Epilogue
ATTICUS
The envelope had just arrived at our house in Monksville. Doug had overnighted us a copy of the magazine. We were the cover story this month for one of the biggest music periodicals, except by we , I don’t mean just us guys. It was all six of us.
The title on the cover read, Deliriously in Love: The women behind the men of Delirious Jones
After my very public proposal during the tour last year, the press had gone crazy trying to learn more about Nicole. They also soon got wind of Kenzie’s relationship with Ronan. And suddenly, the women in our lives became prime press targets.
We’d figured rather than deal with the press stalking us all the time, we’d beat them to the punch. Our manager had struck a deal with the magazine for this feature to set the record straight and hopefully give us some semblance of privacy after. Even if it didn’t work, it was worth a shot.
I looked down at the cover photo, which had been taken by a world-famous photographer. It had been shot a year ago, and Nicole was eight months pregnant at the time, wearing a form-fitting white dress that showcased her navel popping out. We’d done a separate pregnancy shoot, but I’d always cherish this snapshot in time of one of the happiest periods of my life. In the photo, the three guys were seated, Tristan in the middle, with Ronan and me on either side of him. Off to the left, Nicole was lying on the ground by my feet, her long, raven hair wild and beautiful as she placed her hand above her stomach. Emily, who had also been visibly pregnant at the time, chose not to have her stomach on display, so she was standing behind Tristan with her arms around his neck, her long brown hair cascading over his chest. And to the right was Ronan with a laughing Kenzie on his lap.
I brought the magazine to the kitchen to show my wife. Well, she still wasn’t legally my wife. The huge wedding we were planning was set to take place later this year. We wanted to be settled first and had just moved.
“Look what arrived this morning.” I put the magazine on the counter.
“Oh my gosh.” She smiled as she looked down at the cover. “I do not miss being that pregnant, but it came out so good. It seems like forever since we posed for that.”
I kissed her neck. “You were the sexiest pregnant woman alive.”
“I’d much rather have her on my back.”
I kissed the top of our baby girl’s head. Little Adele was asleep in the carrier Nicole had strapped to her back. Carrying her like this was the only way Nicole could get anything done on days that Adele wouldn’t go down for her nap.
We had moved to Monksville at the end of May and planned to permanently relocate to New York City, keeping this house for occasional weekends and summers. We were in the process of closing on an Upper West Side brownstone.
Today was the first time we’d have everyone over at the Monksville house. It was a beautiful June day and our first official party here, not only to celebrate the article, but Tristan had said he had some sort of announcement. That had certainly piqued my curiosity; I had no clue what it could be about. Delirious Jones had already decided to take a year off, so I couldn’t imagine that it had anything to do with the band. We were just beginning that much-needed break now, and I was loving every second of it.
Nicole cut up some vegetables. “Tristan and Emily flew in last night, right?”
“Yeah, they’re at an Airbnb right down the street.”
They’d taken their first flight from L.A. with their nine-month-old son, Levi. Ronan was also here, crashing at Tina’s with Kenzie, who’d given up her apartment here a while ago to follow Ronan wherever he happened to be. She was mostly doing freelance photography now. Those two couldn’t stand to be away from each other. I still couldn’t quite grasp the thought of him sleeping in my niece’s childhood bedroom with her tonight, but here we were. I’d try not to think about that too hard.
“You have any idea what Tristan’s news could be?” Nicole asked as she arranged some olives on a charcuterie board.
“I have no freaking clue. Like, none .”
“Should be interesting. It can’t be that Emily’s pregnant again. She had Levi less than a year ago. So I hope not, for her sake.”
I popped a block of cheese into my mouth. “You don’t think Tristan’s trying to get his wife pregnant again like I am?”
She slapped my hand. “You’d better slow down, buddy.”
“With the baby talk or the cheese?”
“Both.” She laughed.
“You know I’m kidding,” I said, stealing a second cube of cheese.
While I most definitely wanted another child with Nicole, we had our hands full for the time being with our almost-one-year-old, who only recently had started sleeping through the night. Our daughter was everything I’d dreamed she’d be: healthy, happy, and looking just like Nicole. Every time I saw her, I thought about how everything her mother and I had gone through had to have happened just as it did in order for Adele to be here now. I no longer had any regrets about the tough times Nicole and I had experienced. Adele made it all worth it.
