Chapter 10
Adrian followed Ophelia through the manor and into the nursery. He told himself that he was doing so because he wanted her to answer his question. Since meeting her, he had sensed that there was more to his wife story than he knew, and her reaction just now all but proved it.
However, deep down in those places that he refused to visit, there was a small part of Adrian that worried about Harriet too; enough that he felt the need to make sure that she was fine.
But only because she is under my care. That is why…
“You really do not have to come,” Ophelia said as she rushed into the nursery. The sound of Harriet’s cries was piercing, and Adrian very nearly took her advice and turned around.
“I told you that she is in my care,” he said loudly as he followed her to the cot. “It is the right thing for me to do.”
She looked over her shoulder at him, obvious confusion and disbelief playing across her face. But she did not press, for which he was grateful.
“There, there…” Ophelia reached into the cot and scooped up Harriet. The baby wailed and it did not cease once it was in Ophelia’s arms. “What is the matter? Everything is fine.”
Adrian stayed back a few feet, struck by a sudden feeling of discomfort.
He watched how tender Ophelia was with the baby, how caring and loving she treated it.
The baby was not her own, but that did not matter.
She was the type who would treat even a stranger with absolute affection if she thought it would help.
She was just so different to Adrian. Nothing like what he knew or had ever known. Again, he was forced to acknowledge that she was far too good for someone like him, and guilt struck him because he knew how poorly he treated her.
“Is she…” He swallowed. “What is wrong with her?”
“I think I can guess,” Ophelia chuckled and curled her nose. “She has soiled herself.”
“She had not when I was with her,” the wet nurse said hurriedly. “Her tears came long before that, I promise you.”
“Well, she has now,” Ophelia said, still holding the smelly baby to her chest. “Fix her a bath, let us change her, and see if that helps.”
The wet nurse did so immediately. She rushed from the room, calling for a bath to be made. Ophelia crossed the room slowly, still rocking Harriet in her arms. And Adrian, despite his reservations, followed.
“You do not have to come,” Ophelia told him. “As you can see, Harriet is well enough. I am sure once she is cleaned up, she will go to sleep without issue.”
“No…” He clenched his jaw as he fought with what he wanted to do and what he knew was right. “I want to come. I want to…” He grimaced. “I want to help.”
She eyed him curiously, the sense that she did not believe him. “If you say so.”
Adrian followed Ophelia down the hallway and into the washroom. Always, he kept his distance, as if even the baby knew that he was an impostor.
Once in the room, Ophelia set Harriet down on the changing table and removed her clothes. The smell punched Adrian in the face like a curled fist; he gagged, he stumbled back, but he did not leave.
“Easy now…” Ophelia lowered Harriet into the tub. The baby stopped crying and even giggled as the warm water washed her clean. “There, isn’t that better? Certainly, better than being so smelly.”
Adrian edged closer to the tub, his heart racing as if he ought to be nervous. The baby smiled at him, giggled again, and Adrian found himself smiling also. It was reserved and hesitant, but it was there.
“Might you watch her for a moment?” Ophelia asked him.
“Wh – what?” he stammered.
She looked at him flatly. “I left her clothes in the nursery, and I need to fetch them.”
“I will go....” He half-turned to leave.
“Do you know what to collect?” she laughed. “Do you have any idea?” She raised an eyebrow at him and he winced. “All you need do is watch and make sure that she keeps her head above the water. I will be less than a minute.”
Adrian certainly did not want to watch Harriet. He had no idea what to do. He knew nothing about babies. And the thought of being alone with her was frightening in ways that he could not describe.
“I…” He swallowed. “I will watch her.”
Ophelia frowned at the way he acted, but there was a soft smile on her lips too, as if she knew how he struggled, and as if she found it amusing. She then checked on Harriet once more and hurried from the room.
With no choice, Adrian went to the side of the tub and stood over Harriet. Harriet sat up, looked at him with her big eyes, and smiled because she had no reason not to. She knew nothing about Adrian, so why be afraid, as most were? In her eyes, he was not someone to be feared, but a protector…
It felt better than Adrian could admit.
“So…” Adrian rested his hand on Harriet’s back.
“You, ah… You like the bath?” Harriet looked at him blankly and Adrian sighed.
He had no idea how to talk to babies. Why would he?
“Ophelia is nice, isn’t she? She seems to like you.
” Again, Harriet just looked at him. “I take it you like her too. No need to think the same of me…” He chuckled awkwardly.
“Feel free to cry again. I won’t hold it against you. ”
“Did she say anything interesting?” Ophelia’s voice came from behind Adrian.
He stepped away from the tub quickly. “Just… typical small talk. About the weather and whatnot.”
Ophelia laughed as she crossed the room and made for the tub. “Thank you for doing that…” She lapped some more water onto Harrie,t then lifted her from the tub. “I know how awkward some men can be around babies.”
“Was it that obvious?”
She shook her head at him but smiled knowingly. Then she set Harriet down on the changing table as she began to dress her.
Adrian stayed back, watching her work. Still awkward, it was not as bad as before. While there was no good reason for him to remain, he found that he wanted to stay. Oddly enough, he wanted to see what she did, as if there might come a time when it would be needed of him.
The silence grew. Adrian worried that Ophelia might wonder about what he was doing. About to excuse himself, just so he could force the belief that he did not care, he remembered why he had followed her in the first place. Or why he told himself he had…
“You did not answer my question before, by the way,” he said as he stepped closer. “Do not think I didn’t notice.”
“Question?” She turned stiff.
“Concerning your father and you,” he probed. “The reason you were sent away.”
