CHAPTER 35
WINTER IN THE COUNTRY was the saddest, most lonely season of all. Or maybe it was just his mental state. In a life marked by loneliness, Gabriel couldn’t remember ever feeling this melancholy before. After spending a week at the duke’s estate, he had returned to his estate right after New Year’s. That had been over a month ago, and he had received no news.
He busied himself with work. Much needed to be done, but most of it would have to wait until the spring. So, they focused on the most urgent repairs and plans for the upcoming season.
He welcomed the physical exertion. If there was a roof to repair, a wall to rebuild, a fence to mend, he was there. His tenants were already used to seeing him do physical work. And he wanted to believe he had earned their favor by showing he was not above laboring next to them. Before, he did it only because the work was needed; now, he needed the work.
He was coming home from one such projects when Thakur met him at the entrance hall.
“You have correspondence from the duke,” his valet informed him without preamble.
His eyes flashed to the envelope his valet held, and Gabriel snatched it from his hands.
He tore the seal and read the lines. Once. Twice. And then again. Trying to assimilate the words. Let them sink into the deepest recesses of his conscience. The words that would change his life forever. The duchess was with child. He was going to be a father.
The news was not shocking. After all, it was the desired outcome, but to have it realized, it felt different. Real.
His heart wanted to leap out of his chest. He wanted to run to her side. Lend her his support. He had so many questions! How was she feeling? He had heard some women experienced nausea. Was she able to eat well?
Staying away would prove to be the most difficult thing of all. But it was important to put some distance between them now, to avoid rumors later.
By the time March rolled around, he had plenty of projects to keep him occupied. Together with his steward, they had come up with a five-year plan to bring the estate to full prosperity. Not only would they invest in modernizing agricultural machinery but also in establishing other industries and improving the herds.
He was feeling optimistic about the fate of his properties. Not so much about his life. The duke had sent a couple more letters. One of them was an invitation for a house party Their Graces were planning to host in May. He knew the likely purpose of it. The duke wanted to show society he acknowledged this child and was happy with the event.
He anticipated the house party with the same measure he dreaded it. But he knew he wouldn’t miss it. He needed to see her. Now if only time could pass faster, so that it was May already.
By April, restlessness had taken hold of him. He had tackled all the necessary projects at the estate, so he went to London. If nothing else, the season was underway. It would be easier to find distractions in London.
And he needed them.
However, everything was dull. He kept hoping to see Hannah. Of course, she wouldn’t attend society events in her condition. Nor would he want her to, but he still missed her. The society balls had lost their appeal when he couldn’t even pretend he was interested in marriage. Every eligible lady blurred together in his mind, and not one of them could compare to his unattainable duchess. The mother of his unborn child. A woman he could not have.
One good thing had come of his presence in town. At least he had encountered an old school friend whom he had not seen in twenty years.
As soon as he heard the butler announce The Earl of Hartfield, he knew it must be Colin. Colin’s father had passed away last year, but he wasn’t aware his friend had returned.
He looked towards the stairs and, for a moment, doubted this was the same boy he had known at Eton. This mountain of a man, with unfashionable long hair and an air of danger about him, resembled not at all the skinny and shy boy he had met at school. He tried to get closer, but it seemed half the people at the ball wanted to greet the new Earl of Hartfield. Either that, or they were drawn to the two beauties by his side.
The butler had announced the Countess of Hartfield and Lady Elizabeth Knightsbridge as well. So these women must be his wife and sister.
Colin had been his friend at a moment of his life when he had most needed one. His alleged father had dumped him at Eton, and he knew he wasn’t welcome at home. To say he had been alone and homesick would have been a massive understatement. Colin had not had an easy time at school, either. Having a deformity had made him the target of bullies. With no one else to turn to, the two boys had formed a fast friendship. The happiest time of his childhood had been the summer when Colin invited him to his home during the school holidays.
He watched as Colin’s wife and sister were claimed for dances, and his friend came to lean on a column not too far from where Gabriel stood.
“You are a braver man than I,” he said as a greeting when he noticed Colin was frowning at the dancing couples.
“Excuse me?” There was confusion in Colin’s eyes.
“Bringing two beautiful women into this den of predators,” he explained, enjoying the fact that his friend had trouble recognizing him. “One would have been difficult enough to ward, but two?” Gabriel snorted. “I don’t envy you your task.”
“Are you saying you are not one of those predators?” Colin replied, narrowing his eyes. Gabriel had no trouble reading the possessiveness and protectiveness in his friend’s eyes.
“Me? No. I should know better than to tangle with married women or innocents.” And wasn’t that the truth? Not that he had heeded his own words of wisdom.
“Have we met before?”
“I should think so, Hartfield.” Gabriel smiled as he offered his hand. “Gabriel Sinclair, Earl of Brentworth now. We met at Eton under rather unfortunate circumstances, but I hope you won’t hold that against me.”
After recognizing him, Colin had relaxed, and they had immediately settled into an animated conversation, as if twenty years had not passed since the last time they saw each other.
It was unfortunate that friendship had been interrupted when Colin’s mum took him out of the country. After that, they had corresponded, but had not met again until now. Colin had done rather well for himself. He had become a physician and, even though he had inherited his title and returned to England only a few months ago, he had already married a beautiful lady and was presenting his half-sister to society.
As glad as he was to have met him, his friend’s accomplishments made him only too aware of his own shortcomings. What a hash he’d made of his life. Maybe he should have done like Colin and married as soon as he had inherited. God knows his estate had needed a dowry. If he had applied himself to it, maybe he could have found an heiress to marry. He could have children he could claim as his own.
And yet, as complicated as it was, he couldn’t regret loving Hannah. Yes, he had ceased trying to deny it. He loved her, and despite the pain it caused him, he would do it all over again. Every moment they had spent together, the child they had created. A child he could never acknowledge, but he already loved.