The best part of today was that Giselle and David would be coming to the party with Christian and leaving him here while they went on vacation for a week. It would be my first time having my son at the Monksville house for any length of time. Since he’d last been here, I’d decorated his room with his favorite superheroes, and I couldn’t wait to surprise him. At four years old, he was turning into such a little man.
When someone rang the doorbell, I went to let them in. I peeked through the peephole to find Ronan and Kenzie standing there. She held a platter of some kind.
Ronan wore a shit-eating grin. “Hope we’re not too early,” he said when I opened the door.
“Your ass is always early, so I’m used to it.” He knew it annoyed me.
My niece reached up to kiss me on the cheek. “I want to help Nicole anyway.” She walked past me toward the kitchen.
“What’s Tristan’s announcement all about?” I asked. If Ronan knew anything, he’d spill.
“I might have an idea, but I’m not allowed to say anything until he gets here.”
I narrowed my eyes. “Shady.”
He smirked. “You’ll be happy with it.”
“Well, I’ll find out soon enough, I guess. He just texted that they’re on their way. Their Airbnb is right down the road.”
Ronan lowered his voice. “Hey, since things are gonna get a little chaotic here soon, you think I can talk to you alone really quick?”
I arched my brow. “What’s the big secret?”
“Let’s go out back for a second.”
Oh my freaking word. Did he knock up my niece?
Technically, if they were going to stay together, that couldn’t be avoided forever. And I had to say, Ronan had been a solid partner to her. He’d even cut down on smoking weed because she wasn’t crazy about it. But mostly I saw how much he made her smile. I remembered a time, especially right after her dad died, that making Kenzie smile wasn’t an easy feat. She’d never smiled more since getting together with Ronan.
“Follow me,” I told him. I went to the kitchen, grabbing a couple of beers from the fridge. I kissed Nicole on the cheek. “Do you need me for anything yet?”
“Everything’s under control until you have to start cooking the meat.” She winked.
“Ronan and I are gonna take these out back. I’ll fire up the grill in a bit.”
He followed me to the backyard. We took seats across from each other at the outdoor table. Ronan chewed on his lip, seeming tense.
I narrowed my eyes. “What’s up, man?”
He rubbed his palms on his pants. “You know how I feel about Kenzie. I’ve explained that to you in the past.”
I nodded once. “Yes, I do.”
“Well, my feelings for her have only gotten stronger since then.”
I inhaled. “Okay…”
“I’m gonna ask her to marry me on our trip.” He licked his lips. “And I want your permission. I’ve already cleared it with Tina, but your approval is just as important to me.”
Wow. For some reason, I hadn’t seen it coming. I wasn’t sure whether to feel relief that she wasn’t pregnant or surprise over this news. I stared at him blankly for a moment.
“Okay. Your silence is freaking me out.” He laughed nervously and took a long sip of his beer.
“I’m just soaking in this moment,” I assured him as I circled my finger over the top of my bottle. “For one thing, you’re my best friend, and you’re getting married. That’s huge in and of itself. But also my niece, who’s like my daughter, is getting married…to you. So that’s a lot to grasp in just a few seconds.”
Ronan took another sip. “Getting married assuming she says yes.”
I shook my head. “I can say for certain, Ronan, you’re good where that’s concerned. She’s crazy about you.” I smiled. “Mostly I’m speechless—and touched—that you asked for my permission. I’m honored to have that role in Kenzie’s life. I know Brian is smiling down right now because I have his back. But he’s especially happy because the man his daughter is going to marry is you . You’re a good egg, Ronan. You’re the real deal, truly the best and most genuine man I know. And you’ve proven over the last several months just how serious you are about my little princess.” I sighed. “So the answer is yes. You have my permission. And congratulations, man.”
We stood and hugged.
He spoke into my ear, “I promise not to call you dad .”
“Do it if you want your balls cut off,” I replied warmly.
“Ouch.” He cackled.
I looked over my shoulder to make sure no one had crept up behind us. “When is this proposal gonna happen?”
“Well, like I said, we’re going on a trip. So sometime while we’re away. Not sure yet which day it’s gonna be.”
“Where are you guys going again?”
