Chapter 1 #2
Where she was headed might not be the most exciting of places, but it was where she wished to be. And in the end, wasn’t that all which mattered? Its own sort of happy ending, she thought. What could be wrong with that?
“Penelope? What are you doing home?”
Penelope jumped in the air when she heard her father’s voice. Having sneaked into the manor as quietly as a mouse, she had hoped to make it to her bedroom without being seen. But no sooner was she closing the front door behind her was she caught out.
“Father!” she cried, spinning about and clutching at her chest. “You scared me half to death.”
“I asked you a question,” he said with a pointed look.
The Viscount of Elderglen was not the man he used to be, and certainly not the father he once was.
As a little girl, Penelope had always seen her father as a most stern and powerful figure.
Tall and strapping, commanding of presence and quick to temper, the type who demanded attention the moment he entered a room.
And one who was given it too. Slightly scary also, while still possessed of a kindness that came out increasingly the older he turned.
Now, he was but a shadow of that once domineering titan.
His back was crooked, forcing him to walk with a cane.
His hair was shock white and receding up his scalp, which itself was covered in pockmarks.
His voice was cracked, his skin was wrinkled, and his knees shook continually, as did his entire body because the effort of standing on his feet was more than he would ever admit.
“Father…” Penelope sighed as she crossed the foyer to where he was standing in the entrance to the hallway. “What are you doing awake? You should be in bed.”
“And you should not be home.”
She laughed and, when she reached him, gave him a kiss on the cheek. “Don’t change the subject…” Gently, she placed a hand on his back while the other took him under the arm. “What did the doctor say about walking around like this? It is not good for you.”
He blew through his lips. “I am not that far gone that I can’t leave my own bed when I wish to.”
“During the day, perhaps,” she agreed. “But this time of night? Where is the staff?”
“Hiding from me, I am sure.”
She chuckled again. “Come on.” Carefully, she helped to turn her father around and then started to lead him back down the hall toward his room. “Let’s get you back to bed.”
“You did not answer my question,” he said as they walked slowly.
She shrugged. “I thought it would be obvious. I grew bored and figured a good night sleep was what I required.”
“Penelope,” he sighed. “It is early.”
“Not early enough for you to be walking about.”
“This isn’t about me,” he said with another deep sigh. “This is about you – doing as I asked, not as you wish. Did I not request that you attend the ball tonight? And did you not promise me that you would?”
“Which I have done,” she said primly. “Ask Evelina, if you doubt me. I was there. I was seen. And having fulfilled my promise, I chose to come home.”
“That is not…” He clicked his tongue. “That is not the point.”
“No,” she agreed. “That point is that you did not listen to me when I told you I didn’t wish to attend the ball tonight. I told you, did I not, that I would not enjoy myself.”
“You did not even try.”
“I did,” she lied. “But as I knew would be the case, I did not wish to stay there. Here is where I would rather be, and here is where I am.”
Her father grumbled under his breath but the effort it took him to walk such a small distance was enough that he couldn’t muster the strength to press his argument.
I love how much he cares for me. And he knows that I do. I just wish he knew that there was no need for him to worry as he does. Why is everyone so insistent on trying to force me into a life I don’t want?
They made the rest of the trip in silence, slow paced, finally reaching her father’s room by which point his body was trembling. There, Penelope helped her father back into bed, having to lift his legs for him because he could not summon the strength.
Penelope hated seeing her father wither away like this.
It was strange to hear her older sisters speak of the man he once was.
Evelina, as well as Margaret, often told of a different man entirely to the father she knew.
A cruel, harsh man who was short of temper and not anything approaching what most would call a good father.
Of course he had been different back then, a drunken gambler taken by sorrow after the death of his wife.
Penelope had never known her mother, as she died giving birth to her. Just as she had never much known that version of her father as he had changed considerably these past ten or so years. In her eyes, he was always kind and gentle, a little rough around the edges, but with a good heart.
That was why she did not mind caring for him as she had done. Some girls wanted to marry. Others wanted to raise families. But Penelope would count the years looking after her father as a life well lived.
I just wish people would understand and accept such a thing. As strange as it might seem to them.
“I am glad that you went tonight,” her father began once he was in bed and settled. “I just wish you had put in some effort…” He coughed to clear his throat, the sound painful on Penelope’s ears.