“Oh, didn’t I?” she laughed awkwardly, her focus fixed on Harriet.
Yes, something is clearly wrong. Worse, she is terrified of telling me.
Adrian did not want his wife to fear him. He did not want her to live in a state of constant tension. While their marriage would never be normal, he hoped it might one day grow toward being companionable.
He considered what she had said earlier at breakfast, the reason she was angry with him. All Ophelia wanted was to feel comfortable in her new home, not alone, but as if she belonged.
“Ophelia…” His voice softened. “I hope you know that you can tell me anything. I know I am not exactly the warmest of characters, but you have no reason to fear me. If something is wrong or… or you need anything at all, I am here. Please, know that.”
She sighed. “I do not fear you, Adrian.”
“Then why won’t you tell me what happened?”
“Because…” She stopped changing Harriet and bowed her head.
“It is not such an easy story to tell. And once you hear it, there will be no taking it back. Likely, you will be angry that I did not tell you sooner.” She turned and looked pleadingly at him.
“But I swear I did not keep it from you on purpose, nor did I mean to…” She grimaced.
“I was not trying to trick you. Please know that.”
“Tell me what happened,” he said with as much softness as he could manage. “I promise I will not grow to anger.”
She hesitated. She bit into her lip. She searched his eyes as if to make sure that he meant his words. And then, as the tension built, as the fear in her eyes grew, she started to speak…
“Three years ago, I was courted by Lord Hallbridge,” she began, her voice distant, cracking with each word spoken.
“Although I did not fancy him as he did me, it felt nice to be pursued… to be so admired by someone of his reputation. Truly, I should have told him right away that I was not interested, but he was just so persistent.”
Adrian said nothing, watching her face, noting the pain that passed it as she spoke.
“I knew he meant to ask for my hand, so I told him that it would do no good as my father was broke and he ought to find a bride better suited for his needs. As it turned out, he was also broke…” She laughed bitterly.
“Nor did he care about my father’s destitution.
He asked for my hand anyway, and I had no choice but to deny him. ”
Harriet giggled, blissfully unaware of the painful story she was hearing.
“He did not take my rejection of him well.” She curled her lip in distaste.
“To get back at me, he orchestrated a scandal. He… it was a ball, and he lured me outside to talk, or so he told me. Then he made sure that we were discovered, and he announced that I was the one trying to force myself onto him.” Her voice turned sharp.
“That I… that I wanted to use him, on account of my father, as if marrying him might help. He denounced me, everyone believed him, and my name turned to ash.”
“That is…” Adrian’s blood turned as hot as lava, anger rising inside of him. “How could he…”
“My father, bless him, knew the truth, just as he knew that there was nothing to be done. So, he suggested that I leave the ton and work for Lady Delacourt until the scandal passed over.” She laughed bitterly. “As if it ever would.”
Adrian shook with rage. The story, while tragic, was not that surprising.
What it was, in fact, was a stark reminder of why he had spent his life avoiding social engagement and his peers.
The ton was filled with people who liked to act as if they were above the rest, those whom others could look up to, while the reality was far darker and more sinister than most realized.
It was a reality that Adrian knew too well.
“Lord Hallbridge, you say?” Adrian said darkly.
“Yes…”
“I will remember that,” Adrian snarled. “As I will be sure to make him apologize for what he has done to you.” He half-turned as if to leave.
“What are you –”
He turned back. “You were hurt, Ophelia. You were treated poorly. And if you think I will let something like that stand…” He continued to tremble as the anger built. “I will challenge him to a duel so the whole world will see what a coward he is.”
Whatever reaction Adrian had expected, it was not the one that he got. Ophelia, seeing his anger, hearing his words, laughed.
“Oh, there is no need for that.”
“There is,” he said through gritted teeth. “You deserve justice.”
She stepped forward and rested a calming hand on his shoulder. “Revenge is not justice. And punishing him now will do nothing but cause more pain. The best we can do is move on and forget it. A life well lived is the best revenge, is it not?”
“A life well lived…” Adrian repeated the words as if he did not understand them.
They were true, he realized as his mind turned. But that did not help. If anything, it made him feel worse. Once again, he reckoned with his wife and what she had been forced into doing. And once again, admitted that she deserved so much more than what he gave her.
I need to do better. I need to… to not be me.
“I am so sorry,” she then apologized.
“What for?”
“The scandal,” she said. “I know that you have spent your life trying to avoid being attached to such things. First Harriet, and now me…” She looked away with shame. “If you wish for an annulment, I will understand.”
Adrian started in surprise. After all that had happened, that she still managed to make this about anyone other than herself. She was a good person, possibly the best he had ever known, and he would do right by her.
“I do not want an annulment,” he said with a sigh as he unclenched his fists and took a breath. “What I want is for you to know that you have nothing to be ashamed of. You were wronged, and there is no reason to feel guilt for it.”
Her smile was warm and welcoming, and Adrian felt it in his chest. “Thank you, Adrian. You are…” She looked at him, studying him as if she only just then saw him. “You are not what I expected.”
He scoffed. “Not as bad as you expected, you mean.”
“No, not that.” She turned serious. “You are far better, and I ought to remember that.”
A silence fell between them. Not awkward. Not tense. Rather, it was comforting, the sort of silence that negated the need for words, because all that needed to be said had been. What it was, Adrian realized, was an acknowledgment of the moment had, what it meant, and where it might lead.
“Shall we put her to bed?” Ophelia asked Harriet. “Now that she is calm.”
“Yes,” Adrian said without pause. He did not say it because he thought he should, but because he wanted to help in any way that he could. That was important, and not something he felt the need to justify. Not anymore. “Let us do that.”