“I’m gonna wait until Kenzie’s around to tell you because it’s pretty exciting news.”
“What the heck, man? All these freaking secrets today. My heart can’t take it.”
“ Your heart? My nerves have been shot all morning over asking your permission.”
I smiled and gripped his shoulder. We’d come a long way since his phone blew their cover on the tour. Given my initial reaction to them being together, I guessed I couldn’t blame him for being nervous.
Ronan and I went inside to find that Tristan and Emily had arrived with baby Levi, who was asleep in his carrier.
Tristan looked us over. “What were you two up to?”
“Just outside talking shit about you,” I taunted.
He chuckled. “Nothing new, then.”
“Did you see the magazine?” I slid it in front of them on the counter.
Nicole chuckled. “You can’t see much behind my eight-months-pregnant stomach.”
“It came out amazing,” Emily marveled. “This feels like so long ago now.”
We skimmed through the article to make sure there were no surprises. They’d pretty much taken our answers word for word, which was rare. But of course, they’d chosen to emphasize the most salacious parts of our love stories. They’d focused on Tristan and Emily’s age gap, Nicole’s and my second-chance romance after me having a baby with another woman, and the fact that Kenzie was my niece. But if that gave people enough juice to lay off us for a while, it’d be worth it.
Someone else was at the door, so I went to answer it and found Christian lifting his arms toward me. “Daddy!”
I bent to lift him into the air and spun him around. “I missed you so much, Bubba.”
Bubba had been my nickname for him ever since he was tiny, and it stuck. There was nothing like burying my nose in his hair and smelling him after we’d been apart.
“I missed you, too,” he said in his sweet little voice.
“Thanks for having us.” Giselle smiled, with David standing behind her.
“Of course. I’m so glad you have a little time to hang out before you leave for your trip.”
I clasped hands with David. “Good to see you, man.”
“Good to see you, too. Where can I get a beer?”
“Come right this way.”
They followed me into the kitchen as I continued to carry my son.
“Where’s my favorite?” David teased.
“I’m right here!” Nicole turned to hug him, careful not to get her food-covered hands on his clothes.
It was a running joke that Nicole and David would run away together someday. They got along so well. I was really proud of the dynamic we’d developed as coparents since Nicole and I had moved to New York. Nicole had gotten to know Giselle and David better, and while it wasn’t a hundred-percent easy for her, she was finding her stride. I could honestly say the four of us were friends. Lord knows, getting along made Christian’s life a hell of a lot easier. David and Giselle had gotten married in a small, civil ceremony recently. The trip they were taking was their delayed honeymoon to Puerto Rico.
“Nickel!” my son shouted at Nicole.
Christian used to mispronounce Nicole’s name like the coin, and now he did it on purpose to be funny because we’d corrected him so much.
She kissed him on the cheek. “Penny! I’m so excited you’re here.”
Nickel and penny . Even if it seemed dumb, he got a kick out of it. It didn’t take much to amuse my sweet kid.
“Who else are we waiting on?” Emily asked as she arranged some fruit.
Nicole poured Sprite into the punch bowl. “My mom is in town. She’s coming in a few and then Tina and the boys. That’s it.”
“I’d better go start the grill now,” I said. “By the time the rest of them get here, we can start eating.” I put my son down. “Actually, I want to show my little guy something first. I have a surprise for you, Bubba.”
He looked up at me and smiled. “A surprise?”
“Yup. Come on. Let’s go.”
Almost everyone followed us to Christian’s room to see his reaction.
His eyes filled with wonder as he got a look at what I’d done. He squealed. “I love it, Daddy!”
Christian explored his newly decorated bedroom, taking in the life-sized superheroes-in-action poses stuck to his walls. Nicole had found a new Marvel comforter to match. Everyone laughed as Christian ran from wall to wall in excitement. It warmed my heart that my son wasn’t spoiled. He had no idea his father was a millionaire, and he appreciated every little thing anyone gave him, big or small.
Giselle appeared by my side. “Thank you for doing this for him.”
I turned to her. “Thank you for taking such good care of him. I want him to feel comfortable here. I can’t compete with Mommy’s place. It’s not easy for him to be away from you. He misses you so much. Just hoping this takes the edge off a little.”