“I did, Father. As much as I was willing.”
He sighed as he looked at her. Lying in bed, sunken into the mattress, he looked as weak and worn as she had ever seen him. “Penelope, did you stop you wonder at all why I was so desperate for you to attend the ball?”
“I imagine Evelina had something to do with it.”
“It was my idea entirely,” he said. “Done because I need you to understand that this life…” He gestured to himself, coughing as he did. “There is more to life than forcing yourself to care for me. It is a waste, Penelope, and I hate seeing you trapped like this.”
“I am not trapped,” she said. “Father, I want to care for you. Why do you not understand that?”
“You think you do,” he corrected her. “And I know why, just as I am grateful for it. I was not a good father to Evelina or Margaret… or Louisa and Alexandra for that matter. But you, Penelope…” He affected a smile, one which reached his eyes and told of the love he felt for her.
“You were always my proudest achievement. A reminder of what it means to be a father.”
Penelope took his thin hand and smiled back. “I know it, Father.”
“And as your father…” He coughed noisily, hacking away for a few seconds. “As your father, it is my duty to think about your future.”
“My future is here with you –”
“For now,” he spoke over her, raising an eyebrow to show that he was making a point. “But I will not be here forever.”
“Father…”
“It is simple fact, Penelope. I am not what I once was and each day I feel myself growing…” He laughed as if at a joke.
“Small. And as your father, it pains me to consider that when I pass you will be left with nothing but an empty bed and an emptier home. Wondering all the while why you wasted these years –”
“It was not a waste!”
“Now it might not seem that way, but it is.” He kept that eyebrow raised, his stare fixed on her.
Penelope felt her stomach knot, sensing a point about to be made that he’d spent some time considering.
“I asked you to attend the ball tonight because I wanted you to see that there is more to life than this.”
“There isn’t –”
“And maybe come to understand that there is more to this life than looking after your sick father.” His smile grew warm.
“I am going to die one day soon – don’t argue,” he said sharply.
“It is fact. And before I do, all I want is to know that my baby girl is taken care of.” He groaned as he reached over with his other hand and wrapped it on the one that she was holding.
“I will be, Father,” she assured him. “But that is a conversation for… for years from now.”
“No,” he said. “It is for now. I… I did not want to bring this up tonight. I hoped that you might do it for me, after having such fun at the ball.” He laughed to himself. “Alas, now is as good a time as ever.”
“Father…” Penelope’s stomach knotted further. “What are you saying?”
“First, I ask that you forgive me, for I only have you best interests at heart.”
“Forgive you for what?”
He took a deep breath. “I have found for you a husband.”
“What! Father, no –”
“One who I expect you to marry.” His tone hardened, one which told her it was not a conversation to be argued against. “Not as a punishment, Penelope. This is not…” He coughed further.
“Please, see this for what it is. An old man, trying to do right by his daughter. All I want is for you to be happy.”
“But I am happy.”
“And you will continue to be,” he said. “I know it. Please, Penelope. One last favor for me, an old man who can barely make it out of bed without aid. Do this for me, and I will be at peace.”
Penelope was struck speechless.
Mind whirring, stomach knotting, room spinning, she looked at her father for a sign that this was a joke or a trick or… or… or something! But she found in his aged eyes the truth of his words, just as she saw in them the reason.
He loves me. And no matter that I see it as the worst type of punishment, he sees it as salvation. His salvation, as well as my own.
Penelope wanted to deny him. She wanted to stand up, storm out, refuse his order because he knew as well as anyone that she had no desire to marry. And was it anyone else who asked this of her, she would not have hesitated for even a moment.
But this was her father, a man who she thought the world of and would do anything for. Her whole life, she had looked up to him, looked after him, done whatever he asked of her because she loved him as he did her. And for that reason alone, she knew what answer she would give.
The only answer she could give, as much as she hated it.
“As you say, Father.” She forced a smile and squeezed his hands. “If you wish for me to marry, I will.”
“There’s a good girl.” He could not have looked more relieved. “You make an old man happy.”
“I love you, Father.”
“As I love you. As your new husband will surely do.”
Somehow, Penelope doubted that very much. And she had no intention of loving him in return.