to meet her that night at a little café called Jemma’s. One last shot to fix things.”
He chokes on a memory and scrubs at his eyes. My chest feels like it’s caving in.
“I didn’t show,” he continues in a tortured voice. His gaze goes dark. “No, worse than that. I ended up in a hotel room getting wasted with two girls I didn’t even know. I just… I just left her there! Fucking abandoned her!”
He’s trembling when he reaches for his phone, and so am I.
My own confession is heavy on my tongue.
Tragedy needs a villain. Sometimes more than one.
The phone shakes in his hand as he holds it out. Callie takes it, and over her shoulder I see a photo in a text stream.
From Elena.
My heart stops. I can’t breathe.
We know that chair. It’s a dozen yards away in its office vault.
I go completely numb at the text below it.
Guess I’m talking to a ghost tonight? Fuck you, Luke. I hate you.
“I left her there to die.” His splintered voice cuts through the air, but I can’t look at him. I can’t face the rest of the truth I already know. “She killed herself shortly after she gave up and left.
“No, sorry, wait,” he spits out. “ I killed her that night. I was supposed to be there! I should have been in that chair. But I’m not, am I? I’m not there! If I had, if I’d just…”
He implodes before us, and I can’t take it anymore.
Callie must understand when she shifts so I can get up. I move toward him and pull him into me without a word. His arms latch around my back, and his tears burn through my shirt.
“I need you to forgive me. Forgive me for killing her. Please.”
His desperate plea slices into me and tears up any remaining resistance to the truth.
“I do,” I say quietly. “You know I do. Just come back to us, okay?”
His grief releases in a gut-wrenching torrent. I clench my eyes shut, my own demons circling now, screaming at the other villain in the story. The one I didn’t even recognize I blamed until this moment.
My heart has been pumping toxins through my veins as well. Truths I’ve been holding onto because I thought I was protecting him. I thought it would only hurt him more to know the rest, but now I see how badly I messed up.
I wasn’t protecting him. I was protecting myself.
All this time, I insisted it wasn’t his fault, when the truth was I needed a villain just as much as everyone else. I needed a reason, and better that it was Luke than myself.
If he’s going to be brave enough to confront his monster, I need to stand up to mine.
“She called me too that night,” I force out.
I feel his flinch before we let go. I back away, unable to look at him.
“Obviously, I didn’t know what she was planning to do. I thought it was weird that she called just to say she loved me and was proud of me. But I didn’t ask. I didn’t understand until after… until they called and said...” I shake my head, but it won’t clear the memory. “And then… ”
“You’re a great musician, but an even better man. I’m so damn proud of you, Casey. Never forget that.”
“Thanks, El. That means a lot.”
“I love you so much. You know that, right?”
“Of course. Love you too. Shit, my ride’s here.”
“Okay, but ? —”
“Gotta go. Text you later!”
And I did. I fucking kept my promise. But she never saw the selfie Sweeny and I took at the club. I learned later I sent it one minute and forty-seven seconds too late.
Tears rush my eyes. My throat feels like it’s being crushed.
“I’m the last person she spoke to,” I choke out. “ Me! I had a chance to help, and I didn’t. Maybe it’s just as much my fault for not stopping her. For not loving my sister enough to recognize a suicide note when it slaps me in the face.”
“Casey…” Luke reaches for me, but I back away.
I have to finish this. For his sake as much as mine.
“I blamed myself for a long time too, but now I know that blaming only helps if it has the power to change us. To make us better.” I find Luke again, begging him to hear this part.
“Elena’s death made us better, Luke. And now we have a chance to make it matter. To make her matter.”
“She matters, Case,” he says quietly, lifting his gaze to mine. A muscle moves in his jaw. “So much.”
Relief like I’ve never felt floods through me. I didn’t even know how badly I needed to hear him say that until this moment.
“I know she does. I know.”
I grip Luke’s arm and complete the circle with a look to Callie. Her watery eyes speak for her. I pray mine do too.
The silence that settles in is completely different this time. It’s soft and warm and sad. It’s the healing that can transform a hollow void into serene peace .
“I’m going to make some tea,” Callie says, climbing to her feet.
“Tea sounds great,” Luke says on an exhale.
Our universe has officially shifted.