After the novelty of Christian’s room wore off, everyone dispersed, and I went outside to start grilling the food.
A little while later, Nicole’s mom arrived, along with my sister and nephews.
After two straight hours of grilling, I was the last to enjoy a plate of food. Everyone else had moved on to dessert.
I’d just gotten up to serve myself a piece of the delicious coconut cake Nicole’s mom had made when Tristan clanked a spoon against his beer bottle.
“Could I kindly have everyone’s attention, please?”
About damn time for this announcement he’d been teasing. I put down the knife and opted to cut a slice after Tristan spoke.
He cleared his throat and repeated, “May I have your attention?”
When everything went quiet, he began to speak.
“We’re at the beginning of an exciting year off for Delirious Jones, one that has been hard-earned and a long time coming. Now that our lives look a bit different, we have to prioritize what’s important. This year will go by fast. And when the group reconvenes, things will be different than before. That might mean shorter tours or even no tours, depending on what we collectively decide. For the past several years, we’ve been busting our asses, and we deserve to slow down a bit and enjoy the most important parts of our lives: our families and loved ones.”
He paused. I still had no idea where this was going.
“One of the biggest complications we’ve faced has been the bicoastal nature of our group. While Ronan and I have been firmly based in L.A. when we aren’t touring, Atticus has had to divide his time between L.A. and New York to make things work for his family. He’s recently made the smart move to relocate to New York, which means he’ll have to travel out to L.A. a fair amount for recordings and other band business.” He pointed his thumb over at Ronan. “This guy and I have discussed it, and we feel it will be in the band’s best interest…if we also both relocate to New York.”
I heard a collective series of gasps. One of them probably came from me.
Holy crap. Definitely hadn’t seen this coming.
Tristan smiled. “Emily and I are not only here visiting, we’re house hunting.”
“Are you serious?” I finally managed to say.
He nodded. “Moving our operations to the East Coast will make things easier for everyone.” He turned to Ronan. “I’ll let Ronan speak for himself regarding his plans, though.”
Ronan stood and cleared his throat as Kenzie blew him a kiss. “As you know, Kenzie and I will be taking a trip this year, but what we haven’t told you is that we’ll be traveling around the country in a van—and living in it. My girl has always wanted to experience more of America, and what better way to do that than together? We also plan to film a lot of it, documentary style.” He smiled over at her. “Don’t worry. It’s a damn nice van with many amenities. But after we come back at the end of the year, we, too, will be moving to New York, not only to be closer to Tina and the boys, but to you guys.”
My eyes met Tristan’s. I knew him like the back of my hand, and I knew he loved L.A. He was making this sacrifice for me , even if he’d made it sound like an easy choice for the band. His doing this made it easy for Ronan to follow suit, which was a good move for him, especially since Kenzie didn’t want to live in L.A., away from her family long term. My man was sacrificing his life as he knew it for his two best friends. And I loved him for it.
“Well, this was unexpected,” I told him as I approached.
“I know. But it’ll be great.”
I put my hand on his shoulder. “You’re really okay with this?”
He nodded.
I pulled him into a hug. “I love you, man.”
“I love you, too.” He patted my back. “Don’t forget—it all started here on the East Coast. Why not end it here, too?”
***
After everyone left that night, I turned on the electric fireplace for Nicole and me so we could decompress after the party. Christian was snug like a bug in a rug in his new bedding, and Nicole had managed to get Adele down after a feeding.
It was one of those rare moments of peace that you never took for granted as a parent.
“Well, today was certainly chock full of excitement.” She kicked her feet up on my knee.
Leaning my head back against the couch, I sighed. “I can’t believe how well everything is coming together. I feel so damn blessed.”
“Me, too. Emily is really excited about moving here. I was glad to hear that because I know she liked her marketing job. But apparently, she has some leads here that seem promising.”
I shook my head. “I still can’t believe he made that decision. He’s making it seem easy, but I know it was a sacrifice.”
“You’re blessed to have true friends, you know. We both are.”
“Yeah, they’re family at this point.”
She smiled. “I agree.”
I noticed Nicole was holding an envelope. “What’s that?”
“Well, you’re never gonna believe this…” Her mouth curved into a smile. “It’s a letter from Mimi.”
My eyes widened. “What?”
