Chapter 19
“Oh, she is cute,” Ophelia’s father said as he nursed Harriet in his arms. “That smile…” A shake of the head as he gazed at her lovingly. “She best be careful, or she might make even the sun jealous.” He chuckled. “How she glows.”
Ophelia watched her father nurse baby Harriet with mixed emotions.
On the one hand, it was nice to see him taking such an interest in Harriet, caring not who the child belonged to, his only concern being how adorable she was and how much she meant to Ophelia.
He looked down at her with love in his eyes, one that his smile confirmed, and when he laughed… it made Ophelia’s heart swell.
Ironically enough, as it swelled, her heart also cracked down the middle.
While her father had never said as much, she knew that he wanted a grandchild of his own. When Ophelia was forced to leave the ton in shame, she had been aware of the pain this had caused her father, knowing that he would never see his daughter happy, and that she would never have a family.
Of course, he did not voice this to her, but she knew it was there… she knew such things, because she felt it too.
Harriet was not her child, nor would she ever be. She was thus not her father’s grandchild, and a day would surely come soon when Harriet would go to her real father, and a day would come shortly after that when she would be little more than a distant memory.
Ophelia loved to see her father so taken by Harriet, but it was a double-edged sword. Perhaps it would have been better never to have introduced them?
Harriet giggled suddenly at a face that her father made, and he beamed.
“I was just about to say…” He shook his head to himself. “She has your laugh.”
Ophelia winced as if struck. They both seemed to recognize the situation, but neither was willing to voice it or try to stop it.
“Here, let me.” Ophelia reached out and took Harriet from her father. She then brought the baby into her chest, and her heart lifted as the baby gently nuzzled into her in a way that told her how safe she felt.
Her father watched her for a moment, his smile enigmatic.
“What?” Ophelia asked him.
He sighed. “Just thinking about how naturally you have taken to the role of motherhood, is all. It suits you.”
“Oh…” She dismissed it with a shake of her head. “I am just doing my best until we find Harriet’s father. Little more than a nurse would.”
“Maybe,” her father said, not sounding at all as if he believed it.
Ophelia and her father sat in the back garden of her father’s home.
Her visit to see him had been spontaneous, but she had known too that her father would not mind.
Now that she was able to see him whenever she wished, she realized how much she had missed his company the past three years, just as he missed hers.
As for why the visit was spontaneous? That spoke to the other problem that was sitting fresh on Ophelia’s mind…
“So, need I ask,” her father began as if he could read her mind. “How goes your marriage?”
“It is fine,” Ophelia said a little too quickly, focusing on Harriet so her father could not see her face because he would surely recognize the lie.
“Fine, is it?” he said. “A rather benign way to describe a new marriage, I would think. In my experience, one would either say it was wondrous and transcendent, or the worst of things.” He laughed. “Depending, of course, on the circumstance of its arrangement.”
“It is not the worst of things,” she said with a chuckle of her own. “Adrian is many things, but he is not evil, nor is he cruel like some people seem to think. This marriage is new for him, as it is for me, and he is doing his best.”
“He is doing fine, you mean,” her father said.
She exhaled sharply through her nose. “We both knew what this marriage would be, and Adrian has kept his end of the bargain. He is…” She pushed her lips together as she tried to find the right wording.
“He looks after me and Harriet, as he is genuinely concerned for our well-being. What more could I possibly ask for?”
Her father said nothing, watching her knowingly in a way she recognized. To avoid his eyes, she kept her focus on Harriet, praying he would not press her further.
If there was one thing that Ophelia did not like doing, it was lying to her father, and she knew that if he pushed her on it, then she would be forced to double down on her half-truths as if she were happy and content with them.
Perhaps I am happy… or content rather. But is that enough? And is it wrong to want more?
A week ago, Ophelia might have dared to dream that her marriage was growing beyond what was promised.
Despite everything she thought she knew about her husband, he appeared as if he wanted such growth to happen.
He was attentive. He was kind and present.
He was willing to be a part of her life, and Harriet’s in ways that she had never imagined were possible for someone like him.
Still, she thought about their night together at the ball.
Often, she remembered when they came home to Harriet, who was ill, and how determined he was to help.
And always, she pictured that moment when he had gifted her the brooch, those tense few seconds after, and what might have happened if either one had been brave enough to try…
That was days ago now, and since then, she had not seen Adrian once. He was avoiding her, she knew, and in her mind there could be only one reason.
“Can I ask you something, Ophelia?” her father started, his voice strained with worry.
“Of course, Father.” She looked up to find his brow furrowed as he watched her nursing Harriet. “Are you happy?”
“Am I…” She laughed awkwardly. “What does that mean?”
“I think it is a rather simple question.”
“Do I not look happy?” she said in defense, again, not wanting to lie to her father.
He exhaled, and his shoulders slumped. “Since you were a little girl, I have known how you wanted to fall in love and marry.”
“I –”
“Things changed for you,” he said over her. “And the less said on why that is, the better. When you went to work for Lady Delacourt, I…” His chin quivered. “I cannot tell you how sad that made me, knowing that you might never have what you always dreamed of.”
“Father…” She sniffed as tears began to well in her eyes.
“But when you turned up suddenly with His Grace, well.” He chuckled just a little bit.
“Perhaps he was not the man I imagined you would marry, but I saw you two together, and I thought that…” He shrugged and sighed.
“I thought there might be a chance again. That if things went well, a little luck here and there, that you and he just might…” He sniffed and wiped his nose. “So, I ask again, are you happy?”
“Am I happy…” She looked away again, determinedly holding back her tears. “I… I want to be. I think I can be.”
“Ophelia…” Her father sighed. “I am so sorry that this has happened to you.”
“No.” She looked up and made sure that he saw her. He saw that the next words she spoke were the truth. “Do not feel sorry for me, Father. And do not think that this is some tragedy that I have found myself in.”
“What else can I possibly think?”
Last week, Ophelia had dared to see Adrian in a different light. And it wasn’t that she searched for that difference, but that he showed it to her. There was more to him than he wanted to believe, just as there was more to this marriage than the obvious.
For now, things had gone backwards. Maybe they would stay that way. But her marriage to Adrian was for life, and if Ophelia believed… if she gave Adrian time… who knew what might happen?
It was a dream, yes, but it was one worth holding onto.
“For now, Adrian and I are content,” she said. “But content does not mean miserable. He is good to Harriet and me, and I know he will continue to be so. That does not have to be a bad thing, Father. Nor does it mean that there is no room to grow.”
“I really hope you are right, Ophelia,” he said softly, his smile just as much. “It would make an old man like me so happy if it were.”
As it would make me…
“Now, come.” She stood up, Harriet still in her arms. “Let us take a walk, yes? It is too nice a day to sit about and mope. The sun shines, and while it does, I have every reason to smile. As should you.”
With Harriet in one arm, she helped her father stand. Then she held his hand, and together they walked through the garden. It was a quaint scene, the laughter she and her father shared, the memories they visited. And that Ophelia was able to enjoy it was reason enough to smile… to be happy.
But then Ophelia looked to the sky, where she saw dark clouds gathering. A storm was coming, set to ruin this perfect day, and while she hoped they might pass, with how things had been going lately, she doubted that they would