She handed it to me. “Look at the front.”
To be given to Nicole and Atticus after I pass away , was written in cursive.
“Where did this come from?”
“My mom gave it to me before she left tonight. You know how she stayed at Mimi’s to clean up after the funeral, even after we left?”
“Yeah?”
“Well, Mimi left my mother all of her jewelry. Mom didn’t actually open the jewelry box to go through it until the other day. And this letter was inside.”
“What do you think it is?” I asked.
She shook her head. “I have no idea.”
“Let’s see. Open it,” I urged.
Nicole took a deep breath and removed the letter from the envelope.
Dearest Nicole and Atticus,
If you’re reading this letter, it’s because I am no longer here. It’s being dictated to Fiona, who is assisting me with writing it as my penmanship is not what it used to be. I’ve instructed her to leave it with my jewelry for safekeeping.
I want you both to know that I promise to watch over you, if that is at all possible from wherever I am now.
I am forever indebted to you both for coming together to spend those two weeks with me earlier this year. I know that wasn’t easy for you.
You had your reasons for lying to me. I imagine you didn’t want to hurt me by admitting the truth. But I am stronger than you think. Or I was while I was alive. (I keep forgetting I’m supposed to be dead as I write this. Ha!)
What does pain me, however, is knowing that two people I love very much had lost their way. I don’t know what happened, but it had to have been something terrible to rip two people who were meant to be together apart.
My dears, I may have been old, but I wasn’t completely deaf. The whispers. The not-so-quiet arguments. The strange people turning up at my door. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought I’d died and woke up in an episode of As the World Turns . (That show was before your time. But it was a soap opera I used to like to watch.) Both of you need to promise never to go into acting, because you’re terrible at it.
I never told you I knew because I wanted to hear it from you. After all, if you’d gone through all that trouble to hide your separation from me, I needed to give you some credit for that. As you know, I tried to hint at my suspicions, but you chose not to tell me what was going on. That’s okay. It was none of my business.
Nicole, anytime you came to visit for the past few years, I could see something very wrong in your eyes. They’d lost the light they always had. Any time I asked about Atticus, you wouldn’t even look at me. I worried that it had to do with your marriage, even if you insisted Atticus was merely on tour.
And, Atticus, my boy, it was so very unlike you not to visit me for so long. Not even on Christmas? I’d long suspected there was more to it than your career, which surely allowed more breaks than you let on. I hold none of this against you, as I imagine the pain of whatever you two have been going through superseded all feelings of obligation.
Despite not understanding everything, I felt in my heart that true love would always prevail. I wanted to see how you would handle it if I requested that you both stay with me. I hope the time together helped you realize that not all was lost. That maybe someday you can find your way back to each other.
I’m sorry if it’s jarring to realize you didn’t hide things as well as you thought. Most of all, I’m sorry you two have experienced the misery of being apart from the person you love. I could very much see that you both still love each other.
All I can say is, you must have loved me very much to go through all of that just so I didn’t have to feel a fraction of the hurt you did. Thank you for giving me the gift of getting to see two of my favorite people together again for what I believe was probably the last time.
I love you both so very much.
By the way, no one ever said love was easy. Just because you hit some roadblocks doesn’t mean the road is closed forever. I hope it doesn’t take you a lifetime to figure that out. When you get to be my age, all you have are the memories of the people you loved. Material things don’t matter. Nothing else matters.
I will end this letter by telling you I had a very vivid dream last night. I’ve dreamed about your baby before, and it happened again. I mentioned this once to Atticus, who seemed uncomfortable when I brought it up. But it’s been a recurring dream since then. In the past, I hadn’t been able to make out whether it was a boy or a girl. But this time she told me she was a girl—black hair and looks just like my Nicole. But funny thing, she said her name was Adele, and I argued with her. “That’s not your name. That’s my name!” I told her.
Then she told me it was okay to come home, that she’d watch over you. I know it was just a dream, but it gave me some solace anyway.
Dreams are funny.
So is life.
Till we meet again, my darlings.
Love, Mimi
P.S.: Don’t hate me. The chicken and dumplings were horrible.
Did you miss Tristan and Emily’s age-gap love story with a massive twist? Read on for a sample of The Rocker’s Muse.